Ministry and Predetermined Care-seeker
Ministry
Right now, I do not have a role in ministry. I currently just attend church. My anticipated
role in ministry is to be an evangelist.
God has shown me that I am to be going around telling people my story of how God
restored me from sexual abuse, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
I am supposed to use my past to help those who suffer from sexual abuse, depression, and
suicidal thoughts, come to God, so He can restore them. “He may not rescue us out of our
suffering, but he promises to be with us every step through it. Our struggles may not
make sense to us now, but we can trust God’s infinite wisdom and kindness.”1\
I am going to take this quote and use it when I am going out and trying to reach the lost
ones who are suffering.
Predetermined Care-seeker
The care-seeker I have chosen is Brody.
Brody is the second son of Bruce and Cindy.
I feel that I can relate to him, because I can relate to somewhat of how he is feeling.
He is having a hard time dealing with the death of his mother and sister.
He feels all alone and wishes he had died also.
Guiding Purpose Statement (GPS)
My GPS is Seeking to be a reflection of Christ, I am committed to becoming an effective
teacher.
Having this GPS will help me keep on track, because I will be aware of how I am to be
reflecting Jesus in my life. It will push me to continue learning from Jesus, so that I may
reflect His character, by teaching others.
Having this GPS while counseling Brody will help me be an effective counselor to him
by teaching him how to go to God and let God help him through the loss of his mother
and sister.
“If Christ lives in us controlling our personalities we will leave glorious marks on the
lives we touch. Not because of our loving character, but because of his. —Eugenia
Price”2
Keeping this in mind, by being a reflection of Christ, I will leave a glorious mark on
Brody.
Rapport, Relational Alignment and Behavioral Position
Personality Type of Brody and Me
Brody
Brody has a “S” personality type with a little of immature “S/C” type.
Brody seems to display that he “feels inadequate and unworthy”3 and “insecure and not
willing to speak out”4. You see this by his behavior of not telling anyone how he is
feeling, but in the end he does tell them how he feels. He feels inadequate and unworthy,
because his dad is not paying attention to him like his mother did.
Another thing that Brody displays is he “often seek positive reinforcement or affirmation
for what you are doing or seeking to do.”5 You see this when he got positive
reinforcement from his mom and is trying to get from his dad.
Brody shows this as well, “you can be insecure because of your lack of confidence. You
sometimes struggle with a poor self-image because people seem to treat you as
insignificant.”6 You see this in him when he says he is alone. Everyone around him,
except Melissa, is not paying that much attention to him.
My Personality Type
According to Professional Leadership Uniquely You, my personality type is “S/C” type.
One of the traits I have is “you prefer helping people by trying to design systems to solve
their problems. Your passion is often discovering new ways of doing things that
eventually make life easier for your closet friends or the less fortunate”7
Another trait is “You like to please and serve others; you really enjoy organizing tasks to
improve outcomes.”8
“You are passionate about being loyal and supporting others.”9
Building Rapport and Relational Alignment
One of the ways I would do to build rapport with Brody is to acknowledge how he is
feeling about the loss of his mother and sister,
Using Technique #1: Acknowledge, from the book Why Don’t We Listen Better?
Communicating and Connecting in Relations by James C. Petersen, which states to “use
words, tone, and body language to acknowledge it’s okay for the talker to feel or think the
way he/she does.”10
Using Technique #2: Repeat accurately, from same book, says to “repeat the last
paragraph, the last sentence, or last word.”11
With both these techniques, I will be showing Brody that I acknowledge how he is
feeling and that I am actively listening to him. This will hopefully bring about trust.
As for our personality types, we both have “S” in us, which will hopefully be a good
thing, because I will be to understand how he is feeling. Because I have the same feeling
at times.
With the personality type of wanting to help others, solve their problems, discovering
new ways to do things, and organizing tasks to improve outcomes will help me with
being able to help Brody. I will rely on these traits to help me find a way to help him to
begin to overcome the feelings that he is having after losing his mom and sister.
I will use the fact that I have felt some of what he is going through as a way to help him
come to a solution of how to deal with the loss.
Behavior Position
The behavioral position that Brody is in right now is blaming position. He may also have
a little of attending behavior.
I think when he first comes to counseling, he may be in the attending phase at first, but I
feel he has the blaming as well.
To me, Brody see the issue at hand, but doesn’t feel he is part “of the problem”12. Brody
does not see that he can be the one to fix the problem, if he would just continue to go and
talk to his father and let his father know how he is feeling.
Brody to me seems to “wants the other person to be different. The other person is defined
as the problem. The counselee views himself as waiting for this person to change.”13 I see
this as the way he reacts to his father and how he wants his father to be like his mother
was with him. He is wanting his father to change, not seeing that he needs to talk to his
father about how he is feeling.
Phase One Distinctive Features
Purpose
In the first session with Brody, it will be my job to listen to his story of how he is feeling
about the loss of his mother and sister.
Goal
To get an accurate account of the problem that Brody is having at this time that he would
like to fix.
Chief Aim
I am going to actively listen to Brody and let him know that I understand.
Role/Responsibility
My role is to build trust with Brody.
I am to use Technique 1: acknowledge to show that I acknowledge how he is feeling.
I am to use Technique #21: Horrible loss which says to “so, what do you say to folks on
the heels of disaster? Nothing. Instead, listen and make a safe place for people to talk out
their disruption and heal.”14 I need to make sure that Brody feels safe, so that he can open
up and be honest about how he is feeling with the hopes of moving on from the loss.
I am to listen to him and gently guide him to solutions that will help him.
