lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 1
Neff And McMinn Review (Part A)
Adriana Cornelius
Department of Counselor Education and Family Studies, Liberty University
Author Note
Adriana Cornelius
I have no known conflicts to disclose.
Correspondence concerning this proposal should be addressed to Adriana Cornelius.
Email. aacornelius1@liberty.edu
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 2
Abstract
Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken clients, the
therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them to accept life
fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54). It is important bear witness to the suffering of client’s during
times of trouble. Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but
it is wise to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. The loss of a loved one or essential
relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing people to ask difficult questions and express
unfavorable views of their meaning-making system. The biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the
authors create conversation starters for living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients.
During my experience with lament, I learned to minister to other broken souls. Hebel is a concept
that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of
life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of life, meaningful relationships. These loving
actions demonstrate God's love for man, and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients'
well-being while bearing witness to their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God.
Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the gift of life from
God. As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most
people to question previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project
their feelings onto them. In counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing
and being a positive presence amidst the uncertainty of life.
Neff And McMinn Review (Part A)
The book Embodying Integration: A Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room
examines the conversations of a daughter, father, and other associates about integration of
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 3
Christianity and psychology in an evolving society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical
psychology doctorate student that grew up in a home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn,
a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college professor, reflects on prior works and therapy
sessions to provide conversation starters for integrating psychology and the Christian faith.
Together the father-daughter duo developed practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and
find solutions to assist counselors in initiating conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 4
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 5
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 6
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 7
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 8
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 9
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 10
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 11
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying either
of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's emotions
facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters have helped
me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am thankful we serve
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 12
a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during times of trouble.
According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has provided us with
the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man, and it is our job
as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to their darkest
moments and helping them hold hope in God.
The book Embodying Integration: A Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room
examines the conversations of a daughter, father, and other associates about integration of
Christianity and psychology in an evolving society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical
psychology doctorate student that grew up in a home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn,
a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college professor, reflects on prior works and therapy
sessions to provide conversation starters for integrating psychology and the Christian faith.
Together the father-daughter duo developed practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and
find solutions to assist counselors in initiating conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 13
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 14
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 15
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 16
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 17
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 18
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 19
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 20
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 21
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 22
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 23
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 24
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 25
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 26
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 27
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 28
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 29
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 30
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 31
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 32
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 33
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 34
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 35
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 36
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 37
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 38
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 39
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 40
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 41
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 42
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 43
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 44
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 45
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 46
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 47
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 48
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 49
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 50
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 51
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 52
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 53
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 54
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 55
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 56
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 57
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 58
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 59
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 60
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 61
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 62
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 63
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 64
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 65
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 66
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 67
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 68
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 69
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 70
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 71
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 72
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 73
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 74
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 75
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 76
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 77
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 78
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 79
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 80
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 81
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 82
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 83
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 84
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 85
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 86
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 87
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 88
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 89
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 90
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 91
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 92
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 93
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 94
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 95
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 96
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 97
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 98
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 99
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 100
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 101
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 102
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 103
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 104
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 105
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 106
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 107
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 108
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 109
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 110
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 111
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 112
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 113
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 114
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 115
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 116
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 117
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 118
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 119
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 120
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 121
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 122
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 123
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 124
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 125
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 126
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 127
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 128
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 129
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 130
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 131
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 132
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 133
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 134
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 135
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 136
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 137
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 138
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 139
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 140
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 141
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 142
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 143
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 144
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 145
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 146
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 147
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 148
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 149
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 150
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 151
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 152
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
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NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 153
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 154
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 155
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 156
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 157
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 158
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 159
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 160
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 161
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 162
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 163
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 164
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 165
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 166
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 167
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 168
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 169
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 170
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 171
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 172
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 173
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 174
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 175
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 176
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 177
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 178
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 179
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 180
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 181
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 182
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 183
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 184
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 185
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 186
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 187
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 188
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 189
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 190
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 191
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 192
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 193
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 194
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 195
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 196
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 197
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 198
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 199
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 200
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 201
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 202
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 203
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 204
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 205
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 206
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 207
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 208
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 209
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 210
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 211
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 212
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 213
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 214
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 215
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 216
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 217
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 218
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 219
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 220
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 221
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 222
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 223
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 224
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 225
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 226
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 227
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 228
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 229
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 230
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 231
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 232
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
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The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
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parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
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centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying
either of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's
emotions facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters
have helped me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am
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thankful we serve a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during
times of trouble. According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has
provided us with the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man,
and it is our job as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to
their darkest moments and helping them hold hope in God. The book Embodying Integration: A
Fresh Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room examines the conversations of a daughter,
father, and other associates about integration of Christianity and psychology in an evolving
society. Megan Anna, the daughter, is a clinical psychology doctorate student that grew up in a
home that embraced integration. Mark McMinn, a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and college
professor, reflects on prior works and therapy sessions to provide conversation starters for
integrating psychology and the Christian faith. Together the father-daughter duo developed
practical ways to integrate the two disciplines and find solutions to assist counselors in initiating
conversations about faith.
