PARENTING STYLES FOR OPTIMAL CHILD DEVELOPMENT 1
Parenting Styles for Optimal Child Development: Authoritative and Compassion-Focused
D.I.
School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University
Author Note
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to D.I.
Email
PARENTING STYLES FOR OPTIMAL CHILD DEVELOPMENT 2
Abstract
Parenting styles are influential in shaping and forming children. The four different parenting
styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful each have predictable outcomes;
authoritative parenting is considered the most desirable for child positive outcomes (Broderick &
Blewitt, 2020). Kirby proposes reshaping evidence-based parenting programs (EBPPs) with a
compassion-focused parenting style to create better parenting practices (2020). After researching
these practices, an authoritative compassion focused approach seems optimal for building
healthy children and parents.
Keywords: Parenting styles, authoritative, compassion-focused, parenting
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Parenting Styles for Optimal Child Development: Authoritative and Compassion-Focused
Introduction
Parenting styles include the how to’s or techniques of parenting. Parents must consider
how to use warmth and understanding in their responsiveness to their children as well as when to
allow autonomy and practice in decision making (Broderick & Blewitt 2020). As a child grows,
parents must decide when to release control as well as how to provide clear expectations of
responsible behaviors needed for social growth and flourishing (Broderick & Blewitt 2020).
These decisions are vital to developing healthy children, yet according to Kirby parenting
practices can be improved by implementing compassion-focused parenting (2020). The need for
parenting workshops that include authoritative parenting strategies and compassion-focused
approaches to child rearing are essential to building healthy homes and families.
Parenting Styles
Parenting styles have been categorized into four distinct types of parenting: authoritative,
authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful. These styles are on a continuum of behavior with
intersecting levels of warmth and control which define these styles (Broderick & Blewitt 2020).
Authoritative parenting includes high levels of warmth and control where children feel the
support and the value of their own voice, and children are heard and allowed autonomy. Parents
are responsive to their needs, but they also hold the child accountable to meet expectations and
respond with maturity (Broderick & Blewitt, 2020). This is different from authoritarian
parenting where children must follow the demands of the parent (control), yet input from the
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child is not allowed. They also receive little warmth. They are taught to obey the parent and
conform to the rules without any input or individual expressiveness (Broderick & Blewitt 2020).
This style of parenting is restrictive and less than nurturing. Permissive parenting is characterized
by expecting very little from the child to meet maturity demands often allowing excessively poor
behavior. The parent has little to no control over the child while being warm and doting, often
refusing to discipline (Broderick & Blewitt 2020). Finally, the neglectful parenting style is low
on control and warmth. These are the parents who take little to no responsibility for the needs of
their child. They offer little support for emotional, social, or physical health and connectedness
(Broderick & Blewitt, 2020).
Compassion-Focused Parenting
Compassion-focused parenting is being tuned in to the suffering of the child and then
acting to alleviate that suffering (Kirby, 2020). Responding to a child’s needs with empathy and
a motivation to relieve pain as well as helping a child cope with experiences that he or she must
endure creates the safe environment a young child needs to thrive emotionally and socially
(Kirby, 2020).
Importance to the Field of Human Development
The impact of these ways of parenting on children is significant to the growth and
development of the child and can predict certain characteristics and behaviors that will manifest
in their lifetime. While the use of evidence based parenting programs (EBPPs) have been useful
in helping parents use a more authoritative parenting style and stem off maladaptive social
behaviors, Kirby suggests the benefits of compassion focused parenting to meet the needs of the
developing child is an important addition to parenting style and crucial to developing social
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intelligence (2020). This in turn sets the foundation for physiological responses to help regulate
the child and provide a strong basis for relationships (Kirby, 2020).
Developmental Impact
The developmental impact of parenting styles on children continues from the toddler
years through adolescence. Children who come from homes with parents who use authoritative
parenting styles experience “positive outcomes” of these parenting practices such as the ability to
communicate and connect to others as well as adjust to novel situations (Broderick & Blewitt,
2020). These children show less offensive and disruptive behaviors in social settings, they think
well of themselves and are able regulate their emotional responses (Broderick & Blewitt, 2020).
Carroll expounds that in longitudinal studies children whose parents use authoritative parenting
styles have greater academic success and are more likely to finish high school than children
whose parents employ authoritarian, permissive, or neglectful parenting styles (2022). Sangawi
et al., conducted research to discover parenting styles affect academic self-concept (ASC) and
whether children personalize these conceptions about themselves creating self-esteem issues and
problem behavior to which they concluded there is a direct correlation between the two (2018).
These studies show a clear connection to the developmental impact of parenting styles on
children and encourage the creation of parenting workshops for skilled authoritative parenting
styles.
Kirby picks up where others left off and argues that a compassion focused parenting style
must be added to parenting style for optimum levels of beneficence for the children (2020). In
this approach parents become keenly aware of emotional regulation and how to help their
children deal with the stress of “threat in defensive ways” as well as the negative emotions of
“anger, anxiety, and disgust” (Kirby, 2020, p. 7). This in turn, creates a support system for the
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development of the child to connect to others in their lifetime and provides internal healthy self-
compassion and self-talk (Kirby, 2020).
