revising Essay for East Asia History course

This is disorganized.  Too often, the ideas don't really make it to the page.

Early 20th century Shanghai refers to Shanghai between 1895 and 1937, so the discussion of current developments are of limited relevance.

The essay fails to make use of required readings relevant to the topic; insofar as I can check your references, the pages cited seem to have nothing to do with the points they are cited to support.  The discussion of architecture and "cultural essence" is confusing, that of class and economic development even more so.

The historical passages are also problematic:  it is unclear whether you realize that Suzhou was founded in the 6th century BCE, not CE (a difference of a thousand years).  Buddhism was introduced into China in Han and had become a major part of Chinese culture by Sui-Tang (589-907), not (p.2) in the 19th century.  Chinese religion from that point on included Buddhism but also Daoism, local cults, ancestor "worship," and state "Confucianism."  Marco Polo was in China in the late 13th century, not the 19th; paper money was a CHINESE idea, not one that Polo introduced to China.  Et  cetera, et cetera.

In short, you need to focus the discussion, integrate relevant material from class readings, keep your facts straight, and clarify your presentation.