PERSONAL THEORY
Personal Theory of Family Development
Donyel A. Beale
Department of EdD Community Care and Counseling, Liberty University
EDCO 815: Family Development
Dr. Jeffrey Boatner
October 9, 2022
2
PERSONAL THEORY
Personal Theory of Family Development
Introduction
In 1979, a young R&B all female group recorded a song that gave meaningful expression
to the solidarity and unity that was shared between the singers. The group was known as Sister
Sledge, and the song that they composed was later embraced worldwide, because of the message
that it announced to all. Like Sister Sledge, in 2012 a young gospel male singer recorded a song
that talked about the one thing that he felt really mattered in life, particularly when tough times
occurs in life. This singer known as TobyMac, wrote this song, several years after Sister Sledge,
that placed a focus one thing that they felt was important to each of them. It was a declaration
like known other, songs that expressed the community that they loved and was connected to.
What was it, that many artists like Sister Sledge and TobyMac, constantly talked about in their
lyrics, whether it is R&B, Rock, Country, and Gospel music? That one thing is family.
The family has been found to be the one thing that all societies, whether it is human
beings or even wildlife, have in common. Everyone has a family; it is the foundation of who they
are and where they come from. As explained by McGoldrick & Carter (2015), we are born into
families. All of us are connected to a group of people that we share our DNA, our history, and
even some of our emotional traits. Some family members share similar physical appearances, or
even distinct personality quirks, that is easily recognized by each person that is a part of the
family. As time progresses, families sometimes grow, with new individuals being added to the
family because of the births of children, along with others getting older, thus creating a new
generation for the family. While the children require parenting and guidance, the seniors need
care given to them.
3
PERSONAL THEORY
Even the Bible shows the growth of the family beginning with creation. In Genesis 1:28
God commanded Adam and Eve, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over ever living things
that move the earth.” God provided clear instructions to the couple to consummate the marriage
and have special intimate moments, because they were the beginning point of the family. From
this unity, generations came thereafter, from Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. In Matthew 1, the author
of the gospel explained that these individuals are also connected to a genealogy of 42, which
eventually led to Jesus. This entire connection is important in showing Jesus Christ connection in
terms of humanity, but also it shows the connection of family.
On the other hand, there are also those who are not genetically connected through the
family bloodline at all. These individuals have been affiliated with the nuclear family but are not
biologically connected to the family. These individuals are supportive of the family and have
been there for the family through both good and bad situations. Younger members of the family
look to them as aunts and uncles, because they have been around the family for such a long time
and have even been present at momentous occasions. As a result, they have also been looked
upon as the family, because of their bond shared. It is relationships like that this, which has
caused a drastic shift in how the family should be viewed and defined. Certainly, things are
different compared to the past. Before, parents and siblings worked together, and supported each
other in every which way. Now the society the that we now live in has change, along with the
relationships.
In considering these changes, it seems appropriate to look at how the term family is being
defined. According to Garland (2012), the American culture views families as the basic unit of
civil society. Meaning, everyone someway or somehow has been shaped into who they are by the
4
PERSONAL THEORY
family. Merriam-Webster dictionary defined family as “the basic unit in society traditionally
consisting of two parents, rearing their children: also, any various social units differing from but
regarded as equivalent to the traditional family in a single-parent family.” This definition
suggests, the family is primarily limited to the nuclear family, which describes “a household
consisting of a married heterosexual couple and their children, which in American culture, would
be categorized as the traditional family” (Garland, 2012). Included in this traditional family
would also include stepfamilies, if applicable. While both definitions are accurate, both show
their limitations. The challenge in these definitions relate to those who are not kin. Some people
place a great value in the relationships that they have with some people who are close to them. In
some relationships, there are some individuals who has “friends who sticks closer than a brother”
(Proverbs 18:24). Therefore, it would be unfair to some to exclude them from being categorized
as family. In considering this, a good definition of the family would be “any set or group of
individuals, who are bound together, whether it is traditionally, by birth, or adoption, blending, or
over time by sharing life and resources.”
