Whose Voice is the Loudest? 1
Research Paper: Whose Voice is the Loudest?
Shaneil A. Guidry
School of Psychology, Liberty University
Abstract
This paper will explore a wide range of influences that are becoming the primary
influencers in the lives of today’s youth. Parents/caregivers were once the primary voices that
guided, nurtured, and disciplined. However, research on the area still looks for parents at the
helm of their children’s lives. Parents are being silenced by social media platforms, televised
misconceptions, and other authority figures who are spending more time with today's youth
than their parents. With the reviewing of conducted studies, the goal of this paper would be to
offer tools, skill sets, and spiritual guidance that can assist parents in building unshakable
foundations and becoming the most influential person in their child's life.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 2
Whose Voice is the Loudest
With each passing day, the voices of parents/caregivers are becoming less and less
audible. Once, the stern yet comforting voice of a parent/caregiver served as the daily guide in
their youths' lives and the primary voice of reason through the hurdles and questionable
moments they encountered. In today’s society, parents compete with other influential, if not
more influential, voices that flood their children's lives. From peers to other authority figures,
parents/caregivers are finding that their voices are rapidly fading into the background, and their
once distinct voices have taken on a muted cover.
Could this be because parents/caregivers spend less time with their children, leaving
their peers and other authority figures as their primary resource in life? Studies conducted
within this area of research have identified that parents spend very little time with their children
each week. Within several of the selected studies reviewed for the content of this paper,
parents/caregivers openly admit to knowing very little about their children and even less about
those their children call friends. To better understand how to reassert parents/caregivers as the
primary influencers within their children's lives, this paper will contain multiple studies that
offer the opportunity to explore data, tools, and spiritual guidance that will assist parents in
reclaiming their children. What Does the Research Data Tell Us
Data has shown that the bond between parent and child is as early as gestation. From
inside the womb, the child tunes into the voices of their parent(s); the child's development
within the womb is influenced by what the mom eats or does not eat. When the baby inhales
their first breath outside the womb, they are placed in the mother’s arms and laid against her
chest, connecting to that heartbeat that offers familiarity. From a toddler to right before
adolescence, a child holds firmly to every word, action, and display of emotions provided by
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 3
their parent/caregiver. Those things influence how they conduct themselves and see the world
around them.
Nevertheless, those moments quickly pass, and every moment together becomes far
and few in between. Mothers return to work, the toddler is now an adolescent attending
school, and the child is involved in sporting activities. The desire to hang out with
parents/caregivers has now turned into the urge to hang out with friends. Schedules are
developed, work is consuming, and everyone operates within their own time and space, which
offers very little time to be spent with one another. There becomes an adjustment in the
family’s dynamic that can have a negative impact if not immediately addressed.
Researcher Renner conducted a study in which he and colleagues interviewed 1000
British parents (couples and singles) regarding their daily routine and how much it incorporates
time with their children. After the study, parents were completely taken aback by how little time
they spend with their children and how little they know about them. “A recent survey of 1,000
British parents found that the average parent spends a mere five hours per week
communicating face-to-face with their children (Renner, 2020).” Most of the parents in the
study indicated that their routine consisted of heavy work schedules that monopolized their
time. Ensuring they could adequately provide for the family was considered their way of
showing that their well-being was paramount. Parents view their routine as a positive influence,
as it teaches responsibility, love, and priority.
A smaller number of parents indicated that they spent little time with their child(ren)
because the child was more interested in hanging out with their peers than their “outdated”
parents. The data showed that there was a significant difference between parents and teens.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 4
Parents with teens indicated that they saw a drastic change in their teenagers’ desire to spend
family time compared to when their child was an adolescent.
The reason for the limited time spent between parents/caregivers and children mirrored
the same findings within the study by researchers Kalil et al. Single parents are shown to have
longer work schedules due to multiple jobs and very little family support. However, Kalil's study
focused on families without fathers in the home. The researchers within this study obtained
only participants who were single parents/caregivers from diverse educational, social,
economic, and religious backgrounds. The data obtained a less biased undertone by presenting
a broad scope within the selected population. The data showed that male children seek out
male influencers outside the home in homes where the mother is the only present parent.
There is a gap that the child is seeking to fill, and the concern of the influencers being
positive or negative influences is not considered in some cases. “First, the amount of time that
fathers contribute to childrearing is expected to correlate with the risk of relationship
dissolution. One possibility is that fathers’ higher levels of time investment in childrearing will
improve maternal well-being, thereby lessening the risk of relationship dissolution (Kalil & Rege,
pg. 834).” When there is just one parent in the home, that single parent attempts to fill both
roles, which one parent cannot realistically do. That absent parent is felt by both the child and
the present parent. Mothers cannot provide the perception of a father, and a father cannot
offer motherly insight.
