Rapport and Relational Alignment
Through phase one, we explore and started the interview process and working on the
present story Bruce held which led us into phase two. In phase two, I started to move
Bruce through the steps of his version of the story known as the preferred story which
then opened the door for phase three. In which I the counselor to Bruce will walk us
through this phase listed below with the guided outline of questions for phase 3, where
we are looking for the understanding, clarification, and starting to execute the action
plan.
In going into phase 3, being the counselor to Bruce, I will continue to ask the questions
that will keep Bruce future focused and moving forward. I will continue to let Bruce take
the lead in clarification on the answers in sharing his story. By Bruce and I having similar
(1)“D” DISC personality, Carbonell, expresses how “D” tends to be brave, bold, take
charge. This will help me as I follow and continue to build rapport with Bruce. I will
continue to work with Bruce as he shares his story. Carbonell also expresses that “D” can
tend to be unemotional and we see a lot of this in the beginning with Bruce in the (2)
Hallmark movie, as being an “S” DISC personality, Bruce will lean towards work jointly
as a team player to help find the correct and truthful solutions. Bruce is the captain and I
the team player as he is taking the lead. This will start to journey of his healing and
finding his solutions to move forward. With Bruce being more “D/I” and me being more
“D/S,” I would have to work on listening more, be more passive and supportive with
Bruce. I will have to continue to work on keeping Bruce on track in moving through out
the phase three to phase 4, by continuing to ask follow up questions, and giving the
positive reinforcement and affirmations towards Bruce.
Phase Three Distinctive Features
Purpose: I will continue to work on building the relationship and trust with Bruce with
using Solution Focus Counseling process. In this phase I will continue to work towards
clarification towards the goal, and solution. (3)Kollar stated, “Clarification depicts the
process for describing the counselee’s initial vision or goal for a desired outcome or
solution.” I will continue to work with Bruce in simplify and working towards the goal
over in using small steps and starting to bring in the Miracle question.
Goal: In this phase Bruce is starting to talk more about wanting to have justice done to
the driver of the accident. (4) In the Crossroads handout, we see Bruce demonstrates this
by working with the lawyers to help find the driver and build a case for trial. Bruce is
also working on trying to make sense of the “whys” in the accident, relationships with his
sons, work ethics, and his relationship with the Lord. He expresses many times in the
crossroads handout and movie, that everything is slipping from him and he goes down
the self-blaming and trying to fix it road. Throughout the session, I would support Bruce
in these explorations and support him, due to the fact his personality does not like to be
instructed. And work with being the team player as he is the captain of the team, as it is
better to work alongside him, instead of taking the controls and guiding him.
Chief Aim: (5)Kollar stated, “When we assume God’s activity, we begin to look for
clues of it.” I believe this is where we start to see baby steps that Bruce is allowing God
into the session and his relationship with him in baby steps. We see these baby steps on
how Bruce is starting to listen and not talk when engaging with his sons to help start the
repair of there relationships. And even when he starts to engage with the driver of the
accident, Bruce listens, lean in and tries not to fix it or even run from the emotions. In
those baby steps Bruce is starting to allow God’s healing in and facing his feelings and
hurts as well. (6)Clinton and Hawkins express this in section on grief and loss. We learn
the 5 stages of grief and how they can occur in any set order. This quote the wrote I
believe express best what Bruce is experience, “The goal of grieving is not to get things
back to normal, after a loss, one’s entire life may change. The goal is to find and accept a
new “normal.” I believe that the more I work with Bruce we are starting to see this
happen as well as Bruce realizing it himself.
Role/Responsibility: My role all along as the counselor to Bruce while using solution-
focused pastoral counseling with these phases, is to help him reach the goals he sets,
healing and embracing the “new” normal of his life and relationships with his sons, work,
and the Lord. (7) “The counselor can help cocreate with the counselee as an
understanding of life that focuses on meaning and purpose.” Kollar expands on how we
not only support and lead the counselee, we also working towards the healing and finding
peace within the healing. In doing this with Bruce it can be a fine line in not rushing or
ushing him due to his DISC personality. He could tend to shut down and not engage or
share his true feelings in the sessions. (8)Peterson expressed to us to listen and when to
ask. “Don’t let a question mask what someone needs to say” I would have to listen more
to how Bruce responses as well pay attention to his body language, in following his lead.
