How should a Christian view self-esteem?
Many define self-esteem as “feelings of worth based on their skills, accomplishments, status,
financial resources, or appearance.” This kind of self-esteem can lead a person to feel
independent and prideful and to indulge in self-worship, which dulls our desire for God. James
4:6 tells us that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” If we only trust in our
earthly resources, we will inevitably be left with a sense of worth based on pride. Jesus told us,
“You also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy
servants; we have only done our duty’” (Luke 17:10).
This does not mean that Christians should have low self-esteem. It only means that our sense of
being a good person should not depend on what we do, but rather on who we are in Christ. We
need to humble ourselves before Him, and He will honor us. Psalm 16:2 reminds us, “I said to
the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.’” Christians attain self-worth
and esteem by having a right relationship with God. We can know we are valuable because of the
high price God paid for us through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.
In one sense, low self-esteem is the opposite of pride. In another sense, low-self-esteem is a form
of pride. Some people have low self-esteem because they want people to feel sorry for them, to
pay attention to them, to comfort them. Low self-esteem can be a declaration of “look at me” just
as much as pride. It simply takes a different route to get to the same destination, that is, self-
absorption, self-obsession, and selfishness. Instead, we are to be selfless, to die to self, and to
deflect any attention given to us to the great God who created and sustains us.
The Bible tells us that God gave us worth when He purchased us to be His own people
(Ephesians 1:14). Because of this, only He is worthy of honor and praise. When we have healthy
self-esteem, we will value ourselves enough to not become involved in sin that enslaves us.
Instead, we should conduct ourselves with humility, thinking of others as better than ourselves
(Philippians 2:3). Romans 12:3 warns, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but
rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has
given you.”
Is Good Self-Esteem Important for a Christian, and How Is It Developed?
Self-esteem is an intriguing subject. On the one hand, the gospel passes the judgment upon all
men that we are guilty sinners, inclined by nature to hate God and to hate the neighbor. To that
judgment of the gospel, the proper response is not self-esteem but self-abasement. On the other
hand, this gospel makes us who believe in Jesus Christ new creatures in Christ. Believers,
therefore, are glorious creatures who cannot be esteemed highly enough.
This is also a subject concerning which it is of the utmost importance that Reformed people have
a clear understanding today. This is especially because of the error, I do not hesitate to say,
heresy, that is bedeviling this topic at the present time. Because our people must have no
misunderstanding on the matter, I make plain at the outset what my answer is to the question, "Is
good self-esteem important for a Christian?" My answer is that good self-esteem is proper for the
Christian, and that, in fact, it is?necessarythat the Christian have a high self-esteem.
Whoever drew up this topic must have assumed that this would be my position because the topic
continues, "and how is it developed?" I only want to suggest that that was a risky assumption. It
is conceivable that a Reformed preacher would give another answer to the question of this topic,
in which case he would urge the audience to prevent self-esteem and to destroy self-esteem
wherever they saw it cropping up. However, my answer to the questions is "yes." I will also say
something, therefore, about developing self-esteem in Christians. We may not, however, simply
accept what unbelieving psychology and popular religious thinking are spouting on this subject
today. As I will show, this includes religious thinking that is supposedly Christian, and religious
thinking that is even allegedly Reformed.
UNBIBLICAL SELF-ESTEEM
Today there is a message about self-esteem, both powerful and prevalent, which constitutes
nothing less than an attack upon the biblical gospel and an assault upon genuine Christian self-
esteem. I intend to draw the line sharply that differentiates the self-esteem that is rooted in the
gospel from the self-esteem that arises from the pride of the natural heart of man.
There is a modern gospel, a false gospel, of self-esteem that is unchristian. What is meant by
self-esteem in this sense, we will let some of the promoters of this self-esteem themselves tell us.
