PARENTAL ABANDONMENT AS A FORM OF TRAUMA
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Parental Abandonment as A Form of Trauma
Dwaynna Moore
School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University
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Abstract
Trauma is the exposure to a traumatic event such as a death, a threatened death, serious
injury, exposure to sexual violence, abuse, or neglect. Parental abandonment is a form of trauma
that can be experienced by children and adults. This paper will evaluate the meaning of parental
abandonment from a therapeutic lens. Additionally, the short term and long-term effects of
parental trauma will be viewed and examined. Each form of trauma has recommended and
effective treatment approaches. The recommended methodologies such as cognitive behavioral
therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy will be discussed. The prevalence rates of parental
trauma, the frequently occurring comorbidities, lastly, the biblical perspective on trauma will be
reviewed. The overall goal is to shed light on the impact that parental trauma can have and
provide hope that there is a resolve for the future.
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Parental Abandonment as A Form of Trauma
Trauma can be defined differently depending on the context in which the term is used.
The growing interest in defining trauma has captured the attention of numerous behavioral health
professionals such as therapists, psychologists, social workers, psychiatrists, and researchers.
Trauma is a multifaceted term that requires continuous redefining (Baldev, 2012). The term
trauma was originally defined as a wound. The term trauma is very subjective as it heavily
correlates with the impacted individual’s perception of the experienced event (Miller, 2004).
Several individuals have experienced the same traumatic event but may define what they have
experienced differently. At any time during the life cycle, trauma can be experienced. The
deterrents as to how it is defined depend on the individual's age, race, gender, culture,
socioeconomic status, religion, and spiritual beliefs. Trauma is defined as exposure to a traumatic
event such as a death, a threatened death, serious injury, exposure to sexual violence, abuse, or
neglect (DSM5, 2013). There is no standard definition for trauma.
From my lens, trauma can be defined as a life-altering experience that affects an
individual’s ability to function mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and
psychologically. Trauma should be viewed from a holistic, client-centered viewpoint. Trauma
should not be defined by the professional but by the client. Challenging clients to define trauma
helps them create their narrative. Additionally, it empowers them to define their experiences
from their viewpoint. Having the ability to define their experiences, clients can walk in freedom
and liberty. Each client has the right for their viewpoint to be accepted. Parental abandonment is
a form of trauma that can be experienced as a child and even in adulthood. Experiencing
abandonment can result in unanswered questions, psychological suffering, grief, and intense
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emotions that often lead to severe mental illness and even death. Each client will react to trauma
differently. As counselors, it is our job to meet the client where they are.
Parental Abandonment
Parental abandonment refers to the emotional, mental, and psychological impact of being
abandoned, neglected, or rejected, by a parental figure or biological parent. Parental
abandonment can lead to feelings of doubt, fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, trust issues, and
difficulty forming relationships. Being abandoned as a child can play a significant role in the
choices a client makes over their life span. Children are solely dependent on their parents to
provide love, wisdom, knowledge, safety, and security. Children and more likely to experience
parental abandonment, but adults can experience parental abandonment as well. Parental
abandonment is defined in many ways in congruency with the client’s experience. A client may
express feelings of abandonment, but not associate it with trauma. Often abandonment is viewed
as a problem-solving strategy. This does not minimize abandonment being a form of abuse and
trauma.
Parental abandonment overall can affect a child’s development. Parents abandon their
children for several reasons such as mental illness, substance abuse, imprisonment, trauma,
poverty, homelessness, financial hardships, stress, guilt and shame, or feelings of inadequacy.
Additionally, some parents are physically in their children’s lives but still abandon their children
as they may lack the capacity to meet their mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, and
psychological needs. The pain of abandonment appears in many ways such as depression,
anxiety, insecure attachments, low self-esteem, anger, and codependency (Francis, 2023).
Parental abandonment is an issue that is worthy of exposure. Through exposure, we can begin to
address the conflicting components of abandonment. Commonly, we look at a societal problem
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from one lens. As we are a growing society and nation, we should generate solutions and
consequences that address parental abandonment. Therapy, healthy coping mechanisms, and
support can help a client who has experienced parental abandonment develop adequate skills to
navigate through life.
