Liberty University SOM Online
Capstone Paper
Submitted to Dr. Zeb Balentine
In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
WRSP 430 – B01
Building Relationships Through Worship
By
Madilyn Dowell
October 17, 2021
Contents
Introduction
Relationship with God
Relationship with Family
Relationship with Senior Pastor
Relationship with Church
Relationships with Ministry Team
Relationships with Difficult People
Conclusion
Bibliography
Introduction
Relationships lay the foundation for everything that we can accomplish in life. “The basis
of life is people and how they relate to each other. Our success, fulfillment, and happiness
depend upon our ability to relate to people effectively”. These same principles apply to our
1
leadership in ministry. The ability to effectively build relationships with others is crucial to the
development of a healthy and successful ministry. The strength of the relationships we build will
determine the success of our leadership as well. The major relationship dynamics include our
relationship with God, our relationship with our families, our relationship with our pastor, our
relationship with our church, our relationship with our ministry team, and our relationship with
difficult people.
Relationship with God
As Christians, we should love God above all else. “You must love the Lord your God
with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest
commandment”.2 The relationship we have with God is the most important relationship in
worship. “The first priority of any Christian should be his or her relationship with God. That
means growing closer to him, worshipping, and loving him, and being obedient to him. The
careful maintenance of this relationship is the surest safeguard against failure”. The most
3
important thing for us to understand as worship leaders is that followship precedes leadership.
We cannot expect others to follow us if we are not first faithful followers of Him. The leadership
model has three tiers: 1) God leads me. 2) I lead me. 3) I lead others. Our leadership is defined
1 John C. Maxwell, “Be A People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective
Relationships” (David C. Cook, 2007) Chapter 1.
2 Matt, 22:37-38, ESV.
3 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 6.
by the priority we place on who God is in our lives. Therefore, our vertical relationship with God
should be the relationship that we most prioritize developing.
As human beings, we crave relationship. That was the purpose for which we were
originally created. “Then God said, let us make mankind in our image, after our likeness”. God
4
placed in every human heart the desire for a relationship with Him. While we have a desire for
that relationship, the desire to pursue that relationship does not come so naturally to us. It is
something that we must ask the Holy Spirit to increase in us. The pursuit of a relationship with
God will fulfill us, the lack of pursuit will only make us grow stagnant.
Pertaining to worship, if we as worship leaders neglect our relationship with God, we
allow space for sin patterns to creep into the worship setting, and the consequences can be
detrimental. While worship will continue to happen because Jesus is the ultimate worship leader,
we can still be a roadblock if we are not in alignment with God. If we are only worshiping God
on platform on a Sunday morning, people will start to see that hypocrisy in us, and it can be a
hindrance to worship. Thus, we should strive to have “a consistent pattern of lifestyle worship”.
5
We should have the attitude of the psalmist: “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall
continually be in my mouth”.6
We see an example of the consequences of worship that is offered that is not from the
heart in the Biblical account of Cain and Abel. They both presented perfectly lawful sacrifices to
7
God as an offering of worship, but Cain’s heart was far from the Lord. This is what ultimately
rendered his worship unacceptable to God, not the content, but the intent. Similarly, we can go
through the motions on a Sunday morning and get the job done, but that does not mean we have
4 Gen. 1:26, ESV.
5 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “The Most Important Relationship in Worship”, Video Presentation, 9:12,
Liberty University, June 11, 2020.
6 Ps. 34:1, ESV
7 Gen. 4, ESV.
2
worshiped properly. If we praise Him with our lips, but our hearts are far from Him, our worship
cannot be accepted. God cannot accept that which is not given freely, willingly, or intentionally
8
from the heart.
Because “ministry is the greatest camouflage for idolatry” , making it easy to hide our sin
9
behind a mirage of worshipful Christian activities, we must be intentional about cultivating our
worship relationship with God. First, we must have a consistent meeting time with God in which
we block out all external distractions and we focus our mind’s attention and heart’s affection on
the Lord. On that same vein, we should second, consider choosing a consistent location for our
meeting time with God. Choosing a certain place and consecrating it to the Lord can make a
significant difference in the way we approach our alone time with Him. Designating a space
where nothing else matters and God is the only priority will help us maximize our meeting time
with God. These are ways that we can place priority on our relationship with God and ultimately,
become better worshipers of Him.
