LIBERTY UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Polyamory and Christianity
Submitted to Dr. Malcolm Hester
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
THEO 650-B02
Ethics & Christian Ministry
by
Damon Pratt
July 5, 2019
ii
Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................................................ 1
Summary..................................................................................................................................... 1
Conclusion .................................................................................................................................. 3
Bibliography ............................................................................................................................... 5
1
Introduction
There has been a large and growing trend over the years: polyamorous Christians. It
builds on the foundation of consent, but normalizes the behavior my misreading the scripture.
Christians and non-believers alike are adopting this lifestyle and attempting to normalize it in
society. The Bible speaks against such practices. The people have a lot of opinions and
discussions about romantic and sexual relationships, a number of Christians have suffered
because of the understanding and the perception of what a proper or biblical relationship is; a one
woman and a one-man relationship or affair only for the devoted Christians.
There are very many faithful ways of structuring relationships such as the polyamory
and/or open relationships. Christianity outfits are in another way also developing ways through
resources, courses, coaching, and community to support the Christians who are in open or
polyamorous relationships as well as those who are interested in exploring such relationships.
For the start, a polyamory is the practice or the desire and intent to have an intimate relationship
with more than one partner or several partners per say, in which case all the partners involved are
in consent; polyamory is also referred to as the consensual, ethical and responsible non-
monogamy.
Therefore, the concern is as to whether Christianity and religion at large is at peace with
the practice of such relationships and this is the core of this research paper. The research exposes
polyamory as a non-Christian practice and seeks to also understand the origin and the impact of
the relationships as perceived by religious activities in the long run. The polyamorous people
believe in existence of an open relationship that has a conscious management of jealousy; they
are in a constant rejection and denial that sexual and relational exclusivity are very essential for a
deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.
2
Therefore, polyamory has thus become an umbrella term for most forms of non-
monogamous relationships, as well as the multi-partner relationships and the non-exclusive
sexual relationships that are also very romantic relationships. The use of the polyamorous
relationships reflects choices and philosophies of the people involved in such relationships; this
is also associated with the recurring themes or the values that reflect on areas such as love,
intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment.
In Christianity, the bible is also very critical about the types of relationships that exists
and these include the relationship between the bible, the monogamy or normal one-man one-
woman relationship and the polyamory; the multiple partner relationships. The same situation
reviews the case of Jesus Christ as polyamorous; the fixing of sexual ethics among others.
Therefore, relationships and their nature is defined and discussed as per the biblical values and
Christianity. Despite the ever-growing number of Christians who identify with consensual non-
monogamy or polyamory, this practice is not supported or condoned within biblical texts.
What is Monogamy?
Monogamy is the practice or the intention to associate with an intimate open relationship
that is limited to only one man and one woman at a point. Christianity advocates for monogamy
as the only sexual and intimate relationship that reflects and portrays the true values of believers
and the values of Christianity. In a lifetime, a person has only one partner and this is the standard
of their relationship; the concept of serial monogamy is that majority of the people agree to
practice one partner relationships in all the ways1. In common times, this is also compared to the
non-monogamy relationships that leads to the practice of polygamy or polyamory; the practices
1Kraemer, Christine Hoff. "Gender and Sexuality in Contemporary Paganism." Religion Compass 6, no. 8
(2012): 398.
3
where a person has multiple partners with all of them having consent of the relationship. The
doctrines of Christianity have for the longest time only recognized the practice of monogamy,
until the recent times when it became so open and common that people are free to practice
whatever they feel like practicing; on this note, majority of the people have shifted from the
conventional one partner intimate relationships to multiple partner relationships where the people
are involved in a single relationship but with very many of them.
Monogamy is also used to describe the behavior and the relationship of other animals that
have one mat at a time. The term monogamy is derived from the Greek words of monos meaning
alone and gamos loosely translated to mean marriage; therefore, monogamy has thus been used
associated with the various types of relationships where the definition depends on the contexts;
these overlaps to several definitions that include; marital monogamy which is the marriages of
only two people; the social monogamy is the case of two partners living together, having sex
with each other, and also cooperating in the acquisition of basic resources like shelter, food and
money; sexual monogamy is the practice of two partners remaining sexually exclusive with one
another having no sex partners from outside of their association; finally, genetic monogamy is
the sexually monogamous relationships with genetic evidence of paternity2. Therefore,
monogamy has been used extensively and variedly based on the context of the same and thus a
majority of the cases refer to associations and relationships that exist respectfully for two people
who are intimate with one another.