The Good Ole’ Days
Often, one can hear, "Kids did not act like that in my day; parenting isn't what it used to
be!” What precisely is the difference between the parenting of today and the parenting of
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 5
yesteryears? Therapists and researchers in this study area highlight some of the most noticeable
differences. There were more family dinners with open dialogue regarding each one's day.
Technology was less robust then, children and parents/caregivers engaged more, and playing
outside was a right of passage. Social media was non-existent, so the most influential individuals
were those within a child’s more contained and manageable environment. “We spent the whole
day outdoors; we were many same-aged children in the apartment blocks, so we always had
playmates” (Schrumpf, pg. 48, 2022).
In a research study by theorist Schrumpf, Schrumpf tried to convey how their parents
and child play primarily influenced children in earlier years (1950s and 1960s). According to
Schrumpf, parents and how children played in earlier childhood provide a window into the
fabric of a child’s foundation. Unlike today, Schrumpf’s thesis suggests that parents no longer
maintain the exact role of influencers in their children’s lives as they once did, nor are children
seeking to have child's play that encourages adventure in the great outdoors.
Many interviewees echoed one another in their sentiments regarding the days of old.
There was a unanimous thought process of daughters looking to their mothers for guidance on
being pram and proper. Such guidance incorporated how to tend to the home, husband, and
children. Equally, sons eagerly wanted to please their fathers by becoming miniature versions of
their dads. From identical suits and haircuts, boys were being groomed by their fathers on how
to be men and what society expected of men. Parents/caregivers were the only excellent
influencers during the earlier era. “It is evident from the memories that children constructed
and reconstructed the gender roles and divisions of that time” (Schrumpf, pg. 62, 2022).
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 6
The study conducted by Ellen Schrumpf took place in Northern Norway, where adults
were children of the post-Poland War (1947-1957). The participants consisted of 26 women and
22 men. From the selected population, thirty-three participants were children within urban
areas, and the remaining 15 grew up in rural environments. Despite the location where the
participants were raised, the overall findings indicated very similar upbringings in which the
parents were the primary influencers in their children’s lives. The data also showed minimal
impact from outside influencers due to parents being more engaged.
While the data did show a high level of unsupervised children among the post-war
children, a large portion of the interviewees conveyed that their foundations were rock solid
and that there were little to no outside influences that could take the place of mom and dad.
“The Bible reminds parents that they are not only to teach and train their children (Prb. 22:6),
but parents are also to be the living examples of the very things they are teaching. "In
everything, set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity and
seriousness (Titus 2:7, NIV)" (Guidry, 2024).
Twentieth-century parenting came with a different set of rules. From discipline to
parentchild interaction, disconnection has been identified in the twenty-first century and has
forced discussion. Parents/caregivers continuously find themselves at a loss and are trying to
figure out the difference between parenting then and now. In a Norway study, many
interviewees remarked that as children of the 1950s and 1960s, parents were their primary
influencers. Per this study, understanding gender roles and learning to respect those around you
were the norm, which was reflected in the child when out in public. Parents/caregivers were
monumental in shaping their children, and the importance of life skills was to be developed at
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 7
home first. “Earlier parents strove to sustain their children physically, instill moral character, and
ensure that their children would grow up to be responsible adults” (Schrumpf, pg. 50, 2022).
The irony is that the children of the twentieth century were also often unsupervised, just
as the children of the twenty-first century. However, even with less supervision, the
parents/caregivers of the children of the twentieth century were much more influential due to
being more engaged and having fewer outside influences. Yes, the stay-at-home mom was busy
with her daily housework routine. However, she was home and available to her children. Fathers
were more present within the house in the early 1900s, making for a balanced representation.
Even homes with a single parent between the 1950s and 1980s showed parents more influence
on their children than parents in the twentieth century.
During what was considered simpler times, the concept of a village raising a child was
unquestionably embraced by adults. Parents joined forces with other parents to ensure that
they were raising their children to be great contributors to society and that adults felt
compelled to fill in the gap when parents were not nearby. Other adults within the community
were at liberty to correct a child without having to worry about the backlash.
How Did We Get Here
While parenting seems more accessible and hands-on in the twentieth century, one
must also understand that many things differed at the turn of the new century. The cost of living
and divorce rates increased, and technological innovations took societies by storm. With such
changes, the traditional family environment was bound to have a negative impact. Unlike in the
early 1950s, mothers were no longer present when their children returned from school.
Children enter into an empty home once filled with the voice of a greeting parent.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 8
Parents/caregivers are now presented with a new focal point: to ensure financial coverage for
those who depended on them, their children.
