LIBERTY UNIVERSITY BAPTIST THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
Why Are Our Children Leaving the Faith?
Submitted to Dr. Allen England,
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
DSMN 610 – B01
Family Discipleship
by
Justin Bickmore
March 4, 2017
Contents
Introduction ...................................................................................................................................1
What is a Biblical Family?............................................................................................................2
Biblical Parenting.................................................................................................................3
Biblical Discipleship............................................................................................................4
Issues Children Face......................................................................................................................5
Social....................................................................................................................................5
Family Structure Issues........................................................................................................6
Why are our Children leaving the Church? ...............................................................................7
What Can We Do to Change This? ..............................................................................................8
Conclusion ...................................................................................................................................10
Bibliography ................................................................................................................................11
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Introduction
In today’s world there is an enormous problem within the Christian church that involves
children leaving the church. Why is this happening? What can be done to curb this behavior?
What has changed that has caused children to leave the church in numbers that have not been
seen in the past. The world is ever changing and with it change cultures, information, social
issues, and any number of other factors. From a Christian standpoint it is simple, build your
foundation on God’s word and reap the rewards that are promised therein. While this is the
blueprint, it is not always this easy in the differing environments that children live in these days.
Divorce is on the rise, social issues that were unheard of only twenty years ago are now a huge
part of the life of a child. The readily availability of information from the internet, mobile
devices, etc. allows for children to be less and less reliant upon their parents and to some degree
allows parents to become less involved in the child’s rearing. According to a source “The
average father spend only eight to 10 minutes a day with his children. This includes television
and meal times.”1 This is a sad truth of many families in today’s world. One could also argue
that it is Biblical prophecy coming to fruition. It is seen plainly in scriptures, “Now the Spirit
speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith”.2 With the
information that young people have access to and the vulnerability that they have at young ages
it is no wonder that many of them are susceptible to leaving the faith at young ages. Without
those people in their lives to help guide them they are left too often to fend for themselves
spiritually.
1 Dr. Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee, Family to Family: Leaving a Lasting Legacy (Lawrenceville, GA: Jerry
Pipes Productions, 2012), 6.
2 1 Timothy 4:1 (KJV).
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So what can be done to rectify this awful truth? How to can young people be reached
with the truth of scripture and be drawn back to the waiting arms of the church. Something has
to be done both within and outside of the confines of the church. It is just a matter of what and
how do we do it. With this paper the student hopes to determine the major factors that lead to the
decision of children and young people to leave the faith and ways to curb this behavior in order
to reclaim them for the cause of Christ.
What is a Biblical Family?
In order to understand why children are leaving the church it is important to understand
the dynamics of what is meant by the family unit within the context of the church. In today’s
world it is often times difficult to find what one would call a Biblical family. The Bible
specifically takes time to describe and spell out what is meant and intended. “Within the family
structure there are roles that each family member plays.”3 The family unit is something that has
been ordained by God and has specific roles spelled out throughout scriptures. When each
member seeks to fulfill their role and only their role then there is the greatest chance of success.
The father is to be the spiritual leader and will ultimately answer for his leadership of his family.
The mother is the helpmeet of the father and it is her role to nurture and support the father. The
children are to be obedient and respectful to their parents and to come under their guidance in
their lives. When each member of the family embraces and seeks to fulfill their roles therein
success in upbringing is a byproduct. Much of this product is based upon the parents as they
provide the flagship for which the children will follow and ultimately, likely, emulate. In order
for this model to work correctly they must seek to be biblically sound in their parenting. The
people with the greatest influence in the life of a child are the child’s parents. “For years parents
3 Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2005), 13.
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have bought into a lie that the greatest influences in their children’s lives are peers, media, and
others outside of the home. It’s just not true.”4 The sooner parents stop trying to turn their
children over to hired professionals and realize the role and influence that they have been given
by God is when children will start to be won and will remain entrenched in the church. The
family is God’s work of art with which he seeks to show the world His love and affection. It is
through the modeling of a successful Biblical family that God shows his love to a lost and dying
world most effectively.
