FINDING PURPOSE THROUGH PAIN
Finding Purpose Through Pain: Trusting God’s Will in My Calling
The Influence on My Calling
Allender (2006) suggests that themes are woven into our hearts by God, and they reveal
His purpose for our lives. Reflecting on my journey, I recognize that my calling has been heavily
influenced by the hardships and trials I have experienced. I have walked through seasons of pain,
self-destruction, and loss—experiences that felt like they would define me. Enduring a sexual
assault left me feeling broken, silently and internally suffering for years. Losing the baby I
longed for crushed my spirit and my faith in the Lord. Lastly, infidelity in my marriage shattered
my husband’s trust; therefore, we have chosen to leave our first marriage behind and make our
second marriage what God truly intended for us. While these experiences helped shape my
identity, they did not become my identity. What I believed were marks of shame became stories
of God’s purpose for my life. Understanding God’s grace changed my mindset, and I see these
experiences as a part of His will.
Today, I do not allow these painful experiences to consume me, but I let the Lord
continue to refine me through the reminders. God is sanctifying me every day. Without Him, I
would not be able to see that the sin and suffering I have gone through were meant for helping
others walking similar paths one day. I have developed a sense of empathy for women who have
faced trauma, self-destructive behaviors, and loss. The Lord placed a calling on my heart to walk
alongside these women throughout their healing. Restoration, redemption, and renewal are now
the themes woven into my heart.
Onsite Workshops has played an integral role in my desire to be a counselor and
eventually become an experiential group therapy guide. However, in the immediate future, I
believe the Lord has called me to counsel young girls and women who have experienced trauma,
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FINDING PURPOSE THROUGH PAIN
specifically identity issues, sexual trauma, and loss. Additionally, I feel led to help couples
navigate the pain of infidelity and work toward healing and restoring their marriages. While I
would not have chosen to go through any of these trials, I can see how God has used them to
bring me back to faith and to shape His purpose for my life. I felt like these things I endured
were slowly destroying me. Now, I realize that is what Satan wanted. However, those “things”
laid a foundation for wanting to help others find healing in Jesus.
Wrestling with God’s Will in My Past
When I first read the statement by Allender in this second prompt, I struggled deeply.
Loving my life? There was a time when I did not love my life. Honestly, I was angry with God. I
could not understand how a loving God would allow me to experience so much pain at such a
young age. The heartbreak that turned into self-destruction created deep wounds and scars I
carried for years. They made it difficult to believe that my past was part of His divine will.
However, growing in my faith has helped me to understand sin and its effects on the world. I
realize God allows suffering, and He can use the darkest moments in life for His glory.
There are aspects of my part where I can clearly see God’s hand at work. My adoption is
something I view as a gift from Him. I do not know where I would be had I not been adopted.
My birth mother was a Mexican immigrant who disappeared after I was born. However, if she
had decided to keep me, the scenarios are limitless as to how I would end up. My parents have
been gracious in recounting my story to me and answering my questions regarding my adoption.
I trust that the Lord orchestrated it for my good. Similarly, my grandmother’s passing was a
moment where I saw God’s grace at work. Even though it was painful for me, she was no longer
in pain on earth. That Sunday morning that she went to be with Jesus, she was fully healed and
singing hymns of praise. She lived a full life, and her faith left a lasting impact on me.
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FINDING PURPOSE THROUGH PAIN
However, even though I have grown immensely in my faith, there are areas where I
struggle to see God’s will. My sexual assault in college is something that I have wrestled with
deeply. When I think on it, I cannot understand how God allowed that or why it happened to me.
It was traumatic. I would ask Him, if you are truly loving, why? I may not know His purpose for
that moment on this side of glory, but I can recognize that only He can take what is meant for
evil and use it for good. Similarly, my battle with infertility and suffering a miscarriage remains
one of the hardest journeys of my life. It has tested my faith in ways I never imagined. While I
trust God has a plan, it is difficult to understand why He would allow me to wait so long for a
baby I prayed for, only to take it away from me so quickly. Though I may never fully understand
why certain and terrible things happened to me, I am learning to trust that He is writing a greater
story. My story is one of redemption, healing, and purpose for His glory alone.
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