The psychologist, Stanley Coopersmith, describes a good, positive self-image as one's evaluation
of himself with approval because he regards himself as capable, significant, successful, and
worthy. The Christian psychologist, H. Norman Wright, describes self-esteem as one's sense of
personal worthiness, as the feeling of "I am good." And one of the most influential purveyors of
the unchristian message of self-esteem, the television preacher, Robert Schuller, describes self-
esteem this way: "Self-esteem is the human hunger for the divine dignity that God intended to be
our emotional birthright as children created in His image." Again, from Schuller: "Self-esteem is
pride in being a human being." Yet again, "Self-esteem is feeling good about one's self because
one has been working hard and well." Yet, once again, from the Crystal Cathedral: "Since the
opposite of good self-esteem is that in a person which caused him to say 'I am unworthy,' (which,
says Schuller, is the worst sin that a man or woman can commit), self-esteem is the feeling, 'I am
worthy.'" (These quotations are taken from Schuller's book,?Self-esteem: The New
Reformation,Word Books, 1982.)
All of these descriptions and definitions of self-esteem are basically the same. Therefore, we may
sum up self-esteem as it is popularly understood today as follows: "The proper and healthy self-
esteem that every person should have and can have is the feeling about himself that he is good,
worthy, and capable simply by virtue of the fact that he is a human being. Self-esteem is feeling
good about one's self as a human being." The opposite of self-esteem, then, for these men is the
conviction that one is bad, unworthy, and lacking in ability. This kind of self-image, or self-
esteem, we are told, is a psychological disorder, indeed, a theological and spiritual weakness. In
fact, they do not hesitate to say that the feeling or the conviction about one's self that one is not
good but unworthy is the worst theological and spiritual sin that one can possibly commit. A
negative self-image must be overcome.
The advocates of good self-esteem in this sense are convinced that a bad self-esteem is a very
serious problem in American society, if not the most serious problem of all. Their promotion of
good self-esteem, therefore, takes on all the fervor of a crusade. Robert Schuller, for example,
suggests that poor self-esteem is the cause of all the world's problems. And he states that it is the
core of sin, indeed the core of?all?sin.
Another popular advocate of self-esteem is the religious psychologist, James Dobson. Now in
order to escape being excoriated, I want to make it clear that I did not just say that there is
nothing to be learned from James Dobson. I have only said that James Dobson also advocates
self-esteem. And he stresses the seriousness of what he sees as the problem in American society
today. I quote now from his book?Hide or Seek:"An epidemic of inferiority is raging throughout
our society." Also, "lack of self-esteem produces more symptoms of psychiatric disorder than
any other factor yet identified."
This, then, is what is meant by self-esteem popularly today. And this is the urgency of it,
according to many who espouse it.
The view of self-esteem that is popularized in our society is thoroughly unbiblical. It is nothing
less than a denial of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to demonstrate this now by analyzing
briefly the teaching on self-esteem of three influential teachers of self-esteem. Each of these
teachers is drawn from a different category of psychological and religious thought so that the
three taken together will give a broad overview of the unbiblical character of much that is
proclaimed in the name of self-esteem today.
First, there is the humanist psychologist, Carl Rogers. He represents a certain prominent and
influential branch of psychology and psychiatry in North America and in western society at
large. Rogers simply holds that human nature is basically good. Every human, therefore, may
and should feel good about himself, and accept himself as he is. And he should also fight off any
sense of unworthiness. A sense of unworthiness is unhealthy; it is sickness. At the very least, it is
a psychological disorder. This view of self-esteem, surely, stands in diametrical opposition to the
message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. That message begins with the truth that "there is none
righteous, no not one. They are altogether become unprofitable, there is none that doeth good, no
not one" (Rom. 3:10ff.). This is to say that humanistic psychology rejects the truth of the Fall,
which includes original sin and total depravity.
A second representative of an unbiblical teaching of self-esteem is Robert Schuller. Although he
is, as a matter of fact, an ordained preacher in the Reformed Church in America, he is, in reality,
no preacher of the gospel at all, but a religious psychologist. And, therefore, his thinking
represents religious psychology today. Schuller wholeheartedly agrees with humanist-secular
psychology that every human being may and should esteem himself as fundamentally good,
worthy, and capable. Schuller, therefore, explicitly denies that there is any such thing as original
sin. Quoting from Schuller now, "Adam's sin should not be charged to his children." Schuller
states that "the doctrine of sin is the reason why Christians have behaved so badly for the past
two thousand years." If I had not read this line with my own eyes, and if I had not re-read this
line a second time, I would not have believed that anyone in his right mind, much less a
Reformed preacher of the gospel, could have written such atrocious garbage. But he wrote that
"the doctrine of sin is the reason why Christians have behaved so badly for the past two thousand
years." Of course, the man is a nominally Christian preacher. And, therefore, he must do
something with the basic doctrines of Christianity. What he does is to re-define them. According
to his re-definition, the truth of inherited sin becomes this, that everyone is born with a negative
self-image, an inferiority complex that must be overcome. According to his re-definition of the
cross of Jesus Christ, the truth about the cross is that the cross shows us how worthy every man
is, for Jesus died for every man. And He would not have died for unworthy people; therefore,
everyone is shown, by the cross of Jesus Christ, to be good and worthy. The cross, of course, was
not Jesus' satisfaction for sin, but it was only intended to show you and me that if we have a
dream, as Jesus had a dream, we must be willing to pay a certain cost in order to attain our
dream. The good news, according to the gospel of Robert Schuller, the message that he hopes
will become the heart of the new reformation, is this message: Every man and woman is good.
