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Peacemaker Project
Liberty University
LEAD-610
Mary Guidry
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Contents
Introduction………………………………………………………………………………………3
Glorify God………………………………………………………………………………………4
Conflicts Provides Opportunities……………………………………………………………..5
Live at Peace…………………………………………………………………………………..6
Trust in the Lord and Do Good……………………………………………………………….7
Get the Log Out of Your Own Eye …………………………………………………………….9
Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?........................................................................................10
Conflict Starts in the Heart…………………………………………………………………...10
Confession Brings Freedom…………………………………………………………………..11
Gently Restore ………………………………………………………………………………….12
Just Between the Two of You ………………………………………………………………..13
Speak the Truth in Love ……………………………………………………………………...13
Take One or Two Others Along………………………………………………………………13
Go and Be Reconciled ………………………………………………………………………….14
Forgive as God Forgave You…………………………………………………………………14
Look Also to the Interest of Others…………………………………………………………...15
Overcome Evil with Good……………………………………………………………………15
Conclusion……………………………………………………………………………………….16
References………………………………………………………………………………………..17
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Introduction
God design human being to be in relationships. However, being in relationship will ensure
conflict. Simply because people are from different backgrounds, environment, and all have had
different experiences. If we turn on the television we hear about conflict. If we go to church there
is conflict. Facebook, a form of social media is all about conflicts. People are angry and feel a
social injustice and they process their feelings there for the whole nation to know what is going
on in their lives and the conflicts they are having with each other. Often Jesus get left in the
background because everyone is concern about what they are going through and they forget
Jesus is Lord. I believe that conflict is a thief. It robs you of your peace, joy, and happiness. John
10:10 says the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy but Jesus came that we may have life and
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life more abundantly. Therefore, conflict is a tool that the enemy uses as a distraction and to keep
the people of God off focus and it works.
Everyone does not deal with conflict in the same manner. Some may deal with appropriately
and others not so. It is important to remember that know two people are the same not even
identical twins. God created us in this manner. Every offense that opposes itself can be
devastating to a relationship with long-term consequences. God has called us to be peacemakers.
He tells us to seek peace at all cost. As believers, we should be able to take conflicts and turn
them into blessings and opportunities for God to be glorifies. The word of God tells us that we
are over comers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
Glorify God
The conflict in my paper will center on my youngest son’s father, Lloyd. It appears we have
been in conflict since the day I married another man that I was in love with. My relationship with
my son father had been over for me but apparently it was not over for him. I felt he still an
obligation to provide for his son and to me in his son’s life the way a father should. Yes, my son
gained a step-father who was very good to him but he still had his biological father. His father
was so angry with me for getting married and he made a decision to divorce his son and that
became a problem for me. During this time period, I was not saved. I had not confessed Jesus
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Christ as my Lord and Savior. Therefore, I was not handling conflicts in a manner in which I
should have.
I would call Lloyd and ask when he was coming to visit his son or pick him up and spend
time with him. It was important to me for him to have a relationship with his Dad because I grew
up without my parents and that has always been hard on me. I did not want my son to feel and go
through those negative emotions. His dad would say he was coming but he would never show
up.I would reach out to his oldest sister to get her to talk to her brother about his role as a father.
My son was the only child he had at this time. His sister was not successful in this process either.
I decided to reach out to the Attorney General Office for help with child support since Lloyd
was not willing to provide for his son. The day came when we went to court. Even though I was
not saved I have always tried to do the right thing by people. Lloyd was driving 18 Wheeler
trucks. He was making very good money and he only had himself to provide for. The Judge
wanted to look at Lloyd’s paycheck stub to determine how much his child support would be but I
asked Lloyd how much child support he could pay and pay it faithfully each month. He said;
200.00 and I agreed to this amount. Needless to say, none of his child support payments were
made on time. Our son is 27 years old as of today and he is still in the red arrears with his
payments. This is very painful to me because I feel he disappointment our son and has made my
son feel like he wasn’t wanted or accepted by his father.
Conflict Provides Opportunities
In any conflict, I have always tried to work through them or I would go into escape or attack
mode. Under the escape, response I probably would fall under the denial and flight categories. As
it relates to denial, I would tell my son that there were not any problems or concerns between me
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and his dad. I believe my son knew that was not the truth. I tend to place a smile on my face and
act like everything is alright when I am boiling over in the inside or there is a deep sadness.
