LIBERTY UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Solving My People Puzzle
Submitted to Dr. Michael Williams
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
Paco500-D01
Introduction to Pastoral Counseling
By
Donald Kaecher
Student ID No. L28068382
November 8, 2024
Contents
Guiding Purpose Statement (GPS)……………………………………………………………1
Who I Am? DISC Description…………………………………………………………………1
This Is Me!.........................................................................................................................2
This is Expected of Me..…………………………………………………………………3
DISC Style Alignment………………………….……………………………………………….4
“I” Style Aligned with “D”....……………………………………………………………4
“I” Style Aligned with “I”………………………………………………………………..5
“I” Style Aligned with “S”……………………………………………………………….6
“I” Style Aligned With “C”………………………………………………………………6
Care Seeker Connection………………………………………………………………………..7
360 Mentor Connection…………………………………………………………………………9
Conclusion………………………………………………………………………………………11
“So What of it All?”…………………………………………………………………………….11
Bibliography………………………………………………………………………………….....12
Appendix...………………………………………………………………………………………13
Guiding Purpose Statement (GPS)
“Seeking to be a warrior or Christ, I am committed to become a disciplined leader.” To be
a warrior of Christ, my goal is to help guide people to Christ, to be a person who leads by
example. 2 Timothy 2:3-4 says, "You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus
Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may
please him who enlisted him as a soldier". (ESV). I chose this GSP knowing that I am a Mixed
Martial Artist, I feel that I have trained myself over the years to stand strong as a discipled
leader, guiding others. God has used this as my platform to reach others, He has allowed me to
use my experiences as examples to help guide people to who God is. I am continuing to let God
use what He has gifted me with reach athletes, and others with which I may interact.
Who I Am? DISC Description
Prior to completing the DISC assessment, I started reading How to Solve The People
Puzzle book by Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Reading through the different DISC personality types,
when I read about personality type I, I said to myself “This is Me.” Personality “I”, believes that
people expect them to influence people and encourage them. This is true of myself; I do believe I
need to influence and encourage people. I get a personal high when I can pour into people and
help encourage them. According to Carbonell type “I” personalities are like a spark plug that
energizes and encourages others to be optimistic and positive.1 I have been training in Martial
Arts for over thirty-five years, and nothing feels better than when I started to teach. I have
competed in many competitions and did quite well, winning titles and trophies but that still does
not feel the same as watching someone else achieve their goals. Another trait of personality type
I is being open with our feelings. This is definitely me because I do share my feelings openly in
1 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 25.
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hopes they can help someone deal with their situation. I want to make sure people understand
that they are not alone or the only person to feel the way they are and sharing my feelings is one
way I believe can connect with them. In the area of Overuses and Abuses, it starts out by saying,
“You sometimes tend to be too optimistic and trusting.”2 This is an area where I can agree with
also. I know I trust people very easily and has come back and bit me in the rear.
This Is Me!
Once I took the Uniquely You DISC personality assessment, the This Is Me section
assessed me as an “I,C,S” personality type.3 When I read the description part, I was overly
impressed with how accurately it describes me. I do have strong people skills and can be
outgoing and reserved. I do prefer peace and harmony; I am not very confrontational and will do
what I can to make each situation more peaceful. I have learned to use words to help the
situation. I love to influence and motivate others, pouring into them from my life experiences.
One thing the assessment mentioned is I seem to struggle with being melancholy.4 I do not
believe I do am melancholy; I can feel sad or overwhelmed at times, but I do not feel I dwell in
sadness. I can agree with the next statement that I can tend to worry more at times, again I do not
feel that I live there. I have grown in that area, as I pressed more into God, I have had less worry.
I do try to look good and influence people; this is something I must guard against
according to the assessment. I know I can try too hard, then pull back and become reserved,
which is another warning I need to pay attention to. The DISC assessment mentioned to be
2 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 27.
3 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443, p 11.
4 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443, p 11.
2
careful not to withdraw and be so quiet and humble that no one knows you are present.5 I enjoy
being around people, and when I am able to help them, I become energized. I can surely be
outgoing and reserved based on the situation I am in. It usually takes me a few minutes to get
into my comfort zone but once I am there, watch out. This is Me!
This is Expected of Me
There are areas of This is Expected of Me, which I do not fully agree. One part is that it
says that I tend to be more people-oriented than task-oriented.6 I can agree on the part of being
people-oriented but not necessarily more than task-oriented. I am an automotive refinisher and
must pay attention to details and be task oriented. I do enjoy having someone to interact with
while I am preparing the vehicle to paint but that does not slow me down when it comes to
completing my tasks. I also painted with flat rate hours, and this is when I get paid for the hours I
turn for each job. If I slack on my tasks and do not pay attention to detail, I lose time and money.