Relationship with Family
Our relationships within our family have direct influence on our ministry relationships.
The family unit is an institution of God. Our relationship with our family is, according to the
Word, second only to the Lord. He is our Father, we are His children, and collectively, we make
up the family of God. Our earthly families are a symbol of our relationship with God that was
secured through Jesus’ redemptive work on the cross. The family is the first group of people that
any worship leader or pastor will ever be entrusted to serve, lead, and learn how to relationally
function within. The leadership of a family is the roadmap for the leadership of a church or
ministry. Developing relationships with family members, the people naturally closest to us, lays
8 Is. 29:13, ESV.
9 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “The Most Important Relationship in Worship”.
3
the groundwork for all other relationships that we will form, and often determines our level of
success or failure in those future relationships. “If anyone does not know how to manage his own
family, how can he take care of God’s church?”10
In the context of family, the relationships within a home have direct influence on the
relationships within a ministry. It can be a difficult tension balancing family life versus
leadership life. Each role demands a lot of attention, and it is important to devote enough
attention to both. However, worship leaders don’t always have the luxury of living in this
balance. Thus, a way to strengthen relationships within the family is to devote the proper amount
of time to the family and to their spiritual and worship development. When the family is
prioritized and progressive growth occurs, it will pour out onto the ministry. One of the marks of
effective relational leadership is “results – the ability to reproduce”.11 In worship ministry
specifically, faithful worship leadership begins in the home. We want to lead worshiping families
so we can lead a truly successful worship ministry. Ways that we can promote a worshipful
environment within our families is by teaching spiritual disciplines, recognizing and combating
spiritual warfare, and setting realistic expectations for our time of family worship.
Finally, to show that we prioritize our families, we must establish boundaries. “There is
no amount of time and energy that the church will not take from you that you aren’t willing to
give”.12 Establishing boundaries means guarding our time off. We cannot trust anyone else to
hold us accountable and ensure us that we are doing enough for the church. We cannot trust
anyone else to encourage us to go home and invest in our families. We must hold ourselves to
account and ensure that our priorities never get out of order. Our relationship with God is first
10 1 Tim. 3:5, ESV.
11 John C. Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 2.
12 Ibid.
4
and foremost, then comes family, then comes ministry. We should never sacrifice our family on
the altar of ministry.
Relationship with Senior Pastor
A worship leader’s relationship with their Senior Pastor is twofold: there is the
professional relationship, and there is also the personal relationship. It is important to develop
both. The professional relationship with the Senior Pastor is the most visible and the most public
relationship dynamic within the entire church. That being so, it is the most spiritually attacked
relationship within the church dynamic. To develop a healthy working relationship with our
Senior Pastors, we must first submit to their leadership. “Obey your leaders and submit to them,
for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them
do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you”. There may
13
be clashes between us as worship leaders and our senior pastors here and there, but we must
realize that it is not our responsibility to speak into those things. We cannot control the leadership
decisions of our pastors, but we can control how we respond to them. This attitude stems from
the understanding that pastors are shepherds after God’s own heart, “who will lead with
knowledge and understanding”.14
Second, we must remember that we are in a second-chair leadership position. That is not
to say the role of the worship leader is less important, it simply means that we have less on our
plates. We must realize that everything in the church falls under the leadership of our senior
pastors, and we must do what we can to support and serve them. Our vision for our worship
ministry should never conflict with our pastor’s overall vision for the church. What we should
seek to do with our envisioning is consider “how does our ministry accomplish the big picture
13 Heb. 13:17, ESV.
14 Jer. 3:15
5
ministry of the church and the pastor’s vision”? Third, we develop our professional relationship
15
with our pastors through worship planning. When there is collaboration between senior pastors
and worship leaders in the planning of worship services, there is greater unity, and unity amongst
leadership leads to ministerial health and success.
