Family Trauma Assessment Paper 1
Family Trauma Assessment Paper
Kristi Campbell
Liberty University
November 9, 2024
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 2
Abstract
According to Sanderson (2013) trauma is usually defined as being exposed to actual/threatened
death, serious injury, or sexual violation in which there is a predominance of intense fear, horror
or helplessness. This assignment focuses on traumatic events that my extended and immediate
family has experienced. I could not focus solely on my extended family because I am not very
close to many of them. In our family we do not speak openly about things and do not share
intimate details about traumas or things that bother us. I was very limited in the number of
traumatic events that I could come up with since things like that are not shared within my family.
Trauma is something that most people will experience at least once in their lifetime. According
to Kessler et al. (2017) 70.4% of individuals experienced lifetime traumas, with exposure
averaging 3.2 traumas per capita based on WHO World Mental Health Surveys. This paper will
focus heavily on the traumatic events of death of a spouse, death of a child, incest, divorce and
child abuse. The individuals I focus on will be my mother-in-law, my mother, my aunt, my oldest
daughter, one of my sons, and my husband. Most of my family members have never received any
form of therapy or treatment for the trauma they have experienced. They have just learned to deal
with it and live their lives the best they could.
Keywords: trauma, death, child abuse, divorce, incest
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 3
Family Trauma Assessment
Many individuals experience trauma within their families. Some families talk about it,
and some do not mention any traumas they are struggling with. Some traumas can cause an
immediate reaction while other traumatic events can be delayed and not cause issues for the
individual until later in life. This paper was very challenging for me to write because I am not
very close to my extended family, and they do not talk about their struggles.
Death of a spouse
The first traumatic event that I am going to discuss is the death of my stepdad and the
experience that my mother went through during that time. At the time of my stepdad’s death my
mother was 46 years old, the same age that I currently am right now. My stepdad was 57 years
old and retired at the time. Unbeknownst to me, my mother and stepdad were having marital
issues. My mother had accepted a new job a couple months prior and had relocated from Arizona
back to Michigan. My stepdad had stayed behind in Arizona and was struggling with her being
gone.
My stepdad was experiencing some health issues and was on a new medication. He
decided to have an alcoholic beverage and relax in the hot tub outside. He went inside to use the
restroom in his bedroom and the combination of the hot tub, alcohol, and the new medication
caused him to black out and he fell into the shower and hit his head on the tile. He died of blunt
force trauma. My mother was notified by my stepbrother who was visiting his dad for a couple
weeks. My mother’s reaction was nothing like I thought it would have been. Research has shown
that the loss of a spouse is a life event which is associated the most with negative stress (Schaan,
2013). Oddly my mother seemed to be relieved and was ready to move on with her life. Perhaps
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 4
that was her way of dealing with the loss. Marriage is known to be an important resource because
the spouse provides behavioral confirmation, affection, comfort, stimulation, as well as being the
gatekeeper to the financial resources and social networks within the family (Schmitz, 2021). This
seemed to be missing from their marriage at the time of my stepdad’s death. As I later found out
during my stepdad’s memorial service, my mother was secretly in a relationship with another
man.
I went to Arizona to visit my mother about 9 months after my stepdad had passed away
and I could visually see my mother was struggling with depression symptoms. It is known that
losing a spouse can cause feelings of guilt, anxiety, and depression. Environmental and
emotional stressors can cause the body to begin to break down over time. A spouse’s death is one
of the most devastating events in life, and older widowed people report less well being and more
depression symptoms (Schaan, 2013). I have not spoken to my mother in over 10 years, so I am
not sure how she is doing today.
My mother-in-law also lost her husband (my father-in-law) to prostate cancer in 2020
during the Covid pandemic. My mother-in-law was 66 at the time and my father-in-law was 72
years old. He battled cancer for over 10 years at the stage 4 level, so his death was imminent, but
the deterioration really seemed to come on rapidly. Marriages which are more positive seem to
have higher psychological distress levels for the widower. My in laws had a positive marriage
after many years of a tumultuous marriage. According to Lee et al. (1998) there was a study
which indicated that levels of depression tended to diminish with time but were still considered
higher than prior to the death of the spouse. My mother-in-law will never admit she struggles
with symptoms of depression because she tries to keep herself busy and, on the go, constantly.