Single parents may rely on their children to be more independent or even become the
primary caregivers for younger siblings. Over the decades, fathers have become more absent,
which may require the single mother to work more. In retrospect, the child or children are both
an absent mother and father. In such a case, the question is, who guides this child or children?
“The present parent is now trying to fill the gap of the missing parent along with fulfilling their
responsibilities. For example, there is only so much a mother can pour into her son; as a male
example, guidance and relationship are needed to nurture the masculinity within a boy”
(Guidry, 2024). When significant roles are missing from the home, that child will seek out an
example that may not be the most suitable.
When pinpointing how parents arrived at the point of a more hands-off parenting
approach, many still need clarification despite many apparent reasons. Some argue that the
blame cannot solely be placed on the parents/caregiver, and the blame must be shared with the
inevitable changes in the world around us. Living in a time where today’s children can interact
with individuals from just about every corner of the world, parents/caregivers should be
alarmed by how it influences their children. While technological advancements can be a portion
of the blame, realistically, it is not the entire reason. Parents/caregivers will need to own some
of the responsibility as well.
There is the belief that parents/caregivers have been forced to develop new parenting
styles due to the restructuring of society. Researchers continue to provide numerous examples
as they seek to obtain tools and resources that can assist with the reclaim of our children. Of
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 9
the countless examples, how parents discipline their children became closely watched and
heavily scrutinized. The enforcement of physical punishment in today’s society has resulted in
parents/caregivers losing custody of their children. Knowing this, in some cases, parents have
taken on the role of friend instead of parental. This role could be more stable, more precise, and
more effective. A child under this parenting approach sees the parents/caregiver as an
influencer but more of a peer. This talking point will be discussed more within the parent-child
relationship section of the paper.
Then, the gentle parenting approach was welcomed with open arms in the twenty-first
century. The gentle or protective parenting approach encourages parents to remain calm and
address all matters resolution-focused. Invoking conversation through calm communication,
gentle parenting presents as effective and teaches long-term communication skills. However,
this approach has also been known to produce adverse long-term effects that can be just as
damaging. “Presumably, parents who engage in protective behaviors are doing so to reduce
their toddlers’ immediate distress; however, longitudinally protection during toddlerhood
predicted greater parent-reported anxiety during early childhood, particularly among highly
inhibited toddlers (Kiel et al., 2016) and toddlers whose parents accurately anticipated their
distress (Kiel & Buss, 2010)” (Grady, pg. 84, 2019).
Some would debate whether the twenty-first century's newly encouraged parenting
techniques have led to parents losing their primary role in their children’s lives.
Presented with new obstacles, parents sought alternative ways of parenting, needing to
understand that their lack of involvement in their child's life may have dire consequences.
Parents/caregivers spend time with their children, entrusting their well-being to other
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 10
authoritative figures. In addition, her parents hope that when they have time to instill morals
and ethics within their children, their foundations are firm enough to combat the obstacles that
come their way.
However, if instilled morals and ethics are consistently enforced, they retain their
stability and meaning. The new life lessons that peers and other influential voices present began
to consume the now fragile foundation the parents/caregivers have laid, leaving the teachings
of the parents/caregivers as only afterthoughts. “As children age, they gain access to new
environments that contribute to their individual development and modify their relationship
with their parents (Ambert, pg. 27, 2020)."
In many situations, parents/caregivers remain oblivious that they are no longer the
primary influencers in their children's lives. This lack of awareness leaves them shocked and
disappointed when their child displays behavior far beyond their belief. The responses of "Not
my child!” or "My child will never do anything like that!" only confirm the bubble in which the
parents/caregivers reside. There are other times in which the response from a parent is less
shocked-ridden and more guilt-swaddled in embarrassment. the response then becomes, "I
have been noticing a change," or "I did not think it was that bad." Unfortunately, when such
reality presents itself, parents find it hard to handle their child and may seek outside help, as
they are too far behind the curve.
The Influencers
Not only are parents/caregivers becoming the least influential, but they are also
trying to get a handle on who the influential individuals are in their children's lives, as well as
how to be the buffer their child needs. However, it is hard to be a buffer when a
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 11
parent/caregiver is absent. Unlike the early 1950s and 1960s, outside influences did not have
the same bombarding effect as influencers today. Bad boy Jame Dean, hip shaking Elvis Presley,
risqué Marilyn Monroe affected the teens of their time. Nonetheless, such influencers as
celebrities and athletes were placed on a schedule and had limited access to the children of that
generation.
James, Elvis, and Marilyn were viewed on television programs, in magazines, or in concerts,
presenting a more precise line between fiction and nonfiction. Celebrities’ lives were limited to
their youth fans. There was no accessibility for kids in that era, unlike the endless availability
offered by social media platforms (i.e., Instagram, Facebook, YouTube) and mobile devices.