My grandmother raised me until I was 12 years of age. She passed away and then I had to
raise myself. I did not have other family to care for me. I began a survival. I would sleep on the
street, under bridges, and on railroad tracks. So for the majority of my life I have been a fighter.
So when it came down to confrontation with my son’s father I was always ready to confront him.
One of my biggest struggles was speaking before I take the time to think about what I was
going to say. It was like acting on impulse. I have had to fight within myself for me not to say
anything negative about my son’s father to him. However, I would call his sister or brother and
talk negative about him and he would do the same. He wanted them to agree with him but of
course they were not behind him not taking care of his child. In actually, this could be harmful to
every person involved because we are all connected in one way or another.
My oldest son does not share the father as my youngest son has. I have found myself speaking
negative to my oldest son about the lack of a relationship between my youngest son and his
father. I know this course of action will not resolve anything; I am guilty of continuing the
behavior. However, this behavior does not bring God any glory. Effective communication is the
key in all human relationships. Christians should always bring glory in all our relationships. I
realize I am not perfect and the majority of these things happened before I became save yet we
are still in conflict today.
This is an ongoing conflict between me and Lloyd. I must say reading the Peacemaker has
shed some light for me on this issue. I have not confronted Lloyd yet to reconcile but I am
moving in that direction. I believe it is God’ will for us to overlook offenses. I believe that he
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would want us to negotiate, meditate, arbitrate, and reconcile offenses. Lloyd can be what is
called hard headed. I believe a lot of his family to not call him out on his behaviors because he
has this way of twisting things and he takes the victim stance.
I do not believe that negotiation is an option for us. I believe it is still his responsibility to pay
the monies that he should have paid before he son turned of age. Lloyd ideal of negotiation is
telling him that he does not have to pay the money and for me to forgive the debt. I am unwilling
to forgive his debt. Lloyd will say that he knows the Lord but of course for me that is
questionable. I feel this way because God being a father himself definitely does a good job of
providing for his children and they should be of like spirit. The word of God tells us to treat
people the way we want to be treated. I would be alright if someone was holding me accountable
for providing for my children. I would lay down my life for anyone of my children any day of
the week. I do not believe that I am trying to escape this situation. However, according to the
test, people who use escape are usually peace-faking and this is just not who I am.
Today, I am a soul winner for Christ. There is nothing that gives me greater joy than when a
person except Jesus Christ as they Lord and Savior. It is important how people see me. I still
internalize a lot of hurt, disappointment, and sadness due to this conflict with Lloyd.
Nevertheless, when Lloyd and I are at the same gathering, I try and show him kindness but a
person can still see the disconnect between he and I. When I think about Jesus disciples, I
wonder how well did they get alone. I know there were times when they were rebuked and even
criticized by others. However, Jesus called them to servant hood so, they had no other choice but
to continue to serve. We know Peter was a curser but Jesus told him if you love me Peter then
feed my sheep. Jesus was talking about people. I believe this demonstrate that people are not
perfect but yet they still can be used by the trinity which consist of God the Father, God the Son,
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and God the Holy Spirit. Therefore, I believe I have to continue to serve people and work toward
applying the principle from the Sande’s text to work through my conflict. The word of God tells
us to be imitators of Christ according to 1Corinthians 11:1. For me, this is a daily work.
Therefore, I have to stand on God’s word as I continue to work through this conflict with Lloyd.
I believe this situation will cause me to come out in the end looking more like Christ than before.
I must take the principles I have learned from the text and apply them to the conflict I am having
with Lloyd. I believe this conflict is a situation that God has allowed and that it will work out for
my God. The word of God tells me: no weapons formed against me shall prosper and every
tongue that rises up in judgment shall be condemned.
Live at Peace
God tells us in his word to seek Peace at all cost. Jesus said that he would not leave us
comfortless but he would send us a comforter his name is the Holy Spirit. As a people, and
especially Christians we cannot earn God approval through our works. Romans 10:9 says that if
we believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that Jesus died on the cross and was raised
from the dead then thou shall be saved. I confess Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I gave my
life to him on May 11, 1994. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Peace for me comes
through knowing that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and the fact that God forgives sins.
