REFINED BY FIRE
Refined by Fire: Passion, Pain, and the Pursuit of Faith
Exploring My Passion
Allender (2006) discusses how our passions drive and encourage us. Passions are deeply
personal. They can be shaped by our life experiences, emotions, and convictions. Personally,
music moves me in ways nothing else can. I love listening to instrumental music, love songs, and
worship music. Worship stirs something deep in my soul, truly connecting me to the Lord. The
melodies, harmonies, and lyrics infused with truth resonate with me beyond the surface. There is
power in music. It can uplift us, comfort us, and encourage us. Music is an integral part of how I
experience my faith.
My greatest joy is singing. Although I love listening to music, there is something special
about using my own voice to worship. My favorite time is to sing is when I am alone in my
house, where I feel free to express myself without judgment and hesitation. Furthermore, I can be
alone with the Lord. Singing becomes a form of prayer for me, where I am fully present with
God and listening to His voice. In these moments, the world seems to disappear and I entering a
state of worship. Additionally, I find that singing helps me process my emotions. Through music
and singing, I can feel joy, sorrow, and gratitude. It makes me feel alive and that God has given
me this gift for a greater purpose.
While my greatest joy is singing, the source of that joy is Jesus Christ. I have gone
through hardships in that have broken me, built me, and changed me. Through every trial, I have
recognized my dependence is solely on the Lord. Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill
you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound
in hope” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001). This verse reflects what I have experienced.
True joy does not come from our circumstances; true joy comes from surrendering to, placing
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our trust in, and loving the Lord. My love for singing worship music is rooted a biblical
foundation. Scripture repeatedly references singing as a form of worship. Another verse that
speaks to this is Psalm 59:16, which says, “O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O
God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love” (English Standard Version Bible,
2001). Singing is more than just an activity; it is an act of worship. Singing is a way to express
my desolate nature and dependence on the Lord. Singing reminds me how just, loving, and
faithful God is.
Passion Founded on Pain
According to Allender (2006), passion is rooted in pain. Through taking risks and facing
adversity, passions are developed (Allender, 2006). Reflecting on my life, the trials I have
endured have played a significant role in shaping my passion, my faith, and my perspective. Pain
has a way of refining us. It forces us to confront our mortality and recognize that we are nothing
without the Lord. He is the Potter, and we are the clay. Several tragedies in my life laid the
foundation of my journey. Each trauma served as a defining moment that solidified my total
dependence on God.
One of the most significant losses I experienced was when my grandmother passed away
when I was twelve years old. She was someone I deeply loved, and she was a depiction of
Christianity—she was the most Christ-like person in my life. She nurtured my faith and
demonstrated what it meant to trust in the Lord, even until her final breath. Losing her at such a
young age was painful. This was the first time I felt the weight of grief. However, through the
sorrow, I found comfort in the faith and the God she had instilled in me. Her passing made me
realize how important it is to have a relationship with the Lord during times of loss and pain.
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Later in life, I endured an even deeper wound when I was sexually assaulted in college.
The pain of that experience was overwhelming. It shook my sense of security and self-worth. I
struggled with my identity for a long time afterward. I let the moment secretly define me in a
negative way, but I eventually found healing when I finally started going to counseling. Even
though it took time, I learned to lean on God’s promises and trust that my worth was not
determined by what had happened to me. This experience strengthened my passion for helping
others who have suffered, specifically women who have gone through trauma. My experience
was a dark moment, yet God remained good.
Another deeply painful experience was losing a baby to miscarriage. The grief of that loss
was unlike anything I had experienced before. As I have stated before, I waited nine months
before conceiving. That anticipation and excitement I had was suddenly overshadowed by
sorrow and an empty womb. In that season, I wrestled with God. I was angry with Him. I
questioned why He had allowed another painful experience to cripple me. But through the
heartbreak, He granted me the desires of my heart—a rainbow baby representing the hope only
God can offer. He met me in my grief and reminded me that He was still faithful. Though I do
not fully understand why things like this happen, I trust that He has a greater plan than what my
eyes can see.
Lastly, one of the most challenging moments in my life was nearly walking away from
my ten-year marriage. Marriage is not easy. At one point, I felt like I was at a breaking point. Sin
is everywhere, and our marriage was not immune to its effects. However, God’s grace restored
our marriage. That experience reinforced my belief that redemption is possible. What feels like
the most broken situation is not impossible for the Lord to fix. This experience proved to me the
power of forgiveness and God’s ability to redeem the darkest of situations. Each of these traumas
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has played a role in shaping the woman I am today. They have helped to restore my faith, passion
for worship, and understanding of God’s grace. Through pain and tragedy, my purpose and
identity are only found in Christ. My hope is in Him. Through every trial and tribulation, God is
still good.
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