The use of monogamy varies across professional backgrounds and these also involve the
perception of the biologists, the anthropologists and the religious leaders, all of whom are having
their understandings different in the long run. Therefore, biologists, biological anthropologists,
2 Moultrie, Monique. "Putting a Ring on it: Black Women, Black Churches, and Coerced Monogamy."
Black Theology 16, no. 3 (2018): 242.
4
and behavioral ecologists use monogamy in the context and sense of sexual if not genetic
reproductive exclusivity. The cultural, social anthropologists and the other social scientists use
monogamy; they use it in the context of social or marital monogamy. Marital monogamy is
further understood and discussed into two major areas which include; classical monogamy where
the association and relationship involves people who are married as virgins, they remain
exclusive, celibate and they live as such for the rest of their lives where they will eventually
remain as celibate when one of their partners die. Secondly, the serial monogamy is a marriage
with only one other partner at a specific time in contrast to bigamy and polygamy.
Biblical Impressions
In this research, the most important point is the perception of the bible in regard to
marriage types and specifically the aspect of monogamy as expressed by the bible and
Christianity. The bible clearly teaches about monogamy with up to 32 bible verses that expressly
describe monogamy as the practice that is sanctioned and accepted by the Christian teachings.
Genesis reads, “The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the
man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my
flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. For this reason, a man shall
leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”
(2:22-24, NIV)3. The bible has so much to teach about monogamy and all the expected types and
forms of marriages that would be used and based on the perceptions of marriage and life together
of a man and a woman.
In this context as explained in the bible verses, monogamy is the model form of marriage
where the man and a woman would be joined together and live together in one flesh as husband
3 All biblical quotes are taken from New International Version (NIV) unless otherwise specified.
5
and wife. The flesh, therein, refers to the intimacy that is likely to lead to the birth of children
and the making of a life between the partners for as long as they live in this world. “But from the
beginning of creation, God made male and female, for this reason, a man shall leave his father
and mother, the two shall become one flesh; so that they are no longer two but one flesh so to
speak” (Mark 10:6-9, NIV). it is very clear from the readings of the bible that monogamy was
right from the command of creation and thus the bible advocates for monogamy, even though the
people have abandoned the ways of God and thus led to the creation of marriage as a blessing
from God.
Expectations of Christians
Monogamy builds on the foundation of the biblical teachings and the bible thus leading to
the understanding of Christian point of view as perceived by the modern-day Christians. Staunch
Christians have used the bible as the tool and weapon of normalizing and legalizing the aspect
and concept of marriage, therefore, every Christian has an expectation of a perfect marriage and
the creation of a bond between a man and a woman who are from different backgrounds and
families. Even though the growing trend of other forms of marriages are taking over the world,
the original foundation of marriage as built from creation and the bible is based on the concept of
monogamy.
At creation, God had created Adam and Eve as companions and so the word of marriage
and monogamy are based on this background of creation. Christians are attached to the teachings
of the bible and so they are based on understanding the requirements of the bible based on the
original teachings and the foundations of the church and Christianity. Christians have higher
expectations of marriage; it is respectful to have a one-man, one-woman marriage as the bible
6
teaches and commands. Therefore, Christianity and relationships could amount to the
understanding that the teachings are only based on the true teachings of the bible, as a tool that
normalizes and legalizes the practice. On this note, Christianity does not condole or entertain any
other forms of marriage expect the practice of monogamy and true to the word; Christians are
expected to follow the bible and look into the requirements of the life that exists.
What is Polyamory?
Despite the teachings of the bible and the common practice of Christianity, there is a fast-
growing trend of multiple partner relationships, polyamory. Polyamorous Christians are
increasing in number and majority of the people are looking into the possibility of living a life
that is free and very much entertained in their own ways. Polyamory is the practice of having
open intimate relationships with more than one partner, all of whom are in consent with the
practices and are open to their relationships in all the ways. Polyamory is not a practice in the
Christian teachings even though the bible refers to some of the greatest leaders who had
practiced the marriage of very many women like King Solomon and the other prominent leaders.