I am unwilling to say that Lloyd is not a Christian. It is not my place to judge him or no one
else for that matter. My behavior has not always been godly but I know Jesus is my Lord and
Savior. I understand that I am still a church under construction and maybe Lloyd is to. No man is
perfect. However, the conflict between he and I is still there and when he is suppose to make his
payments and he don’t, it seems like the conflict grows. I have peace in so many other areas of
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my life but I do not have peace in this conflict with Lloyd. The Bible tells us to confess our faults
to one another so that we may be healed. I am expressing my fault through the Peacemaker
Project. I am determined to work through this conflict with Lloyd so I can enter into that place
of peace and be reconciled.
Trust in the Lord and Do Good
I must admit that I do not like being in conflict with Lloyd. I do not like being hurt and
disappoint or angry when his child support payments are not received. However, God says that
we can be angry but sin not. Lloyd and I are not estranged but yet the conflict exist between he
and I. We have been commanded by God to love others as ourselves. Being in conflict with
Lloyd does not mean that I do not love him with the love of Christ. It simply means we have a
problem that has turned into a conflict that has to be work through and worked out. I am willing
to admit that I have not did everything in my power to work through this conflict. As a matter of
fact, I am war with myself almost on a daily basis not to call the Office of the Attorney General
to have them take away his CDL (Commercial Driver License) and his Class C Drivers License.
If I did that he would be able to work at all. Plus every decision I make concerning this conflict
with Lloyd, I have to check the content of myheart. I have been called through God’s word to
seek reconciliation with my brother. God tells me to leave my gifts at the altar and go to my
brother and work this conflict out. However, at this time, Lloyd is only open to not paying his
arrears at all, therefore, the conflict still exist because I am unwilling to suspend and dismissed
all payments owed. However, I am learning tools that will bring God glory and help me live in
peace.
Get the Log Out of Your Own Eye
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When dealing with conflict it is important to ask yourself if this is worth fighting over. I
believe that it is because it is not fair to me to have had to take on all the emotion, spiritual and
financial roles that came with raising our son. The thing is after all these years he still does not
want to fulfill his obligations. However, at his family reunions he always wanted to take our son
and show him off like he was the father that our son needed. If the conflict was just personal and
involved material things then I would say no it is not worth fighting for. I believe m y conflict
has a lot to do with principles. After all Lloyd has lied on me, he has gossiped, and slandered my
name. All of these because I decided to marry someone else and move forward in my life. He felt
like my decision gave him a right to divorce our son.
I want to resolve this conflict. I have learned through my readings that I have to make sure my
attitude and behavior is godly. It is important for me to turn this situation over to God and rejoice
during this conflict. God has commanded us to cast all our care on to him. This is something I
must do. There are some cares we immediately turn over to God and then sometimes we be like
God I got this one but no. We must cast all our cares on to the Lord.
Is This Really Worth Fighting Over
My behavior toward Lloyd has not embodied the things I have read about in the Peacemaker
Workbook. The word of God tells us in 1Peter 4:8 that love covers a multitude of sins. Have I
loved Lloyd, yes? Have I loved him deeply, no. One way I can give God glory in this conflict is
to identify thing about Lloyd that I do love. I can thankful because of him I have a beautiful son
that loves God with all of his being. I ponder if I should over look this offense. Sand (2012)
points out two conditions when overlooking offenses 1) the offense should not have created a
wall between you and the person for a long period of time and, 2) the offense should not cause
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serious harm god, others, or to the offender. My Pastor always say that it is better to suffer a
wrong then to do a wrong. I agree with him. I feel that I suffer a wrong for 18 years and I do not
believe that because of all the hurt, and disappointments caused by Lloyd not only to me but to
our son should just be over look.
Conflict Starts in the Heart
I would like to not allow this conflict to affect me but it does. I find myself constantly pre-
occupied with different thoughts. Lloyd should pay his child support every two weeks and each
time he does not pay I relive the emotions. There is this constant nagging of emotions that tend to
over flood my mind. I think if Lloyd would just pay his child support then I could go on to live
my life in whole peace. I am not saying that Lloyd and I need to have a relationship at this time
because our son is old enough to have his own relationship with his father if he chooses.
