Angela Warner
Oct 1, 2022Oct 1 at 4:12pm
Manage Discussion Entry
Reading Reflective Discussion: Pre-Marital Pastoral Counseling Areas Assignment
Assigned Reading:
Moitinho & Moitinho, The Dream Home: Chapters 3-6
Parrott & Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: pp. 11-66
Henry, Figueroa, & Miller, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook: Chapter 20
Identifying Discoveries
In, The Dream Home, Moitinho and Moitinho take items and tasks associate
with building a dream home and use them as metaphors to relate with engaged and married
couples during Christian counseling sessions. The authors approach to incorporating biblical
marital principles in a practical manner that produce all the elements that would result in a
couples dream home provided me with a new perspective on how to use different and innovative
ways to incorporate biblical marital principles with metaphors in a practical manner to utilize
during counseling sessions. The discovery that intrigued me the most is in chapter 3 titled,
“Curb Appeal Counts: Creating an Influential Marriage.” The authors “used curb appeal as a
metaphor for married couple’s reputation in the community” (Moitinho and Moitinho, 55). I like
how the authors pointed out that “it takes time to create a curb appeal, it takes time to build a
reputation. However, it takes very little time to lose it if we are not wise in our actions”
(Moitinho and Moitinho, 56). Moitinho and Moitinho helped me discover that reputation equals
testimony when they stated, “Our reputation or our curb appeal as a couple is our testimony to
those around us about Christ’s redemptive love” (Moitinho and Moitinho, 59). Reputation is not
something I associated with testimony.
In, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook, Henry, Figueroa, and Miller use a butterfly
analogy in chapter 20 titled, “The Beauty of a Butterfly.” The authors provide counseling
instructions as well as a vignette based on this analogy to help couples remember the feeling of
butterflies in their stomach when they first began dating. This method is used in a self-help way
because thinking of butterflies in your stomach automatically changes one’s mood to happiness
no matter the situation. The instructions consist of asking a couple to smile as they write down
the many times of beauty shared in their marriage” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller,162). I
discovered that although a couple smiling at each other and remembering the good times they
experienced in their relationship may seem simplistic, it can actual be an effective tool that
begins the healing and/or reconciliation process. These methods can prove to be effective not
only during counseling sessions but anytime. Henry, Figueroa, and Miller’s also prepare couples
by stating “that relationships endure a process of transformation as the couple reveals and begins
to understand each other” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 161). The authors go a step further in
their request for couples “to read and find the areas of the bible that show God’s intention in His
creation for marriage” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 162). They suggest counselors, “Have the
couple compare their journeys of the characters to their own journey” (Henry, Figueroa, and
Miller, 162). I discovered that this additional step creates more dialogue for the couple and helps
open the lines of communication. Couples comparing their journey with the journey of biblical
characters are not something I have practiced before but I plan to do so in the future. The authors
acknowledge that there are contraindications in their marital counseling methods for individuals
experiencing “infidelity or unresolved childhood trauma that is negatively affecting their
marriage and impeding their growth” Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 164).
In, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Parrott and Parrott, the authors show the
reader in several6 different examples that one’s choices determine their outcome. The couple is
candid about the difficulties they have experienced during their marriage. Les Parrott reveals
how he “became increasingly negative toward Leslie. Little things she did began to annoy me, or
more accurately, I began to allow little things she did to annoy me” (Parrott and Parrott, 67-70).
This occurred because Les was comparing their lifestyle and opportunities to those of another
married couples which resulted in him creating a negative mindset. Parrott and Parrott state,
“Millions of couples are robbed of happiness because one of the partners has developed a
negative mindset, blaming their unhappiness on things their spouse does or does not do” (Parrott
and Parrott, 74). When I think of resentment being detrimental to a marriage, I think of the
detriment happening to a marriage because one spouse resents the other or because both spouses
resent each other. However, Parrott and Parrott state, “Resentment, even if directed to someone
other than a spouse, is always detrimental to marriage” (Parrott and Parrott, 82). Discovering this
puts an emphasis on the need for couples to attend marital counseling individually as well as
with each other.
Areas of Agreement/Disagreement or Concerns
I agree with Moitinho and Moitinho methods of associating biblical pre-marital and
marital principles metaphorically with aspects of a dream home. These methods represent the
interest of couples equally. A dream home is neither feminine nor masculine, it is neutral, and
therefore, have a good chance of being effective for counseling sections.
Henry, Figueroa, and Miller offer simplistic yet effective approaches to Christian marital
counseling. The vignette entails how to use their methods as well as what the expected outcome
will be. Although I agree with the methods utilized, I am concerned that the authors instructions
and vignette are primarily focused on counseling couples experiencing mild to low-moderate
marital issues and therefore, may not be as useful for couples experiencing high-moderate to
extreme marital issues. This concern was addressed by the authors, and I agree with their
acknowledgement that the level of counseling they presented is contradictory to those
experiencing more extreme marital issues.
Parrott and Parrott’s philosophy that one’s choices determine their outcome teach couples
that they are in control of their thinking and therefore have no need to blame each other or
wallow in self-pity. I agree with this discovery as well as the discovery that, “Resentment, even
if directed to someone other than a spouse, is always detrimental to marriage” (Parrott and
Parrott, 82). This discovery can be used to awaken couples by helping them understand that there
is an undealt with, underline issue they experienced in the past that has nothing or little to do
with their partner yet somehow it is flowing over into their marriage.
How My Thinking has been Influenced
The readings in week two influenced my thinking related to Christian pre- marital and
marital counseling in a positive manner. The readings have provided a wealth of information that
has influenced how I will conduct counseling sessions going forward. Moitinho and Moitinho
influenced my thinking by challenging me to utilize metaphors more often during counseling
sessions to assist couples with relating biblical practices to practical practices that couples can
relate to. An example of this is when “Our reputation or our curb appeal as a couple is our
testimony to those around us about Christ’s redemptive love” (Moitinho and Moitinho about
Christ’s redemptive love” (Moitinho and Moitinho, 59). Henry, Figueroa, and Miller influenced
my thinking by suggesting counselors, “Have the couple compare their journeys of the characters
to their own journey” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 162). These kinds of comparisons create a
more intimate relationship between the individual and bible character. Parrott and Parrott
influenced my thinking by reminding me that all roads lead back to an individual’s choice rather
than their spouse. Parrott and Parrott state, “Millions of couples are robbed of happiness because
one of the partners has developed a negative mindset, blaming their unhappiness on things their
spouse does or does not do” (Parrott and Parrott, 74).
How Information may be Applied in Present or Future Ministry Setting
The ways information from the week two readings may be applied in present and future
ministry settings are by looking at and evaluating my current counseling practices and find ways
to implement some of the methods I read about and adding my own individualized touch.
Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)
