This is our final dialogue and it’s an important topic because a number of
clients will come into the counseling process having made some poor
decisions in life, choosing unhealthy lifestyles, and demonstrate a tangible
resistance to real change. This means we must be comfortable with a
certain measure of confrontation and we must become skilled in the
process . . . how to speak the truth in love.
Healthy boundaries are critical in balanced helping relationships. The
tendency within human nature, more often than not, is to look for a way
around, over, or under them. The story of the rich young ruler (Matthew
19, Mark 10, and Luke 18) is an excellent model for us.
Here, we see that Jesus put down a boundary with the man. In essence,
He communicated: If you want to follow Me, it will require something from
you. Specifically, Jesus said “If you want to follow Me, obey My
commandments” and then gave several of them. The man replied that he
had already done so and in fact, had done even more than Jesus
described. Much like human nature, the rich young ruler was looking for a
way around the boundary Jesus had set. Jesus then said, “Sell everything
you have, give it to the poor, and follow Me.” This wasn’t necessarily a
new boundary, but a reinforcement of the same principle: If you want to
follow Me, it’s going to require something.
As you know, the rich young ruler walked away a sad man. However, Jesus
did not go after him or feel compelled to play, “Let’s make a deal.” The
Scripture even says that Jesus “loved the man.” In essence, Jesus was
saying, “I love you, but this is a healthy boundary and what you do with it
is not My responsibility.” As caregivers, our role is to humbly and
prayerfully ask the Lord what a healthy or appropriate boundary might be
for those we counsel and minister to, but not necessarily to accept all the
responsibility for their response. That’s between the client, his/her
conscious, and the Lord. Failing to do so can lead to discouragement,
frustration, and burnout. Setting balanced and reasonable boundaries is
important for both clients and caregivers.