During earlier years, accessibility to the inside of a family's home was scarce and very
limited. At dinner time, they required all family members to sit with one another and discuss
the day's activities. This time was an opportunity to share stories, laughter, discipline, life
lessons, and a sense of togetherness. Such an interaction took place not only within a two-
parent home but within single-parent homes as well. Dinner times were more than just the time
reserved for catching up with one another. However, breakfast provided a narrative for how
each person's day unfolded. Parents set expectations at breakfast, and the follow-up of those
expectations was reviewed at dinner. “The quality time that is spent between both
parent(s)/caregiver(s) position youth to be able to see living examples of positive role models”
(Guidry, 2024).
As the mid-1900s approached, the radio took a backseat to the television, and seeing
was believing. Unlike today, a television in the home was a treat and not a mandate. Television
time was very restricted within the homes of those who were privileged to have a television.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 12
Just as earlier years had radio hours, that same mentality transferred to television. Families
would gather around the television together to enjoy a regularly scheduled program. Binge-
watching was unheard of. With parents/caregivers sharing television time, parents/caregivers
were aware of what their children were watching and could better regulate their children's
exposure. However, today, technology enables parents to control their television from afar,
giving a pseudo-sense of good parenting by monitoring what their children are watching. With
such pseudo-parenting, parents/caregivers hope that their children are not more
technologically savvy than they are.
With technology at one's fingertips, it has been easier to offload the burden of parenting
onto various devices such as tablets, televisions, gaming systems, and cell phones. The tablet
that has grabbed the toddler's attention is now the teacher of numbers, alphabets, and social
interaction (or lack thereof). The handing over of the tablet has lowered the volume of the
parent's voice and has increased what is now, in the eyes of the unknowing child, a new
comforter. When the child becomes restless and irritable, the parent provides the electronic
tablets to calm or soothe the child. At that moment, the child correlated crying with obtaining
something they wanted and would get. There is no dialogue or seeking to understand why the
child is distressed. However, the child is quiet, and the mom is relieved; there is no realization of
the behavior being created.
The adolescent bombards mom or dad with too many questions, and the
parents/caregiver needs a moment to themselves; the suggestion to have the child turn on the
television becomes the solution to avoid parenting at that moment. With no regard for what the
child has tuned into, a parent becomes unaware of what the TV imprints upon their child. "The
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 13
people appearing on television are another media platform demonstrating the world's ways to
children and teenagers.
They do so by dressing, speaking, expressing attitudes and emotions, and interacting with
others (Comstock & Scharrer, 2007).” Research has shown that children between the ages of
two and seven are greatly influenced by television.
The once confined tubed apparatus has now been constructed to be just as mobile as
humankind. From tablets to cellphones, access to the entertainment world is at our children's
fingertips. With such access comes limited parental oversight. Unbeknownst to parents, they
freely hand over their parental rights to outside influencers. Providing access to a world without
limits opens the doors to traps and snares into which parents lead their children. "Many
researchers realized that parents, as the primary source of social influence, may play a vital role
in the emergence of adolescent Internet Addiction (Shi et al., 2017). For instance, parental
monitoring and parental bonding were found to be negatively linked with children's Internet
Addiction (Siomos et al., 2012; Ding et al., 2017)” (Shek et al., 2018).
Television’s co-conspirator, the internet, has amplified its voice, hoping to become the
loudest voice in the room. Various social media platforms, such as Instagram, Facebook,
YouTube, Snapchat, and the list goes on, have found a way to silence parents and, if not
silenced, convince them to believe that if you can beat them, join them. The power behind
social media has and is influencing youth to bully, commit suicide, determine self-worth by
peers' standards, and believe in a world that hides behind filters. "More than half of
preadolescents use social media (Australian et al., 2012; Ofcom, 2017), despite being under the
minimum age to have a social media account (i.e., 13 years) (Fardouly et al., 2018).”
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 14
How can parents combat the voices of social media when they have openly given their
children access, when schools have now switched from textbooks to laptops, and when
everything that keeps society afloat is based on the internet? Research has shown that
adolescents spend a tremendous amount of their day on the internet, more so than they do
spending time outdoors or having face-to-face interaction. “For example, contemporary
American adolescents are estimated to be involved in 6−9 hours of social media daily (excluding
home- and schoolwork) (Rideout, 2015)” (Eslinger et al., 2021).
