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Summary
This article discusses something that is rarely talked about, self-forgiveness. Self-
forgiveness is when an individual faces their wrongdoings and makes a conscious decision to
love themselves, regardless of the circumstances. This type of forgiveness has always been
coined intrapersonal forgiveness. In 1985, researchers began to discover how the two terms
differentiated. The authors of this journal, Hall and Fincham, looked deeper into self-forgiveness
and began to show specific differences between interpersonal forgiveness and pseudo self-
forgiveness (Hall & Fincham, 2005).
Interpersonal forgiveness is when an individual seeks forgiveness from the individual that
has been wronged. Forgiveness is not essential from a victim in self-forgiveness. Self-for-
givenness is when avoidance is directed toward the victim (p.622).
A chart is displayed by Hall & Fincham (2005) that shows the differences between
interpersonal forgiveness and intrapersonal forgiveness. The intrapersonal (or self-forgiveness)
side is shown on the left side of the chart. On this side of the chart, individuals have feelings,
behaviors, thoughts, and desires as wrongdoing. This type of individual is also more likely to
harm themselves or others when describing their focus of forgiveness. The need to reconcile with
the victim is required for this type of forgiveness.
On the right side of the chart, you will find the characteristics of Interpersonal
forgiveness. Individuals that practice Interpersonal forgiveness show behaviors as wrongdoing.
The individual that fits this mold of forgiveness is more likely to harm the victim. Individuals
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that practice this type of forgiveness do not require any type of reconciliation with his/her victim.
Reflect
As I began to read this article, I thought about my past and how I look at forgiveness
now, in the present. Self-forgiveness has always been a struggle for me. As I reflect, I think the
problem lies in my self-confidence and self-image. I may have felt over the years that I don’t
deserve forgiveness and if I forgive myself, then I am excusing my wrongdoing.
After reading this article, it allowed me to look at other people’s demeanors to see if they
are actually seeking forgiveness or if they are even sincerely trying to make amends. To take this
a step further, Hall & Fincham (2005) explains that showing attempts to make amends would be
in line with positive levels of self-forgiveness. Once I assess that, I have the responsibility to
decide whether I am going to forgive that individual regardless of their efforts to fix the situation
that they have caused. This is quite the revelation in my life. In a sense, this is giving me the
power to forgive them, but that also means that others have the ability to choose whether or not
they will forgive my trespasses, even if it is only their perception of the truth. If you go by
Scripture, we don’t really have the choice that has been described. Matthew 6:14-15 states, “For
if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if
you do not forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will not forgive your
sins” (King James Version, 2017, Matthew 6:14-15). This verse removes choice from me if I
abide by God’s Word. It makes it extremely clear how I should behave toward others that have
wronged me. I have always been taught that forgiveness releases resentment and anger to
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eliminate the potential of bitterness to develop in your heart. When you choose to forgive, it
doesn’t mean that you have to trust that person again, it just means that you have released
yourself in the equation. In the long run, this release can reduce stress and anxiety that bitterness
is sure to cause. Warren states it well when he says, “Forgiveness is letting go of what has
happened to you yesterday, today and tomorrow. But trusting is looking towards a future
behavior” (Warren, 2005).
Apply
Shana is a client that has come to visit my clinic because she is having a hard time
dealing with a situation that took place with her best friend. They had been friends for many
years and Shana had trusted her with a lot of confidential situations. A lot of the personal
situations started surfacing from other individuals that were friends with both women. Shana
didn’t confront her best friend and just allowed her feelings of distrust and hurt to smolder. Years
later, Shana started noticing that she doesn’t trust anyone, puts walls up around her and it is even
affecting her marriage of 20 years. Shana feels like she can’t trust her husband and begins to
look for ways that he has broken her trust. Her commitment level begins to drop drastically in
their relationship, and she begins to point out everything that he does, good or bad (Jones &
Nisbett, 1972, as cited in Hall & Fincham, 2005) (p. 625). It doesn’t matter what her husband
says or does, it isn’t good enough for Shana and she is always waiting for the “blow” that will
end their marriage. After 6 visits with Shana, I have her start reading Scripture out loud that
references forgiveness and how God wants us to forgive others who have hurt us. Shana knows
that she now has to forgive her best friend in order for her heavenly Father to forgive her.
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During this session we talk about attributions. “Given the tendency to attribute one’s
behavior to external forces and attribute other’s behavior to internal forces” (Jones & Nisbett,
1972, as cited in Hall & Fincham, 2005 ) (p. 632). At the end of the session, I ask Shana to write
down all of the positive things that her husband has done in their marriage this week. Once she
completed that task, I had her write one or two adjectives that summarized how that
behavior/action made her feel. The purpose of this activity was to reinforce the good things that
her husband does that shows he’s trustworthy and has her best interest at heart.
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References
Hall, Julie H. and Frank D. Fincham. "Self–Forgiveness: The Stepchild Of Forgiveness
Research". Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 24.5 (2005): 621-637. Web.
King James Bible. (2017). Cambridge University Press. (Original work published 1769).
Warren, Richard. The Purpose Driven Life. 1st ed. Cleveland: Findaway World, 2005.
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