LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Christian Pre-Marital Counseling and Conflict
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
17/2022
Christian Pre-Marital Counseling and Conflict
Eyes Wide Open
Ben Franklin advised those considering entering into matrimony, “Keep your eyes wide
open before marriage and half-shut afterwards.” This may sound silly when you’re intoxicated
with the elixir of infatuation. Why would you need to look for flaws in your partner? After all,
they’re perfect.
And, when you’ve spent so long looking for love, the idea of losing it can frighten you away
from considering heavy issues such as “compatibility.” Difficult truths from the real world have
no place in your romantic fantasy. And there’s nothing wrong with approaching love with an
optimistic vision. That is the Biblical pattern – beginning with an ideal and working toward it.
But once you step down from that altar, it’s permanent. So you might as well take a minute to
consider where you both stand before you make that eternal commitment.
Relationships Require Work
A Christian marriage counselor can help you work toward your vision. No, discussing issues
such as how you’d like to educate your children and who will manage the finances might not be
as fun as choosing which restaurant to hang out at, but these discussions are vital to the health
of your relationship. As said before, marriage is permanent. You need to make sure that you
start out creating a complementary foundation to carry you through the next 50 years.
A skilled counselor can help you confront the issues most couples tiptoe around for fear of
causing a fuss. They can also help you develop communication skills that will help you avoid a
blow-up when conflicts arise in the future. Or escape the cycle of those already happening.
Don’t kid yourself; every loving couple has disagreements. But, with the help of a counselor,
you can learn to turn these differences into opportunities to understand each other and work
together better. They can help you see how God is for you and for your marriage– that He is
with you, and is purposeful in bringing your joy and freedom to fulfillment.
