Essay revision help

Hello, please help me to revise the essay based the comments in the doc(red word), the grading rubric, and the assignment guideline, and the slide called "how to revise the paper" 

Please follow the instruction posted in the file and USE TRACK CHANGE to do all the revision part.   

If you are not sure how to use track change here is the link to tell you(simple and easy):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7tmsWN6uH0

Don's make each sentence too long, be concise and clear.