You only have to realize this and you only have to exercise your inherent ability.
Schuller is crass. This good self-image, as you know if you have ever listened to him, leads
directly to possibility-thinking. You can be all you want to be because you are good and capable.
You can even be as rich and famous and successful as Robert Schuller.
Certainly, this stands in conflict with the first of the three basic elements of the gospel according
to the Heidelberg Catechism, in the opening Lord's Day. The very first thing that is necessary for
anyone to know, to enjoy the only comfort in life and death, is the knowledge of his misery as
the guilt and total depravity of sin. So much for Schuller.
The third representative of popular thinking on self-esteem today is Anthony A. Hoekema. I
choose him because he represents the intrusion of the unchristian view of self-esteem into
conservative, Reformed circles. Anthony Hoekema was professor of theology at Calvin
Theological Seminary. He did not have the reputation of being "liberal," but rather the reputation
of being a more conservative theologian. In his book titled,?The Christian Looks at
Himself,Hoekema taught that the proper self-image for Christians is one in which we do not
suppose that we any longer have an old man with which we must strive. We no longer have an
old man of sin to contend with. A proper self-image, according to him, is one in which we no
longer view ourselves as totally depraved, or even depraved. And a proper self-image is one in
which we do not loathe and abhor ourselves. This, he says, was the destructive self-image that
Reformed Christians were taught to have in the past. But this was a mistake. A Christian must
look at himself differently from this. In proposing this new Reformed self-image, Hoekema
denies that?Romans 7:14ff. applies to a regenerated, converted Christian. Rather, he writes, "This
is the experience of the unregenerated man." In?Romans 7:14, the apostle says, "We know that
the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.," It is an unregenerated man who is speaking
there. The apostle goes on in verse 15: "that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I
not; but what I hate, that do I." In verse 18, the apostle writes, "To will is present with me," that
is, the will to do the good and to please God, "but how to perform that which is good I find not."
Then follows the familiar words of verse 19, "For the good that I would I do not, but the evil
which I would not, that I do." This, he says, is not the experience of the Christian. This is the
experience of the unbeliever. And the apostle cries out in verse 24, "O wretched man that I am!"
That is the unregenerated person speaking. And again, in verse 25,in answer to the question that
this supposedly unregenerated person has raised, "Who shall deliver me from the body of this
death?" Paul writes, "I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself
serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin."?Allthis, says Hoekema, is the experience
of the unregenerate sinner.
This is an error. This is a deadly serious, theological error. For?Romans 7?now teaches that an
unregenerated person is able to will the good. The unregenerated does have, after all then, a free
will. This opens up the door wide to Arminianism. But this view is deadly serious in its error also
practically. For, in fact, this view, adopted in the interests of a good self-image, exposes the
Christian to the most dreadful threat of a bad self-image of all, namely, the danger that I will
come to the conclusion that I am not a regenerated and saved person at all. For the fact is that
every true Christian?willhave, and?doeshave, in the depths of his soul, the experience that Paul
expresses in?Romans 7, "I will to do the good, but I do not perform it; and there is in me a
mighty principle and power of opposition to the law of God." If, now, this is not the experience
of a Christian, I am no Christian. On this view, the Christian will doubt his very salvation. And,
surely, this is not a healthy self-image.
All three of these representatives of unChristian self-esteem err grievously against the gospel of
Christ in these respects, at least. First, they all derive a positive self-image, or self-esteem, from
creation. And, therefore, they conclude that every human being, unbeliever as well as believer,
ought to have a positive self-image.
