LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
What Is Love?
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
9/2022
What is love?
One of the reasons many of us do not experience love to the fullest, it because we do not
truly know what is real love. Love. Definitely something we all want to receive, and many of us
believe we have much to give. But when it comes to people and relationships, love is often the
one thing we find so lacking. Whether counseling the couple whose marriage is in flames, the
woman struggling in her friendships, the man wrestling with a poor relationship with his father,
the family facing the “battle of the in-laws,” or the parent and child cold war . . . as counselors,
we often observe that love is the most sought after yet key missing ingredient in our
relationships.
One of the reasons many of us do not experience love to the fullest, it because we do not
truly know what is real love. What is love? So often, love is mistaken for the warm feelings that
are experienced in response to another person. We define love as the intense attraction or
deep affection for someone else. And while these descriptions may describe love, they do not
fully define love. Love often involves these wonderful feelings, yes. But love is so much more.
This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice
to take away our sins. (1 John 4:8-10, NLT)
God Himself is the author, originator and source of love. God is love. (1 John 4:8) Real love
starts with receiving the real love of God. Love underserving. Love unprovoked by our acts of
adoration or affection. Love that did not wait for us to love Him first. Love.
In counseling others and in our own personal lives, we must always point to the love
relationship with God made possible through Jesus Christ. When asked about the most
important commandment in the Bible, Jesus responded with these words . . .
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all
your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38, NLT)
Most every couple that finds themselves in my counseling office will here me say these
words, “If you’re number one goal is your relationship, then you will most likely not experience
success in your goal. If you’re number one goal is your relationship with Jesus, then your
relationship with one another is already on its way to more than you could ask or imagine.” This
is not churchy language or attempts at super spirituality. This is simply true. First things must
stay first. While God is serious and committed to our love relationship with Him, He holds
equally important our love relationships with one another.
A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:39, NLT)
“Your neighbor” means anyone close to you. If God is the source of love, then it only makes
sense that we must be connected to God to experience true love in our relationships with
others. Out of our love relationship with God, love flows into every other relationship in life. As
we seek to love and be loved by others, we must own the love we give to those around us. As
counselors we must help those we counsel to embrace their God-given responsibility to love
your neighbor. Perhaps the best love grid to apply to most every encounter and interaction is
found in this definition . . .
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not
demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It
does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never
gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT)
When I spoke, were my words kind? Am I holding a grudge? When I gossiped about her
shortcomings, was that love or something else? When I spoke harshly to my spouse, was that
patience or impatience? When she disappointed me, did I simply cut off the friendship? Did I
push my agenda, or did I think of his preference? We must ask ourselves these questions. We
must lead those we counsel to ask themselves these questions. These questions and more
ultimately fall under the two most important questions we can ask ourselves on a daily basis: 1)
Am I loving God in this moment? 2) Am I loving the person I am with in this moment? When,
through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can confidently answer “Yes!” to these two questions,
we are well on our way to experiencing the richness of real love.
