WILLIAMS BOOK REVIEW 2
Book Review: Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hope & Skills for a Great Relationship
This paper will review the book, Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hope & Skills for a Great
Relationship by Jeff and Jill Williams. The paper will have four sections. The first section will
summarize the book contents. Second, I will include my personal response to one theme in the
book. The third section I will reflect and analyze the content of the book. The final section will
include points that I plan to apply to my current life in both personal and professional growth
areas.
Summary
Williams and Williams (2011) have written this book to equip couples to have a marriage
with hope, pleasure, purpose and to provide skills to repair brokenness, sustain love, and to
protect their marriage. This book is written not for marriage coaches although it is certainly
helpful to learn the skills it outlines. It is written to couples to help them learn skills to
strengthen and enrich their marriage. It is meant to be used by couples to coach their own
marriage (Williams & Williams, 2011Williams and Williams (2011) outline a process whereby
couples can learn to listen well, ask effective questions, and set goals. All of this is followed by
accountability through a process of self-monitoring. The book is divided into two sections. The
first section explains marriage coaching. This section includes an explanation of marriage
coaching, the essentials of a great marriage, and an outline for how to coach your own marriage.
Williams and Williams (2011) have three principles that they use to define Christian marriage
coaching. These principles are Christian marriage coaching is client-centered and directed, the
relationship is transparent and authentic, and it is empowering (Williams & Williams, 2011). In
this section Williams and Williams (2011) also include their essential ingredients for a great
marriage: heart, hope, and skills. Both heart and hope reflect the spiritual need in marriage and
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skills allow couples to express themselves and be clearly heard. The final chapter in the first
section lays out eight steps couple can take to coach their marriage. Couples who want to coach
their marriage need to agree to the process of self-coaching, determine the needs of their
marriage, discover what their spouse wants in for the marriage, compare answers, imagine what
their future marriage will look like, brainstorm ways to transform their marriage, set a time to set
goals, develop this process into a habit. The second section lays out skills that help couple
achieve a great marriage. The first two chapters are on communication. Williams and Williams
(2011) teach couples how to be effective listeners using a variety of techniques including
mirroring, active listening, summarization, and clarification. Williams and Williams (2011)
describe this type of listening as loving listening as a reminder that couples should listen with a
loving heart. The second way couple communicate effectively is by using effective questions.
These two techniques combine to provide couples with life-giving conversations. The heart of
coaching is about action. The next chapter outlines how couples can set effective goals.
Because all change in life is difficult, Williams and Williams (2011) outline what couple need to
accomplish their goals for marriage. The three thing’s couples need are support from each other,
encouragement, and accountability. Williams and Williams (2011) offer tips that will help
couples continue to work through this process effectively. One unique aspect of this type of
marriage coaching is that the authors conclude that as couples use this process, they should share
these skills with others. The final chapter in this section outlines who to take these concepts and
combine them to uniquely fit individual marriages. The final section of the book includes the
authors final words, a chapter on crisis management in marriage, appendices, and a final note
about more training. At the end of each chapter, couples are asked to answer a set of short
reflection questions.
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Responses
Williams and Williams (2011) include a different element in their marriage coaching
formula which is support, encouragement, and accountability. As I examine my marriage, I
believe that the inclusion of encouragement has been a secret weapon to both repair and grow my
marriage. Over ten years ago my husband and I were at a crossroads with our marriage. We had
been married for twenty years and our marriage was average. We were committed to each other,
but we were not close. We loved each other but did not spend quality time with each other
outside of our relationship with our sons. While my husband had developed the gift of
encouragement with other people, we did not encourage each other, and I was very focused on
myself and thoughtless. During this time, we began to pray and seek God to renew our marriage
and make it more loving. During the process as we both took time to reflect on our personal
failures in our marriage, God revealed to me that I was very thoughtless towards my husband.
As I began to pray that God would change me, God gave me the verse Ephesians 5:17 “Don’t act
thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (New Living Translation, 2004).