Marriage and Family Development
The family system begins with the marriage of two. Marriage is the unity of two
individuals sharing a sense of love and care for each other. Marriage is a proclamation that a new
union has been formed (Balswick, 2014). The goal for couples who are married is to have a
physical, mental, and spiritual connection with each other in hopes of reproduction in some
cases. In addition, couples come into marriage with longevity in mind, with the desire of staying
connected till until death. The emotions that are felt between everyone has the ability to cause
romance and even love. Yet, there must be a willingness to show love.
5
PERSONAL THEORY
In his article, “what is marriage?” authors George et al (2011) described that marriage
could be categorized in two views: the conjugal view and the revisionist view. When it comes to
the conjugal view, marriage is looked upon as a bond between a man and a woman, who makes a
permanent commitment to each other. Simply put, the essence of this view is that the marriage is
conceived, not merely as a bilateral contract between two individuals, but as a sacred bond
between husband and wife before God as a witness (Köstenberger, 2010). This view is the ideal
style of marriage that occurs in a church setting. However, the church teaches, the commitment
expressed at a wedding, is not necessarily to the spouse, but more importantly it is to God.
The spouses then seal (consummate) and renew their union by conjugal acts that
constitute the behavioral part of the process of reproduction, thus uniting them as a reproductive
unit (George, et al, 2011). Sexual intimacy is encouraged so that the family can grow. This view
aligns with the commandment set forth by God when He told Adam and Eve in Genesis 1:28, “be
fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea
and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” This link to the
welfare of children also helps explain why marriage is important to the common good and why
the state should recognize and regulate it (George, et al, 2011).
The second view known as the revisionist view, looks at marriage differently. This view
of marriage not only accepts heterosexual relationships, but also homosexual relationships,
because the commitment of love and care is primarily between two individuals regardless of
gender. It is essentially a union of two hearts and minds, enhanced by whatever forms of sexual
intimacy both partners find agreeable (George et al, 2011).
Whichever marital view the couple follows, there remains a certain transition that
happens within the wife and the husband. Women have always had to deal with changes, as they
6
PERSONAL THEORY
are required to deal with multiple tasks, sounds, and images at one (McGoldrick & Cater, 2015).
Their role requires them to deal with their own emotions, their personal self-esteem, while
nurturing the children within the home. Studies show that some women battle with
perimenopause, which is a period that has been linked to depression and decreased quality of life
(Ragian, et al 2020).
Women have always played a central role in families, yet women are far more complex,
varied with unpredictable lives than men (McGoldrick & Carter, 2015). In the past, women had
to deal with lack of equality in the marriage. While men tended to work outside the home in the
fields, women specialized in activities in the home and the nurturing of the children. Even the
disciples were amazed to see Christ having a conversation with a woman, as they asked him in
John 4:27, “why are you talking with her?” Sadly, they were left to deal with mental and physical
abuse, dehumanization, and harassment even in the marriage. However, women are now fighting
for their respect and equality. The division of labor then generated norms about the appropriate
role of women in society (Alesina, et al, 2013). Studies show that more women are returning to
school and earning college degrees, and are in the workplace (McGoldrick & Carter, 2015). In
fact, the nation has recently witnessed the election of the first female Vice President, while
remaining married.
Men on the other hand, have experienced a great deal of changes in the opposite
direction. While women are now sharing some more of the financial responsibilities, men are
sharing more of the responsibilities of childcare and household work (McGoldrick & Carter,
2015). In the past, the men focused on cultivating the male in the family, because the male heir
was of great importance (Garland, 2012). Male privilege and power were more present and
young men were actually taught some of these behaviors. Boys were taught to dampen, stifle,
7
PERSONAL THEORY
and disconnect from all parts of their humanity that could be considered feminine (McGoldrick
& Carter, 2015). Some were instilled with toxic behaviors such as control, violence, and
intimidation and abuse. They found self-worth in their work, their status in their positions.