I am comfortable entertaining small or large groups of people. Yes, in larger groups I may
need to warm up but once I get into my comfort zone, I am ready to inspire and influence. I can
feel emotional towards others, but this is an area in which I am working. I do not have a problem
sharing my feelings to help others, but I sometimes have a tough time showing empathy. I do
enjoy helping people, in fact I will often follow up with my students to make sure they are doing
well, especially after we have a conversation. It is so fulfilling to help others; I love sharing my
love for people when I can help them through their situations. I use analogies and life
experiences that help me connect with others.
5 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443, p 13.
6 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443, p 7.
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In the conflict management area of This is Expected of Me, they hit the nail on the head.
You don't like to fight and go out of your way to avoid conflicts.7 This is so true but funny at the
same time. I am a Mixed Marital Artist, and on the flip of that I try to avoid fights and conflicts. I
do not like conflict and will use words to avoid them. If I feel there may be any kind of conflict, I
will run the scenario through my head trying to figure out the best words to use in order to avoid
the conflict.
I do believe people like talking with me because they feel I can relate to them. I must
word on listening better when interacting with them. My brain can start thinking of what I
wanted to say and cut them off while they are talking. According to Petersen, in his book Why
Don’t We Listen Better, the section Teeth marks in the tongue, he mentions that recognizing our
tendency to interrupt, change the subject, give opinions, make suggestions, or argue, gives us a
chance to keep ourselves from leaning into someone else’s sentences.8 This is Expected of Me!
DISC Style Alignment
“I” Style Aligned with a “D”
When aligning my I,C,S style which is people oriented with style “D”, that is more direct,
demanding, determined, I would need to focus on being more goal oriented. “D” personality
types like to win, and having a goal set in place helps drive them to succeed. Teaching Martial
Arts I interact with people of all different personality types, when I come across a “D” style, I
need to push them harder than most. Carbonell mentions that “D” likes to lead by example, and
they respond best to those who expect more out of them than they do others.9 Understanding the
7 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443, p 8.
8 James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Third edition (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 74.
9 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 21.
4
“D” style I would use that to help motivate other people since they are very driven to win.
Picking the correct words to use I believe would be particularly important when aligning my “I”
style with a “D” style. Even though I like to talk I know I would have to be more direct and get
to the point when interacting with a “D.” My boss is a “D” personality type, and I know from
experience that he is very demanding, driven, and direct, which can cause me to feel
uncomfortable at times since I do not like conflict, I watch how I word things. I am a people
pleaser and looking for conformation for what I do and when mixed with a “D”, I can feel torn
on how to address a situation. Being an “I” and aligning with a “D” I understand that I may need
to know when to stop talking and listen.
“I” Style Aligned With “I”
When I align my style with another “I”, knowing they need to feel important, I would
focus on complimenting, expressing that I notice them. The personality “I” likes to talk and tell
stories, this is an area that I can engage in with ease. I am good at connecting with people,
finding common ground, and sharing examples of how I relate to them. One area that I know I
will need to pay attention to is the area of listening. That Talker Listener Card (TLC) from
Petersen in Why Don’t We Listen Better would come in handy, especially since “I” styles love to
be the center of attention and talk.10 Having a Mixed Martial Arts background has helped me
cross over between different personality types, in the case of dealing with an “I” personality type
I have had to be less talkative and more direct, especially when teaching classes. As much as I
enjoy talking and interacting with people, I have learned there is a time and place for that. Being
an “I” myself I find it easy to talk to another “I” about their problems and empathize with them.
“I” Style Aligned With “S”
10 James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Third edition (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 79.
5
“S” personality types tend to be more submissive and sensitive and be more withdrawn
and reserved in public.11 This is a complete 360 from “I” personality type which can make “S”
uncomfortable with how outgoing and talkative “I” can be. Being outgoing and able to connect
quickly with others, I would pour into an “S”, let know that they are valued and should feel
comfortable speaking up. A common ground between the two styles is they both enjoy helping
others, this is an area to emphasize letting the “S” know they are important and needed.
Carbonell mentions that “S” can be a great leader but are fine with being told what to do, I would
encourage them to lead at times and not feel out of place to speak up letting people know they
are there.12 My wife is a “C/S” personality type and I know she does not like being in front of
people. She can lead in smaller groups but is supportive and needs to know she is needed and
important.