This comes out in the slogan that you may have heard. A little boy, usually a little black boy,
says, "I am me. And I am good. 'Cause God don't make no junk!" Well, God didn't "make no
junk," to be sure. But creation is not the whole story in the history of mankind. There is also a
fall. And in the Fall, although man did not become junk, man became a depraved sinner. And
that's worse than junk. These people ignore the Fall.
Second, they err against the gospel in this way, that, if they pay any attention to the cross of
Jesus Christ at all, they explain the cross as indicating how worthy all men are. So worthy are all
men, they say, that we deserve to be died for. But this is to destroy the grace of the cross. This
turns the gospel of the cross upside down and stands the cross on its head. Christ did not die for
men because they deserved it. Christ did not give Himself because we were good, but because
we were unworthy, so unworthy that only the Son of God in human flesh could redeem us.
And, third, these representatives of an unChristian view of self-esteem have as their good news,
their gospel to all men, "You are good. You only have to believe it and act on it." They preach
self-esteem instead of repentance. They preach self instead of Christ. Our opposition to this kind
of self-esteem is radical, This kind of self-esteem destroys the gospel. Such self-esteem is self-
deification,?the?sin of the natural man. And the gospel demolishes this pride and self-deification.
PROPER CHRISTIAN SELF-ESTEEM
The alternative to this kind of self-esteem is not that we deny a proper self-esteem altogether.
There is a proper, positive, Christian self-esteem. The gospel of Jesus Christ graces us, every one
who believes the gospel, with a positive self-esteem that far outstrips the self-esteem of a Robert
Schuller.
These are the aspects of a proper, positive, Christian self-esteem. First, as a believer, I may and
must know myself to be chosen by God and, therefore, as precious to God. God has loved me
from eternity. Second, as a believer, I may and must know myself as redeemed, not with silver or
gold, but with the precious blood of God's own Son in our flesh, and, therefore, as precious to the
Lord Jesus Christ. Third, as a believer, I know myself as regenerated and indwelt by the Holy
Spirit. I am, therefore, a new creature in Christ. I possess the life of the risen Jesus Christ
Himself. I am the temple of God.
The image of God bas been restored in me. Nothing less than this belongs to the proper Christian
self-image. Fourth, as a believer, I am justified by faith and, therefore, am accepted of God. I am
not guilty; and I am not worthy of hell or of any condemnation. Fifth, as a believer, I have been
adopted by God and, therefore, am a son of the God of heaven and earth and am heir of all
things. I am no child of the devil. Sixth, as a believer, I am sanctified and, therefore, am actually
good with the pure, spotless goodness of the Holy Spirit. And my walk, my life, as the apostle
says so plainly in the first couple of chapters of I Peter, is an excellent, noble walk and life in the
world. Seventh, as a believer, I am destined for glory, soul, but also body. A proper self-esteem
extends to the body of a Christian as well as the soul. Besides that, as a believer, I know that God
in His sovereignty has so arranged my life in all its circumstances that all that I am and
everything that belongs to my place and circumstances has been determined in that love of God
for me so that I need not be discontented about any aspect of my circumstances. Every believer
must know or evaluate himself or herself this way. You may not deny these things. Believing the
gospel, you must believe these things about yourself. And this is why we may and must love
ourselves. When Jesus says that the second commandment of the law, like to the first, is this,
"You shall love your neighbor?as yourself,"clearly He implies that we do love and esteem
ourselves.
This proper Christian self-esteem makes the self-esteem of a Rogers or a Schuller ridiculous in
comparison. I reject the self-esteem of Robert Schuller because that does not exalt me nearly
highly enough. That is miserably poor in comparison with the honor and the excellency that are
the believer's in the gospel of Jesus Christ. But this proper self-esteem comes out of the gospel.
This self-esteem, then, is not pride, but humble, thankful acceptance in faith of the goodness of
God to us. This self-esteem is not natural, but that which is ours in Christ. This self-esteem is not
a self-esteem that denies sin, but a self-esteem that is rooted in Christ's victory over sin and in
Christ's covering of sin. Because this self-esteem comes out of the gospel, I prefer not to define
proper Christian self-esteem as my own regard of myself as good and as my own affirmation of
myself. Rather, I would define proper Christian self-esteem this way: Proper Christian self-
esteem is God's regard of me as good and beloved. It is God's judgment of me in the gospel as
forgiven and as adopted as His son. It is God's acceptance of me in mercy. And it is my thankful,
humble reception of that verdict and acceptance and esteem of God in a true faith.