Therefore, the changing in gender roles is such a touchy subject because the differences between
the sexes were determined by one’s work role (Balswick 2014). Nowadays, some men accept the
rule of “Mister Mom, and are embracing equality (McGoldrick& Carter, 2015).
Unfortunately, in today’s world, marriages are challenged with many things that can
affect the institution. Issues that affect the marriage at times include communication, which is
something that can create an emotional connection, finances, and even sexual immorality outside
of the marriage. Each of these can causes damage to trust, which is a part of the foundation.
Consequently, marriages are now being challenged with such things as separation and divorce.
Research has shown that since the 1970s, the United States divorce rate has consistently
increased or level out, but it has not declined (Sassler & Licter, 2020). Which is a part of the
reason why choosing not to get married and choose to cohabitate instead.
There are other reasons why some couples choose to cohabitation as well. Others believe
it would be better to take this approach before getting married. They proclaim that they believe in
marriage, but would rather cohabitate first, in order to see if the marriage would be successful.
As explained by Waite & Lehrer (2013), with single parenting on the rise, cohabitation is
becoming more acceptable in recent years, which is causing others to be less motivated to get
married. Ironically, some feel that long-term cohabitating relationships are just as good as a legal
commitment. In fact, some would conclude, that the marriage after cohabitating together for such
a long time would produce problems. As told by Sassler & Lichter (2020), the relationship
quality was highest among married couples who did not cohabitate first, and lowest among
8
PERSONAL THEORY
cohabitators without specific plans to marry (Sassler & Lichter, 2020). While the beauty of God’s
plan for marriage is plainly laid out in Scripture and many long to experience the kind of
intimacy and love found only in biblical marriage, the sad reality is that some marriage
relationships are often broken and fall short of the biblical idea (Kostenberger, 2010).
Religion and Spirituality
Findings have suggested that spirituality promotes the foundation of traditional family
ties, instead of such things as cohabitation (Mahoney, 2010). Having God as the center of the
family, plays a large impact on their personal philosophy when it comes to family. Individually, it
is the most important thing about the person because affects everything about the person. As
Colossians 3:2 explains their focus in life is set on things that are above, not on the things that
are on earth. The relationship with God shapes how the persons lives whole heartedly. Their
focus is on such things as their faith and building spiritual character, and being sympathetic, love
one another, being compassionate, and humble (1 Peter 3:8). They have a greater concern on
doing what is right versus what is wrong, not just from a Godly but also a personal moral
perspective. In fact, their belief in God also influences who and when they will get married.
According to Uecker (2014), because of their religious beliefs, most young adults are less likely
to have premarital sex or live with an intimate partner outside of the marriage.
This does not mean that conflict will not arise in the family. The reality is there are
numerous things that affect the family in today’s world. Such things as money, sex, jealously, in-
law relationships, the one’s level of commitment, and even childrearing are especially difficult to
resolves (Papp, L.MI, 2018). In marriages, two of the most frequent arguments are sex and
affliction (Rauer, et. al., 2020). But because the person’s spirituality and is important to them,
they have an understanding and a faith that God will help them. Which means such as things as
9
PERSONAL THEORY
prayer, attending the church, and connecting with like hearted believers, becomes a part of the
fiber of who they are.
The family also finds a tremendous value in being communal. The family provide an
image of how the relationship Christians are to have with one another in the community of faith,
not just in our relationships with God (Garland, 2012). Having a supportive spiritual community
is where the family has the opportunity of living and learning in their spirituality, which is the
church. Essentially, the church becomes a part of the family because they encourage one another
and build one another up. Everyone who makes up the community are referred to as brothers and
sisters, giving the relationship 1 Thes 5:11. However, the faith community must be invested in
the spiritual maturity of the believers (Balswick 2015). It is the one place where the love of God
is to be felt, regardless of one’s shortcomings.