“I” Style Aligned With “C”
I have experience with “C” personality type. This type is where my wife is the highest.
They are critical thinkers and like completing tasks correctly, where my wife worked as a high-
end kitchen designer. When we work on things together it can be difficult at times, we both want
to do the job right but look at it from different views. I am more energetic and want to get the job
going right away, where she draws it out and thinks about how everything must go. I must slow
myself down and wait for my wife to finish her critical thinking part of the project. “I” styles are
not always direct and can be sensitive to what others say, where “C” styles can be
straightforward and honest.13 This has taught me to not take things personal and learn how to talk
through things and listen to what they are saying. “I” is usually known to be happy, energetic,
11 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 31.
12 Ibid, 31.
13 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 39.
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and inspiring; this would help “C” since they can get moody when feeling like they must always
be the ones to solve the problems. I would encourage them that they can relax and do not need to
solve all the problems, they do not need to be so serious.
Care Seeker Connection
Brody is a fifteen-year-old high school student who loves music. Brody is not a very self-
confident person and relies heavily on those closest to him for approval and acceptance.14
Brody’s DISC relational style would be an “C/S” based on the idea that he is more passive than
active.15 He looks to others for a way to feel important, along with his mother being the main
source of stability and praise. Brody’s style also comes across in the idea that he enjoys being by
himself playing his keyboard, which is his place of solitude, calm, and reflection.16 With “C/S”
personalities they can be insecure looking for approval to help with their self-confidence. Brody
struggled with his emotions and kept them to himself after the accident, the structure he
depended on was gone.
Petersen gives ten communication traps to avoid, when dealing with Brody I believe I
would fall into the fixing it trap, along with the I understand trap. The fixing it trap is the desire
to help others by fixing their problems or at least giving advice.17 The I understand trap is
commenting you understand to the talker causing the talker to shut down. This approach suggests
to the speaker we don’t know how to respond, we are uncomfortable with the topic, and/or we’d
14 John K. Harrison, 2007. Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness(Hallmark Hall of Fame
Productions, Inc.). The previous case study was revised by this course’s subject matter
expert, Dr. Michael S. Williams. Further insights have been added to facilitate the
preparation of various learning activities within this offering of PACO 500.
15 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns (Blue Ridge, GA:
Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 167.
16 John K. Harrison, 2007. Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness(Hallmark Hall of Fame
Productions, Inc.). The previous case study was revised by this course’s subject matter
expert, Dr. Michael S. Williams. Further insights have been added to facilitate the
preparation of various learning activities within this offering of PACO 500.
17 James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Third edition (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 159.
7
rather they didn’t talk about it.18 James 1:19 says ”My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry". (ESV). When
handling Brody’s situation it would be best to be an active listener, repeat what he is saying.
Technique #2 by Petersen mentions to Repeat Accurately: to repeat the last paragraph, the last
sentence, or the last word (or two). Use the very same words, phrasing, and intonation the talker
used.19 Brody is going through serious trauma losing both his mother and sister, it is important
that he knows I am there to listen to him and that I care. My pastor always says, “People do not
care about how much you know until the know how much you care.” If I do not show Brody that
I care, it would not matter how much I know or could help him. If all I try to do is fix Brody
without listening, I would be falling under Proverbs 18:2 "Fools find no pleasure in
understanding but delight in airing their own opinions". (ESV). I know there are times when I am
wanting to respond to help the other person, the “fix it trap”, this is also called passive listening.
Passive listening occurs when the listener is formulating a response while the speaker is still
talking.20 I need to be an attentive listener while talking with Brody, this is different than just
being an active listener, where the counselor validates feelings, while carefully listening for clues
that may represent strengths and exceptions.21
With my personality “I” style I would need to talk less and listen more especially with
Brody’s situation. I would need to pay close attention to his feelings, words, and body language,
and I would use the Talker Listener Card when talking to Brody. Using this method would be
more to keep me focused and listening, in doing so would increase the trust Brody has, allowing
him to open up more. I would pour into Brody, letting know how special he is, that he is loved