Biblical Parenting
Biblical parenting is the method by which parents train up and raise their children with a
foundation of Biblical principles. How often does the parent pray for their children? Does the
parent take time to instill scripture memorization in the children? These are the types of
questions one must ask when they think about whether or not they are parenting Biblically.
“God gave parents the primary role of spiritually discipling their children.”5 This is a command
from God for parents to be actively and intentionally involved in the spiritual formation of their
children. It is not an accident and it is because of God’s perfect will for us that He intended it
this way. Parents who take a vested interest in the lives of their children see far greater success
than a parent who seeks to pass the child off to a professional of sorts. God has always intended
it to be the parents who have the greatest influence.
On the flip side of the coin, when parents are not involved and invested in children
spiritually, there is a litany of issues that children and young people will have to face as a result.
Christian parents that do not take a vested interest in the spiritual formation open up their
4 Steve Wright and Christ Graves, Apparent Privilege (Wake Forest: Inquest Publishing, 2010), 17.
5 Ibid., 54.
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children to leave the church at far greater rates than parents who are involved. It is of the utmost
importance that parents be heavily invested in the spiritual upbringing of their children. This
cannot be highlighted enough for the sake of parenting. In the next section the student will take
a look at varying issues that have either a direct effect or an indirect effect on the children that
have to deal with them.
Biblical Discipleship
Biblical discipleship takes place in the home when as a family the parents lead the
children to know and to emulate Christ. It is the role of the father to make sure that every
member of his family are seeking “to become “like Christ”—that is what disciples are ultimately
destined to become.”6 The key in that is that Christ led people to in turn also lead people to Him.
True discipleship has not occurred until the father has trained his children, with the support of the
mother, to in turn lead people to Christ and train them to repeat the process. That is the key to
discipleship Biblically speaking. There is a training element to families that is often times not
repeated or taken into consideration. Parents to a certain degree have failed to grasp this concept
and either put no effort in this aspect or the pass the responsibility on to someone else, the hired
professionals. It is a daunting task to have children and take seriously their spiritual formation,
one that is markedly more difficult if there is no pattern to follow. Parents who were not
discipled themselves will have a very difficult time succeeding at this task without assistance and
encouragement. Plainly put, no one else possess the proper qualifications to embrace this
primary responsibility because no one else is the child’s parent.7 The captive audience of
6 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Discipleship (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2003), 297.
7 Paul Renfro, Brandon Shields, and Jay Strother, Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, ed. Timothy
Paul Jones (Nashville: B&H Academic, 2009) 16.
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children that God gives to parents is one that cannot be misled. “Disciple making is about
comprehensive training in obedience leading to reproduction and multiplication.”8 In order to
accomplish this there must be an investment made in the lives of the children that God has
blessed the parents with.
Issues Children Face
The issues that children face in today’s world are significant and many. Children and
young people live in a time when information is literally in the palm of their hands with little to
help them manage and maneuver it. It is no wonder that so many are often left to their own
devices and expected to figure thing out for themselves. Oftentimes parents who were not
brought up with the technology that children have access to, are too disinterested to learn in
order to protect their children from that which intends to do them harm. Peer pressure to be
tolerant of issues that go against Biblical teachings and persecution if you choose to stand on the
Biblical foundations is just one of many issues that children and young people face on a regular
basis when they choose to make a stand for their faith. By reaching out to children when they
are young the foundation can be put in place in which they will stand the rest of their lives. They
must know that they have somewhere to turn and people in their live that they can trust in their
times of need.
Social
Socially, children are being taught in public schools that inclusion is the only option. The
problem with that is that it is in contradiction to the scriptures. The Bible calls God’s children to
be set apart and one that is obviously different from the world. Being an adolescent is difficult