Therefore, polyamory has grown and become so common around the world with the present-day
Christians working so hard to be in such relationships. Polyamory thus comes as an umbrella
term that does not support the monogamous marriages or in a simple term, it is a non-
monogamous relationship that assures the people of having several multiple partners whose life
would be different based on their choices.
Polyamory Vs Polygamy vs Other Open Relationships
7
Polyamory is the intimate relationships with multiple partners with the consent of all the
partners; however, polygamy is the marriage to multiple partners. The core difference her is the
fact that the former is just about intimate relationships while latter is about marriage and
relationships in one. It is important to understand that Christian relationships that are recognized
by the teachings are the one-man one-women relationship that would eventually lead to
marriage; however, people have grown into more needs and demands and thus they are coming
up with other relationships that would involve more than one partner. Therefore, in polygamy, a
man could be married to more than one wife and this is a common scenario like King Solomon
did in the bible, this is called polygyny; however, if the woman is married to more than one
husband then this is known as polyandry4. Therefore, the marriage to more than many partners is
a common scenario in the modern-day Christianity. Open relationships on the other hand
involves relationships that are not attached to one another and confining the two into any
obligations. Men and women could be in open relationships with no strings attached and things
holding them together.
The History of Polyamory
Polyamory is a growing trend in relationships, there is no specific history but even in the
bible, several prominent men and women had concubines whom they had intimate sexual
relationships with and these have extended to the modern-day society. Polyamory is a
philosophical way of relationships and most of the people are organizing their lives in this way
4 Neal, Patricia. "An Often-Heard Argument Against Same-Sex Marriage Revolves Around the Rhetorical Question,
"if Same-Sex Marriage is Allowed, on what Grounds can Polygamy and Polyamory be Banned?"" First Things: A
Monthly Journal of Religion and Public Life no. 207 (2010): 85.
8
thus leading to different methods of handling certain issues as compared to the people living in a
monogamous relationship. Therefore, polyamorous relationships and affairs are constantly on the
rise in continents and in countries around the world such as in the areas of within Europe, North
America, and Oceania. Polyamorous relationships and people have learnt from having multiple
partners in affairs and thus the trend is increasing and growing over time thus changing the
picture of relationships from the commonly known monogamous or the common polygamous
relationships and affairs. It is hard to understand the historical perspective but it must be
associated with the growing concerns that majority of the people have grown into a world where
best practices are associated with having multiple partners. Men in societies around the world
have also thought that this is a form of status where the relationship is more prestigious when the
man has more than just one partner. In such relationships, men are commonly having multiple
women in their relationships and so are women.
Current Trends in Relationships
There are growing trends in modern day relationships, men and women are practicing
relationships that were not initially recommended in the bible and in the Christian ways of life.
Polyamorous relationships have become so common; a person having multiple partners is just
being so common and everyone is busy associating with the polygamous forms of marriages. In
addition to the multiple partners’ relationships, there are common other trends growing up in
relationships and coming up such as the involvement of the same sex relationships where men
marry or get into relationships with fellow men. The other end also associates women it
relationships with other women. Same sex relationships are the order of the day and this has led
to mixed reactions around the world. On this note, men and women might be deviating from the
9
conventional ways of life thus associating with wrong choices that are against the doctrines of
the Christian teachings5. In addition, there are people who have grown to get the line of celibacy;
for example, priests and pastors as well as believers in other religions are very much petty and
associated with celibacy as they term intimate relationships, a distraction to their roles in serving
God.
Christian Relationships
Marriage is a legal or a formal recognition of the union of two people as partners in a
personal intimate relationship. In the original understanding of marriage, this is a union that is
legal between a man and a woman and they are only one man and one woman with no others in
the relationship. The union between a man and a woman is recognized by the law and the laws of
the lands are specifically described as being the right thing that must be done in the societies.
