LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Marriage Counseling
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
10/2022
Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling, also known as couples counseling, relationship counseling, or couples
therapy, is a form of therapy that supports people in intimate relationships. Therapy may be
helpful for partners considering separation or seeking improved intimacy and understanding.
While the relationship itself is the focus in marital counseling, each partner is expected to pay
attention to self-improvement and self-awareness.
Finding the Right Couples Therapist
It can be helpful to consider whether the marriage counselor is a good fit for both partners
before scheduling a couples therapy session. It is important to choose a marriage counselor
who:
Has received the required training to offer couples counseling
Is experienced dealing with the couple’s specific issues
Works with the couple to develop a therapy plan
Shows compassion to both partners
Does not take sides
Does not allow one partner to speak for or interrupt the other
Maintains control of each session
Is easily accessible
Encourages the couple early to express if they are comfortable with the services offered
Charges affordable fees or accepts insurance
When seeking relationship counseling, many couples try to find a licensed marriage and
family therapist (LMFT) in their area. LMFTs are licensed by the state, have advanced training
and certification in couples therapy, and are often credentialed by the American Association for
Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).
Approaches to Couples Counseling
Approaches and techniques used in couples therapy can vary depending on the training of
the marriage counselor and the issues experienced by the couple seeking treatment. Some
common therapeutic approaches in couples counseling include:
Imago relationship therapy explores reasons for negative perceptions or behaviors in
the relationship and seeks to restore communication between partners.
Emotionally focused therapy creates new, positive interactions between partners and
strengthens their emotional bond.
Internal Family Systems therapy helps partners better understand each other and the
patterns existing in their relationship.
The Gottman Method increases closeness, affection, and respect.
The developmental model of couples therapy focuses on the growth and development
of each partner as a person and the couple as a pair.
Positive psychology helps partners focus on positive traits and live in the present.
Narrative therapy explores past issues from different angles, helping couples gain insight
into adjustments they may need to make in the relationship.
Individual counseling can serve as a precursor to couples therapy. It may be a treatment
approach for one partner if the other is unwilling to come to couples therapy.
How Couples Counseling Works
The purpose of couples counseling is helping partners learn more about each other and
acquire healthy problem-solving skills. The marriage counselor or LMFT may interview both
partners, together or individually, during the first few meetings. Afterward, they may provide
feedback. The couple may set therapeutic goals with the guidance of the therapist and develop
a plan for therapy so each person knows what to expect. In couples therapy, positive results
often depend on the couple’s motivation and dedication to the process.
As treatment progresses, each partner may become a better listener and communicator.
Partners also often learn to support each other new ways. It is not uncommon for conflict to
arise in therapy sessions. An ethical marriage counselor will remain neutral and avoid taking
sides. Some marriage counselors offer supplemental individual sessions to each partner as a
standard part of treatment. Others may offer individual sessions upon request.
Relationship counseling is generally held once a week. The schedule can vary depending on
the couple’s goals and whether each partner is also attending individual or group therapy
sessions. Couples counseling is offered in a variety of settings, including private practices,
university counseling centers, and group practices.
Marriage counseling is often short-term, though healing a relationship may take more time.
Ultimately, couples therapy will continue for as long as the couple is committed to completing
the treatment plan or until they reach resolution.
Who is Couples Counseling For?
Any couple with a history together may benefit from relationship counseling. Couples may
seek counseling to resolve relationship issues, gain insight into the dynamics of their
relationship, strengthen their emotional bonds, or find amicable ways to bring their relationship
to an end. Premarital counseling is available for individuals who are engaged to be married.
When Is Couples Counseling Recommended?
As all couples experience tension or conflict at some point in their relationship, many
people are unsure when they should seek couples counseling. The reality is that couples may
seek relationship counseling for many different reasons, including:
Power struggles
Communication issues
Substance abuse
Sexual dissatisfaction
Financial issues
Anger issues
Infidelity
Major life adjustments
Frequent conflict or high stress levels
Conflicting ideas on childrearing
Most couples counselors agree it’s best to seek couples counseling is as soon as discontent
enters the relationship. Therapy need not be delayed until an issue becomes a crisis. In many
relationships, couples therapy is not considered until issues persist for an average of six years.