Defining Parental Abandonment
Parental abandonment is an important phenomenon that counselors should be aware of
through education and research. Parental abandonment is cruel form of pain that cannot be
described or expressed all at once. Parental abandonment is uncalculated and to date, there are
many questions surrounding what makes a person abandon another individual. From Japan to
Iraq, and even in America, parental abandonment is defined and viewed differently. From a
religious perspective, parental abandonment can be defined as sinful and negligence depending
upon the religion.
There is no clear or concise way to define parental abandonment. Lacking the ability to
conceptualize and define parental abandonment, makes it difficult for society to justify the act of
parental abandonment. Parental abandonment refers to the voluntary act of deserting a child
without providing the necessary means for the child’s survival (Marici et al., 2023). Parents have
the moral, legal, and ethical duty to ensure their children are safe. Some criminal charges and
offenses occur during cases of parental abandonment. Parental abandonment is considered a
form of psychological abuse. Lastly, parental abandonment is considered when a child’s
biological parents no longer fulfill their duties to provide the basic needs their child needs for
development (Muntean, 2017).
Prevalence Rates of Parental Abandonment
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Parental abandonment is a severe epidemic that continues to rise each year. In the United
States, over 7,000 children experience parental abandonment each year (Edgington, 2021). There
are no official prevalence rates or statistics as it relates to parental abandonment. The United
States has implemented the Infant Safe Haven Law which allows parents to surrender their
children without facing legal consequences or prosecution. The Infant Safe Haven Law emerged
from state legislation and child welfare agencies in an attempt to address the increasing trend of
parental abandonment (Brock, 2023). Some babies and children are found in alleys, and
dumpsters, wandering on the streets, outside of hospitals, and on strangers’ doorstep. There is a
significant correlation between parental abandonment and sex trafficking.
Often, children who experience parental abandonment become victims of sex trafficking.
There is a need for additional resources, tools, and laws that prevent the rise of parental
abandonment. The Infant Safe Haven Law only focuses on abandoned newborn babies. Some
children experience parental abandonment as well, but the prevalence rates and statistics are
limited. While researching and attempting to find raw data as it relates to the prevalence rate of
abandonment, I realized the bigger issue surrounds the parents. As a society, if we can address
the trauma that parents are experiencing during child consumption and pregnancy, then there will
be a decrease in parental abandonment. One that is broken cannot pour into another being.
Parental abandonment is layered and cannot be explained in one segment.
The Effects of Parental Abandonment
Connection and parental nurturing are essential components of an individual’s
development. The parent-child relationship is relevant and essential across the lifespan for the
child’s physical and psychological well-being (Avadibegovic & Brkic, 2020). There are short-
term and long-term psychological effects that stem from parental abandonment. Parental
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abandonment influences unconscious decision-making regarding relationships, attachments,
mental illness, feelings of belonging, and rejection. These influences can affect an individual’s
overall life span and well-being. Parental abandonment is considered to be the denial of
attention, care, and affection, which are considered essential for the healthy development of an
individual’s physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual qualities. Being left behind or
abandoned can trigger emotions related to inadequacy, guilt, and shame. The bonding process
between parents and their children starts from conception and continues at birth. Parental
abandonment is the breaking of the bounding process.
Short-Term Effects of Parental Abandonment
There are short-term and long-term effects that arise from parental abandonment. In
children, parental abandonment often shows up as separation anxiety, attention-seeking
behaviors, aggression, anger, outbursts, and tantrums. Parental abandonment for adults often
mirrors social isolation and withdrawal, trust issues, codependency, emotional instability, and the
need for validation. For children and adults, parental abandonment led to trauma bonding.
Trauma bonding occurs when we attach ourselves to someone who has experienced the same
level of pain that we were exposed to. When secure attachment is not formed from a parental
bond, trauma bonding can be difficult to notice and break. Parental abandonment is
heartbreaking and often leaves clients searching for someone to mend what has been broken.
Chronic and cumulative exposure to parental abandonment and other interpersonal trauma
specifically during formative developmental periods in childhood but also in adulthood have
repeatedly been shown to have been associated with heightened levels of interpersonal conflicts
and anger (Ford & Courtois, 2021).