Specifically, marriage is a holy union or better known as holy matrimony where a man and a
woman become one and they share the same flesh and eventually lead to the birth of children and
raising them as a family. Marriage leads to the creation of a family; a man and a woman leaves
their homes, father and mother, to be joined as one in holy union of marriage and thus become
one thing that would raise a family and a home6.
Marriage is further known as matrimony or wedlock; defined as a culturally recognized
union between people, thereafter called spouses; this union establishes rights and obligations
between them, and also between the man, the woman and their children, and between them and
their in-laws. The in-laws are the relatives from the spouses’ side; for example, the wife’s sisters,
brother, father and mother become the in-laws to the husband and same applies for the man’s
5 Ferrer, Jorge N. "Beyond Monogamy and Polyamory: A New Vision of Intimate Relationships for the
Twenty-First Century." Revision 30, no. 1 (2008): 53-58.
6 Faucon, Casey E. "Polygamy After Windsor: What's Religion Got to do with it?" Harvard Law & Policy
Review 9, no. 2 (2015): 471.
10
side. The relationship that is created between all these people thus becomes the relationship that
is now leading to the existence of new relatives and the relationship of marriage.
Biblical Understanding of Marriage
The bible is very much clear on the aspect and the concept of marriage; the understanding
is that marriage is a holy union between a man and wife who come into each other’s lives as a
companion and helper. The bible has considered so many marriages in the Old Testament and
even the New Testament. This is the same proposals that have been explained in the modern-day
Christianity where the man and the woman become one flesh and one thing in common that they
be there for one another in sickness and in health7. The vows of marriage are meant to hold until
the death do them part; the bible again does not justify inheritance of wives and husbands after
the death of their spouses. Wedding is a Christian event to officiate and legalize a marriage and
make it official and the greatest covenant between a man and a woman.
Polyamory Examples
Jewish Polyamory
The Jewish society and the kingdom is one of the most important parts of the religious
history around the world. The religion has its own perception and belief about the relationship
that exists between multiple partners. In the Jewish customs, there is marriage but still the
married are dating thus they share the love and they have been seeking the acceptance of the
same practices. The polyamorous Jews engage in multiple relationships at the same time; some
of the Jews still believe it is right to bring in two girlfriends in the synagogue; majority of the
7 Methuen, Charlotte. "Thinking about Marriage: An Excursion through Christian History." Modern
Believing 55, no. 2 (2014): 149-162.
11
Jews are married but they still engage in the act of having intimate multiple partners so that they
continue with their relationships and share a number of intimate affairs8. Therefore, it is a
common practice in the Jewish customs to have multiple partners while they are still in marriage.
Some of the selected people do not take their marriages lightly and this means that they can still
be in relationships that are intimate despite being married to their partners.
African Polyamory
The African continent has a different culture and understanding of the growing trend of
polyamory; Africans or the black community do not want to be seen as angry sex monsters
swinging from one partner to another looking for sexual relationships and favors. The state or
practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time is something that has
become so common but most of the Africans are not open to the idea; however, since the
involvement of the emotional and the physical intimacy is involved, majority of the cultures who
are in these relationships have engaged in polygamy by marrying more than 1-wife so that it can
be legally recognized; these are trends that have continued to grow both in Africa and in the
Jewish customs and cultures9.
Conflicts
Misconceptions about Christianity and Polyamory
The Christian teachings do not openly support open intimate romantic relationships that
leads to intimacy from one person to another. Relationships are commonly associated with the
secrecy and the commitment that it deserves; therefore, on this note the man and the woman is
only entitled to one partner as the bible recommends. Polyamorous relationships are not openly
8 Goldfeder, Mark. "the Story of Jewish Polygamy." Columbia Journal of Gender and the Law 26, no. 2
(2014): 234.
9 Falen, Douglas J. "Polygyny and Christian Marriage in Africa: The Case of Benin." African Studies
Review 51, no. 2 (2008): 51-74.
12
supported in the bible like the bible supports monogamy and other forms of marriages.
Polyamory is Christianity is a growing relationship trend; even though the bible or the traditional
Christian practices did not recognize or accept multiple open romantic relationships; the modern
day Christians are open to such relationships and the right direction is that relationships are being
associated with the type of engagement and involvement that Christians are now involved in very
many open relationships10. Christianity does not openly support polyamory even though the
world is changing and things are moving in the different direction.
