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When I think about what areas of my life have affected my sexual journey, there aren't
many that come to mind because I am still at an early stage of life and still have a lot to learn. I
do not believe that another person can cause outcomes long my journey. However, I feel that they
do influence my journey. My first set of memory of my sexuality happen while I was in primary
school where I was between the age of 7-12. At that age, I because aware of my feeling towards
the opposite sex. I grew up in a religious family where both my parents are Christians. When I
was younger, I would go to church with my mom and sister because my dad had to travel for
work. I was always a shy kid so when it came to sex, I was never curious and because it was
hardly spoken of in my church or even in my home. The most they would say is that it is wrong
to have sex outside of marriage. It is a sin end of the story. Also, it was crucial to saving oneself
for marriage. Therefore, conversations involving sex always made me uncomfortable because I
felt like I was sinning.
I mostly grew with my mom and siblings in which sex was never a topic we talked about;
it never came up for some reason. I was not allowed to wear shorts or skirts that were above my
knees. My mom would say that I should be respectful of my brother and father. I did not
understand why but I was respectful of whatever my mom would say. I am very close to my
mom, and I know she had my best interest at heart. I have two older sisters which, I used as a
guide for what I should and should not do.
I remember the first boyfriend I had, we would only smile at each other, and that was it.
The first time a boy kissed me, I was in his mother's shop. I was very uncomfortable because it
was done without my permission even though I liked him. I remember leaving the shop, when I
got home, I scrubbed my mouth because I felt that I was unfaithful to God. If my mother found
out, I would be in trouble. As the years' pass, I started to mature very fast at an early age. I
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developed body parts that were obvious to others. It made it a little challenging for me especially,
based on the culture I am from. It was either older guys flirting with me, or my classmates would
point out something that made me uncomfortable. It made me very upset.
There are quite a few life events that have influence my journey. The first event made me
a little edgy and anxious. I never shared it with no because it was buried in the past until now. I
did not understand the nature of it until I became much older. It also assured me that my mom
was a good person. I remember sleeping over at my aunt's. While I was sleeping, I felt someone's
hand going up my clothes (a blurred memory and I am happy that it is) and then I realized that it
was my aunt's husband and when he realized that I was awake he left the room. I was young so I
did not understand what was happening. After the incident, I went and told my mom. She did not
blame me or accuse me of lying. She went directly to my aunt and her husband and confronted
him. She told him if he tried anything like that, she would report it to the police. I asked my mom
why did she believe me? She said she knew the type of kid I was. I think her experience as a
child influenced her reaction. She was sexually abused by her stepfather and her mother did want
to believe her. Unlike my aunt, I think she was more concerned about losing her husband after
many failed relationships. After that incident, I was very jumpy around my aunt's husband, and I
remember one day he was talking to me, and I was backing away, and he asked why I was so
jumpy, in my mind, I was saying because you are a child molester.
High school was another phase of my life that influenced my sexual journey. I remember
it was a bit funny but also concerning. When I started high school, the vice-principal told us that
if any older guys call to us, we should run, and then a guy tried to talk to me, and I did just that.
High school was challenging even though I did not wear such feelings on my face. I wanted to fit
in but when I look back it was for the wrong reasons. I was not allowed to go to parties, and my
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mom only made me wear long skirts, so boys were not interested in me as much as other girls. I
was ok with that until it was pointed out to me. I think I came off as intimidating because I was
bigger than most of the boys. I knew I was beautiful, but deep down I wanted to hear that I was
beautiful from a guy and not my family. I always dream about having a solid relationship like my
parents. When I was 18, I had my first relationship because I was scared that I would turn out
like my sister and get pregnant at a young age which broke my mother's heart. I thought this was
the perfect relationship for me because I feared being alone. I knew I was settling deep down but,
I did not want to end it, so God separated us by allowing him to move to another country, and
later he went to jail so, I ended the relationship.
After that, I realized that most guys in my country were not interested in marriage but
only sex, so they were not interested in getting to know me. They were more focused on
describing how I look. While in college I hit a low point in my life, and I started to doubt myself,
where I belong and around that time, I met a guy, and I made some bad decisions because of bad
advice. It took a toll on me, so I decided to seek counseling when I realized that my schoolwork
was starting to be affected. It took me a while to forgive myself because I thought God would
never forgive me. I wanted to hate that guy, but I never had it in me to do. I put so much pressure
on myself to find a relationship like my parents that met when my mom was only 16. I have so
much love in my heart to give that it scares me at times because it makes me a little too
vulnerable. I still experience feelings of disappointment and sometimes shame pops up because I
should have known better. I know that due to these life events I am now a better person. What the
enemy meant for evil God turn it for my good.
All that happens has motivated me to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ. I am
reminded that I cannot look for perfection in an imperfect person. My parents' love story will not
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be mine because God has written a completely different story for me. My identity has been
changing where I am looking for love and acknowledgment in Christ instead of others. The more
time I spend with God my heart is transforming and my mind renewed. I am no longer being
defined by what happened in my past. I was able to see myself as God’s masterpiece. I now view
my past as a testimony I can share with others and help them to build a relationship with Jesus.
Christ is the only constant that will be in our life.
As I continue to move forward in my faith and now in my career in counseling,
perspective and identity are of the utmost importance. To help others, we must first be rooted in
Christ and have our eyes fixed on him. I will be able to pour hope into the life of my counselees
because of my life journey. Also, if I continue to keep my eyes fixed on Christ and what he has
done for me. I believe this perspective will help me work with clients no matter their background
and help them to the best of my ability.
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