Regarding fostering our personal relationships with our senior pastors, we must first
identify the relational personality type that our pastor has. There are two types of pastors when it
comes to personal relationships. The first is the guarded pastor, and the second is the open and
friendly pastor. “Every shepherd needs a shepherd”. Though we should respect the chain of
16
command, we should look for ways to check in on our pastor’s spiritual health. Because he is the
shepherd of the flock, there is a natural assumption that he has it all together spiritually, so there
is likely no one else in his life checking on his spiritual health. Pastors are so used to giving of
themselves and investing in others that they can grow weary. They need to be invested in as well.
As worship leaders, and our pastors’ right-hand men and women, we should be the ones to invest
in them.
Additionally, as worship leaders, we should be doing everything we can to grow our
pastors as worshippers of God. First, we must “pray for them and with them in specific ways”.
17
Second, we can ask our pastors to pray for us. This mutual commitment to prayer helps us be
vulnerable with our pastors, connect with them, and convey a sense of trust. Third, “send
encouraging notes and emails” to our pastors. We can also be intentional about spending time
18
15 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “Professional Relationship with Your Pastor”, Video Presentation, 6:59,
Liberty University, June 11, 2020.
16 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “Personal Relationship with Your Pastor”, Video Presentation, 5:11,
Liberty University, June 11, 2020.
17 Dr. Balentine, “Personal Relationship with Your Pastor”.
18 Dr. Balentine, “Professional Relationship with Your Pastor”.
6
with our senior pastors outside of work. All these things will help us cultivate healthy
relationships with our pastors.
Relationship with the Church
To have effective relationships with the members of the congregation we serve, we must
prove ourselves to be people they can trust. “People who receive a high level of trust have
developed their character and have earned the right to be trusted. When this important foundation
exists, strong, positive relationships are built and are fed by encouragement and consistency”.
19
We build trust with our church by being trustworthy, or credible. We can demonstrate our
credibility in many ways. First, we must be spiritually disciplined. Leadership comes with a high
degree of visibility. We will always have eyes on us, watching what we do, what decisions we
make, and how we live our lives in general. To our church members, it easier for them to trust
our credibility when the fruit of spiritual discipline is evident in our lives. As leaders, we are held
to a higher standard. God has given us much, and He requires much of us in return. It is a great
responsibility to shepherd a church body and nurture their spiritual development. We can only be
effective in doing so if we start with ourselves. “We teach what we know, but we reproduce what
we are”.
20
As worship leaders, we have direct influence over the congregation through the
proclaiming of the Word through song. From the platform, it can be difficult to connect with our
church on the same personal level that we would in face-to-face conversation. So, how to we
build trust? To gain trust, we must first give trust. We do so by being authentic, transparent, and
honest with the people we lead in worship. People aren’t looking for perfection. People crave
authenticity, for authenticity is approachable, and it draws people in. When people are drawn in,
19 Ibid.
20 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 10.
7
they have an opportunity to experience the transformative presence of the Living God. As
worship leaders, our ultimate goal is to lead people into an encounter with God by being empty
vessels and mirrors reflecting His glory. When we are authentic, our church can see it, and the
worship atmosphere is enhanced.
Another way that worship leaders can build trust is being involved in the lives of the
members of their church. “Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the
Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which He obtained with His
own blood”. The platform only separates the worship leader from the congregation for the
21
duration of the song set. We cannot be “green room worship leaders”. We cannot get up on
platform to do our service and lead through worship, then retreat to the green room and wait for
the next service. This detaches us from the most important thing in our ministry: the people. “It’s
difficult to become motivated to help people without first seeing and feeling their needs. The
secret is to spend time with them”. It is important that we intentionally seek out members of
22
our church to get to know them and the things that are going on in our lives. Our people will see
this effort, and so when we invite them to worship with us, when we invite them to raise their
hands or clap, when we ask them to take a moment to meditate on the Lord, they will be more
inclined to accept that invitation because they trust us, and they trust that what we’re asking of
them is for their benefit.
Relationships with Ministry Team
As worship leaders, the success or failure of our ministry area depends largely on the
strength and quality of the relationships we have with those whom we lead. Our relationships
with our team members have direct influence on the health and success of our ministry area and
21 Acts 20:28, ESV.
22 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 2.