Is self-esteem proper for a Christian? Yes. And it is important. But it must be the self-esteem that
the gospel gives. And the way to have this self-esteem is always to be believing the gospel.
This self-esteem, then, is proper only for the Christian. The topic that was given me puts it
exactly correctly, "Is good self-esteem proper?for Christians?"And it is proper for Christians
only because of what Christians are by grace, and not by nature.
Proper self-esteem is important. The Bible gives us this self-esteem. The Bible calls us elect. The
Bible assures us of our redemption. The Bible reminds us that we are children of God with an
excellent walk in the midst of the ugliness and shamefulness of the world. The Bible wants us to
know that we are different from the corrupt and God-denying world and that our walk is different
from that dark walk. Besides, if one lacks this proper self-esteem, he or she will be swallowed up
in doubt, in self-hatred, and in fear, so that his or her Christian life is crippled, if it is not
hindered altogether. With this proper, positive self-esteem obtained from the gospel, the believer
even has a proper "possibility-thinking." The apostle writes in?Philippians 4?(and this holds true
for every Christian) "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me," referring, of
course, to all of those things that belong to the Christian calling and life.
There can be an?improperself-esteem among Christians in the church. Sometimes, for example,
there are church members who despise and hate themselves for their sins, or for some particular
sin in the past, or for some especially vile passion that is working within them. They despise and
hate themselves for these sins as though these sins were not forgiven and as though the cross of
Christ was not sufficient to blot out those sins. Then these poor, miserable people live without
the peace and the comfort of the gospel. Or there may be members in the church who have a
contempt for themselves because they are earthly failures - failures as human beings count
failures. They are down on themselves because they are not smart enough, or because they are
not rich enough, or because they are not handsome enough, or because they are not athletic
enough. This is not true, Christian humility. This is not the self-abasement that is proper and
healthy. Theirs is a definitely improper self-image.
This points out that the church must be very careful to teach a proper self-esteem. The church
must preach sin; but it must also preach pardon and the overcoming of sin by the blood and Spirit
of Jesus Christ. It is not only the pulpit that can make serious mistakes here, with destructive
consequences in the lives of certain members of the church. But also the saints themselves can be
at fault here. God's people, we, the members of the congregation, must be careful not to inculcate
upon other members of the church a destructive, improper self-image by our attitudes. We must
not leave the impression with each other that what really counts, even in the Christian life, is
earthly success. Nor may we show the attitude that some who have fallen into even a gross,
public sin have to carry the stigma of that gross, public sin forever, even when they have
repented and been forgiven. There is still, sometimes, the tendency to pin the scarlet letter on the
Hester Prynnes in the fellowship of the church.
Parents must guard against leaving the impression with our children that what really matters with
us is their intelligence, their looks, their popularity, their athletic prowess, and their earthly
success. What we are teaching them then is something that is contradicted by the gospel we
believe. We are teaching them that we accept them on the basis of their works. This is contrary to
the gospel of justification and acceptance by faith in Jesus Christ alone. Then we are busy raising
proud children who can perform these works, or despairing children who find themselves unable
to accomplish these works. We must be clear in our own minds, and we must clearly show to our
children, that what ultimately matters with us is that they are covenant children in very deed,
adopted children of God who believe in Jesus Christ for salvation and who walk, imperfectly, but
victoriously in obedience to the commandments of God.
Also when we discipline our children, we must be very careful to show them that our anger is
against their sin or against them on account of their sin and not against their person as such. Then
we do not say such things to them, even under extreme provocation, as, "You rotten, evil child,
you." And when we are disciplining, we are also showing the way out from sin and shame,
which is the way of repentance, so that immediately we receive them back again into our
fellowship.
I only mention in passing, that it is also possible that husbands and wives, even in the church,
rather than to build each other up, can live with each other wickedly so that, I will not say they
destroy the other's self-esteem (you cannot do that to a child of God - God's word is victorious)
nevertheless, they can tear at each other's self-esteem and damage it dreadfully.
