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Introduction: The book You Lost Me written by David Kinnaman, discusses the topic of
older teenagers and young adults, specifically the age range of 18 – 29, leaving the church.
“Many young people who grew up in church and have since dropped out do not hesitate to place
blame. They point the finger, fairly or not, at the establishment: you lost me.” [CITATION
Kin11 \p 9 \l 1033 ] This epidemic is throughout the nations. I read from page 9 to page 241.
This book also gives us graphics to look at so that we can have a better understanding of how
drastic this is. For example, in chapter one, there is a chart that talks about how young people
describe their spiritual journeys away from church and faith. This chart specifically looks at
Americans with a Christian background aging from 18 – 29.
Summary: One of the reasons Kinnaman wrote this book was to not only warn
Christians about what is happening, but to also potentially reach out to those who have lost their
way and their faith. The book specifically talks about three broad ways of being lost. These
include nomads, prodigals, and exiles. When I mention Kinnaman reaching out to those who
have lost their faith, I’m primarily talking about those he calls prodigals. “Prodigals lose their
faith, describing themselves as ‘no longer Christian.” [CITATION Kin11 \p 25 \l 1033 ] In
chapter five he discusses overprotectiveness, which means many young people feel as though the
church overprotects them from the world. This book gives a numerous amount of personal stories
from young adults who have been criticized or hurt by the church and its members. In the last
chapter, chapter 12, Kinnaman gives us 50 different ideas on how to find a generation, each of
these ideas coming from different Christians thinkers and practitioners. There is one sentence
before he gives us the 50 ideas that stuck out to me. “One of the big lessons I have relearned
through this project is that we don’t have to agree on everything to remain in Christ-centered
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community.” [CITATION Kin11 \p 214 \l 1033 ] I think this is very important for us Christians to
remember. I think this is what causes a big discourse amongst the generations.
Personal Response: I learned a lot from this book. According to Kinnaman, I am
technically a part of the generation he is talking about. I have experienced a lot of what he
discussed as well. There for a while, probably when I was 18 – 23 I would have considered
myself an exile. “Exiles are still invested in their Christian faith but feel stuck (or lost) between
culture and the church.”[CITATION Kin11 \p 25 \l 1033 ] Now, I would probably consider
myself to be a nomad. “Nomads walk away from church engagement but still consider
themselves Christians.” [CITATION Kin11 \p 25 \l 1033 ] Unfortunately one of the reasons as to
why I left church engagement was due to overprotectiveness.
One of the primary examples that sticks out when I think of this happened a few years
ago. I was out to dinner with a group of friends, all of us either 21 or above the age of 21. While
we were out one of my friends had ordered a beer, just one single beer to enjoy with his dinner. It
just so happened that the restaurant we went to was very close to the church, so it was normal for
us to see others from our church there. During our dinner, one of ladies who was close to the
leaders walked in and came over to talk to us. The first thing she said to us was “who’s beer is
that?” My friend stated it was his and she gave us all a look, in a way she was telling us what we
were doing was wrong and she was very disappointed in us. This got back to the leaders of the
church and my friend, who was about to go on a missions trip with us to Jamaica, was no longer
able to attend the missions trip and his band was no longer able to play at the church. This
interaction put a sour taste in my mouth, I felt like if I were to enjoy a drink after work or
anything to that extent that I was doing something very bad in the churches eyes. “In short, many
young Christians feel overprotected. Millions of young believers perceive that the church has
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kept them fearful of and detached from the world – a world, mind you, that they are called by
their faith in Christ to redeem. Let’s look at how this sadly ironic risk aversion is causing major
disconnections.”[CITATION Kin11 \p 98-99 \l 1033 ]
Another of one of the personal examples I have as to why I left church engagement
happened more recent. This would fall into Kinnaman’s chapter 9, Exclusive. “Being excluded is
tough to swallow for any generation, bust especially tough for today’s all-access, low-authority
young people who would rather do just about anything than choose to end a relationship.”
[CITATION Kin11 \p "174 - 175" \l 1033 ] This primarily happened during the start of covid. I
am not one to judge someone for their political beliefs or anything like that, however, I was
judged harshly for mine. I would share something on Facebook that I agreed with, this would
then start an argument from members of that church. This hurt me deeply because as we all
know, covid was hard on everyone, this was when as Christians we really needed to come
together as a community to be there for each other. I was then excluded from everything the
church did and now I no longer talk to friends I thought I’d have forever.
Conclusion: In conclusion, I feel as though reading this book really opened my eyes. It
also helped me see that I’m not alone with what I’ve gone through. When you’re a young adult
and you’re going through the examples I mentioned and those in the book, it can feel very
isolating. It feels as though the church is backing you into a corner like a scared puppy. Even
though I currently am not in a church engagement, I do know that going through what I went
through would help others. Kinnaman puts it best, “As I have argued throughout this book, the
Christian community needs a new mind—a new way of thinking, a new way of relating, a new
vision of our role in the world—to pass on the faith to this and future generations.” [CITATION
Kin11 \p 201 \l 1033 ]
