LIBERTY UNIVERSITY
SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
4MAT Book Review - ”Instructing a Child's Heart”
By: Anwar Allen
Dr. Burrell
DSMN 610
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Abstract
Instructing a Child’s Heart, by Tedd and Margy Tripp was written from the perspective of leaders
who have not only discipled their own children, but have been apart of the process of helping
other parents get to the bottom of what it means to engage in the process of equipping children
from the inside out. The book itself is almost a proclamation to the evangelical communities, that
family discipleship, and the formation of our future families, is completely about our heart
posture towards God and his heart for his followers. Instead of breaking up the book into
chapters, one can read the book with three main areas of focus. The Tripp’s analyze the
worldview that intends to shape our children, the call to formative instruction, and God’s overall
intention for families who wish to build homes that help the members learn from a heart’s
perspective instead of a behavioral modification process that involves an emphasis on corrective
discipline. Of course the topics covered in the reading of their book span many topics, however
the intention of the writers was to equip parents to begin partnering with God to help children
begin a life-long journey towards a closeness with the Lord, and a love of his word, which is
authoritative for all of life’s cycles and seasons.
The authors encourage the readers to start with the biblical truth that the job ahead for us
is difficult.Whether we know it or not, the world is divisively attempting to evangelize children
with messages of individualism, superiority, power, and the appearance of a chaste lifestyle. None
of the worldly virtues can truly find a place in God’s economy, and they are a type of obstacle to
producing a spiritual maturity that is grounded in an identity in Christ. The authors encourage
parents to go on the offensive and take down any false lies that oppose instruction, the authority
of God through scripture, and the examining of the heart to ascertain the real problem beneath
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the surface.
This leads the reader towards another important discovery, and that is simply that we are
not going to produce God fearing children through the fear of discipline and shame. We never
want our children to turn away from the secular world, only to find that their home is unsafe and
just as problematic for the very same hearts we are looking to win over for Jesus. By way of the
book, we can see that much of the child’s formation comes by way of formative teaching that
usually comes through the instruction of the scripture, and clear simple ways of presenting the
bible as a narrative of history, to which we are deeply connected. Ted and Margy Tripp wrote
this, “Often our formative instruction is inadequate or incomplete because we make massive
assumptions about what our children understand.”1
The child’s mind is wildly imaginative, and has the ability to create connections to the
bibilica heroes of old, and our own connection to our own real life seasons. The process is not the
important factor, and neither is making them obey for the sake of obedience. So it is with
teaching and helping them grow, they are more than just an exercise. Through the scriptures, and
life's teaching moments, we also read in the book that we can use the important times we have
with our children to build relationships with them, model spiritual vitality, and help them develop
godly habits.
The book outlines an important factor in all of this heart formation programing, and that
is simply the fact that if we stay close to the biblical mandate over our parenting, there will be a
fruit to reap, because of the principle of sowing good seed in the hearts of those who will carry
the harvest long after we are gone from this earth realm.
1 Tripp, Tedd and Tripp, Margy Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
(Ch.3)
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Concrete Response
In reading this book I was reminded of my early years of parenthood, and the hours, days and
months we spent in the very beginning of our parenthood, learning how to discipline our first
child, so that we would produce a heart of obedience in our first born. We read the latest books,
went to early parenting classes at our local churches, and tried to emulate the parenting of
seemingly experienced believers who were farther ahead in the ball game. There was a loose
discipleship process, where we involved the reading of bible stories , and the teaching of life's
lessons as they came along. In fact, one book we relied heavily on was titled “Shepherding a
Child’s Heart”, which focused heavily on the necessity of spanking. Even though the presented
material was from a place of love, and physical discipline can be a place of heart formation, it is
not the end all. While reading the book I remembered how difficult it is to try and cultivate heart
posture in our children when they are behaviorally being changed, but not having the heart go
through a real transformation for the now and the future. “Our times of corrective discipline are
not the best context for teaching God’s ways to our children. First, we are not in our best form as
teachers when something has gone wrong.”2 It took years to undo some of the damage that was
done, by approaching parenting from this legalistic vantage point. What Tripp wrote in the book
that was read for the class was very honoring of where my family likes to operate from. We made
the mistake of hitting the copy and paste button for modes of operation that might have fit for
some other families, but were detrimental to our own individual family. Nowadays we are always
on the lookout for sightings of God provided opportunities that really allow us to mine the depths
of the hearts of our children.