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Short-term effects of parental abandonment are the experience of guilt, shame,
depression, anxiety, people pleasing, low self-esteem, codependency, feelings of inadequacy,
trust issues, and jealousy. Unaddressed short-term effects of parental abandonment during
childhood can lead to long-term effects as an adult. A child’s inability to regulate their emotions,
maintain friendships and social relationships, and control their impulses can lead to long-term
mental illness, risky behaviors, and substance abuse. Additional short-term effects are emotional
distress, behavioral changes, social challenges, physical symptoms such as fatigue and
headaches, attachment issues, and emotional distress. It is important for individuals experiencing
parental abandonment to receive support. The sooner the clients can participate in therapy, the
quicker interventions can be provided. These interventions may include therapy, counseling,
support groups, and access to coping skills and resources.
Long-term effects of parental abandonment
Long-term effects of parental abandonment led to a higher risk of an individual having
chronic physical and mental health conditions. Additionally, parental abandonment can lead to
delayed development due to the lack of nurturing and love needed to grow and develop.
Relationships are an essential component of the human experience. Individuals who have
experienced parental abandonment often long-term struggle with maintaining interpersonal
relationships. Lastly, parental abandonment can decimate an individual’s ability to regulate or
express their emotions. Having the ability to regulate and manage our emotions is an essential
life skill in establishing healthy relationships. Ultimately, providing clients with the tools and
coping skills to overcome parental abandonment can assist them in maintaining positive daily
functions, which long-term can minimize psychological distress (Li et al., 2021).
Frequently Occurring Comorbidities
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Common comorbidities of parental abandonment are irritability, anger, grief, guilt,
shame, depression, risky behaviors, social isolation, and unhealthy relationships. Parental
abandonment trauma survivors often are diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
substance abuse disorders, personality disorders, attachment disorders, suicidal ideations, and
chronic health disorders. Unresolved trauma as it relates to parental abandonment can lead to
prolonged grief, depression, anxiety, insecure attachments, isolation, suicidal ideations, poor
decision-making, guilt, and shame. The most common comorbidities for individuals who
experience parental abandonment are PTSD, attachment disorder, and borderline personality
disorder (BPD). PTSD, attachment disorder, and borderline personality disorder often occur
comorbidly. In the United States, 25 to 30 percent of children and adults diagnosed with PTSD
and BPD also met the criteria for other mental health diagnoses, and 30 to 70 percent of clients
who experienced parental abuse and were diagnosed initially with PTSD were later diagnosed
with BPD (Frias & Palma, 2015). BPD and PTSD have substantial overlap in their diagnosing
criteria. The fear of abandonment is recognized as a predominant symptom as it relates to
personality disorders, specifically borderline personality disorder. While parental abandonment
may differ in client presentation, it plays a significant impact on therapeutic engagement,
suicidal behavior, self-injury, attention-seeking behaviors, clinical management, and prognosis
(Palihawadana et al., 2018).
Clients who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder struggle with fear of
abandonment and fear of being alone which stem from early childhood parental abandonment.
Borderline personality disorder is a severe mental illness that onset can occur as early as
childhood and adolescence. Intolerance of being alone and abandoned drives behaviors that lead
to dysfunctional, unhealthy, and insecure relationships. As a result, clients who suffer from
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parental abandonment often experience intense emotions that they struggle with regulating. The
inability to regulate their emotions led to heightened stress, anxiety, anger, and impulsivity.
Parental abandonment is the core of borderline personality disorder which often leads to the
exposure of PTSD. Problematic interpersonal relationships, unstable attachments, interpersonal
dysfunctions, and fear of abandonment are considered some of the best discriminators in
diagnosing borderline personality disorder (Palihawadana et al., 2018). It is difficult to diagnose
a client with borderline personality disorder, as the described symptomology has to be present
for extended periods of time.
Recommended Treatment Modalities
There are various treatment modalities and interventions that can be used to help clients
who have experienced parental abandonment. Some of the most common treatment modalities
are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) but there are
multiple interventions effective for addressing parental trauma. Treating parental abandonment
often requires multifaceted therapeutic approaches that address complex emotions and trauma.
Trauma-focused therapy, attachment-based therapy, mindfulness-based approaches,
psychodynamic therapy, and group therapy such as support groups are also interventions that can
be used. Some clients who have experienced parental abandonment often struggle with
impulsivity which is triggered by their thought process and the inability to manage their
emotions.
CBT and DBT are therapeutic interventions that assist clients in managing and regulating
their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors. Often clients who have been diagnosed with
borderline personality need familiarity and consistency as it relates to the continuity of their care.