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 5
Incest
My mother was the only girl of five children, and I never understood why she never
wanted to visit my grandma and grandpa except once a month and only if one of my uncles was
not going to be there. It was later in life when I was a teenager that my mother confessed to me
that one of her brothers had inappropriately touched her on several occasions. She never told me
specifics of the traumatic events. My mother never told her parents that the abuse was occurring.
My mother married my father after they graduated from high school in 1973 when she was 18
years old. By this time her brother, who had abused her, was not living in the home but the
memories of his abuse were enough for her to leave that house and not return for many many
years. I have never met that uncle of mine, and I have absolutely no idea where he lives or if he
is still alive to this day.
My mother was not one to share her feelings or discuss anything negative she was
experiencing. She never participated in any form of therapy that I know of. She did divorce my
dad in 1987, after being married for nearly 15 years. She went through several boyfriends; I
would say she was rather promiscuous after her divorce from my father. I am not sure if that was
related to the sexual abuse she suffered as a child, and it was a delayed reaction. According to
Aas et al. (2016) childhood traumas such as sexual abuse can lead to alterations that affect
cognitive functioning, impulse control, and regulation which might decrease the ability to cope
with stressors later in life.
I have not spoken to my mother in over 10 years. As far as I know she has never done
drugs or even drank alcohol. I know that research usually suggests otherwise. There is a known
link between surviving child abuse as a child and growing up to become addicted to substances
(Wolf et al., 2015). Thankfully that never occurred with my mother, perhaps she beat the odds
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 6
with that statistic. There is a scripture that comes to mind when I think of my uncle, “Flee from
sexual immorality. Every other sinCa person commits is outside the body, but the sexually
immoral personCsins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18, ESV).
Death of a child
My aunt and uncle experienced the loss of a child. My cousin was born in 1971 and died
before she turned 2 years old in 1972. I was not born yet and I do not know much about
Jacqueline Kay. It is something that was never mentioned and you never asked any questions
about it. According to Rogers et al. (2008) the death of a child is a type of traumatic event which
can have long term effects on the parent(s) as they go throughout life. I can only imagine that this
could be one of the worst traumatic events and stressors for an individual to experience.
According to Rogers et al. (2008) the death of a child is one of the most painful events that an
adult can experience and there is research of a link to traumatic grief reactions which can be
complicated in nature.
I am not sure of how my aunt and uncle processed the loss of their baby girl because it
was one topic that was off limits to discuss. Research has shown that parents who lose a child
can suffer from several different complex physical and mental symptoms. According to Field et
al. (2003) some of the mental symptoms can include sadness, anxiety, panic, despair,
vulnerability, hyper-vigilance, and wishing to die to be with their child. Physical symptoms can
include but are not limited to obsessive thinking, confusion, loss of appetite, insomnia, and
inability to concentrate.
My aunt always seemed mean to me when I was a child and perhaps it was her way of
coping with the death of her child. I still do not know exactly what my little cousin died from. I
do remember my dad telling me when I was younger that I had a cousin who was born before I
Family Trauma Assessment Paper 7
was and that she was sick and had passed away before she turned 2 years old. According to
Barrera et al. (2007) parents who have unexpectedly lost a child have experienced symptoms of
PTSD or severe grief.
Divorce and how it painfully affects the child
I am the product of a child of divorce, which in the mid to late 80’s was rather
uncommon. My four oldest children are also the product of divorce. Divorce is difficult for the
adults involved but it is even more difficult for the children if there are any. Learning how to
coparent and the instant changes that children often experience as the result of their parents
divorcing can be very challenging.
My oldest daughter was 12 years old at the time and one of my sons who was 5 years old
at the time of the divorce were affected the most. My other two sons at the time (9 years old and
3 years old) were not affected immediately. Their father was having an affair with an employee
of ours and had gotten her pregnant. He eventually moved out with this lady and their child. My
children felt abandoned and wanted nothing to do with their father. The court system forced them
to go visit their father for a couple hours once a week. They hated going but were court ordered
to visit. When their father left, he took all the money and the only vehicle, so their life was
turned upside down. We had to walk everywhere we needed to go. We had to go on government
assistance so I could provide food for them. We were evicted from our home and their grandma
(my first mother-in-law) paid for a hotel room for the five of us while we awaited a court hearing
to relocate from Washington state to Arizona where their grandparents (my dad and stepmom)
lived.
