CCOU 301
The Ways We
Love
Gary Chapman
Lesson Description: “All you need is love,” sang the Beatles, but they
definitely were not the first to do so. Love may not pay the bills, but it
does keep the bill payers together. Marriage and relationship expert
Gary Chapman weaves together the differing threads of love that make
up and hold together the tapestry of life-long marriage.
Learning Objectives: By the end of the lesson, you will:
1. Understand love as an attitude with appropriate behavior.
2. Understand love as an emotional need.
3. Know and be able to share the five love languages.
Introduction: Love is a most confusing word. Our focus will be on three
ways in which we use the word love. The experience of ‘falling in
love’ is often a predictable process. It begins as a tingle, becomes an
emotional obsession and often ends with great pain. What is
troublesome is that our society has viewed this experience as the
foundation of a happy marriage. The Bible does record this
phenomenon (Judges 14:1-3 Sampson, Song of Solomon 5:10-16
describes a woman in love and 4:1-7 a man in love), but the Bible does
not emphasize this kind of love.
CCOU 301
I. Love as an Attitude, with Appropriate Behavior (Ephesians 5:25)
A. Love is a way of thinking
B. Love is a way of behaving (Mark 10:45)
C. Most of our teaching and preaching on love has emphasized this
aspect of love. Therefore we say, ‘Love is a choice’. We choose
our attitudes and actions. But in my opinion this is not practical
enough for most couples. It does not deal with the third aspect
of love.
II. Love as an Emotional Need (Titus 2:4)
A. The Five Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation (I Cor. 8:1) *To build up
2. Quality Time (Mark 3:14) *Jesus gave quality time to the
12. *Be intentional
3. Gifts (John 3:16)
CCOU 301
4. Acts of Service (I John 3:18) *26:42
5. Physical Touch (Mark 10: 13-16)
a. Each of us has a Primary Love Language
b. A husband and wife seldom have the same
love language
c. Typically, we speak our own love language
d. The key is learning to speak the other person’s
love language
B. Common Questions about the Love Languages
1. Can I have more than one love language? *36:50
*primary and secondary
CCOU 301
2. Does one’s love language change over time? No, stays with
us for a lifetime. When you get enough of your primary,
but secondary is not met, then the secondary becomes more
important.
3. Is the love language hereditary or learned? Age 4 or 5,
the language that the child expresses will be their primary
C. How do you discover the primary love language of your spouse?
1. Observe their behavior. How do they express love to
you, unless it was learned (ex. Dad teaches son the secret
is to give gifts
2. What do they complain about? They are telling you
what their primary is
3. What do they request most often? Typically their
request pattern will reveal
III. Conclusion
CCOU 301
Study Questions:
1. Understand the experience of “falling in love”
2. Be able to explain what why love is an attitude with appropriate behavior
3. What does love as an emotional need mean?
4. What are the five love languages?
Soul Care Verses:
I Corinthians 8:1
Mark 3:14
Mark 10:13-16
John 3:16
I John 3:18
Bibliography/Reading List
Chapman, Gary. (1995). The Five Love Languages: How to Express
Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate . Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, Gary & Campbell, Ross. (1997). The Five Love Languages of
Children. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, Gary. (2000). The Five Love Languages of Teenagers . Chicago,
IL: Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, Gary (1995). The Five Love Languages Video Pack . Nashville,
TN: LifeWay Christian Resources.
Chapman, Gary. (1998). The Five Love Languages of Children Video Pack .
Nashville,TN: LifeWay Christian Resources.
Tennov, Dorothy. (1989). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in
Love. Chelsea, MI: Scarborough House Publishers.
CCOU 301
CCOU 301