Parenting and Family Development
The other thing that becomes important is how their children are raised. As explained by
Balswick (2014), the importance of informing parents about child development and parenting
methods along with encouraging them to analyze information is critical. Parenting is one of the
biggest transitions within a family, because the family’s life is completely different forever. The
shift of attention is now on the child, and their future. Needs and desire begin to grow and
change as the child grows. Research continues to show a generally over positive outcome for
children, youth, and adults of all ages who associate with religious beliefs, spiritual practice,
along with involvement in a faith community (Dollahite & Marks, 2018). In this relationship of
parenting, there must be a balance of unconditional love, spiritual nurture, and discipline in a
context of discipleship and Christian growth (Köstenberger, 2010). The parent must realize
10
PERSONAL THEORY
perfection from the child will not happen, therefore having patience in nurturing the child and
understanding that the child will make mistakes, is important.
According Zhong, et al (2020), there are three main categories of parenting styles:
authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. The authoritative is more geared toward controlling
dictatorship, while authoritarian is also strict controlling and low trusting. The permissive
parenting style has more of a supportive approach and non-controlling. Each of these styles serve
as a mediator between a parent’s personality and their children’s behavior (Zhong et al, 2020).
Yet, parents should understand that their authority does not mean that the children should not be
involved in problem solving or decision making (Balswick, 2014). Children will start to develop
an understanding about such things as moral decisions, individual rights, and social order. On the
other hand, as the child goes through life, they can become aware of different views and spiritual
paths from other friends and associates. Often this happens when they move away from home or
when they engage in intimate relationships (McGoldrick & Carter, 2015). Yet the Bible reminds
us in Proverbs 22:6, train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not
depart from it.
What is quite interesting is the choice of some couples to not have children at all. The
percent of women who do not have children has also doubled since 1970 from 10 to 20 percent
(McGoldrick & Carter, 2015). Unlike Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:27 who prayed for their child,
which the Lord has granted, some couples discuss the idea of a marriage
without children. Some couples are more focused on developing their professional career,
having the opportunities of traveling in order to learn about other cultures, and even because of
financial concerns. However, some women are still often vulnerable to the belief that a childless
woman is not a real woman (McGoldrick & Carter, 2014).
11
PERSONAL THEORY
Later Life
Studies have shown that the average life expectancy has increased from 47 years in 1900
to over 78 years by 2010, with women outliving men by 4 to 5 years (McGoldrick & Carter,
2015). As time passes, the family experiences not only the birth of new children into the family,
but also the aging of others. The average life span varies based upon culture. Studies show that
African Americans metabolism are slower than Caucasians, and Hispanics are known to have a
longer health span (McGoldrick & Carter, 2015). Those who were young, will begin to age in
the family, requiring more assistance, for medical reasons, and even for a healthier lifestyle
choice. Those who were parents to younger children, later become grandparents and great
grandparents to others. Those who do not have children, will usually latch on to either other
children who have accepted them as a part of their family, or even nieces and nephews, who have
accepted the duty of being care takers. Balswick (2014) gave these caretakers the title “the
sandwich generation.” This is the group who have given their lives to taking care of their own
younger children and are now back at taking care of the elderly family members. These are the
ones in the family who find themselves giving their lives to serving others in the family,
providing emotional, and economic support. The reality is while the elderly does not want to be a
burden upon anyone, the truth is it can be stressful.
One of the more common things family must deal with when it comes to seniors is
dementia. Dementia, which is caused by damage to the brain, indicating a decline in cognitive
functioning (Manning & Curcharme, 2010). Other issues include ageism which has been
identified as a key factor in marginalizing older people and contributing to social isolation and
exclusion (Teaster, 2018). Despite the duties that may come with senior citizenship, they have
possessed a measure amount of wisdom that cannot be matched. Within the family, most seniors
12
PERSONAL THEORY
are honored and respected not only because of their life longevity, but also because of their
wisdom. Job 12:12 explains wisdom belongs to the aged and understanding to the old,” which is
basically a clear reminder and indication of the magnitude of wisdom they have. God has also
promised that he has a love and care for those who are weary in Isaiah 46:4, where he promises,
“I made you, and I will carry you along and save you.”