Building new relationships causes them to experience anxiety and other emotions that the clients
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cannot rationalize or describe. CBT and DBT, following the completion of a thorough
assessment, can assist the therapist in focusing on the lifespan of the client and how their
experiences as it relates to parental abandonment, have affected their overall decision-making,
thoughts, and behaviors concerning their lives. While providing trauma-informed care to clients
who have experienced parental abandonment, clients should participate in thorough assessments
to determine the most appropriate diagnosis and treatment modality that should be used in
providing them with care. CBT and DBT both can be tailored to each client’s specific needs and
can also be integrated with other therapeutic approaches.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
DBT can be utilized to treat clients who have experienced parental abandonment.
Additionally, DBT is empirically proven as an effective therapeutic intervention for treating
borderline personality disorder. Emotional regulation is a necessary tool for living a healthy,
manageable life. Having the ability to manage emotions is a societal expectation. The overall
standards for DBT are to assist clients in improving their capabilities and skills to manage their
emotions, enhance their motivation for change, generalize treatment that is in congruence with
the client’s natural environment, provide a structure that helps the client maintain progress, and
enhance the therapist motivation and capabilities. Emotional regulation is a core treatment target
of dialectical behavioral therapy and has been increasingly documented as a critical mechanism
of change that accounts for DBT’s overall effectiveness and should strongly be considered as a
premier tool for counseling clients who have experienced parental abandonment (Zalewski et al.,
2018).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
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Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a therapeutic intervention used to teach clients
how to manage their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as a means to assist clients in regulating
their emotions. One of the integral components of CBT is to minimize problematic behaviors
such as social withdrawal, impulsivity, and attention-seeking behaviors which often are viewed
as comorbidities for clients who suffer from parental abandonment. Emotional regulation is a
focal point of society and cognitive behavioral therapy (Mennin & Fresco, 2013). A focal point
of CBT is identifying the thoughts and feelings associated with the triggering event or traumatic
experience. The therapist is able can a trusting relationship with the client by allowing the client
to be the expert in their therapy sessions. CBT is effective for children and adults who have
experienced parental abandonment. Therapeutic approaches, support systems, spiritual guidance,
coping skills, and resources play a significant role in helping clients navigate through the
experience of parental abandonment. It is important for those who have experienced parental
abandonment to seek counseling.
Bible Perspectives
Several individuals across the world have experienced parental abandonment. From a
biblical perspective, parental abandonment can be viewed differently depending on the religion,
as immoral. Structured families are the ideal model for most religions. The Bible emphasizes the
obligation of parents to provide care, love, and support to their children. There are specific
parables in the bible that can be used as an example to show the impact of parental abandonment
such as the story of Hagar and Ishmael (NIV, 2011, Gen 21:8) or the prodigal son who felt
abandoned (NIV, 2011, Luke 15:11). These parables have the ability to demonstrate how Jesus
has the power to redeem, love, provide provision, and heal those who have experienced parental
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abandonment. The Bible is a source for providing understanding, healing, restoration, and
comfort for individuals who have experienced parental abandonment.
The level of pain and emotional suffering that people experience from parental
abandonment, unless personally experienced is unexplainable. Additionally, the pain of parental
abandonment can be profound and long-lasting when left unresolved. However, through the love
of God, we are still able to find purpose in our pain by using our experiences to help others.
Often times clients who have experienced abandonment struggle with feelings of unworthiness.
When the father created us, he made us worthy, a masterpiece, a source of beauty in his eyesight.
The Bible says that God is a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless, a defender of
the broken-hearted and abandoned (NIV, 2011, Psalm 68:5). Despite experiencing parental
abandonment from natural parents, our father in heaven has the power and ability to be
everything we need. The father never leaves us nor deserts us. He has the power to meet us
where we are and transform our lives. A client who has experienced parental abandonment can
cling and rest in certainty knowing that God loves them unconditionally.
Clients who have experienced parental abandonment often report feeling separated from
the world. The Bible informs us that there is absolutely nothing that has the power to separate us
from the love of God (NIV, 2011, Rom 8:38). God’s love is the most comforting source of love
that we can ever experience. The love of God is felt even when we feel that we are unworthy of
love. Love starts with God as he loved us by sending his son to be sacrificed for our pain and
sins. We can demonstrate the love of God by being a source of love to those who have
experienced parental abandonment or any form of trauma. In order to love, we should first learn
what is genuine love.
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