2 Tripp,Tedd and Tripp, Margy Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008). (Ch
3)
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Reflection
After reading this book, I was confronted by my not so distant past styles of parenting, especially
for my two oldest children who are very headstrong and committed to figuring out the world for
themselves. I had to ask myself honest questions about the nature of our current methods of
parenting, and whether it was producing the type of fruit that could be reaped and resown. I had
to take inventory about my current methods of parenting, and the trajectory of their maturity in
the lord as it stands. Due to the differences in ages, we’ve had to think differently about the roles
we’ve played in the lives of our children, and the individuality of each of them. This thought gave
way to another thought that came as a result of reading and studying through this book. How do
parents, who are new to this way of discipleship, make a point of being intentional about
engaging the different stages of children, whose hearts are at different maturity levels not based
primarily on age, but the emotional development level that's appropriate for them. It would be
interesting to hear the authors address how it is that parents can make a point of cultivating the
hearts of children that are much older, and beyond the age of what might be the acceptable cutoff
for the use of physical punishment. Even when not addressing the area of discipline, how would
parents go about helping children who are either headstrong, stubborn, or having a hard time
grasping concepts that call them to self examination? Another question, related to the formation
of the heart, is the discernment of the parent and the outworking of the Holy Spirit to power the
process, and give insights that would give us a window into the souls of our children. One
question I had after reading the book was not a problem, but more of a warning. I would have
appreciated some time and space dedicated to the Holy Spirit and his work in and through us.
The book mentioned the Holy Spirit, but there was no application for the parent to lean into. If
we understand the Holy Spirit, we can assume that it would have been advantageous to talk to the
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Holy Spirit, and get information or assistance from Him. In every walk, and at every maturity
level, we have to be careful not to make anything we do an intellectual exercise, so that we don’t
make the outcomes based on us, about us, and for our own benefit. God gets the glory, and God is
integral to every part. We partner with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We investigate, grow and
initiate some processes, but without our own daily engagement process with Holy Spirit, we can
easily produce images of ourselves, which might reap some fruit, however, we want our children
to be the fruit of what God had first intended.
Action
In reading this book I highlighted important points that drew my attention to areas of instruction
that I felt would be important to my own walk and journey as a father of 3, and a leader in my
faith community. We’ve shared many meals with people who are younger than us, young in
marriage years, and young in experience as it pertains to rearing up children. We’ve always made
it clear, make your marriage a priority, and with children, set boundaries early, and be the biblical
example because more is caught than taught. One new action step we want to implement is
almost a counter to that thought, due to the fact that we must be more intentional in the process of
helping the process of the heart formation. We’ve made a point of teaching through life’s lessons,
and we’ve been engaged in our own walk, which can be seen when we open our bibles, or we are
seen enjoying quiet time in prayer and meditation. There is something different that gets released
to our children when we open up the bible with them in the morning and at night, when we
deliberately use scripture and important biblical figures as a backdrop for the wisdom we want to
impart. Daily devotionals, and daily reading of scripture, or bible stories will become more apart
of our routine, so that along with the life on life discipleship, there will be the backdrop of the
word, which will become an authority we can all lean on together.
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Another great tool we want to utilize is our weapon of prayer. I mentioned it earlier in the
response, however I too want to implement more time devoted to praying for their souls, the
mission God has for them, so that we can be more active in the process of presenting what the
Holy Spirit provides us in our quiet time and journaling periods. In short, we want to create more
spaces for God to move in us and amongst us in our times of instruction with our children, so that
we are more in line with the heart of God for each individual child.
The last action step we want to utilize as a result of reading the book, is making it a point
to teach within the situation of tension or strife, rather than discipline as a first rule of
engagement. We’ve typically addressed the problem from the stand point of the infraction or
negative attitude. Even though we rarely resort to spanking, we readily put the kids on timeouts,
and remove them from the situation and our physical space. Instead we want to intentionally
teach our children in the moment, so that they can be instructed in how to view the situation,
rather than being told that they are wrong and they must “do” better next time.