Scriptural Misconceptions
The bible has been incorrectly used or misquoted to justify polyamory, this is not
something that happens but the scriptures have been misquoted to discuss and justify
polyamory11. The church now has the role and the task to talk about polyamory; Christian church
has come a long way on matters related to human sexuality. A good example is the way that the
church and the Christianity doctrine have been pushed into the talks about LGBTQ community
and their acceptance and involvement in the church activities and the Christian perceptions.
Therefore, the Christianity doctrines and perception have been pushed into presiding over the
polyamorous relationships. Christians and the church should unanimously work on accepting and
handling open intimate relationships with their women in all the ways that affect and influence
their lives.
Conclusion
Over the years, there have been growing relationship trends that are influencing the
relationships between a man and a wife. There are trends such as; a polyamorous relationship
10 Goss, Robert. "Proleptic Sexual Love: God's Promiscuity Reflected in Christian Polyamory." Theology
& Sexuality 11, no. 1 (2004): 52-63.
11 Porter, Jonathan A. "L'Amour for Four: Polygyny, Polyamory, and the State's Compelling Economic
Interest in Normative Monogamy." Emory Law Journal 64, no. 6 (2015): 2093.
13
which involves multiple romantic and intimate partners within relationships, monogamy is the
relationship between a man and a woman. Polygamy is another form of marriage where a man
can marry numerous women in a practice known as polygyny; a woman can be married to many
men in a practice known as polyandry. Other trends include; same sex relationships and
marriages where gay communities are coming up such as the LGBTQ12. The bible and
Christianity in large has a differently defined perception about marriage; the union between the
man and a woman who then become one and share flesh. Therefore, relationships have become
very common and they have been used effectively; however, it is conclusive that Christianity and
the church does not support polyamory or even polygamy and other forms of relationships like
the same sex marriages and relationships. The bible is very much strict and straight forward thus
the best and the only support is on monogamy and such relationships that involves one partner at
a time.
12 Kohlhaas, Jacob. "Christian Sexual Ethics: The Ongoing Conversation(s)." Religious Studies Review
43, no. 2 (2017): 101-108.
14
Bibliography
Falen, Douglas J. "Polygyny and Christian Marriage in Africa: The Case of Benin." African
Studies Review 51, no. 2 (2008): 51-74.
Faucon, Casey E. "Polygamy after Windsor: What's Religion Got to do with it?" Harvard Law
& Policy Review 9, no. 2 (2015): 471
Ferrer, Jorge N. "Beyond Monogamy and Polyamory: A New Vision of Intimate Relationships
for the Twenty-First Century." Revision 30, no. 1 (2008): 53-58.
Goldfeder, Mark. "the Story of Jewish Polygamy." Columbia Journal of Gender and the Law 26,
no. 2 (2014): 234.
Goss, Robert. "Proleptic Sexual Love: God's Promiscuity Reflected in Christian Polyamory."
Theology & Sexuality 11, no. 1 (2004): 52-63.
Kohlhaas, Jacob. "Christian Sexual Ethics: The Ongoing Conversation(s)." Religious Studies
Review 43, no. 2 (2017): 101-108.
Kraemer, Christine Hoff. "Gender and Sexuality in Contemporary Paganism." Religion
Compass, 6, no. 8 (2012): 390-401.
15
Methuen, Charlotte. "Thinking about Marriage: An Excursion through Christian History."
Modern Believing 55, no. 2 (2014): 149-162.
Moultrie, Monique. "Putting a Ring on it: Black Women, Black Churches, and Coerced
Monogamy." Black Theology 16, no. 3 (2018): 231-247.
Neal, Patricia. "An often-Heard Argument against Same-Sex Marriage Revolves around the
Rhetorical Question, "if Same-Sex Marriage is Allowed, on what Grounds can Polygamy
and Polyamory be Banned?"." First Things: A Monthly Journal of Religion and Public
Life no. 207 (2010): 85.
Porter, Jonathan A. "L'Amour for Four: Polygyny, Polyamory, and the State's Compelling
Economic Interest in Normative Monogamy." Emory Law Journal 64, no. 6 (2015): 2093.
.
