Running head: MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELING 1
Marriage & Family Counseling
Michael Dwayne Henry II
Liberty University
MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELING 2
Observation of today’s society reveals evidence of implosion within the marriage and
family structure. The enemy is busy planning his many attacks against this world and his most
crippling attack has been against this structure. This paper will discuss the spiritual advantages
of, the Christian model for, and the enemy’s attack against marriage and family.
The Spiritual Advantages to Marriage and Family
As marital and family issues originate from differences within the structure, it often
produces failure to recognize its advantages. It is not uncommon to counsel couples and families
who have prioritized acknowledging the cons rather than appreciating the pros. Within the Life-
enhancing Goal Setting portion of The Outline of Brief Christian Therapy, Ohlschlager and
Clinton suggest that counselors SHOW the client(s) an escape route by giving them a Simple
Homework task that Overcomes the World (Clinton, Hart, & Ohlschlager, 2005). The most
common homework task given is the pros and cons list. This exercise allows clients the
opportunity to see how they are viewed by the other party as well as initiates the treatment plan
for the counselor.
The counselor’s goal should be to increase the pros while decreasing the cons by the end
of the process. When it comes to the pros, one angle should be the spiritual advantages
associated with the marriage and family structure. God instituted the first marriage between
Adam and Eve for the purpose of providing a spiritual advantage. God’s motivation for creating
Eve was to keep Adam from being lonely and to provide him with help. Gary Thomas suggests
that the institution of marriage was possibly designed to make us holy rather than to make us
happy (Thomas, 2015). Thomas (2015) is not suggesting that happiness and holiness are
contrary to each other but offering obedience as the avenue to true happiness. Obedience first
begins with God and honoring His Word concerning the structure and roles of each member in
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the family. Thomas (2015) bases his claim for holiness on the idea that most couples in today’s
society enter into the marital commitment with romantic feelings assuming that romance alone
will sustain the marriage. As romance begins to fade, it is the misunderstanding of the authority-
submission structure (Stinson & Jones, 2011) that most couples today disagree.
Another spiritual advantage is marriage and family teach clients how to be better
servants. As Christianity is a servant-based concept, what better way to learn the “love your
neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31)” commandment than to practice at home with family. Paul
issues the same instruction to husbands concerning their love for their wives. In turn, it replaces
our need to be served with a desire to serve others (Thomas, 2015). Marriage also has a
humbling affect on pride. Thomas (2015) suggests that while challenged with living out the
Word of God, Christians often do the right thing for the wrong reasons. Service should be
rendered voluntarily and without ulterior motives (Thomas, 2015).
The Christian Model for Marriage and Family
As previously documented, Stinson and Jones (2011) suggests that God’s model for
family, also referred to as the authority-submission structure, was intentionally designed to
reflect His image. This structure is biblically expressed within the Trinity to explain how each
member can follow submissive order, have specific roles, and be equal in value (Stinson &
Jones, 2011). The concept is understood with God the Father being the Head, Jesus Christ being
submissive to God as His Son, and the Holy Spirit being submissive to them both but all three
being equal in value as God. Stinson and Jones (2011) also suggest that this model should be
followed in Christian marriages and families.
The man is the head of the family and is submissive to God. The woman is submissive to
her husband as the head of the family instituted biblically by God. The children are submissive
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to both man and woman as the work as a cohesive unit to successfully co-parent. It is important
for each member to understand that submission does not mean lesser. All members of the family
are equal in value, dignity, and worth and should be respected as God’s creation (Stinson &
Jones, 2011).
In counseling, many conflicts arise when this model is incorrectly conveyed within the
family. Being devalued, underappreciated, or disrespected as the head of the family may cause
men to feel incompetent in fulfilling their responsibility. Women are often the victims when
their roles in the family are view as inconsequential. In today’s society, role reversal has become
the new norm. The culture we live in today often questions the origin of traditional structures
(Sells & Yarhouse, 2011). Sells and Yarhouse (2011) suggest that this shift is due to our age and
the fact that we live in a postmodern society which questions and challenges traditional norms.
It is common to see both men and women working in the household. This is not necessarily a
recipe for a bad marriage. There are several non-traditional marriages that are successful. The
romantic marriage, which is full of excitement and romance, the rescue marriage, where spouses
are receiving the benefit of emotional restoration and healing, and the companionate marriage,
where there’s a balance between career commitments and marital responsibilities are all tailored
for success (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1995). However, it is important to be consistent with
Christian core values associated with authority and submissive order to maintain stability within
the Christian home.
The Enemy’s Attacks Against the Marriage and Family Model
The Christian model of marriage and family has become a frequent and consistent target
of the adversary. While the bible is clear on the initial establishment of marriage and family,
society has allowed the enemy the mental space to create doubts within that structure. The
MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELING 5
enemy begins his attack on stability of the Christian marriage and family model at the head.
While men have been positionally assigned to lead the family, their inconsistencies have created
doubt in the minds and hearts of those under their leadership.
Often, the enemy attacks marriages and families on the basis of value and pride. There is
the manifestation of tension within marriages when both parties devalue the role of each other.
A power struggle can be detrimental to a marriage because it weakens the success of
relationships (Mintle, 2015). In counseling couples, the authority-submissive model must be
revisited. They must be reminded that different roles do not constitute inequality.
Another attack that has become more prevalent comes against God’s creation itself. It is
the attack against sexual preference and gender identity. The biblical concept of marriage and
family can be found throughout the Old and New Testament. Genesis 2:24 confirms the
intentions of God concerning sexuality. When man leaves his parents, he becomes one with his
wife. Genesis 4:1 also provides evidence that conception can only be established between a man
and a woman.
There has been an overwhelming acceptance of the homosexual community without the
urgency to conform to the standards of God. Alder (2012) questions whether or not the church
should be sensitive to organizational boundaries with prospective members having conflicting
sexual preferences. This openness may create a shift that alters the location of religious practices
for the gay community. It is important to continue to teach The Christian model and structure of
family and marriage without bias or prejudice. It is equally important to remember that
boycotting and banning will not initiate change. Only the love of Christ will create an
atmosphere for change to take place. In the end, those individuals must change their own minds
and God will ultimately change their hearts.
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In conclusion, there are several spiritual advantages to marriage and family. It is
important to comprehend the Christian model for marriage and family, as well as recognize the
enemy’s attacks against that model.
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References
Alder, G. (2012, May). An Opening in the Congregational Closet? Boundary-Bridging Culture and
Membership Privileges for Gays and Lesbians in Christian Religious Congregations. Social
Problems, 59(2), 177-206. Retrieved September 16, 2020, from
https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.1525/sp.2012.59.2.177
Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Nashville, TN: Thomas Caring For People God's Way.
Nelson Inc.
Mintle, L. (2015). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker We Need to Talk; How to Successfully Navigate Conflict.
Publishing Group.
Sells, J. N., & Yarhouse, M. A. (2011). Counseling Couples in Conflict; A Relational Restoration Model.
Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Stinson, R., & Jones, T. P. (2011). Trained in the Fear of God, Family Ministry in Theological, Historical,
and Practical Perspective. Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications.
Thomas, G. (2015). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.Sacred Marriage.
Wallerstein, J., & Blakeslee, S. (1995). New York: Warner The Good Marriage: How & Why Love Lasts.
Books.