Summary
Chapter 1
The concept discussed in the first chapter centers around counseling clients facing difficult
life situations. Lament has four components: suffering, crying out, expressing resistance to the
current situation, and confidence that someone hears their pleas (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 27).
Like grief, lament benefits from formfulness, organizing the messiness of lament, and giving a
voice to suffers. Most people have discomfort bearing witness to profound brokenness in others,
and contemporary biblical tradition reflects this practice. When facing problematic situations,
observers and supporters often encourage suffers to look at life's positive portions rather than
dwelling on misfortune.
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Implications for Therapy
Although everyone grieves during their lives, it does not happen the same way for
everyone, leading some to seek professional assistance. Helping professionals must create a
space for hope and lament to coexist, integrating the two concepts rather than separating them
(Neff & McMinn, 2020, p40). Most counselors assist anguished clients by providing treatment,
ignoring their present state of despair. However, when clients ask unanswerable questions,
Christian therapists may share their faith and encourage the client to lament, teaching them how
to wrestle with God. The counselor must guide the integration model while opening themselves
to God while guiding grieving souls. Therapy often brings up uncomfortable emotions and
memories, leading some to numb their pain and ignore their bodies rather than face their unease.
Therefore, the client and counselor must embrace every emotion and the client's physical health
in counseling (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p46).
Many Christians perceive protest as incompliant, but it is essential to the concept of
lament. The authors suggest that protest may signify a secure attachment to God, exhibiting the
confidence that their relationship with God can withstand such dissent. Also, counselors support
clients by adding to their theology, helping them realize God suffers alongside them, and
exploring their attachment to God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 52). Counselors must stay present
with grieving clients emotionally while giving them the language to voice their depression and
heartache. Although offering "relentless hope" is tempting when working with grief-stricken
clients, the therapist must inspire them to embrace the negative emotions because it allows them
to accept life fully (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 54).
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Chapter 2
Next, the biblical canon of Ecclesiastes helps the authors create conversation starters for
living well during a crisis and supporting grieving clients. Although people prepare for uncertain
events, life's course does not follow a script. According to Neff and McMinn (2020, p.72), Hebel
is visible but cannot be sustained and illustrates the unpredictability of life. The words spoken in
Ecclesiastes correctly identify with contemporary problems plaguing humans, including living in
economically unstable times, death, and disillusionment. The uncomfortable feelings brought
about by crisis may leave clients feeling abandoned by God, but the solution God offers is the
gift of enjoyment in the present (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 90).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
In moments of uncertainty, words and counseling theories do not provide comfort to
suffering souls. Deep empathy forms a trusting connection with the client, giving them comfort
through having another soul to bear witness to their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.85). When
people feel validated in their suffering, they begin to experience oneness with their emotions,
thoughts, and sense of self (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.88). Admitting vulnerability is
uncomfortable for many people sadly, defenselessness encompasses human existence. One
remedy to existential disillusionment is radical acceptance, accepting the things we cannot
change. When events occur that are out of our control, it causes most people to question
previously held beliefs, and counselors must sit with clients rather than project their feelings onto
them.
Crisis and unpredictability may make life seem meaningless to some clients, but it is wise
to remind them that life is a precious gift from God. Recognizing and admiring the beauty in life
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is God's gift to an unpredictable world. The authors suggest that gratitude recognizes God's gift
of existence, taking time to enjoy the small things (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.100).
Chapter 3
The third chapter explores the importance of the counselor's view of God and its relation
to counseling. McMinn suggests that clients' uncertainty about their perception of God often
leads them to therapy (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.120). Contrary to ancient Near East creation
stories, Christian creation stories suggest God created man out of love rather than necessity.
Humans process information with shortcuts gathered from past experiences, simplifying complex
processes. Our implicit and explicit knowledge guides our actions and interactions with one
another, shaping our perception of everything around us. The authors suggest the importance of
imaging clients in the same view we see God, focusing on solidarity and togetherness (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, p.121).
Implications for Counseling and Psychotherapy
The fundamental underpinning for Christianity and counseling is that humans are
inherently good and created in God's likeness. Extending unconditional positive regard for
traumatized and grieving clients helps validate their struggles. Although trauma causes some
negative emotions, it may encourage growth by examining unpacking implicit and explicit
beliefs (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.126).
In Matthew 7:12, God requires us to love others as we love ourselves. Emergencies and
unforeseen events inevitably occur in our lives, but we must offer our whole selves to patients
rather than focusing on selfish thoughts (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 130). Empathic listening and
attending to the spiritual needs of grieving clients may drain counselors, leading to burnout.
