ENTRY: MINE AND MY PARENTS EXPERIENCES
Allender Journal Entry: My Profound Experiences and My Parents’ Stories
I. Thrilling, Amazing, and Sobering Experiences
There have been several moments in my life that have left a lasting imprint on my soul,
whether they have brought excitement, wonder, or humility to my reality. These experiences
have shaped who I am and how I navigate life. Personally, three moments stand out: 1) the thrill
of becoming a mother, 2) the amazement of God saving me and my marriage after infidelity, and
the sobering lessons from this journey of pursuing my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health
Counseling, which led to my decision of giving up alcohol.
The Thrill of Being “Mommy”
My children are nine (9) and seven (7) years old. I can vividly remember holding both of
my children for the first time and never wanting the moment to end. I cherished the moments, I
cried, and thanked the Lord for these two little miracles. Being a mother has been a true joy and
something I try not to take for granted. There was a time when I did not think children were in
God’s plan for my life. My husband and I lost our first baby at 8 weeks gestation after trying to
conceive for 9 months. The season of heartbreak and waiting were excruciatingly painful
mentally and emotionally. However, God’s timing has always been better than my own. When
the time came to hold my children, there was a mixture of love and responsibility I have never
felt before. The combination of joy, raw connection, and my body’s ability to grow and birth
another human felt indescribable.
Since then, every milestone is a celebration of the Lord’s goodness. Children are a
beautiful reminder of life, innocence, and man’s futility. Children need parents, and parents need
Jesus. Parenthood has been a daily and sanctifying journey. A journey that also proves the
strength and resilience of a parent. I am constantly learning how to parent; however I am able to
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see life through my children’s eyes. Parenting them can be difficult, but loving them is easy
when I remember Who the ultimate source of love is.
Amazing Grace Saved a Wretch Like Me
An experience that has thrilled me is the Lord saving me and my marriage after infidelity.
It is not a season of life I am proud of, but I will be forever grateful the Lord showered His
mercy and grace upon me. My pain was deep. I was in the midst of crippling anxiety and
depression and I began questioning my self worth, my marriage, and the foundation we built
over the years. Satan convinced me another man understood me better than my husband did.
Against all odds—and other people’s opinions—the Lord radically changed my heart and my
life. Over the past few years, my husband’s ability to heal, forgive me, and rebuild our lives from
the foundation up has been truly amazing.
Honestly, there have been moments of doubt where it seemed impossible to move
forward. We both recognized the responsibility we had if we were going to make our marriage
work. First, we both needed to evaluate our relationships with the Lord. We claimed our
Christianity, but never lived it outside of Sunday mornings. Second, we recognized we could not
do this alone. We went to therapy individually and separately. Lastly, we understood that we
needed to enhance our communication skills. Communication breeds vulnerability. When we are
vulnerable with each other, we remember the commitment we made. This painful experience will
always be a reminder of God’s renewal, forgiveness, and love. He gives beauty for ashes.
Sobriety of the Mind and the Body
Lastly, the experience that has been most sobering has been my journey of receiving my
master’s degree. I never thought I would go back to school, but once again, God had other plans
for me. This venture has been challenging and it has been valuable to my growth. Balancing
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school, work, and home life has been overwhelming at times, but I do not doubt that this is what
the Lord has called me to. This process has taught me to manage my time, persevere when times
get hard, and prioritize my mental health. Furthermore, it led to my conviction of wanting to be a
sober-minded counselor. While I am only a counselor-in-training, saying “no” to alcohol has had
a profound impact on my physical well-being and the clarity of my mind. This journey has
created a gratitude in my heart for what truly matters. I have made the commitment to be present
and fully aware for my physical health, my family, and my future clients.
II. My Parents and Their Stories
My parents grew up in loving families; however, their experiences were vastly different
from one another. The youngest of five children, my mother experienced affection and a sense of
independence from an early age. From what she has told me, her parents were loving; however,
she learned to “fend for herself” and relied heavily on her sister (fifteen years her senior). I
believe this has contributed to my mom’s resilient nature and self-sufficiency. Losing both of her
parents before I was born, and losing two of her brothers just months apart in 2022 has tested her
strength. However, she has remained steadfast in her faith with Christ as the foundation of her
life. Since she is a registered nurse, she has dedicated her life to serving and caring for others.
Despite her circumstances, she remains resolute and compassionate.
On the other hand, my dad has a different story. He is the oldest of two children. He felt
God’s calling on his life to be a pastor when he was twelve (12) years old. This calling has
shaped the course of his life. His deep love for the Lord and God’s Word is heavily influenced by
his mother who played an essential role in his faith. Now that both of his parents have gone to be
with Jesus, their influence still plays an integral part in his life. My grandmother was unwavering
in her relationship with Christ until the day she died. My dad’s passion for ministry is evident in
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the way he loves, serves, and cares for people. He embodies the teachings of Christ in both his
words and actions. My parents have faced hardships and losses, but the mutual anchor in their
lives is Jesus Christ. Without Him, strength, perseverance, and devotion would not come easy.
Furthermore, their relationships with their parents have helped shape them to be the people they
are today. Their example has shown me the importance of faith and family.
I am grateful that my parents had loving relationships with their parents, free from abuse,
power, and shame. Living in supportive, faith-filled homes allowed them to pass down
foundations of love, stability, and faith to my brother and me. If their stories were marked by
pain and abuse, my story might have looked drastically different. Instead, the Lord was gracious.
I was raised in a loving home filled with faith, correction, and encouragement. These factors
have made a crucial difference, especially during the most challenging seasons of my life. My
parents have remained steadfast, loving, and encouraging throughout my life—including my
affair and this journey of earning my master’s degree. Their grace and belief in me has given me
the strength to persevere, grow, and continue to seek God’s plan for my life.
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