However, I do not want to continue to live this conflict in my heart and the negative emotions
that goes alone with it.
I know that having this conflict has caused problems in other relationships and especially with
Lloyd’s family. I think they feel if they invite me to family functions then they are taking sides
with me. So to prevent this I just don’t attend their functions even though I would like to
especially with our son. I am very proud of the young man and father that our son is. I am proud
of the work I did as his mother through God’s grace.
Over the course of 27 years, I have felt frustrated, bitterness, resentments, and almost every
other negative emotion. I feel like I go through each one of these stages over and over again. I
know that I do not want to hurt anyone but neither do I want to hurt. I know that man looks at the
outer appearance but God looks in at the heart. I do not think my expectations for Lloyd is too
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high. I want to be treated with dignity and respect. The way I see it is that we have a son together
and it is his responsibility to help provide for him and he just have not done that. According to
Sande (2012) I have two course of action: 1) to seek God and his fulfillment or 2) keep fighting
to achieve my ultimate goal even if it means dealing with disappointments. At this time, I am
lending toward the first course of action.
Confession Brings Freedom
No conflict is easy for an individual. Therefore, this conflict has not been easy for me.
Sometimes, it is almost like an idol. I do not think it is even so much about the money than it is
about the act. The resentments I have toward Lloyd for having to raise our son by alone and he
not turning out to be the father I thought he would be. I tend to talk about him behind his back
with some of our friends. At times, I feel the need to defend myself in regards to my actions.
According to Sande (2012) the Seven A’s of peacemaking within the peacemaker suggests to
use them in order so they are effective. The first step is to address everyone that is involved in
the conflict. 1John 1:9 says that if we confess our sin then God is faithful and just to forgive us
and then to cleanse us from all unrighteous. This is a two-part blessing. James 5:16 says, confess
our sins to one another so that we may be healed. There is power in confession. Second, is to
avoid blaming and excuses. Conflicts starts in the heart but confess places me on the road to
redemption and reconciliation.
It is important to acknowledge the heart (Sande, 2012). I believe my greatest problem in all of
this was just allowing the negative feelings to continue to grow toward my son’s father. I need to
ask Lloyd for forgiveness whether are not he forgives me is up to him but it is my place to ask
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for the forgiveness. Confession leads people to salvation. Confession is a huge component in
reconciliation.
Gently Restore
I really do not have any conflicts with other people that I know of. I am the type of person
who likes to work through conflict immediately. So, if there are others, I am unaware of them.
God tells us if we have unforgiveness in heart then leave our gifts at the altar and go and be
reconciled to your brethren. If I am aware that someone has something against me god wants me
to take the initiative in seeking peace. Does offense need to be addressed? No, there are some
things that do not even needs to be considered.
Just Between the Two of You
I do not believe Lloyd and I need to involve other people. I believe we need to come
together and work through this conflict as adults, children of God and like parents. I believe that
genuine relationships should involve personal communication (Sande, 2012).
Speak the Truth in Love
I am an extremely patient person. The ability to listen is one of my strongest traits. Maybe
this is because I counsel people daily in my career. I like to think that I have been very patient
with Lloyd but I am sure if you asked him, he would say I have not. Actions speak louder than
words. My solution is to stop avoiding Lloyd. It is important for me to go to Lloyd and speak
my truth but do it in love and not in malice. I have to embrace the positives.
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It is important to have direct personal contact because direct personal contact will allow me to
observe his facial expressions and his body language (Sande, 2012). Ephesians 4:15 commands
us to speak with love and to tell the truth. According to Sande (2012) it is important to use I
statements soothe person will not feel attacked. There are so many questions I will like to ask
Lloyd. I am willing to accept my faults and move forward in having our relationship be
reconciled.
Take One or Two Others Along
I know the importance of taking others alone when trying to solve a conflict. I am
representative the Office of the Attorney General which is present in court. However, I want to
set up a private meeting between us to try and resolve our conflict. Lloyd tends to have a better
understanding of things if he does not feel like he is being judged by other people. I know I can
turn to others in the body of Christ if I cannot resolve the conflict on my own.