It is clear that parenting styles have an impact on the child cognitively, socially,
emotionally, and relationally. Carroll asserts that children who had authoritative parenting styles
were the most emotionally stable and capable while children of authoritarian parenting styles,
where parents manipulate children with strategies of control, were most harmful. He further
states authoritative parenting style is associated with children who develop strengths in
academics, stronger regulation of emotional responses, and less behavioral and maladaptive
behaviors (2022).
Kirby claims that compassion focused parenting provides a support system for the
regulation of physiological responses and increases the child’s understanding of self awareness
and compassion toward themselves and others (2020).
Faith and Professional Perspectives
God as our parent is both highly responsive and highly demanding. These are the
qualities of an authoritative parenting style. 1 John 3:1 states, “See what great love the Father
has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God…” God has called us his children
and poured out his love on us; he is a highly responsive God. He has created us for relationship
and delights when we accept his invitation to know him and commune with him. He is also a
highly demanding God, revealing expectations for us through his word. 1 John 1: 9 reveals his
high expectations for us to “confess our sins” and to allow his forgiveness to cleanse us. We are
to “keep his commands” 1 John 2:3 and to “live as Jesus did” 1 John 2:6. We are called the
children of God throughout the entire book of 1 John and we are called to “love… with actions
and in truth” 3:18 (New International Version, 1978, 2011). This is our highly responsive and
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demanding God. He has given us all we need to model good parenting to our children if we
continue to grow in him and mature as his children.
In scripture the first word to describe God is from Exodus 34:6 “The LORD, the LORD, the
compassionate and gracious God…” The prophet Isaiah of the Old Testament described God as
a compassionate mother who would not forget his children, who is compelled to act on behalf of
his children (New International Version, 1978, 2011). When Jesus enters the scene, he describes
himself as a mother hen who wants to gather his children unto himself. Jesus is moved by
compassion touching the sick and the marginalized to act on their behalf, to bring relief and
healing. This is the essence of compassion: one who is moved to act on behalf of the suffering of
another. Our heavenly father is our first understanding of what good parenting and healthy
relationships look like. This is important to understanding good parental relationship styles and
how to raise emotionally healthy mature children. As Christians, Christ asks us to act with
compassion: to move into the suffering of others and respond in ways that alleviate that
suffering. Parents doing this for their children will build the connections of affiliative responses
that promote healthy behaviors. It is what children need to thrive.
Christian human service providers must maintain a biblical perspective to helping
families create nurturing spaces for families, but they must also provide research based methods
to meet the needs of these families. Providers should consider best practices and strategies that
promote efficacy and are helpful in building affiliative bonds. There is power in the comingling
of scripture and research based methods when used in counseling services.
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Resources
Educational Readings
“What is My Parenting Style? Four Types of Parenting.” One will discover a
knowledgeable explanation of parenting styles and their effects on children. One will also have
access to a webinar where one may assess personal parenting style. These tools will help a
parent find balance in parenting, guiding and developing a style that is compatible with one’s
child and creating what Baumrind calls a “goodness of fit” where communication, relationship,
and expectations are prioritized (What is My Parenting Style?, 2021).
“The Next Generation of Parenting Interventions: The Role of Mindfulness and
Compassion.” This article will strengthen one’s understanding of the practices of compassion
focused parenting and strategies to implement for the use of this type of parenting. It also
encourages evidence-based parental programs (EBPPs) that include compassion to move to more
effective parenting practices (Kirby, 2022).
Referral Centers
The Family Center
The Family Center is a provider in Tennessee that offers evidence based parenting
programs and workshops. They also have online resources and coaching available to parents who
need support. This is a great resource for families who have experienced trauma or have
experienced adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). The Family Center is a non-profit who
assists families on a need basis (How We Help, 2019).
Incredible Years Training Center
The Incredible Years Training Center has online or in person parenting classes. Positive
parenting skills, compassion, and relationship building is their claim to success. This program
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offers several options for parents and caregivers to meet the needs of their families (The
Incredible Years, 2023).
References
Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (2020). The Life Span: Human Development for helping
Professionals (5th ed.). Pearson Education, Inc.
Carroll, P. (2022). Effectiveness of Positive Discipline Parenting Program on Parenting
Style, and Child Adaptive Behavior. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev 53, 1349–1358 (2022).
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-021-01201-x
How We Help. (2019). The Family Center. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from
https://www.familycentertn.org/our-programs/
Kirby, J. (2022). The Next Generation of Parenting Interventions: The Role of
Compassion and Mindfulness. Society of Clinical Psychology. Retrieved September 7,
2023, from https://div12.org/the-next-generation-of-parenting-interventions-the-role-of-
mindfulness-and-compassion/
Kirby, J. N. (2020). Nurturing Family Environments for Children: Compassion-Focused
Parenting as a Form of Parenting Intervention. Education Sciences, 10(1), 3.
https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci10010003
New International Version. (2011). New International version online. Biblica.
https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/ (original
work published 1978).
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Sangawi, H., Adams, J. and Reissland, N. (2018), The impact of parenting styles on
children developmental outcome: The role of academic self-concept as a mediator. Int J
Psychol, 53: 379-387. https://doi.org/10.1002/ijop.12380
The Incredible Years. (2023). The Incredible Years: Evidence-Based Early Intervention
Programs. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from https://www.incredibleyears.com/
What Is My Parenting Style? Four Types of Parenting. (2021, September 16). Bright
Horizons. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from
https://www.brighthorizons.com/resources/Article/parenting-style-four-types-of-
parenting