To push Bruce could not only shut him down, but also possibly make him feel I don’t
value or understand all he has loss by not listening and being attentive to the small
comments he displays. (9) As shown in Proverbs 18:13, “One who gives an answer
before he hears, It is foolishness and shame to him.” In essences, this verse reminds me
as a counselor not only the value of listening and waiting before responding to my
counselee. That if I cut off the counselee when they are taking a moment to catch their
breath, or gather their thoughts, or reframe what they want to say it shows I am not
listening or being attentive to what they are expressing and sharing. And in the end can
fracture the relationship and trust I have been working on building with them. Through
out reading (10)Clinton and Hawkins, they express with using the quick guide reference
as a guide, I can help Bruce work towards disburdening the feelings of angry and guilt he
feels and focus on ways towards healing. Finally, to start to see steps to move towards
phase 4, I would see how Bruce engages in doing the tasks and bringing them back to
sessions. (11)Kollar stated, “Each of the following five tasks encourages the counselee to
notice what is happening within them and around them as they follow through the task.”
This will start to help Bruce see the progress he is making and be hopeful in the process.
Use of Guiding Assumptions: (12)Kollar stated, “It is essential to keep in mind that God
has been, and continues to be, thoroughly involved in the counselee’s life before we, as
counselors, try to help.” Kollar reminds us through the nine guiding assumptions that the
Lord is in charge, to adlib the country song “Jesus takes the wheel.” When we start to
allow the Lord to lead as the counselor we listen better, we are understanding more and
not so quick to respond to the counselee. (13)Ephesians 1:11-12, “In Him we also have
obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who
works all things in accordance with the plan of His will, to the end that we who were the
first to hope in the Christ would be to the praise of His glory.” Through out all of this
seeing the Lord’s hand in this, seeing and listening to Bruce, having Bruce see his small
steps turning into solutions. We start to see the authentic side of Bruce. Bruce started
phase one full of angry and looking who to hold accountable to pay the price of losing his
daughter and wife and exploding his family. And in phase two we start to give space to
Bruce to unpack his understanding and version of the story and beginning to take baby
steps to embrace his feelings and emotions. Phase three, we see how the shock and
numbness of Bruce’s life exploding is starting to be replace with accepting what has
happened and feeling the pain and emotions along with it. And in the process, starting to
let the Lord in and allowing the Lord to help him let go of his angry and hurts, which is a
start towards approaching phase four.
Resistance or Relapse
Being attentive to Bruce in our sessions, I can see by his willingness and participation in
doing the homework and the work in the session in seeing a possible relapse and or
resistance. I believe Bruce is resistance to letting go of the guilt at times due to he holds
himself responsible for not being there for his wife and daughter, for his work being a
distraction from relationships with his sons and the Lord. He demonstrates the resistance
by shutting down and not be true to himself or the progress he has made. Bruce also tends
to do activities and go into “fix it” mode to avoid the grief and will disconnect from the
feelings and emotions. I learned from the quick reference on page 10 and Bruce being in
phase 3, he is starting to recognize these disconnecting and shut down responses and
knows he can work to resolve them. I believe relapse could happen more down the road
with Bruce as he starts to embrace to “new” norm of life and relationship with his sons. I
would spent time in sessions talking with Bruce on continue his healing process and
relationship with the Lord and is sons, while creating a new balance of work and personal
life.
Some questions I would generate during this time would be these types of questions.
1. With everything going on, how are things with your spirit?
2. With these feelings and emotions how can you forgive yourself and let the
love of the Lord heal you?
3. How can I pray and support you through out these moments?
With using the step 5 from Clinton and Hawkins quick reference (14) “along with wise
counsel – will guide you in what to do in your counseling interventions.” I would use
this step to put into place to help Bruce and myself walk through those moments of
resistance and possible relapse in our sessions. The “miracle question”, can be a very
helpful tools in this phase as well in guiding Bruce to the next steps and goals. I would
also use as a reference the parts of the action plan from there sections on grief, and guilt
to help guide Bruce in the sessions. I would incorporate ways to bring prayer as comfort
for Bruce and resources to help build his tools box. This could be possible joining grief
groups or connecting with a Stephen Ministry Leader to help him along with spiritual
walk and grief after our time is done.