8
ultimately, the church. To establish and maintain healthy and effective relationships with our
ministry team, we must start with the same ingredient that is the foundation for all relationships:
trust. When it comes to building a successful ministry team, “there are only two essential
ingredients: first, a common goal, and second, the ability to communicate that goal”.
23
Communication is key to building trust because it gives our ministry team the big picture. “Good
communicators are able to convey a strong belief in their people; there is a very high trust
factor”.24 When our team understands what we are moving towards, they will be more inclined to
trust us and follow our leadership. “Lack of trust in leadership has a tremendous bearing on all
types of group relationships. It is conceivable that this distrust of authority figures has spread
into many of our churches”. Why should a congregation trust our leadership if the worship team
25
that we lead doesn’t trust our leadership?
Once trust is established, we must maintain it, and we do so through investing in our
ministry team members. We invest in our team members by emulating the characteristics of a
charismatic leader. Those characteristics are concern, help, action, results, influence, sensitivity,
motivation, and affirmation. Concern means the ability to demonstrate that we care. Once our
26
people know how much we care, they will begin to care what we know. That is, what our
ministry goals and visions are. Help denotes our ability to reach out. “Since we have gifts that
differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly”. When our
27
team members have problems, we shouldn’t hesitate to reach out and help them to face their
problems and eventually, solve them.
23 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 11.
24 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 4.
25 Ibid.
26 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 2.
27 Rom. 12:6.
9
Action implies our ability to make things happen. It’s not just articulating a vision but
taking steps to bring it to fruition. Results reflect our ability to produce. This means not just
talking, but doing. Influence denotes our ability to lead. “Leadership is influence”. Sensitivity is
28
the ability to feel and respond. It means sympathizing with the needs of our team members or
simply adapting to changing situations. Motivation is the ability to give hope. We maintain the
trust of our team members when we encourage them, add value to them, and create opportunities
for them. Finally, affirmation is the ability to build up. Our team members will trust us so long as
we convey a strong belief in them. This will play an important part in their personal as well as
spiritual development.
Another way our relationships with our team members can affect our ministry is that,
though our team does not have direct contact with the congregation while they are on the
platform, they still have direct access to the congregation, and they represent certain values to the
congregation. Because the worship platform comes with a high degree of visibility, our
congregations can identify when there is a lack of unity within our worship team. Unity among
the team is vital because a lack of unity can be a hinderance to worship. If there is enmity or
strife amongst the team, that can seep into our corporate worship. If we are leading worship and
all the while there is active discord permeating the team, it can affect the worship of the team
members, and even that of the congregation. This is another reason why it is important to have
healthy team relationships.
One of the best ways to develop healthy, productive, and lasting relationships with our
team members is to practice servanthood. We need to look for ways to serve our team members.
“The measure of a leader is not the number of people who serve them, but the number of people
28 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 2.
10
they serve”. Jesus modeled the role of a servant among His disciples, and since Jesus is our
29
model in all things, we too must humble ourselves in the service of others.
Relationships With Difficult People
In our lives, there will always be people who criticize us, give their opinion unsolicited,
talk badly about us, etc. We call these “difficult people”. Ministry is no exception. “There will
never be a time in our ministries where difficult people will not be a factor”. In developing our
30
relationships with difficult people in our church, we must learn two things: first, we must learn
how to deal with them, and second, we must learn how to learn from them. Dealing with difficult
people can be exhausting. It can be challenging to lead worship when we recognize someone in
the congregation or even someone on the team doesn’t like us or disagrees with us.
In dealing with difficult people, we must step back and understand that hurt people are
usually the ones that hurt people. Usually, a person’s criticism of us, however short-term or
longstanding it may be, runs deeper than what is apparent on the surface. On the other hand,
there are some people who are just combative by nature, and we should take that into account
when dealing with them. Whatever we do, we cannot stoop to the level of retaliation. “Do not
repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called,
that you may obtain a blessing”.