18 Ibid, 154.
19 Ibid, 17.
20 Charles Allen Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1997), 109.
21 Ibid, 110.
8
and important, using words of encouragement, this is a strong suit of mine. Bordy needs to know
he is God’s masterpiece. It seems beyond comprehension that the God of glory, the Creator of all
and our Savior would consider us to be his masterpieces-but that’s how he sees us.22
360 Mentor Connection
Knowing my mentor and seeing their DISC “C/S” style and comparing that to my “I”
style there are key things I would have to do that would help me shift my style to align with my
mentor. The words that describe my mentor according to their DISC personality testing are
critical thinking, careful, committed to quality, and helpful.23 According to the DISC assessment
“I” personality types, they could have freedom from detail, this is an area that my mentor is
better at and I would need to slow down and practice paying more attention to the details. My
mentor’s style is more reserved, I can be reserved based on my comfort level but once I get
comfortable, I am outgoing and enjoy being around people. I would need to be mindful of the
energy I might bring and dial that down to not make them uncomfortable while interacting with
me.
My mentor mentioned in their 360º interview that I was a perfectionist and put too much
pressure on myself to whatever I believed to be perfect. This is an area I need to work on because
they also mentioned that it can create some uncomfortable tension at times.24 Looking to improve
on that area and align my style with my mentors style I would need to listen to them when I am
working on a project that I keep trying to do better in order to get their approval. I know when I
22 Dr. Ken Nichols. Masterpiece. (Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Press, 2017), 18.
23 Guy Harris, and Kevin Eikenberry. A Free DISC Personality Test: Gain Insights to Build Better,
Stronger, more Fulfilling Relationships. Retrieved from:
https://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/
24 Guy Harris, and Kevin Eikenberry. A Free DISC Personality Test: Gain Insights to Build Better,
Stronger, more Fulfilling Relationships. Retrieved from:
https://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/
9
get a compliment about something I did, the next time I try and do better than I did the last time.
This has ended up backfiring on me from time to time, especially when the first time was good to
begin with.
Another area I know for sure I need to work on to align myself with my mentor is the
area of listening and not trying to fix it. “I” style can be quick to speak, where as the “C/S” are
more passive. I would practice the listening better technique of repeating, I know I have
interacted with filling in my mentor’s sentences before and got in trouble for that.25 If I worked
on interacting with what they were saying before I input my words, this would help a lot with
listening better. One last area that my style needs to align with my mentor’s style is between my
words and actions. I can talk so much that I do not always follow up with my actions to line up
with what I say. I know according to Carbonell that “C/S” personalities need sufficient
information to make sure they are safe and secure with things.26 Not lining up my words and
actions has made my mentor cautious and unsecure. To align that part up with my mentor, I
would need to make sure I followed up my words with actions, allowing them to feel more
secure and trusting.
Conclusion
The difference between all the DISC styles can help me grow in being able to interact
with people better. I know by being a Martial Arts instructor, I encounter so many different
people with so many different personality traits. Understanding how to align my “I” style to their
style will help reach them on a more personal level. I first needed to understand who I was, after
that, learning about all the styles, blended styles and how to interact with them will benefit me
25 James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Third edition (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 17.
26 Mels Carbonell, Ph.D. How to Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns
(Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 168.
10
moving forward in Sports Chaplaincy. God has called us to love one another, if we are not able to
understand the other person on a more personal level and align our unique styles, loving them
may be a bit more challenging.
“So What of it All?”
The DISC assessment really helped me get a better grasp on who I am. That personality
test was very accurate and opened up my eyes to being able to see the difference between each
style. Knowing how to align my style with other styles is a great tool to have in my toolbox of
skills in helping others. It was helpful to understand how to use different listening techniques to
help align the assorted styles together, knowing this I will be able to open other people up in
connecting better with one another.
Bibliography
Carbonell, Mels, Ph.D. How To Solve The People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patters.
Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008.
Carbonell, Mels, Ph.D. Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved from:
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/385443
Petersen, James C. Why Don’t We Listen Better? Third edition. Portland, OR: Petersen
Publications, 2022.
Harrison, John K. Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness. Hallmark Hall of Fame Productions, Inc.
11
2007. The previous case study was revised by this course’s subject matter expert, Dr.
Michael S. Williams. Further insights have been added to facilitate the preparation of
various learning activities within this offering of PACO 500.
Kollar, Charles Allen. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan,
1997.
Nichols, Dr. Ken. Masterpiece. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Press, 2017.
Harris, Guy, and Kevin Eikenberry. A Free DISC Personality Test: Gain Insights to Build Better,
Stronger, more Fulfilling Relationships. Retrieved from:
https://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/
Appendix
Your Personality Type on Graph 1: "This is expected of me!"
Your Personality Type on Graph 2: "This is me!"
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