Theory of Family Therapy
Sometimes problems will arise that have the potential of destroying the infostructure of
the family. When this the family will at times seek out therapy. While there are many forms of
therapy available that a therapist can use to help families, one theory that places a focus on
behavioral modification and thought influence is cognitive-behavioral family therapy. Cognitive-
behavioral family therapy relies on many of the assumptions of behavioral family therapy, but
there is a significant awareness and exploration of how thoughts influence behavior (Yarhouse, et
al, 2017). As time progresses, family members may sometimes develop faulty perceptions about
others within the family. These perceptions will at times have a negative effect on the person’s
cognitions. Some of the cognitive distortions that may influence the family includes
overgeneralization, personalization, labeling, biased explanations, and mind reading (Dattilio,
2009). Cognitive behavioral family therapy focuses on the addressing of illogical beliefs that
have been detrimental to both the member of a population (Yarhouse & Sells, 2017). Because
this therapy recognizes the problems our thoughts can play in affecting a person’s behavior,
cognitive behavioral family therapy can be used from a Christian perspective.
Conclusion
This paper focused upon the explanation of my personal theory when it comes to the
development of the family. As explained earlier, the definition about family, primarily focused on
13
PERSONAL THEORY
the binding together by birth or adoption, or bound together structurally by blending, or be bound
over time by sharing life experiences. In most families, this binding process occurs when two
individuals are married, which is God’s starting point of the family. In most families, the couple
begins to grow through the birth or adoption of a child, which is where the couple has now
provided parental guidance for the child. One of the things that is a part of the foundation of the
family, relates to their personal spirituality, aside from their personal morals. Other things the
family also must deal with the care at times for seniors. When issues arise in the family,
cognitive behavioral family therapy is a valuable method to use to help the family.
14
PERSONAL THEORY
References
Alesina, A., Giuliano, P., & Nunn, N. (2013). On the Origins of Gender Roles: Women and the
Plough. The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 128(2), 469–530.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/26372505
Balswick, J. O., Balswick, J. K., & Frederick, T. V. (2021). The family: A Christian perspective
on the contemporary home (5th ed.). Baker Academic.
Dattilio, F. M. (2009). Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A
comprehensive guide for clinicians. Guilford Publications.
Garland, D. R. (2012). Family ministry: A Comprehensive Guide. InterVarsity Press.
Köstenberger, A. J., & Jones, D. W. (2010). God, marriage & family: Rebuilding the biblical
foundation (2nd ed.). Crossway.
McGoldrick. M., Garcia Preto, N., & Carter, B. (2016). The expanding family life cycle:
Individual, family, and social perspectives (5th ed.). Allyn and Bacon.
Papp, L. M. (2018). Topics of marital conflict in the everyday lives of empty nest couples
and their implications for conflict resolution. Journal of Couple and Relationship
Therapy, 17, 7 – 24.
Raglan, G. B., Jay, S., & Micks, E. (2020). Depression during perimenopause: the role of the
obstetrician-gynecologist. Archives of Women's Mental Health, 23(1), 1-10.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-019-0950-6
15
PERSONAL THEORY
Rauer, A., Sabey, A. K., Proulx, C. M., & Volling, B. L. (2020). What are the marital problems
of happy couples? A multimethod, Two‐Sample investigation. Family Process, 59(3),
1275-1292. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12483
Sassler, S., & Lichter, D. T. (2020). Cohabitation and Marriage: Complexity and Diversity in
Union‐Formation Patterns. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 35–61. doi:
10.1111/jomf.12617
Uecker, J. E. (2020). Religion, Pledging, and the Premarital Sexual Behavior of Married Young
Adults. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-
3737.2008.00517.x
Waite LJ, Lehrer EL (2003) “The Benefits from Marriage and Religion in the United States: A
Comparative Analysis.” Population and Development Review 29(2): 255-275
Zhong, C., Wang, M., Shou, Y., Zhang, X., & Deng, J. (2020). Maternal parenting mediates the
relationship between maternal psychopathic traits and child callous-unemotional traits: A
longitudinal multiple mediation model. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 29(11),
3142-3152. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01814-1
16
PERSONAL THEORY
