Safe places, Safe People, and Safe Situations
Whether expected or not, death will unquestionably bring grief, and each person will
grieve differently. “Each feeling is different for each person” (Wright, 2012, p.200), and “each
person will cope with the loss in a personal way”(p. 200). Therefore as Wright (2012) suggests, it
is crucial to offer a bereaved person, no matter their age, “a safe place, safe people and safe
situations.”
First and foremost, as a pastoral crisis caregiver, I must pray for the bereaved person for
two to three weeks after the death. Bringing this person into the presence of God will allow me
to know that God alone will do the healing needed, and I am just a vessel that God is using to be
with them in this walk. 1 Corinthians 3:6 teaches that we can only plant the seed, but only God
alone will make it grow. As a pastoral crisis caregiver, I will plant the seed of hope, love, and
healing, yet the Holy Spirit will comfort the bereaved person, and it will be God who will heal
their wounds.
Second, a bereaved person needs safe places; perhaps their home or specific rooms do not
seem like safe places anymore. In some cases, the bereaved person may want to ease the pain
and sell the house because of the memories that come along with it. Unfortunately, these places
no longer feel like safe places, and the care seeker needs a safe place that will enable them to feel
comfortable. As their pastoral crisis caregiver, I would encourage them not to make drastic
decisions, such as selling their home, because later on, it can result in a more significant loss.
Just as Wright (2012) suggests, “A brief change may be alright, but familiar surroundings are
helpful” (p. 216). Creating a safe place for my care seeker would include an area where there is
trust, no judgment, and no interrupting, a place where they can be vulnerable and open. This can
be a place they can run to, such as my office, church, or a house that offers the safe environment
they need.
Third, a bereaved person needs safe people. Friends, family, and the church community
are necessary to give these individuals the emotional support they need. As their pastoral crisis
caregiver, I need to assist them in knowing that their grief is normal and that there is a grieving
process. (Wright, 2012, 208). In this grieving process, I would encourage the importance of
having a support group that will be there offering their time, help, and uplifting spirit. I must
understand that my care seeker will start this process at their own time and pace. When they are
ready, I suggest surrounding themselves with a church community, a small group, and family
members. Having safe people is necessary, especially when one has lost someone. Death leaves
an empty feeling and disruptive emotions that can lead to depression, anxiety, loneliness, and
worry. Therefore, God created human beings and said, “It isn’t good for man to be
alone”(Genesis 2:18, NIV). Ortberg (2014) says, “What distinguishes consistently happier people
from less happy people is the presence of rich, deep, joy-producing, life-changing, meaningful
relationships” (p. 183). This community of safe people is indispensable to human flourishing,
especially in a crisis moment.
Lastly, a bereaved person needs safe situations. Wright (2012) refers to these safe
situations as “Any kind of safe situation that provides the bereaved person with worthwhile roles
to perform that will benefit him or her” (p. 216). Wright (2012) describes the situation where
somebody asked the bereaved person for a coffee and how that made them feel useful again.
These safe situations are straightforward and stress accessible. I believe that as soon as my care
seeker feels ready, I would encourage them to come to a place where their loss becomes an
opportunity for spiritual growth and learning, as Wright (2012) suggests. As soon as they feel
ready, they can start writing back to people who sent them flowers and supported them during
the initial days of grief. They can begin looking up scripture and memorizing them. As Ortberg
(2014) says, “the words we carry in our minds are available to transform any moment” (p. 111).
Having these safe places will provide my care seeker opportunities to grow.
References
Ortberg, J. (2014). The Me I Want to Be: Becoming God’s Best Version of You. Zondervan.
Wright, N. H. (2011, December 14). The Complete Guide to Crisis & Trauma Counseling: What
to Do and Say When It Matters Most! (Updated, Expanded ed.). Bethany House
Publishers.