The Common-Sense Test
In using Kollar (15) Common Sense Test as a guide to help monitor and see the progress
Bruce is making. Asking certain questions within the 3 tenets format, can help Bruce and
myself stay on track of progress and moving through out phase 3. Listed below are some
example questions that could be helpful in each part of the 3 tenets.
1. Tenet One- How have you managed so far? This is putting Bruce in charge of leading
and me following his lead to be helpful and giving him those positive affirmations
and encouragement. And it will start to help Bruce to more of the things that are
starting to work for him then focusing on the guilt and hurt of the situations.
2. Tenet Two- What keeps you going and how does the Lord motivate you through out
the day? This is starting to see what routines work and how the Lord can be in
Bruce’s day encourage him to keep going forward.
3. Tenet Third- Since it is not working how can we change it up. This is giving Bruce’s
permission to shake it up and do something different. To even change ways to
connect with his relationship with the Lord, his sons, and work.
Using these 3 steps is starting to writer out a road map for Bruce to see what is working
or not, how he is improving and changing, and reconnecting with the Lord as well.
Food for Thought
Bruce is making progress and moving into phase four, but he is still dealing with
different types of feelings and emotions. We see through out the movie how Bruce as
moments of being hit with an emotion or getting emotional or angry or just plain shut
down. Being his counselor, it is my position to listen, and encourage Bruce. But one
important factor as a counselor I must do is listen and watch out for possible resistance
and relapse in our sessions. It also to remind Bruce that the Lord is by his side through
out all of this. I would remind Bruce of (16)Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may
fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” In doing these steps I
feel Bruce would be ready to move to phase four.
References
1. Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality
patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources. 22
2. YouTube Movies & TV. (2019). Crossroads [Motion Picture]. New Video Group–
Hallmark Movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMFns6DrIWg
3. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids,
Mich.: Zondervan. p.123
4. Rice, D.A case study on crossroads: A story of forgiveness. Lynchburg, VA.:
Liberty University. (2018)
5. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan. p.63
6. Clinton Tim, and Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling,
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009. P.131
7. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan. p.202
8. Petersen, J. (2015).MWhy don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in
relationshipsM(second ed.). Portland, OR: Petersen Publications. p.93
9. The NASB Reference Bible New American Standard Bible (NASB, 2020 edition)
10. Clinton Tim, and Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling,
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009. P.10-11
11. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan. p.153
12. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan. p.62
13. The NASB Reference Bible New American Standard Bible (NASB, 2020 edition)
14. Clinton Tim, and Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling,
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009.
15. Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term
approach for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan. p.82-84
16. The NASB Reference Bible New American Standard Bible (NASB, 2020 edition)
Bibliography
Carbonell, M. (n.d.). “Uniquely You DISC Assessment. Retrieved fromMhttps://uniquelyyou.org/
Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality patterns. Blue
Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources.
Clinton Tim, and Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling, Grand
Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2009.
*Harris, G., & Eikenberry, K. (n.d.). A Free DISC Personality Test: Gain Insights to Build
Better, Stronger, More Fulfilling Relationships. Retrieved
fromMhttps://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011
Jantz, E. L. (2018). Mentor’s 360° Interview Worksheet.
Kollar, C. A. (2011).MSolution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term approach
for getting people back on trackM(updated and exp. ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich.:
Zondervan.
The NASB Reference Bible New American Standard Bible (NASB, 2020 edition)
Nichols, K. (2017).MMasterpiece: Seeing yourself as God's work of art changes everything.
Lynchburg, VA.: Liberty University Press.
Petersen, J. (2015).MWhy don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in
relationshipsM(second ed.). Portland, OR: Petersen Publications.
Rice, D. (2018). A case study on crossroads: A story of forgiveness. Lynchburg, VA.: Liberty
University.
YouTube Movies & TV. (2019). Crossroads [Motion Picture]. New Video Group– Hallmark
Movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMFns6DrIWg
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