Running head: CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES THE ROLE OF A WIFE 1
Christian Counseling Promotes the Role of a Wife
Stacia Brianna McMillan
Liberty University
Abstract
God created women for a purpose and that purpose will include many of roles. The role of a wife
is one that women step in to with great expectation. God also has expectation and a perfect
design for marriage. The research shows how Christian counseling promotes what the Bible says
of a wife’s role and supports women’s mental health so that they can better understand and know
God’s purpose for them as a wife. Christian counseling enables couples to access the tools and
resources they need to communicate effectively and understand God’s purpose for their marriage.
The findings result in the effectiveness of integrating Christian counseling to promote mental and
spiritual health.
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CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES THE ROLE OF A WIFE 3
Christian Counseling Promotes the Role of a Wife
The role of a wife can at times be overwhelming. Christian counseling promotes
knowledge of God’s purpose and design for such a role can help women better understand their
purpose as a wife, how they ought to care for their husband, and how a wife communicates with
her husband. Christian counseling supports what Scripture has to say about a marriage and
values the wife’s role. The intent of this research is to promote Christian counseling for women
and their role as a wife through by investigating professional theories along with biblical aspects
using the Holy Bible (New International Version).
A Wife’s Role
God’s Purpose and Design for the Wife’s Role
It can be seen in ancient times and still today, the misconception that women are objects.
God’s design and creation doesn’t seem to support this theory or how Christ treated women when
He walked the Earth. In chapter 5 of A Woman and Her God, David Hager shares of women
Jesus witnessed to and cared for such as: the woman at the well, the adulteress, and the woman
who touched His cloak for healing. These were just a few examples of how Jesus responded and
loved women. Not only did He care for these women but also these women went on to be a huge
testimony of His greatness. There are huge roles a woman will fill in her one lifetime but the role
of a wife may be the greatest role she will fulfill.
Christian counselors seeks to understand God’s purpose and design for their clients well
being. To understand God’s purpose and design for the wife’s role within a marriage, Counselors
will have to turn to scripture for support. First it is important to know ones identity. Genesis 1:27
clarifies that both men and women are created in His own image. Genesis chapter 2 God creates
the first woman from Adams rib. To be clear, God created woman from mans side rib closest to
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his heart. This is powerful because God’s shows a lot of His purpose for women in that they were
created from mans side to be by his side. Not behind man or in front but by his side and close to
his heart.
Genesis 2:18 gives more clarification in knowing God’s reason in the creation of women
saying, “The LORD God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him.”(NIV). A woman’s role begins and she is given purpose to be a suitable helper.
Genesis 2:24 continues to give God’s instruction for men to leave their parents to be by his
wife’s side and become one in flesh. Genesis provides God’s design for a women’s role as a wife
for the purpose that a women was created to be by mans side to help him and become one with
him.
A Wife is to care for Her Husband
There are many roles a woman takes on through life it is may be the role of as a daughter,
friend, mother or wife but it important to know “we were created to be in an eternally secure love
relationship with God” (Wilson, 2004, p.49). When the relationship with God is well, the
relationship between a wife and husband tend to follow His lead.
What does a suitable helper entail? Ephesians 5:21-33 gives the instruction for a
Christian household. Wives are told to “submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the
Lord”(Ephesians 5:22, NIV). Husbands are instructed to “love your wives, just as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her”(Ephesians 5:25, NIV). The perfect example for a
marriage is Jesus Christ and the way He loved and cared for the church. The example given in
Ephesians 5 is of Christ as the head of the church and husbands the head of his household. This
is where wives will have to show faith. They will have to have faith that in being obedient to
God’s word He will intervene and hold her husband accountable as the head of the household.
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Her first and foremost duty is to be by her husband’s side as his helper. She will have
come to terms and understanding that this doesn’t make her powerless but very powerful.
Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears
hers down”(NIV). A marriage must recognize God as authority. According to the Judith and Jack
Balswick (2014), a “biblical marriage includes dual submission to the lordship of Jesus Christ
and to each other” (p.94). In order for a Christian household to operate effectively, it takes a God
centered marriage where a woman submits to her husband and he loves her fiercely.
Communication is Key
Communication, as always, is the key to a healthy relationship. Scripture is a huge part of
how God communicates. Penner and Penner (2003) convey, “communication continues to be the
essential way to arrive at a congenial conclusion”(p.215). Communication is the art of being able
to deliver a clear and precise message. It requires wisdom that can also be found in scripture.
James 3:17 talks about wisdom saying, “wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then
peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere”
(NIV). Once again the word “submissive” can be seen and an act that shows wisdom. Proverbs
3:13-14 also recognizes the value of wisdom and say’s, “Blessed are those who find wisdom,
those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable that silver and yields better returns than
gold”(NIV). This scripture also pertains to Proverbs 14:1 that was shared earlier in that a wise
woman builds her house up. A wife must know her role is so important that she has the power to
build her house or to be the reason it tears down.
Scripture is communicating God’s desire, design, and role how a wife is to be not only as
an individual but also as one with her husband. She must have the wisdom I how she
communicates love to her husband. It is her design and nature to love him and to be loved by
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him. In order for a marriage to love and receive love, they must communicate their strengths and
weaknesses with one another and God.
