FOSTERING RELATIONAL CLOSENESS
• The Dark Side of Eden – Why did they hide? Adam and Eve
• Barriers to Relational Closeness – Cover-up Practices (Common “Fig Leaf”
Strategies)
Exposure prevention practices – keeping flaws hidden:
oCreate attractive outward appearances – mask unattractive qualities
oHighlight personal triumphs – closet personal failings
oStick to arenas of competence – avoid risky endeavors
Exposure deflection practices – dealing with discovered flaws:
oRationalization – explain away flaws
oVictimization – blame others or circumstances for flaws
oImpeachment – discredit the discoverer of flaws
• Overcoming Barriers to Relational Closeness – Social Penetration Theory
(Altman and Taylor) Ogres and onions
Relational partners are like two onions – each partner has multiple layers
of undisclosed personal information (the deeper the layer, the more
personal the information)
Relational closeness (social or relational “penetration”) is developed
through self-disclosure
Developing relational closeness requires self-disclosure that is
oReciprocal – both partners mutually self-disclose personal
information from equivalent layers
oProgressive – self-disclosure first involves the outer layers, and then
progresses into the deeper layers
oVoluntary – self-disclosure is not coerced or manipulated
oVulnerable – deeper levels of self-disclosure involve risks of rejection
• Intentional and Proactive Development of Relational Closeness – The JoHari
Window (Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham)
Dropping “fig leaves” in relationships:
oThe hidden pane – volunteer self-disclosure
oThe blind pane – invite feedback
oThe obscure pane – explore the dark cellar together
Dropping “fig leaves” carries risks and rewards:
oRisks – chances of exposure and rejection