Social media is chipping away at the very foundation parents/caregivers are laying and,
in some cases, are being permitted by parents/caregivers to be the architect of their children’s
foundation. "Peers become more salient during preadolescence (Brown & Larson, 2009), and
social media platforms allow users to interact with their peers. Further, given that pre-
adolescents are experiencing physical, cognitive, and social changes (Eccles, 1999), they may
look to other young people on social media to help them determine what is normal or desirable
(Fardouly et al., 2018).”
When the foundation of a child lacks substance and stability, unfortunately, influences
such as social media platforms make them easy targets for imprinting and inaccurate
measurement of self-worth. It also sets adolescents to seek out others that mirror them, and
those they believe can relate to them in some form or fashion. The gaming world has also
become a high level of influence in the lives of children, which has been shown to have long-
term effects that are incredibly damaging. The world of gaming presents a different level of
influencers of its own. While gaming can be a great source of entertainment, it can also present
a precarious space for children.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 15
Connecting to various individuals online, both age-appropriate and non-age-appropriate,
has exposed children to levels of violence via specific games, sexually inappropriate content,
and many more negative influences. Without someone to monitor such content and behavior, it
is easy for a child to believe such content and behavior is acceptable. Engaging with peers that
present negative influences can not only influence bad decisions, but they can also promote
more mental health (i.e., depression, anxiety, self-hate, and rage). There are mixed emotions
regarding the influence violent video games have on adolescents and teens. Researchers and
studies have connected violent behavior exhibited in adolescents and teens with exposure to
violent content observed within video games.
However, researcher Agne Suziedelyte has conducted a cross-sectional research that
argues the point of "It Is More Than A Video Game!” In Suzidelyte’s findings, there was an
outline of how aggressive behavior can develop from the interaction with violent video games.
The parent interviewed within the study reported their children requesting more aggressive
toys and showed aggressive and destructive behavior throughout the home. “I look separately
at the effects of realistic and non-realistic violent video games. It is expected that children
would be more negatively affected by realistic violence. There may be differences in selection
and substitution effects too: children who are attracted to video games with realistic violence
may be more innately violent and more likely to engage in activities resulting in violence if they
did not play video games” (Suziedelyte, pg. 120, 2021).
When exposed to unchecked outside influences, parents/caregivers' voices continue to
become muted and less affected by their children. Later, parents/caregivers understand and
regret not spending more time with their child. The estimated five hours researchers state
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 16
parents/caregivers spend with their children a day cannot outweigh the remaining nineteen
hours in which children interact with outside influences. Blinded by all of the “important” things
parents call adulting, their children are being kidnapped by an array of influencers. These
influencers are not discretely grabbing children, adolescents, and teens; they are bold about
what they do. The role of these influencers is ironically called “Influencers.”
While it would be easier to label all of the influences in a child’s life as strangers, some of
the most influential are the authority figures they encounter daily. Teachers, administrators, bus
drivers, coaches, school nurses, lunch ladies, and janitors, to name a few, interact with
adolescents, if not more than some parents. However, we will focus on the teachers. Teachers
play a substantial role in the lives of children. When listening to an MVP player during their
victory speech, one may hear them thank God, their parents/caregiver, and maybe even a
teacher.
Let us keep nativity from slipping in when examining the differences between decades.
As stated above, heavy influencers in previous decades had very effective persuasive behaviors
that caused kids to rebel and even left parents at a loss. Nonetheless, the concept of community
was more effective then than now. In addition, there was a caliber of outside influencers.
Children of what some would call “simpler times” had a set group of individuals they would
surround themselves with, and parents knew this very tight-knit circle their child called friends.
Not only were parents aware of this circle, but so were the other parents within the community.
Parents not only communicated with their children but also with the parents of the other
children.
There was no rock left unturned.
Table 1.1: Greatest influence throughout a child's developmental stage
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 17
Children
(1224mos)
Children
(3yr-8yrs)
Children
(9yrs-15yrs)
Youth
(16yrs-18yrs)
Table 1.1: "Teenagers are not consciously aware that they are paying more attention to unfamiliar voices, much
less the reasons for it. They just know they want to spend more time with their peers (A Big Reason
Your Teenagers Stop Listening to You | Psychology Today, 2022)” (Kearney & Levine, 2020)
Parent, Peer, and Child Interaction
A parent’s influence is initiated as early as the gestational stage. Researchers have
conducted ultrasound-based studies in which a mother can be seen unbeknownst to herself,
communicating to her child by way of hormones, food, and emotions. The mentioned factors
(hormones, food, and emotions) are high-level imprinting or influence. While mothers are
physically carrying the child, the child can also hear the voice of its father, if present, and be just
as effective in the child's development. “Successful families pass on optimal values, beliefs, and
behaviors regarding the importance of education, work, relationships, and good mental health
to their children. How parents provide these socialization experiences depends on a variety of
proximal factors, including their personality, their beliefs regarding appropriate childrearing
strategies, and the parenting behaviors that are manifested toward their children” (Davis-Kean
and Sexton, pg. 285-286).