Therefore, clients and counselors need to observe the Sabbath, obediently resting. When
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counselors take time to relax and recharge their minds, they can patiently sit with and guide
suffering clients. Likewise, rest allows clients to take the advice of counselors while realizing the
gift of life from God.
Reflection
Before this class, I had never heard the word lament, leading me to search YouTube to better
understand the concept. After reading articles and watching videos, I learned I have expressed
lamentations on many occasions. I agree with the authors. People are often uncomfortable
amongst grievers because it causes them to question their mortality (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
34). Sadly, I have experienced both facets of grieving, including bearing witness and as the
griever. In instances where I witness others experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am
uncomfortable and have a powerful urge to stop their sadness. Although I know the statement is
not valid, I automatically say things like, "They're in a better place or time heals all wounds."
My first experience with lament occurred on April 26th, 1999, in Savannah, GA. I was ten years
old and endured the sudden death of my mother. My mother was 28 years old and gave birth to
seven children, raising six alone. In 1995, my siblings and I went to foster care for two years
because my mother could not provide a safe environment. During our time in foster care, my
mother gave birth to another child, leading me to question my mother's love. After leaving foster
care and returning to my biological mother, my mother died in a murder-suicide, leaving my
siblings and me parentless. God placed my foster mother in a position to offer four girls the love
and stability they never received from their family of origin. During my initial separation from
my mother, I cried daily, wondering why I could not go home. My laminations often occurred
when I was alone or in the company of mother-child pairs. I could not comprehend why my life
was so horrible as a child. I was pretty and well-behaved, but I still received sorrow rather than
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happiness. Every week my foster mother attended services at a local Methodist Church, where I
learned about the nature of God and how He suffers with me.
In hindsight, my experience with lament made me feel like Rachel, longing for a stable
relationship with my mother. During the initial days of my mother's death, I questioned God
about why this happened to my family. As expected, I wrestled with God, attempting to
understand why He allowed my mother to die in a violent, dysfunctional manner. I now identify
with the theodicy of a suffering God. Rather than leaving me to face these uncertainties alone,
my Heavenly Father walked alongside me, grieving with me. My childlike mind could not
articulate His presence, but I always felt His spirit near, comforting me and giving me hope. Now
that I have emerged on the other end of grief, I can assist other fighting similar battles.
Dealing with Grief
The loss of a loved one or essential relationship may cause a range of emotions, causing
people to ask difficult questions and express unfavorable views of their meaning-making system.
Although everyone around me told me my biological mother was excellent, I never fully agreed
with everything they said. During a family dinner, I expressed my feelings about my mother
having more children while we were in foster care. My uncle dismissed me from the table and
told me those thoughts were shameful. From then on, I punished myself whenever I had negative
thoughts of my mother, not embracing my emotions in their entirety. Therefore, I understand the
importance of allowing grievers to voice their pain truthfully and honestly. Victims of abuse
often suffer from complex grief, which manifests as prolonged sorrow for a lost loved one,
accompanied by maladaptive conduct (Bray, 2021). Most people have a secure attachment with
their families. Encountering someone grieving the loss of an abusive parent goes beyond their
perception of parental affection, leading them to shy away from the griever.
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NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 242
As counselors and stewards of God, our job is to create a safe space for clients to express
and explore their innermost thoughts. Societal norms often dictate how, when, and how long one
should grieve, ignoring unique personal experiences and circumstances each person embodies. In
counseling, the therapist shows solidarity to clients by empathizing and being a positive presence
amidst the uncertainty of life. This point reflects the authors' thought, suggesting counselors act
as guides while protesting with God, giving a voice to their despair (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.
50).
The Problem of Hebel
After reading this book, I realize that nothing in life is permanent, and our attachments to
momentary things are the source of our sorrows. Rather than perceiving life as a meaningless
existence, God's gift to us is to enjoy the present. After experiencing so many traumatic events
early in life, I have learned several things that help me make sense of my despair. I have cultured
enjoyment of people while I have them in my life. This does not always mean I am preparing for
death, but I am savoring our relationship at that moment. For example, my husband and I
divorced eleven years ago, and although I do not desire another relationship with him, I miss our
family being whole. As with any relationship, unpleasant events occurred at the end of our
marriage, leaving emotional scars. However, I realize we loved one another for a season, giving
life to two amazing boys. My relationships with my biological mother and adoptive mothers
followed a similar flow by nurturing me for a season followed by an untimely death. The sorrow
and despair I have witnessed in my life helped me to appreciate the gift of the present moment,
allowing me to connect with other wounded souls. Through my suffering, I have learned that
grief-stricken people often think and behave irrationally to the non-grieving person. I want to
provide a place for people to navigate emotions that hinder their growth. My relationship with
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NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 243
grief, allows me to empathize with suffers and this theological implication may improve my
ability to connect with clients professionally.