I can help Brody do this “reaffirm and therefore allow to come back to life those
characteristics and behaviors that contribute to one’s ongoing and growing life.”15
I can help him “rediscover meaning in life”16 so that he can move on from the loss.
Guiding Assumptions
I need to keep in mind the Guiding Assumptions listed in Solution-Focused Pastoral
Counseling by Charles Allen Kollar.
One of the guiding assumptions that I will keep in mind while counseling Brody is #1
which is “God is already active in the counselee.”17 With keeping this in mind, I will have
confidence that Brody will be able to come up with solutions to his issue. “SFPC assumes
that the counselee is capable of knowing and doing what is necessary to move toward
God’s intended outcome for his problem and for his life.”18
Another assumption that I will rely on is guiding assumptions #5 which is “the counselee
is the expert and defines goals.”19 With this assumption, it will keep me on track that
Brody knows how he feels and also will know what will help him get pass the loss of
mother and sister.
Another assumption is I will use is guiding assumption #7 which says “the counselee is
not the problem, the problem is”20 With keeping this in mind, I will be able to help Brody
see that he is not the problem that the death of mother and sister is the problem. This will
hopefully heal him from the loss, to see it as a tragedy.
Phase One Marker
A way that I will know that I am invited to help is when Brody shows me that he trusts
me.
That he feels safe enough to open up and honestly say how he feels about the loss.
When he begins to be willing to get help and not still blaming.
When I ask him, if he would like to continue with counseling and he say yes.
Food for Thought
Pastoral Care Triage
According to Dr. Cynthia Eriksson, there are three C’s of Pastoral Care Triage. They are
crisis, complexity and caution.
In the crisis part, you are to find out what the problem is.
Crisis part has two things to look out for. They are “Immediate crisis needs immediate
action, and report of abuse and neglect”21 When either of these are present, you need to
act accordingly to help the counselee.
In the complexity part, there are two things to look out for. They are thinking about time
and beware of unusual symptoms. As the counselor, you need to make sure that you can
commit to the time needed to help the counselee, if not able then refer to someone who
can.
In the caution part, there are three things to look out for. They are when you feel like you
are the only person that can help, sexually attractive to that person you know, and power.
When any of these things occur, you need to get others involved.
Referrals
All pastors who do pastoral counseling need to set up a referral base in case they may
have to refer the counselee to someone else for help.
According to the article, Pastoral Counseling: The Art of Referral, it describes 11 ways to
develop a referral base.
These are: word of mouth, your predecessor, other pastors, physicians, interview,
seminars, mental health agencies, funeral directors, ministerial alliance, chaplaincy, and
keeping notes.22
There are things to avoid when making this referral base.
They are counselors who have little regard for the sanctity of marriage commitment, who
is fixed on one method, repressed memory therapy, looking to the past, regards all
religious belief to be pathogenic, who subscribe to the co-dependency/recovery
grassroots movement,.”23
When you do refer counselee to someone else make sure that they do not feel rejected by
you. Let the counselee know that you still want to be involved.
Footnotes
1. Ken Nichols Dr., Masterpiece: Seeing Yourself as God’s Work of Art Changes Everything!, (Virigina::
Liberty University Press, 2017), 82.
2. Ken Nichols Dr., Masterpiece:, 60.
3. Mels Carbonell, How To Solve the People Puzzle, (Georgia: Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 31.
4. Mels Carbonell, How To Solve, 31.
5. Ibid., 32.
6. Ibid., 171.
7. Mels, Carbonell, “Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,” 2023 Retrieved from
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/371386
8. Mels, Carbonell, “Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,”
9. Mels, Carbonell, “Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,”
10. James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships, (Oregon:
Petersen Publications, 2022), 10.
11. James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better?, 10.
12. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach For Getting
People Back on Track, (Michigan: Zondervan,2011), 81.
13. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 81.
14. James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better?, 179.
15. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guides to Biblical Counseling, (Michigan:
BakerBooks, 2009), 61.
16. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference, 61.
17. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 62.
18. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 62-63.
19. Ibid., 72.
20. Ibid., 77.
21. Cynthia Eriksson, “Three C’s of Pastoral Counseling”
http://www.youtuber.com/warch?v=rBfnKM7xb28
22. “Pastoral Counseling: The Art of Referral” Ministry Magazine,
http://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/2002/09/pastoral -counseling-the-art-of-referral.html
23. “Pastoral Counseling: The Art of Referral” Ministry Magazine,
Bibliography
Carbonell, Mels, (2008) How To Solve the People Puzzle, Blue Ridge: GA, Uniquely You
Resources
Carbonell, Mels, “Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,” 2023 Retrieved from
https://www.uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/371386
Clinton, Tim Dr., and Dr. Ron Hawkins, (2009) The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical
Counseling, Grand Rapids, MI, BakerBooks
Eriksson, Cynthia, “Three C’s of Pastoral Counseling”
http://www.youtuber.com/warch?v=rBfnKM7xb28
Koller, Charles A., (2011) Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-term
Approach For Getting People Back On Track, Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan
Nichols, Ken Dr., (2018) Masterpiece: Seeing Yourself as God’s Work for Art Changes
Everything, Lynchburg, VA, Zondervan Bible Publisher
“Pastoral Counseling: The Art of Referral” Ministry Magazine,
http://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/2002/09/pastoral -counseling-the-art-of-referral.html
Petersen, James C., (2015), Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in
Relationships, Portland, OR: Petersen Publication
Rice, D., A Case Study on Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness Liberty University, 2018.
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