This verse became the verse I would pray silently when we were talking. I would pray that I
would not be thoughtless, and that God would give me the encouraging words he wanted me to
speak to Timbo (Williams & Williams, 2011, p. 128). This simple act on my part played a huge
role in repairing our marriage. We were at a conference in 2019, where we were asked to
describe our spouse with three words. The one word that Timbo used to describe me that I
treasure is transformed. By applying the principle in Ephesians 5:17 to my marriage and my life,
I was indeed transformed.
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Reflection
Williams and Williams (2011) have written a helpful manual to help average couples
achieve and build a great marriage. While their section on communication is very basic it is still
a great beginning place for most marriages. There are complete books written just on the topic
of communication in marriage. Williams and Williams (2011) do a good job of presenting skills
that will help most couples further develop their communication skills.
The second area that I believe Williams and Williams (2011) provide good basic skills is
in the area of goal setting. Again, there are entire books dedicated to the topic of setting goals.
Williams and Williams (2011) provide a basic outline for this process in marriage. They also
add a spiritual element to the process of setting goals.
The one area where I feel like the authors presented a new technique was in the area of
SEA. Their application of support, encouragement, and accountability was a fresh outlook on
how couples can use these elements to build a healthier marriage.
This book is obviously written for couples who are not facing a crisis in their marriage. I
believe the one chapter I disagreed with strongly was the chapter on crisis management. While
most marriages can benefit from the skills in this book, I believe that as believers and as life
coaches we need to be careful how we direct couples who are in crisis. There is a difference
between a couple who is having a crisis in their marriage over financial decisions and a couple
who is having a crisis in their marriage over emotional abuse or unfaithfulness. I believe their
counsel in this section to seek professional counsel is very important. I disagree with their
counsel to “never give up” (Williams & Williams, 2011, p. 186) and to “try to believe the best”
(Williams & Williams, 2011, p. 184). This advice is only relevant when both spouses are good
natured people. In our current culture where we are seeing a rise in narcissism both in and out of
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churches, it is imperative that as Christian life and marriage coaches that we err on the side of
caution when instructing people on the permanency of marriage (Sutton, 2020).
Application
Williams and Williams (2011) do a great job of helping couples see that it is possible to
coach their own marriage. In marriage coaching, I believe that using this book as a workbook
for couples will be a great tool. While some marriages may need more information about certain
topics such as communication or goal setting, this book will provide most couples with a set of
basic skills that can enhance their marriage. The area that I think will be the most helpful in my
marriage coaching is the section on support, encouragement, and application. We live in a
society that seems very focused on self. Williams and Williams (2011) are counter cultural as
they encourage couples to think of their spouses and to give sacrificially to their marriages.
The second area that I have found particularly useful was the “recipe for your marriage”
(Williams & Williams, 2011, pp. 163-171). I think that showing couples how they can apply the
skills presented in a way that is unique to their marriage is an essential aspect of writing an
effective marriage book.
Personally, I want to work with my husband through this section to help us define what
we want our marriage to look like as we enter the next stage of life. I also want to discuss with
him how we can be not only encouragers but accountability for each other. I know that I have
some personal goals to lose weight and increase my fitness. In the past, we have avoided being
accountable to each other in goals like this and I believe that this is one area where we can both
encourage and grow together.
Williams and Williams (2011) bring a unique Christian perspective to marriage coaching.
They have written a book that can be a blueprint for coaches, and also individual couples. I am
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References
New Living Translation Bible. (2004). Tyndale House Publishers. (Original work published
1996).
Sutton, L. (2020). An appropriation of Psalm 82 against the background of the Fourth Industrial
Revolution. The Christian church as a change agent in the Fourth Industrial
Revolution.!Hervormde Teologiese Studies,!76(2) https://doi.org/10.4102/hts.v76i2.6126
Williams, J. & Williams, J. (2011). Marriage coaching: Heart, hope & skills for a great
relationship. Grace & Truth Relationship Education, LLC.
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