Regrettably, the strength of a parent/caregiver's influence in early childhood is not as
influential due to adolescents and teens having more exposure to outside influences. While
parents are still visualizing their teen as that cute toddler who seeks their help, the teen is now
P P S Media T
Most
Influential
Non-
Influential
Non-
Influential
Non-
Influential
Most
Influential
Less-
Influential
Non-
Influential Influential
Influential Influential Influential Influential
Less
Influential
Most
Influential
Most
Influential Influential
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 18
searching for new voices that offer what they believe to be better guidance. “New research
from the Stanford School of Medicine suggests that there is a neurobiological basis for this age-
old phenomenon. It found that starting at about age 13, kids' brains tune in less to the voices of
their parents, specifically that of their mother, and more to novel voices (Mager, 2022).”
Acceptance is no longer sought out in the home but is now sought out within a new
environment the adolescent or teen is cultivating.
It would be unrealistic for parents/caregivers to believe they could always shelter their
children. Peer-to-peer interaction is inevitable, as most youth attend public schools, attend local
worship assemblies, participate in sporting activities, and interact with those within their
community. Nonetheless, there are ways for parents to combat outside influences bound to
infiltrate their children's lives. “The key to minimizing deviant peer influence seemed to be to
avoid unstructured “hanging out” time when youth could engage in deviant activity or
conversation and instead to take up all of their time with highly structured, productive activities
(Langford and Rosch, pg. 92).”
This journey for validation and acceptance does not involve parents, as this age group
believes they need others who are similar in age and can relate to them. “Prior to the age of 12,
as a previous study by the same researchers found, kids’ brains experience their mothers’ voices
as uniquely rewarding; after that, as this latest research indicates, not so much (Mager, 2022).”
Researcher Mager presents the hypothesis that the minds of adolescents and teens believe that
the parents/caregivers have already been defined and that this guidance is limited and no
longer relevant from this stage on. The data for the Mager study shows that adolescents
transition into abstract thinking starting at the age of 12 years old, which is encouraged by
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 19
outside influences. “As children age, they gain access to new environments that contribute to
their individual development and modify their relationship with their parents (Ambert, pg. 27).”
In this new adolescence and teen chapter, there is this journey to seek out those who
are also on the same journey. Navigating through that phase called puberty, the circumference
emotions, growth spurts, abstract thinking, and other things that just cannot be understood,
feel more comfortable when relating to someone else who is also going through it. Adolescents
and teenagers become embarrassed to communicate this change they are seeing to their
parents, especially if healthy communication was never established.
Researchers Figner, Mackinlay, Wilkening, and Weber echoed Mager's findings. The
developers of the Columbia Card Task conducted a study that generated firm data on the
tremendous influence teens have on one another. Figner et al. conducted a Boston, MA, study
titled the Columbia Card Task (CCT). This study consisted of n=126 male and female participants.
The n=126 participants identified as residents of either the suburbs or an urban community. The
participants were presented with 32 cards and had to determine how to obtain points (Hot CCT)
and stay away from the losing cards (Cold CCT).
Figure 1.1
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 20
Figure 1.1: (A and B) The Columbia Card task (CCT) is a risky card-turning game in which participants earn points
by turning over win cards and losing points if they turn over loss cards. The odds, gain, and loss amounts vary
trial-by-trial and are displayed at the top of the screen. (A) In the cold CCT task, participants make a single
selection per trial of how many cards to turn over. (B) In the hot CCT task, participants select cards one at a time
and receive immediate feedback. Participants completed the hot and cold CCT tasks in three peer configurations:
(C) alone in a room, (D) when their friend was in the same room but could not observe the participant's choices,
and (E) when their friend was in the same room actively monitoring the participant's choices. [Color figure can
be viewed at wileyonlinelibrary.com] (Somerville et al., 2018)
The data collected from the study by Figner et al. indicated that adolescents and teens
went out of their way to show more risky behavior (less strategic skills) when in the presence of
their peers. However, when alone or with parents/caregivers, adolescents and teens take their
time remembering the cards and devise strategies to earn more points. Figner et al. identified
that the need to obtain validation when in the company of their peers was more important than
earning points. "Findings from a recent follow-up experiment suggested that a peer's
observation influences adolescents' decision-making even when the peer is anonymous and not
physically present" (Albert et al., 2013). When validity can be obtained by those within a similar
age group or an older group, the fight to be the primary influencer has become more
challenging for parents to achieve. “Adolescents are also particularly motivated by homophily,
the desire to behave similar to friends (Kandel, 1978)” (Somerville et al., 2018).