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Eventually after living in a hotel room for a few months, we relocated to Arizona to start
a new life. The children were homeschooled all their life so now they were going to attend public
school. My oldest daughter had the most difficult time with it. She acted out a lot, had a hard
time making friends, and was often bullied for no reason. She once told me she wanted to just be
dead. It was at that point that I knew she needed someone other than me to talk to. She attended
one-on-one therapy sessions for several years and learned various coping skills. Some of those
skills included writing in a journal, listening to music, walking and avoiding contact with her
father. Developmental maladjustment of children can be triggered by a divorce which can result
in parental psychopathology, interparental conflict, as well as a decline in the socio-economical
level of the household (Nunes-Costa et al., 2009). Divorce can also lead to low levels of social
support and an inconsistency in parenting styles. Divorce can also affect the child in school and
lead to poor academic performance. My daughter struggled in school due to the adjustment from
a homeschool environment to a public-school environment. As a 23-year-old adult she struggles
with anxiety and depression. When her dad passed away in 2019, she had not spoken to him in
over 7 years.
My son who was 5 years old at the time of the divorce began acting out. He would refuse
to get on the bus to go to school. He had never been away from me and now he was living in a
different state and knew nobody in the school besides his brother and sister. He had a difficult
time making friends. Over the years since the divorce, he did not think much about his dad or the
divorce. As soon as he hit puberty he started acting out again and wanted to know why his dad
didn’t love him and wasn’t involved in his life. He threatened to harm himself and threatened to
run away. At this point he began therapy services to help him learn to cope with the feelings he
was experiencing. According to Sarrami et al. (2018) families that build a foundation on peaceful
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and solid relationships can bounce back from a divorce. That occurred when I met the man who
would become their stepdad. He accepted them as his children and has financially and
emotionally supported them for the past 11 years.
Child Abuse
My husband is one of seven children, the middle child. My husband had a very loving
mother who took good care of him. Unfortunately, though he had an abusive father who
struggled with alcohol and would often abuse his seven children. My husband has not shared
much about what he experienced. I recall having a conversation with him shortly after we began
dating and him telling me if we ever had children together, he would never let his dad be alone
with them. I couldn’t understand why he felt that way initially. Over time he began to confide in
me and shared stories of physical and psychological abuse from his father. His dad was often
drunk and would yell at his children, calling them worthless and hitting them if they did not do
what he wanted them to do. For example, if he told them to clean the garage and it was not
cleaned to his satisfaction, he would get physical with them. According to Sanderson (2013)
acknowledging abuse can be frightening, especially when the abuser has power over you so for
some it can feel safer to deny what is happening. My husband was one of two children who
never reported the abuse and was never removed from the home. He told me he didn’t want to let
his dad down. By the time he was 16 years old he ran away from home and refused to return
until his parents registered him for a private Christian boarding school in another state.
According to Skaine (2015) child abuse can lead to behavioral and psychological effects
as well as long term consequences for the victim. My husband joined the military and served in
the USAF (US Air Force) for nearly 8 years. It wasn’t until he was an adult later in life that the
abuse from his childhood really started to take a toll on him. He began drinking alcohol daily to
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cope with the depression and anxiety he was feeling. He was prescribed antidepressants which he
said made him feel like a zombie. He went to see a therapist for a couple of sessions but felt he
was not making progress and didn’t want to open himself up to a stranger. My husband does not
take any medication for his depression or anxiety. Unfortunately, he still consumes alcohol. He
says it is his own way of coping with the bad thoughts that he experiences. The sad fact is that a
child who has been physically abused is experiencing a trauma that is not accidental (Skaine,
2015). If there is a positive to my husband’s story it would be that he became the best father to
our 6 children.
I was hoping to have more examples of traumatic events within my family, but I do not. I
know many people have families that share everything, and all family members know everything
that is going on with each other. It is not like that with my family, especially my extended family.
We do not share our feelings or how we are feeling or whether something is bothering us. I had a
very hard time when my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. It was so bad for me that my
parents sent me to a mental hospital in another state at the age of 8 years old because they did not
know how to deal with what I was going through. As I got older, I recall my dad telling me that I
did not need to share that experience with anyone. It should be something that I basically keep
inside and not share. My parents’ divorce was such a traumatic experience for me that I spent
nearly 5 years in weekly therapy because of it. Sharing what I had been through was my way of
coping, unfortunately my father did not see it that way and felt that it was embarrassing to the
family. I have learned through prayer and my faith in God that no matter what trauma I
experience in life, I can always share it with Him. For me, speaking to God is my best way to
cope with a traumatic event that I may experience.
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