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Section I - Summary of the book:
Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You, this book covers many
topics regarding how to care for aging parents at any stage of life as they transition into their
decline. The author Terry Hargrave has done a great job discussing this difficult subject as he
offers tools that support individuals and families to have access to competent, concrete, and help
for those adult children that can specifically work on addressing the spiritual, emotional,
physical, and mental ramifications that the caregivers and their aging parents will be or are
facing to date. From the insights found within this book for caring for an aging parent there is
guidance that is practical for the time range given the varying challenges experienced. This book
offers up encouragement for those along for the journey of aging, as it addresses many different
areas within the context of parents who are needing to be looked after by their adult children now
and even if there were pans made previous to this circumstance there is a great need for he close
care of someone in the family. During this transition it becomes a challenging, confusing,
stressful, and at times exhausting time to navigate. From this new season it may also be a time of
growth spiritually as it teaches the reader through the role of a caregiver with the help of grace
and guidance from the Lord. The book sheds light to the difficulties that may be faced such as
legal and financial decisions, measuring needed care, evaluating living options, mental and
physical issues even expecting or planning for death. The book is important for people and
families to discover more about becoming caregivers for their parents and they can learn how it
will deepen their faith though the realties that are present from caring for parents that are aging.
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Section II – Potential issues and challenges:
Caring for aging parents comes with a lot of responsibility and things to adapt to the
author Hargrave acknowledges that by caring for someone in the category of an aging parent it
can be a wearisome, and at times even a thankless task to partake in. The quote (Hargrave, 2005)
"When we give care to an older person, however, we sacrifice for one who grows weaker,
interacts less, and eventually will die," it provides a picture for someone like myself who wants
to work with all different ages of people from many kinds of circumstances and arrangements.
Then another quote that I found a great description of what it means to be taking care of someone
in the aging population such as a relative (Hargrave, 2005) writes "It is a service and sacrifice for
which we see very little maybe even nothing. Caregiving for an older person is purely about
servanthood." Shown by providing care for those that are in the elderly demographic, it is caring
to ourselves as well within the spiritual sense of the soul stated by Hargrave. In the book the
author discusses issues and challenges for those whose parents are a part of the in the early
stages towards a decline. The chart "Instrumental Activities of Daily Living and Activities of
Daily Living" that is shared is provides tools which equipped the adult children to have access to
the required care that is needed for the parent throughout prompting questions such as are they
able to be walking unassisted, is it possible for them to cook their own meals and will they be
able to monitor their own medications and consume them. Each of which is an issue that may
occur during the time elderly care as adult children are tending to their parents. Practical
approaches may be taken in order to ensure that the proper care is being conducted for the aging
population intervention is important to address the changes that are ongoing in the parents lives
as well as the dynamic between the child who is now the caregiver. There are four ways which
an individual may respond to this acknowledgement of aging conversation from the author he
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states that there can be a "make lemonade" type of person who makes caregiving a pleasant
experience, next the person that does the "pretend it's not happening" kind of response which in
term insists that help is not needed or necessary, then there are those who play the card of "poor
pitiful me" these are the people that will try their very best not to do things in a manner of acting
helpless rather than trying to do anything on their own; and lasty there can be the "whatever"
type who is passive and they can even become depressed. From the book the author Hargrave
provides suggestions for those who are going to be in charge of responding to each of these types
of aging parents, approaching these issues, and challenging conflicts as an adult child caregiver
with tenderness as well as firmness throughout these changes. From each of these discussed
areas that are present in the lives of families who have parents that are experiencing these
different changes that comes with aging, it is important to organize each of these categories
relating to ways of caregiving, addressing illness, making medical decisions, financial and legal
issues for the sake of the parents health and overall wellbeing as well as that of the one that is the
caregiver physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually each is critical to one another’s
benefit. As a caregiver the role of tending to a parent’s needs is a serious responsibly and it
should be considered as such, there are many individuals who are not fortunate with loved ones
providing care for them which on both sides have implementations on the reminder of their life.
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Section III - Application of the book:
Throughout reading this book it has stretched my thinking on the matter of aging parents
and becoming caretakers for them. This is a subject that I feel is not commonly talked about with
families until that time where someone is approaching that population of an aging member. From
this book it has provide great insight t my life on ways to go about these different processes of
that will come from aging parents. I believe that it should be addressed more in the field for
educating people to better prepare for the time in their own lives and with loved ones further
down the line. The author demonstrates understanding of what it is lie for someone to be the
caregiver for an aging parent and he shares many tips as well as guidelines for someone who
may be experiencing this change of the aging population. In my own personal life, there was talk
about death and what happens t a person when they begin to decline, my parents taught me and
informed me well on this as it allowed me to cope better during the times of loss. Growing up in
a Christian household I can see how this influences my perception of drying and life afterwards
as I was given a foundation based upon truth and reassurance that throughout having a
relationship with Jesus there is no pain after death for my family members or for myself. For
many there is a fear or dying and there is anxiety around what happens if someone did not live
their lives t fullest, this is common amongst nonbelievers, and I have seen this to be true with
people growing up around different people of faith. Relating to the aging population there are
different kinds of people who either are ready for death, or they are not which can play int a of
factors such as spiritual components and physically problems. For a long time, I did not have
relative that was at the age of being eligible for assisted living or having a caretaker whether they
are family of not but as my mother’s grandparents have gotten older in their life now being in
around their 90s it has become normal for be growing up to understand. On my mother’s side the
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family is smaller and there are more members that live nearby which allows for my great aunt
who is on the younger to live with my great grandmother now that my great grandfather has
passed, this model of close relationship has taught me much about compassionate care. For my
aunt and great mother there have been changes in the dynamics as roles have been adjecting such
as cooking, cleansing, driving and more but it encourages me t see that there is respect for own
another no matter what someone is capable of doing. Now I do believe this book is a great
resource that teaches the realities of aging within the context of families, parents and children
which found to be a great read for myself personally as I was excited to dive into it. This book is
not something I would typically gravitate towards, but I am so grateful that is was required
reading as it have given me many different perspectives and it showing me more about caring
well for family. I have given the book over to my mother as she can share it with her mother as
they start to transition into the aging population and will provide insight on having balance.