8 Dave Earley and Rod Dempsey, Disciple Making Is (Nashville: B&H Academic 2013), 5.
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enough and throwing in the fact that Christians are to be different only adds to stress and
difficulty. Pressure to identify sexually and to experiment sexually causes many to reject the
church. Kati Nimela stated, “It is clear that a negative attitude towards the church…can also
increase the likelihood of leaving the church.”9 If the world is shaping the views of young
people without a corrective influence within the home then there is no wonder that young people
are choosing to leave the church. Being a young person is difficult enough and when the added
weight of uncertainty among peers as well as pressures to fit in and to be inclusive creates an
almost unbearable situation for anyone to withstand. If not fitting in is such a difficult instance
to overcome within a group of their peers then it has to translate to the church as well for young
people. According to Francis and Robbins, one reason for “not belonging and not fitting in” is
feeling different from the majority of people who go to church.10 With this feeling seeming to be
so simple yet it is very complex in that feelings change constantly and it is very difficult to
convince people they belong when their mind is made up that they don’t. Children long to
belong from a young age and guiding them to understanding that God desires for them to belong
to Him goes a long way in their choice to remain entrenched in service alongside of a church of
their choosing.
Family Structure Issues
This section deals with the background of children and where they come from compared
to the rest of their peers. Many problems can arise from these type of scenarios for raising
9 Kati Nimela, “No Longer Believing in Belonging: A Longitudinal study of Finnish Generation Y from
Confirmation experience to Church-Leaving,” Social Compass, 62 no. 2 (June 2015) 184.
10 Leslie J. Francis and Mandy Robbins, “Not Fitting In and Getting Out: Psychological Type and
Congregational Satisifaction among Anglican Churchgoers in England,” Mental Health, Religion & Culture,
15 (2012), 1024.
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children. While this is not to say that there are not exceptions to these type of situations,
typically these type of situations are not conducive to success in raising Godly children.
First the issue of growing up in a broken home is one that plays a major role in the
spiritual formation of a child. God intended for children to be raised by both a mother and father
and to take either of them out of the home could possibly create a highly volatile situation. The
father is the most important figure in the life of a child and if he is missing then the entirety of
the family unit is damaged. The father is to be the guiding force behind the rearing and training
of a child. When there is a void in that role then the child will suffer. Part of this problem can be
attributed to poor marital choice but ultimately it is a selfish act that has far reaching
consequences.
Second is the issue of homes that are not fulfilling their God given roles. When this
occurs much confusion can be expected. If mothers and fathers do not take on and fulfill their
roles then it can be expected that children will struggle with their faith and they will eventually
leave the church as they grow older. They will in turn learn to become dependent upon other
things that are not Biblically based. Children will begin to accept and embrace ways of thinking
that do not match up with scripture. This is very dangerous ground for parents to tread. Families
that do not grasp and fulfill the scriptural roles that pertain to specific parents are a breeding
ground for confusion.
Why Are Our Children Leaving the Church?
The heart has been described as “an artesian spring. All our hopes, dreams, and desires
gush from the heart.”11 The heart is the key to understanding what drives a person. If as a young
11 Tedd and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008) 51.
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child someone is present in your life, hopefully loving God fearing parents, which desires to see
you reach your fullest potential for the cause of Christ then naturally they will seek to get to the
heart of the matter. They will invest time and effort to disciple and love the child. Unfortunately
this is all too often in today’s world not the case and young people are left to their own devices.
There is no sense of urgency for parents to be involved in the lives of their children. With this
lack of instruction and formation in their lives it is no wonder that children seek comfort and
acceptance elsewhere. Once they “outgrow” the church then they view it as something that they
might revisit when they themselves have children if even at all. Children are leaving the church
because they view it as just that, something that is for children and once they are of age they
have learned enough or they were never grounded in their faith to a point that they could stand
upon it to begin with. Having a faith that is foundational is of the utmost importance. Parents
training up their children has to start and be expected to be duplicated in generations to come in
the future. Specifically the father is responsible for the spiritual growth and understanding of his
home. If fathers would take a stand and hold their children accountable to the faith and seek to
build homes upon the foundation of Biblical teachings then children would not be leaving the
church in such large numbers.
What Can We Do to Change This?