I am Not my Client's Savior
As a person that understands trauma and loss, I have to be careful not to lose myself while
helping others. Although empathy is required in counseling, too much empathy may cause
damaging consequences for clients and counselors. For counselors, constant unbridled
compassion may lead to burnout, rendering them ineffective and potentially harmful to both
parties (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p.135). Counselors cannot save every client or fix their problems
despite extending empathy and good intentions. Although we may disagree with their choices,
we have to allow clients to choose for themselves. One of the professional values of the
American Counseling Association reflects the concept of autonomy, requiring counselors to
enable clients to decide what makes them happy (ACA, 2014, p3). In a healthy therapeutic
relationship, counselors support their client's selections without judgment or imposing their own
moral values. Incompetent counselors should seek assistance or refer clients presenting problems
beyond the scope of the counselor's knowledge (AAMFT, 2022).
Practicing radical acceptance as a counselor may help reduce the anxiety associated with
assisting troubled clients. I must accept that people are entitled to make unadulterated choices,
without my consent and judgment. Matthew 1-6, passing judgment on others before looking
within goes against God's word. Clients come to counseling to bear their souls and express their
most intimate thoughts. Judging their actions may imply that they are not worth fixing or their
problems are too significant for God. I will continually pray for a nonjudgmental soul and reflect
on my biases in my future practice.
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NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 244
Spiritual Reformation
After reading this book, I now have the language to name brokenness while sitting with
suffering souls in a counseling room. Although I have experienced spiritual brokenness
throughout my lifetime, each traumatic experience caused me to appreciate the small things in
life, like laughing with friends and spending time with loved ones. During my darkest hours, I
was surrounded by loving people that nurtured me and taught me how important every facet of
life has importance. However, during my grief, the words of Laminations 1:20 perfectly
illustrated my emotional state because I was so angry with God that I felt my entire existence
centered around suffering. While experiencing intense anger with God, I denied myself the right
to those emotions, bandaging my pain with a smile. Through this text, I have learned there is
power in naming brokenness, and protesting with God suggests a desire to strengthen our
relationships with God (Neff & McMinn, 2020, p. 91).
Another spiritual impact I have noticed after reading Embodying Integration: A Fresh
Look at Christianity in the Therapy Room is the importance of valuing the present moment. God
created humans from unconditional love. Without us, God is capable of performing His
wondrous works. It is by God's unconditional love for man and grace that have the gift of life
and enjoyment. Although Hebel is a concept that makes most people uneasy, we must not allow
ourselves to get caught up in the upheaval of life so much that we forget to enjoy the best parts of
life, meaningful relationships. For example, I dwelled on my mother's untimely death and
irrational lifestyle choices, causing me to sink into an angry depression and question my
existence. However, after some soul searching and prayer, I realized God gave me the gift of
being chosen. My adoptive mother picked me out of thousands of more favorable adoptive
children as an older adopted child. Not only was I hand-chosen, but God also allowed me to have
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 245
a surrogate mother that genuinely cared for me and gave me the best she had to offer. I have
learned to sincerely appreciate my family and friends in the wake of my biological mother's
death and my adoptive mother's passing. Every moment is a beautiful gift from God that I am
obligated to enjoy.
This book has shown me how to integrate my faith and profession without denying either
of the two. My experiences with crises enhanced my ability to understand people's emotions
facing turmoil. The theological implications that I have learned from these chapters have helped
me express my experiences and will help me guide clients during therapy. I am thankful we serve
a God that shows us unconditional kind regard and suffers alongside us during times of trouble.
According to John 10:10, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God has provided us with
the gift of abundant life. These loving actions demonstrate God's love for man, and it is our job
as Christian counselors to increase clients' well-being while bearing witness to their darkest
moments and helping them hold hope in God.
lOMoARcPSD|23600884
NEFF AND MCMINN REVIEW (PART A) 246
References
America Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 ACA Code of Ethics: As Approved by the
ACA Governing Council. Counseling.org. Retrieved from
https://www.counseling.org/resources/aca-code-of-ethics.pdf.
Bible Gateway. (2022). BibleGateway.com: A Searchable Online Bible in Over 150 Versions
and 50 Languages. Biblegateway.com. Retrieved from
https://www.biblegateway.com/.
Bray, B. (2021). Gone but not missed: When grief is complex. Counseling Today: A
Publication of The American Counseling Association.
https://ct.counseling.org/2021/01/gone-but-not-missed-when-grief-is-complex/.
Neff, M., & McMinn, M. (2020). Embodying Integration: A Fresh Look at Christianity in
the Therapy Room. InterVarsity Press.
