Rapport and Relational Alignment
Moving into phase three of counseling, Brody has vocalized that he can envision a better
relationship with his father, where they are communicating comfortably and interacting more
consistently with one another. Brody’s behavioral position is willing but can easily shift to
blaming [his father] if the sessions do not stay solution-focused with him as the expert of his
own self-care (Greenberg & Ganshorn, 2003, p. 1).
It is important that I, as the caregiver, remain consistent with aligning my personality
with Brody’s in order to support forward progress. According to the Uniquely You report
from Mels Carbonell (2019), my temperament can easily stay aligned with Brody’s by
continuing to listen well while affirming him as he speaks. Brody has a “S/C” personality
type that requires stability and support which is best achieved through attentive listening
(Kollar, p. 92).
oAttentive listening allows me to validate Brody’s feelings while at the same time
carefully listening for clues that may lead me to better insight about his strengths
and growth areas (Kollar, p.92).
Distinctive Features of Phase Three
Since Brody has clarified through his response to the miracle question in phase two that
he can see himself in a better relationship with his father, Bruce, it is now my job as the
counselor to help Brody stay committed to that objective through these distinctive features:
Purpose – this is the time to implement and execute a clear plan that will help Brody meet
his objective of having a better relationship with his father, which entails Brody first
continuing the work to improve his awareness of self.
Goal – the goal is to help Brody maintain a clear vision of the future that includes both
restoration of his self-confidence and reconciliation with those he loves most. “The
ultimate goal is the restoration of all things” (Nichols, p. 81).
oBrody’s feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are eclipsed by assurances from
Scripture that encourages him to keep an eternal perspective about life: his inner
self is being renewed daily; the grief he is experiencing is preparing him for
something eternally glorious (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
Chief Aim – the aim of this phase in counseling is to ensure that Brody executes his plan
for reconciling with his dad, well! Doing so will require that I gently nudge Brody
towards fully committing to assertively approaching his dad and engaging in
conversation, even if just small talk, on a more consistent basis.
Role/Responsibility – my role as the caregiver is to continually give encouraging
feedback to Brody, “which is vital if change is to be reinforced,” according to Kollar (p.
96). Creating an environment that is affirming, hopeful, and optimistic will help Brody to
have higher expectations about building his self-esteem and reconciliation with his father.
oBrody’s responsibility is to communicate to me what he feels that he needs in
order to willingly be vulnerable with his family, so that reconciliation can occur.
Guiding Assumptions – it is important to remember that “the counselee is always
changing” (Kollar, p. 70). Brody’s discouragement with his dad has now been induced by
his grief due to the loss of his mother and sister (Crossroads). Therefore, Brody is
experiencing a variety of emotions that may alter the way he presents himself in this
phase as compared to the previous one.
oDepression and anxiety may be factors that weigh on how willing Brody is to stay
committed to the process; “with a solution-focused approach, it is more helpful to
think about how the change will occur rather than when it will occur” (Kollar, p.
71), then meet that change with scriptural affirmations of God’s grace and
reminders that “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and
endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Supportive Feedback Break
Brody is grieving; therefore, it is to be expected that he may experience a relapse in
emotions, going from one intense emotion to another (Clinton & Hawkins, p. 130).
The fear of being alone has already heavily impacted Brody (Crossroads, p. 11) so it is
important for me as his caregiver to reduce those fears in this phase (Kollar, p. 144) so
that forward progress can occur toward the next phase. It is vital to be realistic with
Brody about love and acceptance. It is unreasonable to expect that Brody will be loved
and accepted by everyone (Clinton & Hawkins, p. 159), however he can be reassured that
his father and brother love him which is why he is seeking the help he needs so that he
can be reconciled to them in a healthy and productive way.
Asking Brody scaling questions that will gage Brody’s progress and measure his level of
commitment, will aide in enabling Brody to clearly see where he is and what he can do to
move forward (Greenberg & Ganshorn, p. 2). Keeping the conversation solution-oriented,
asking for details, and asking what changes have already been helpful is necessary
(Kollar, p. 157).
Phase Three Marker
The indication that Brody is ready to move forward into phase four will be apparent in
several ways:
Brody will have a desire to take the Love Language test so that he can see how he best
receives love and can use this as a tool to show his father how he receives love best.
Brody will exemplify a desire to associate with others more comfortably so that others
can get to know him and he can get to know others (Clinton & Hawkins, p. 159).
Food for Thought
In the event that Brody shifts to a blaming behavioral position, it may be helpful to ask,
“what will you [Brody] have to do to get back on track?” then follow his response with
supportive feedback that will affirm him yet challenge him to remain in charge of his forward
progress. The goal is to nudge Brody back to finding solutions for better communication instead
of blaming his father for the lack of communication.