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 21
The parents/caregivers who seek to remain active in their youth's lives find themselves
more ousted by their adolescent or teen. When losing that direct connection,
parents/caregivers have many unanswered questions and concerns regarding their child. Could
my child have suicidal thoughts? What type of individuals is my child hanging out with? Is my
child experimenting with sex and drugs? Parents/caregivers would like answers to these
questions but are also afraid to ask. There is no longer a two-way line of communication, and
the questions about drugs and sex are now being discussed with outside influencers, leaving the
parent/caregiver out of the communication circle. “During adolescence, parents often report
concerns about their children’s choice of friends, worry about the effects of negative peer
pressure on their adolescents, and worry about children’s involvement in deviant activities
(Gecas & Seff, 1990; Olson et al., 1983; Pasley & Gecas, 1984; Small, Eastman, & Cornelius,
1988; Steinberg, 1990) Because of these concerns, many parents may be motivated to be
directly involved in their adolescent’s peer relationships” (Kerns et al., 2000). Insisting on a two-
way line of communication between parent/caregiver and child can have a negative effect in
which the adolescent or teen may shut down completely.
Fitting In
The amplified voices of peers, social media platforms, and television represent life in a
way that encourages kids to subscribe to this world of make-believe. The overwhelming stress
of what to wear, appearance, race, and just not being cool enough has become a child's main
priority. “Who says it – the message source – heavily influences processes and outcomes of
persuasion. The peripheral route often results from simple cues regarding the expertise and
attractiveness of the communicator” (Fiske & Taylor, pg. 293, 2021). It seeks to identify with an
ingroup that accepts one’s quirks and provides a sense of belonging that supersedes all else.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 22
“Social identity reflects one’s membership in a distinctive group that one views positively on
subjectively important dimensions (called one’s ingroup)” (Fiske & Taylor, pg. 316, 2021).
Meanwhile, parents/caregivers seek to understand the new distance that has developed
between them and their child and their feeling of oblivion that saturates the
parent/caregiverchild relationship that once meant the world to them. The child's amygdala is
no longer easily stimulated by parental interaction; however, the amygdala has found new
stimuli from peers. “The neural mechanisms of immediate emotional priming likely include the
amygdala, an interior almond-shaped pair of brain regions implicated in detecting emotionally
significant stimuli (Figure 2.2; Phelps, 2005)” (Fiske & Taylor, pg. 37, 2021)
Unfortunately, not every child finds that ingroup, and those who do not may become
isolated but not immune to the influential voices around them. Researchers have clarified the
word influential when referring to children's behavior. For example, in the study conducted by
researchers Foney and Cunningham, “Why Do Good Kids Do Bad Things?" the data shows that
when kids are exposed to predominately good behavior, they are influenced to be good
individuals. However, that is also true for kids exposed to predominately bad behavior. Foney
and Cunningham conducted a study with n=88 participants, African American high school
students between the ages of 14-18, n=66 was female and n=22 was male. The adolescents
were residents of urban communities from mixed homes (single and married).
The students were asked about their home environment, friends, and whether they had
experienced recent losses of friends or family members. The study was to prove Foney and
Cunningham’s hypothesis on how teenagers respond to antisocial fighting behavior. Foney and
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 23
Cunningham’s hypothesis indicates that despite being a good or bad kid when placed in a
situation such as fighting and one is surrounded by negative peers (influences), the kid will most
likely give in to the negative influences regardless of what they may have been taught at home.
The data collected indicates that when in the presence of peers, the influences of
parents take a backseat to the new primary influencers (peers), and if the adolescent does not
have a healthy relationship with their parents/caregiver, that adolescent is more likely to
surround themselves with negative influences and adopt negative behaviors. “The present
study, it appears that the negative influences from peers were substantial, possibly due to the
fact that peers are typically, what adolescents are most exposed to. When adolescents are
engaging in increasing conflict with their parents, they may seek to spend more of their
discretionary time with peers, incorporating certain peer behavioral patterns into their lifestyle
(group conformity” (Foney & Cunningham, pg. 152, 2002).
Schools have become an overly stimulating, negative, influential bubble from bullies to
mean girls. The qualitative and quantitative studies on bullying reviewed by author Thornberg
provide a level of insight that captures just how influential bullying behavior is on children. If the
foundation of a child is weak and malnourished, then the voices of bullies, poorly behaved
peers, and other predators will crush the less influential voices of parents/caregivers. “Even if
the bullying had ended (the external victimizing was gone), the internal victimizing more or less
continued to operate within them, which affected their thoughts and feelings as well as their
behaviour concerning themselves and others for many years afterwards" (Thornberg, pg. 260,
2011).