This delay can make it more difficult to repair or resolve concerns.
Couples therapy is also beneficial for partners who have made firm resolutions about the
future of their relationship. A couple in a healthy relationship may seek counseling to increase
intimacy or find new ways to connect with each other emotionally. Couples who have already
decided to separate may pursue couples counseling in order to end their relationship on
respectful terms.
People who are engaged to be married might also choose to seek premarital counseling.
This can help couples explore areas of conflict or concern that may cause difficulty or
dissatisfaction in their marriage. Therapy allows couples to discuss differences of opinion,
personal values, and their expectations. Premarital counseling can uncover more issues than a
couple originally meant to discuss. This may be beneficial, as it allows couples to evaluate
whether they are truly compatible before marrying.
There are many advantages to engaging in couples therapy, but some situations are not
improved by this approach. For example, in domestic abuse cases where violence is causing one
partner to fear the other, couples therapy may not be enough. In some cases, a person’s safety
or life may be jeopardized if they remain in a relationship with an abusive partner. Victims of
intimate partner abuse are encouraged to call the police or find a local crisis center in the event
of an emergency.
How Effective is Couples Therapy?
Studies indicate couples therapy can have a marked positive impact on relationships.
Research evaluating changes in marital satisfaction after therapy shows approximately 48% of
couples reach improvement or full recovery in relationship satisfaction after 5 years.
Approximately 38% of couples experienced relationship deterioration, and 14% remained
unchanged over the same period.
Couples therapy is most effective when both partners are committed to improving their
relationship and sticking to the treatment plan. The approach is much less effective if one
partner refuses to participate in treatment or the relationship is violent or abusive.
Effectiveness of couples therapy is also reduced when those in the relationship only expect
their partner to change. The more open each member of the relationship is to reflecting on
their own perspectives and habits, the more effective couples therapy is likely to be.
History of Couples Counseling
Relationship counseling, originally known as marriage counseling and reserved for engaged
or married couples, was in its infancy in the United States during the 1930s. Marriage
counselors educated people about marriage and family life. However, it was rare for partners to
seek relationship counseling together.
Couples therapy was transformed by the emergence of family therapy and the increase in
divorce rates throughout the 1960s and 1970s. During this period, couples therapy was typically
conducted with both partners present. Present-day couples counseling is heavily influenced by
family therapy, a holistic approach designed to treat the family system together with its
individual members. The work of family therapy pioneers, including Murray Bowen and Virginia
Satir, was particularly impactful in developing this approach.
Today, couples counseling is available for married or unmarried people in all kinds of
relationships. Counseling usually includes both partners, but there are occasions when a
marriage counselor may work with only one person in a relationship. Counseling for individuals
in a relationship might center on personal behaviors, reactions, and/or opportunities for
growth.
References:
1. Christensen, A., Atkins, D.C., Baucom, B., and Yi, J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction
five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative
behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78, 225-235.
2. Gurman, A. S., and Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A millennial
review. Family Process, 41(2), 199-260. Retrieved from
http://search.proquest.com/docview/218895478?accountid=1229
3. Premarital counseling. (2014, November 25). Retrieved from
http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/premarital-counseling/basics/definition/
prc-20013242
4. Seldon, L. (2013, July 8). Premarital counseling: The pros and cons. Retrieved from
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galtime/premarital-counseling-the_b_3542952.html
5. Tasker, R. (n.d.). 9 best couples counseling techniques and why you should try them.
Retrieved from http://guidedoc.com/best-couples-counseling-techniques
6. Weil, Elizabeth. (2012, March 2). Does couples therapy work? The New York Times.
Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/04/fashion/couples-therapists-
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