Go and Be Reconciled
When Jesus died on the cross, he died for the remission of our sins. We were forgiven at the
cross. Jesus was without sin yet he died for us. This is something that we did not deserve but yet
God forgave us. This is the same spirit that we should have when dealing with other individuals
be it saved or unsaved. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be kind hearted, be king to one another, and to
forgive one another. Forgiveness brings reconciliation.
Forgive as God Forgave You
I am lending on God’s guidance and grace to be able to forgive this incident. The truth of the
matter is God blessed me to raise my son alone and with the help of some other very special
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people. I am truly grateful for true friendship and family. I will no longer alone this incident to
stand between me and my son’s father. I will not give the enemy glory any longer. The Bible tells
me in the Book of Isaiah to remember not the former things of old. I will no longer harbor any
bitterness or resentments toward Lloyd. The truth is writing this paper, reading “The
Peacemaker” and reflecting on god’s word has brought me to this place of reconciliation and
forgiveness. The Peacemaker replacement principle has helped me a lot. It says that as I pray for
Lloyd and reflect on the offense those thoughts will become positive thoughts (Sande, 2012).
When a person display loving actions they can do more than just change a person feelings, they
communicate in no unmistakable terms the true reality of one’s forgiveness and their
commitment to reconciliation.
Look Also to the Interest of Others
I believe it is important for me to mediate on God’s word before my scheduled meeting with
Lloyd. Yes, I have scheduled a meeting with him. I believe it is important for me and for him to
be honest with each other. I am not sure if The Peacemaker “creative solutions” applies but I will
encourage Lloyd to mention any and all ideas that may come to mind.
I believe that I should use affirming words with Lloyd and back them up with affirming
interest in doing this is to ensure peace in the relationship between me and my son’s father and
for the benefit of both of our families. I feel we both need to earnestly seek to understand each
other and to focus on each other personal feelings and issues. I am sure we will have differences
in opioin and that is fine because we always have. I believe the ability for us to communicate
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effective will be huge. I believe it will be important for us to use objective criteria to evaluate the
different options we will have before us (Sande, 2012).
Overcome Evil with Good
The one thing for me to remember here is that it takes two to make peace. Matthew :44 tells
us to pray for our enemies. I will continue to pray for Lloyd heart because I know only God can
change it. My job is to honor God by doing the right thing and God’s job is to do the changing.
No matter what the outcme is from my meeting with Lloyd, I will continue to do the right thing
to win him over and to continue to obey God. The number one weapon according to god’s word
is love. I will continue to show Lloyd love whether are not he pay his child support. At the end of
the day it all comes back to the gospel. How can I keep on praying, loving, and caring for
someone who mistreats me? That question now is easy to answer, with the love of God and how
will I overcome evil with good? The answer is with love.
Conclusion
There are some any good steps learned to help an individual solved conflict. The Peacemaker
was and is a very good tool to read and learn from. The author provides some very practical steps
to solving conflict. However, for me the Bible will always be my go to source.
I am a Christian. However, this does not mean that I am perfect nor does it mean I always get
things right the first time. Sometimes it is needed to rehear the word of God. Sometimes, it is
needed to go across different resources like The Peacemaker to provide practical steps in helping
a person solve their conflict.
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It is important to follow the steps one by one. Do not try and jump the steps because one may
not receive the outcome in which one may seek. The important thing to remember that all
conflict can be solved if every party involved is willing to work through their issues. It is
important not to look for blame of focus on who fault it is. It is important to focus on the solution
and not the problem. As conflicts are worked through, God should be glorified in everything that
we as Christians do. God has design us to constant be in relationships with other people because
of this we will have conflicts. It is important to work through the conflict immediately if at all
possible. If not dealt with soon it can lead to different levels of bitterness and resentments. I
believe that resentments block us from God.
The thing to remember is no two people are alike. We are raised in different backgrounds with
different upbringing. Conflicts can cause permanent damage to relationship if not solved in a
correct or godly manner. As you have seen, reading this paper, for Christians it can be difficult
living in a world that is filled with so much darkness, especially when we have conflicts brewing
in our own lives.
References:
Pegues, D. (2009). Confronting without offending. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers.
Sande, K. (2004). The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving PersonConflict. GrandRapids
BakerBooks.
