According to Webster’s dictionary, to forgive is to cease to feel resentment
against an offender (Brown, 2020). It has also been described as stopping feeling angry
or resentful towards someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake (Oxford University Press,
n.d.) It is interesting that in both instances, the act of forgiveness is not passive the way
one may think; it is fully an action to be taken. This action can be quite difficult for
people in a relationship with each other. For a long time, clinical psychologists and the
like have been developing processes to help their clients achieve the action of
forgiveness. One of these such processes is the “Free Model.” (Forgiveness The “Free
Model” (FREE) is an acronym for Forgiving and Reconciling through Experience Empathy.
This enrichment program helps couples reconcile, forgive each other, and establish
intimacy and communication. This program is optimized to take place for couples after
wrongdoing has occurred, but the process may not be as successful if the person who
did the wrongdoing continues to take advantage of the person doing the forgiving.
(Ripley & Worthington, 2014).
There are a few steps to follow to engage in the free model. The clients must first
be in a state of mind to give and receive forgiveness accordingly; the couple will decide
the logistics of how and when the forgiveness will happen. There needs to cause to
forgive one another. It is also evident that the blow of the event or behavior that needs
to be forgiven is lessened and has been given some time to settle. Next, the couple will
walk through forgiveness as an idea and what their definition will be moving forward.
Next is detoxification. The couple does this by employing a method of negating the
distance between the couple that has built up, sometimes for many years. Next, the
couple will incorporate their new aptitude for love and commitment into the process.
Reach is an acronym for accepting forgiveness; it stands for: Recall event,
Emphasize with the offender, Altruistic gift, commit to forgive, and Hold onto
forgiveness. (Ripley & Worthington, 2014) With this step, the couple feels normal about
the feelings attached to forgiveness, i.e., anger. The next step is making amends. This
is a specific plan on how forgiveness will be achieved. The offender will also learn self-
forgiveness, and finally, a lesson in humility is the final step. After the whole
process, it is important for a person to be grounded.
One aspect of the FREE model that I appreciate is the emphasis on
self-forgiveness for the offender. No one is free of guilt, and everyone has offended their
significant other at one point or another. Maybe the instance was not as serious as the
ones outlined in the book, but everyone has had a disagreement with their spouse.
There can even be the propensity for anger and resentment directed from the offender
toward the offended for forgiving them and not knowing how to handle being forgiven. I
think letting go and dealing with the guilt in a healthy manner is the most important step
toward moving on in the relationship.
References
Brown, J. (2020). Perseverance. In E. M. Sanchez (Ed.),Merriam-Webster.
Merriam-Webster.https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perseverance
Oxford University Press. (n.d.) Emotional Intelligence. Oxford English dictionary.
Ripley, J. S., & Worthington Jr., E. L. (2014). Couple Therapy A New Hope-Focused
Approach.