31
Another way for us to deal with difficult people is to set boundaries. As the leader in the
situation, we have the ability to set the tone for the exchanges between us and the person/people
that oppose us. It is our responsibility to be the bigger person and to handle the situation the right
way. “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone”. Ultimately, the
32
29 Maxwell, “Be A People Person”, Chapter 4.
30 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “Worshiping with Difficult People: How to Deal with Them”, Video
Presentation, 9:24, Liberty University, June 11, 2020.
31 1 Pet, 3:9, ESV.
32 Rom. 12:18, ESV.
11
situations we face with difficult people are in God’s hands. He will likely lead a difficult person
to one of the “three R’s”. He will either lead them to “1) repent, 2) remove them, or 3) have them
remain”.33
In the case that God allows a difficult person to remain in our ministry, we can trust that
there is something to be learned. The first thing to learn, though it is hard to swallow, is that
“sometimes they are right”. They may not communicate to us in an effective or respectful way,
34
but sometimes there is a nugget of truth laced into the criticism of a difficult person. In that case,
we must humble ourselves to accept that criticism, go to the person, and admit our wrong. We
must fall on the proverbial sword, no matter how uncomfortable it is for us to do. The second
thing to learn is that difficult people can be used for our sanctification. The Lord uses people and
circumstances to develop patience in us and shape us to be more like Him. He gives us
opportunities to extend grace and love to those in our care.
The third thing to learn is the ugly truth about ourselves. God can use difficult people to
expose sin in our lives or flaws in our leadership. We need to look at difficult people as our
chance to become better people. Finally, difficult people serve a purpose. They are not only made
in the image of God, but they have an appointed purpose in His kingdom. We will have to lead
difficult people, worship with difficult people, and serve difficult people. We are not exempt
from leading people just because they are difficult. We must shepherd them as intentionally and
as faithfully as we would anyone who supports us and follows us.
Conclusion
In conclusion, relational leadership is multi-faceted. We must prioritize our relationship
with God above all others. We cannot lead others if we are not led by God ourselves. We must
33 Dr. Balentine, “Worshiping with Difficult People: How to Deal with Them”.
34 Dr. Zeb Balentine, “Worshiping with Difficult People: Learning from Them”, Video
Presentation, 4:34, Liberty University, June 11, 2020.
12
invest in our family because our families are our first ministry. We must invest in our relationship
with our senior pastor both on a professional and personal level so that we might be unified and
better equipped to serve the church together. We must cultivate trust between ourselves and our
church so that we can be effective in our role and fulfill our calling. We must develop a healthy
relationship with our ministry team, for they are the ones who help us do our jobs, so that we can
lead worship successfully and foster the development of the worship culture within our church.
And finally, we must work at our relationships with difficult people, learning how to handle
them, but also learning when to apply their criticism so that we can grow and become better
leaders.
Bibliographies
Balentine, Zeb, Dr. “Professional Relationship with Your Pastor”. WRSP 430: Building
Relationships Through Worship. Video presentation at Liberty University, Lynchburg,
VA, June 11, 2020. Accessed October 15, 2021.
Balentine, Zeb, Dr. “Personal Relationship with Your Pastor”. WRSP 430: Building
Relationships Through Worship. Video presentation at Liberty University, Lynchburg,
VA, June 11, 2020. Accessed October 15, 2021.
Balentine, Zeb, Dr. “The Most Important Relationship in Worship”. WRSP 430: Building
Relationships Through Worship. Video presentation at Liberty University, Lynchburg,
VA, June 11, 2020. Accessed October 15, 2021.
13
Balentine, Zeb, Dr. “Worshiping with Difficult People: How to Deal with Them”. WRSP 430:
Building Relationships Through Worship. Video presentation at Liberty University,
Lynchburg, VA, June 11, 2020. Accessed October 15, 2021.
Balentine, Zeb, Dr. “Worshiping with Difficult People: Learning from Them”. WRSP 430:
Building Relationships Through Worship. Video presentation at Liberty University,
Lynchburg, VA, June 11, 2020. Accessed October 15, 2021.
Maxwell, John C. “Be A People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective Relationships”.
John C. Cook, 2007. Accessed September 7, 2021.
https://libertyonline.vitalsource.com/#/books/9780781448437/
14
