Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness 1
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness
Laura D. Williams
Liberty University
Integration of Spirituality and Counseling (B03)
Professor John Wheatley
September 24, 2023
Author Note
Laura D. Williams
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Laura D. Williams.
ldwilliams31@liberty.edu
Abstract
In this paper, I will be discussing the article “Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness” by
authors Julie H. Hall and Frank D. Fincham. This article reviews how when we speak on
forgiveness, we rarely speak on self-forgiveness of the person who committed the act. It also
discusses when the actual act of self-forgiveness is appropriate as it depends on the situation.
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness 2
This paper will give a summary of the journal article as well as my thoughts and application to
the information learned after reading this paper.
Keywords: self-forgiveness, forgiveness, research, wrongdoer, appropriate
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness
In the article “Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness” by authors Julie H. Hall
and Frank D. Fincham, I was able to learn more about self-forgiveness. In the bible we were told
in Matthew 6:14 NIV “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you.”(NIV, 2011). But overall, such little is mentioned in today’s world
about forgiving yourself when you were the wrongdoer . I have always heard the term
“Forgiveness is for you and not the other person”, meaning if someone was to harm you by
letting go of the pain and anger they caused you it will do more good to let it go. When Jesus
died on the cross he died not only for our sins but he took the guilt and shame we must feel when
we ask for forgiveness. We will discuss today what self-forgiveness may look like in this article.
(Hall & Fincham, 2005)
One key point in the article was when we should consider self-forgiveness appropriate.
There are certain instances where self-forgiveness can be needed but the person is actually not at
fault. One example that was given is with suicide. Most people tend to feel guilty or responsible
for the suicide of a loved one. Now the article states that yes, the person is fitting of the need of
self-forgiveness unless they were someway responsible for why the person chose to commit
suicide. (Hall & Fincham, 2005)
The next two instances when the appropriateness of self-forgiveness is debated is during
acts of rape or murder. The article stated that whether a victim forgives their attacker plays a role
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness 3
in some way to how self-forgiveness is appropriate for these cases. It was perceived that if the
attacker is actually remorseful for the crime then this is less controversial. Some people believe
that self-forgiveness is always appropriate no matter what the situation is. (Hall & Fincham,
2005)
Another main point in this article was the truth between actual self-forgiveness and
pseudo self-forgiveness. This article mentions that self-forgiveness is when the person actually
admits to doing something wrong while pseudo self-forgiveness is when the person does not see
any wrong in the action or harm they have caused. In the article, it states that “True self-
forgiveness is often a long and arduous process that requires much self-examination and may be
very uncomfortable.”(Hall & Fincham, 2005) and “pseudo self-forgiveness may be achieved by
self-deception and/or rationalization, in which the offender fails to "own up" to his/her behavior
and its consequences.” (Hall & Fincham, 2005). The authors mentioned it may be hard to
distinguish the true self-forgiveness but it is possible.
Reflection
I picked this article due to the title and thought it would be more on forgiving yourself for
small mistakes and on your journey with Christ. However, this article was very interesting and
gave more insight and a different aspect on how the wrongdoer views and if they should forgive
themselves for harsh acts. I never thought about this aspect as I seen many cases or shows where
the victim has a huge impact and life change due to the act of something such a rape, murder,
abuse, assault, etc. You hardly see anything about the aggressor going forward with their life and
how they deal with any remorse or living with their actions.
I believe this was a good argument due to the great arguments of should everyone be able
to act on self-forgiveness and/or when is it appropriate to do so. I think it is very hard to say so
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness 4
and I am not even sure where I stand on this. In the bible in Matthew 7: 1-2 it tells us, “Do not
judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and
with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (NIV, 2011). But does this mean we
should in any way excuse someone who commits acts of rape, assault and murder. I agree with
the authors when they stated it is way less controversial when they are actually remorseful for
what they did. However, I do believe in most cases that unfortunately we have to forgive people
who are not even sorry at times and not for them but for our own sanity.
Application
My scenario I will be using is a male client seeking coaching or counseling for his anger
issues. The client has a history of abusing his ex-wife and is now seeking help for himself. I
would first pray with God alone to not hold any bias over me while working with this client and
ask the Holy Spirit to lead the conversation. I would also pray over the client to enter the heart of
the client as well and pray over the session.
To use to application of Self-Forgiveness, I would first like to get to know the client and
learn about any things from the past that may show some indicators of where this anger or reason
why he may have been abusive. To clarify, I would not be curing the client or treating him with
anything but I do believe it is important to assess these factors so we both may get a better
understanding of what may be causing this anger. By using reflection and asking very important
questions, we may get a better sense of where this stems from and how to go forward.
After getting to the bottom of this we can move forward with asking God for forgiveness
and start to work on self-forgiveness. By first admitting that he is wrong and owning up to what
he did plays a valuable part. That is the only way self-forgiveness can work. As we work on
reflection we can then also work on how moving forward we can create goals that will help with
Self-Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness 5
him forgiving himself. The article states that self-forgiveness can be “positively associated with
self-esteem and life satisfaction and negatively associated with neuroticism, depression, anxiety,
and hostility.”(Hall & Fincham, 2005). With this collaboration of a coach or counselor the client
can experience self-forgiveness and hopefully make better choices in the future.
References
Hall, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (2005). SELF-FORGIVENESS: THE STEPCHILD OF
FORGIVENESS RESEARCH. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24(5), 621-
637. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2005.24.5.621
New International Version. 2011 Matthew 6:14
New International Version. 2011 Matthew 7: 1-2
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