In knowing now that a likely reason for children walking away from the faith is from a
lack of formal training and instruction from parents, what can we do to alter this course? The not
so simple answer is there must be a sweeping change in the way parents raise their children. Tad
Thompson said, “12it has been rare for the Christian home to function even remotely like a little
church.” If this is true of even Christian homes then how much more difficult is it for a child in a
12 Tad Thompson, Intentional Parenting (Adelphi, MD: Cruciform Press, 2011), 6-7.
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lost home? The burden of the proper raising of Christian children, ones who will build their
foundations on Biblical truths rest solely on the parents. In order to accomplish this, parents
have to completely grasp and embrace their role as the primary discipler within the context of
their homes. When parents seek to train up and raise children who are grounded in their faith
and have a desire to serve God they will be able to see dividends for their work. This is best left
to God in that when parents entrust their children and formation to God the promise that His
word does not return void can give comfort and peace. Tedd and Margy Tripp said, “In all of this
you must pray that God will work in and around your efforts and the responses of your children
to make them people who will know and honor God.”13 It is through prayer and constant effort
that Christian parents can have the lasting impact on their children that they desire. The
blueprint for raising and training children is printed in the scriptures for all to see and to adhere
to. By seeking to train up and raise children in the nurturing and admonition of the Lord, parents
are not only exhibiting obedience to God’s Word, they are preparing the next generation to carry
the torch after them. Loving God involves obedience to Him and parents who model this for
their children will be the most successful. By living out God’s word intentionally for the family
to see and to emulate allows for the highest returns when considering children. God expects His
children to carry out this plan for their families and to hold fast to His promises found in His
word. So to answer, how do we change the fact that children are leaving the church when they
are older, we simply have to put in the time and effort necessary to properly and Biblically train
and raise children to know and love God in a way that causes them to have an unquenchable
thirst for His Word and His love abundantly in their lives. By guiding them to the foot of the
cross as their parents and committing them to God.
13 Tedd and Margy Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, 25.
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Conclusion
To answer the question of why are our children leaving the church is not necessarily an
easy thing to do. Almost certainly though, one could make a solid argument that it is directly
related to the upbringing of the child. The role of the parents in the life of a child is the most
important one they will ever have. Children crave the attention of their parents and desire to
have relationships with them that are meaningful and trusting. As the church it is their
responsibility to train up and encourage parents to become active in the lives of their children. It
is not the responsibility of the church to take on the role of the parent. When this occurs distance
is placed between the parents and children and this is damaging to the relationship. When
parents seek to know and love their children as Christ does and they train them to know and love
Christ, the children will grasp ahold of a Savior who loves them and desires to have a
relationship with them. As parents lead their children to God it is there that the child has the
opportunity to choose to follow or reject Christ and the parent has done all that they are called to
do. “You must be a person of a long-term vision.”14 As you parent you must remain focused on
the long-term goal of raising up your children to love and honor God. When parents are focused
on this as their goal then they can prepare and persevere through the difficult times of child
rearing. It is not an easy task and not one to be taken lightly. If parents truly desire for their
children to become the Christians that Christ desires for them to be then the necessary work and
love is always worth it in the end.
14 Ibid., 181.
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Bibliography
Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Discipleship. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2003.
Earley, Dave and Rod Dempsey. Disciple Making Is. Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2013.
Francis, Leslie J., and Mandy Robbins. “Not Fitting In and Getting Out: Psychological Type and
Congregational Satisifaction Among Anglican Churchgoers in England,” Mental Health,
Religion & Culture, 15 (2012): 1023-1035.
Nimela, Kati. “No Longer Believing in Belonging: A Longitudinal study of Finnish Generation
Y from Confirmation experience to Church-Leaving,” Social Compass, 62 no. 2 (June
2015): 172-186.
Pipes, Dr. Jerry and Victor Lee. Family to Family: Leaving a Lasting Legacy. Lawrenceville,
GA: Jerry Pipes Productions, 2012.
Renfro, Paul, Brandon Shields, Jay Strother, and Randy Stinson. Perspectives on Family
Ministry: 3 Views. Edited by Timothy Paul Jones. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group,
2009.
Thompson, Tad. Intentional Parenting. Adelphi, MD: Cruciform Press, 2011.
Tripp, Tedd. Shepherding a Child’s Heart. 2nd ed. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2005.
Tripp, Tedd, and Margy Tripp. Instructing a Child’s Heart. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press,
2008.
Wright, Steve, and Chris Graves. Apparent Privilege. Wake Forest: InQuest Publishing, 2010.
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