Why Christian Counseling?
Entwistle (2010) describes how psychology and theology each forms its individual ideas,
theories, and conclusions over comparable subjects but each field shares the same interest in
human nature. Clinton and Ohlschlager (2002) describe this as an “emerging profession” where
the subjects can unite and better assist clients with biblical truth and psychology. Psychology can
only explain what’s natural but God explains the supernatural. When such forces combine, there
becomes a greater understanding for both the natural and supernatural. A person is able to use
Christian counseling to promote mental health and spiritual health.
It is absolutely essential for those seeking marital advice to consider a Christian
counselor because it is vital for them to understand not only the commitment they have made to
their spouse but also the covenant they have made with God. Poling (2005) understands the
importance of a covenant saying this: “pastoral counseling is a specialized form of this
invitation in which long-term covenants are formed for spiritual direction and deep inner
healing”(p.27). In Christian counseling the counselor is not only focused on ones mental health
but also their spiritual health and relationship with God. Clinton and Ohlschlager (2002) are an
example of this type of counseling in this statement “As Christian counselors, we realize that our
referrals and our livelihood come from the Lord”(pg. 691). If the counselor’s heart is first the
Lords, then their practice will reflect their Christianity and they will give wise council. Scripture
supports this theory in Proverbs 19:20-21:
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“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among
the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that
prevails (NIV).”
Perhaps one might not practice Christianity but if that shouldn’t deter them from
Christian counseling. The Christian counseling core beliefs is one that promotes mental health
though ethics and psychological research. Hook (2009) has researched “A couple who seeks
counseling from a Christian professional counselor may be more likely to encounter treatments
and techniques whose care methods have been supported by research, such as behavioral or
cognitive-behavioral techniques”(pg.181). Christian counseling values scripture and promotes
Biblical truth however the goal at hand is understanding the science of psychology is part of
God’s creation and should be used to help those in need. Taibbi (2009) shares the goal of
counseling as, “You want to help them think bigger—to define what they would ideally like to be
different in their relationship and in themselves”(p.15). Horton (2009) refers to the bull’s-eye
approach. Horton (2009) describes the bull’s eye approach as a theory “that God has a perfect
detailed plan for all individuals and seeks to reveal that plan to them”(pg. 8). This is a great
approach for Christian counselors to open with and direct clients I first seeking God’s will for
their life.
One might ask is there a right time to seek counseling? Clinton and Sibcy (2006) share
indicators of when a marriage is disconnected and feeling impossible. They describe when
“marriages have seasons, times when connection is easy and times when it seems impossible”
(Clinton & Sibcy, 2006, p.194). In such times, counseling can help reconnect couples but first
must understand each as an individual. Once again, communication is the key factor because the
client must communicate his or her thoughts not only with the counselor but learn to
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communicate effectively with their spouse as well. The Balswicks’ (2014) describes this process
as “when one talks, the other listens”(p.95). Christian counseling is a safe place where the
counselor can demonstrate active listening skills and provide their clients with tools to do the
same.
When is Christian counseling necessary? Christian counseling not only promotes mental
health but is a way for clients to reevaluate where they are at in life and where they may want to
make corrections. Though there are several aspects and specialized fields in counseling, the focus
of this research is the benefits to women’s counseling specifically a wife’s role. Christian
counseling provides professionalism and valuable resources for a wife to better understand God’s
purpose and design for her role as a Christian woman. Once a wife understands her purpose as a
wife, how she ought to care for her husband, and how a wife is to communicate with her husband
then she can master her role and live a life full of purpose.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the research acknowledges the role of a wife can at times be
overwhelming. This research promotes Christian counseling as a way for women to know their
role as a wife through God’s purpose and design as a wife, how they ought to care for their
husband, and how a wife should communicate with her husband. Christian counseling uses
Biblical truth and academic research to help promote mental and spiritual health. Scripture offers
a way to apprehend God’s design for a marriage but also a relationship with Him.
Communication remains key in healthy relationships. Communication, through Christ, has
promoted psychological health within a marital relationship.
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References
Balswick, J., & Balswick, J. (2014). The family: A Christian perspective on the contemporary
home (4th ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic.
Clinton, T. & Ohlschlager, G., 2002. Competent Christian counseling: Foundations and
practices of compassionate soul care. Colorado Springs, CO: Water Brook Press.
Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Why you do the things you do: The secret to healthy
relationships. Nashville, TN: Integrity.
Entwistle, D. N. (2010). Integrative approaches to psychology and Christianity: An introduction
to worldview issues, philosophical foundations, and models of integration. Eugene,
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Hook, J. L. (2009). Christian couple counseling by professional, pastoral, and lay counselors
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Horton, D. J. (2009). Discerning spiritual discernment: Assessing current approaches for
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Thomas Nelson Publishers. ISBN: 9781591452041.
Penner, C. & Penner, J. (2003). The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment. Thomas
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Poling, J. (2005). God, Sex and Power. Journal of Theology and Spirituality, 55-70.
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