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 24
Theorists, Fiske and Taylor concluded from their gathered data that long-term damage
had been known to occur within the child or adolescent and will influence how that child or
adolescent may see themselves in adulthood, making them a career victim. “People respond
poorly to being ostracized: feeling bad, reporting less control, and losing a sense of belonging (K.
D. Williams, Cheung, & Choi, 2000). The neural signature of social pain mimics the neural
signature of physical pain in that both activate the anterior cingulate cortex (Eisenberger et al.,
2003), which more generally responds to disruptions and inconsistencies (Botvinick et al., 2004).
Clearly, the need to belong is central to people’s health and well-being (Baumeister & Leary,
1995; Leary & Baumeister, 2000)” (Fiske & Taylor, pg. 53, 2021).
The Biblical Perspective
Research data presented by theorists and psychologists can increase the level of worry
within any parent/caregiver. However, believers can be the outliers within such research. The
parent-child relationship is a gift that God has blessed many with, and God wants parents to
experience it in a manner that is pleasing to Him first and then to us. “Behold, children are a gift
of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward (Ps. 127:3, NASB).” The parents/caregivers must
cherish the gifts God has given them.
Believers know that God has called His children to raise them properly. Immediately,
believers vocalize the biblical passage, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even
when they are old, they will not turn from it (Prvb. 22:6, NIV).” Yet, many truly missed the
meaning of the scripture. To effectively train children in the ways of Christ and for them to be
productive here on either, a greater understanding of God's word and cognitive behavior would
benefit all parents/caregivers.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 25
Christianity and psychology have a fantastic relationship that is still being discovered.
Setting the word of God as one's foundation and filling in the gaps with psychology is the
catalyst that can be used to navigate life and the roles we are delegated. As parents, as well as
believers, it is imperative to ensure that we build foundations that are deeply rooted in Christ.
While it is easy to quote scripture, it is more beneficial to live the passage than to quote it. Yes,
we are to raise our children in the way that they should go (Prvb22.6); however, we are also to
be walking, talking, and living examples of those ways (Tit. 2:4).
God provides directives on how we should be vital parents/caregivers, and psychology
assists with understanding the areas that need intricate attention so that we can address that
through works and prayer. “The data provided illustrate that people see religion in family life
contributing to moral and ethical decision making and identity development, rather than merely
a set of rules to be obeyed (Lees & Horwath, 2009)." Making Christ a permanent fixture in your
family's dynamic assists with maintaining the foundation laid in your child's life. As the outside
influences bombard them, they will not be easily shaken and distracted.
Implementing Bible studies, prayer time, and church-related activities (youth events) can
assist with keeping the entire family influenced by one another. Youth events at one's home
church can help build a youth community around one’s children that encourages and reiterates
Christ-like behavior. "By no means is this an easy task; as technology continually advances, there
are global microphones that seek to drown out the voices of parents and caregivers. This only
means we need to amplify our messages and take back the role as the key influencers in our
children's lives" (Guidry, 2024).
There is no longer sitting by and watching today’s youth continue being puppets. These
young people are openly and silently crying out for direction, and it has to start from within the
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 26
home. How can believers who are parents/caregivers be the most influential in their homes
when God is not the primary influence within the parents/caregivers' lives? With so much focus
on the things of this world, parents and children are losing their authentic influencer, Christ.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so
that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (Rom.
12:2, NASB).”
Conclusion
As a researcher in this field of study, I have an immense desire to assist with the
restoration of parents/caregivers who are taking back their place as the primary influencers in
their children's lives. The research provides data that is conclusive regarding youth seeking the
guidance of outside influences to make severe life-changing decisions that are, in some cases,
irreversible. There is a great belief that with the fusing of Christianity and psychology, there can
be even more effective approaches for parents to interact with their youth so that progress can
be identified and hope can be restored within families.
Offering parents a complete picture that enables them to know which tools and
skill sets to implement in a healthy manner with their youth is the same goal each of the
researchers within the mentioned studies has sought out and is continuously pursuing.
This is a testament to their determination to save our youth and the parents’ quest to
reclaim primary roles.
The data has shown that the outside influencers are some heavy hitters and that
it will take a massive approach to even have parents' voices heard again in a world
saturated in various forms of media, celebrities, increased mental illness, societal
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 27
discord, and so much more. However, while the outsiders have their influential, solid
presence, as believers, the Word of God reminds us that there is nothing too large for
the Heavenly Father and that He is able to turn any situation around for the good of
those who love Him. This is not a fight that can be taken on with Christ, and it is time to
stand on the shoulders of God and pull our kids back to safety.
Whose Voice is the Loudest? 28
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