eng209_final_hwm.docx
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People change like the seasons; I’ve changed so much from the person my family wanted me to be, drifted away to the point that I was trying to know who am i. Change wither that change is good or bad, it is gradual and it always catches you off guard. )
I was a kid in the south eastern side of Kuwait, a neighbor to the beautiful Persian gulf, an area that was filled with peace, love, and beauty. We we’re a family of 8, my mother, 4 brothers, and 3 sisters. My father passed away when I was 3, so my mother played the role of the mother and the father in my family, she was loving and caring, but strict when the situation demanded it. All of my sisters and brothers treated me well and we all were very close and caring towards one another, helping each other out all the time.
I was a happy kid. I had no inner struggles and I showcased clarity and confidence wherever I went. I’ve always been a person that was easy to read, to know, and to understand. I had “my heart on my sleeve” as they would say; I would say and do anything without thinking deeply about it or doubting my actions. I was full of confidence and I never caused problems, the personality of a person that had nothing to hide, nothing to be afraid of, and someone that people liked. I didn’t take life too seriously and I enjoyed it to the fullest. My family and my religion, Islam, were a top priority, and they guided me through my life and shaped my personality and my belief.
When I first came to the United States in 2013, in my first twenties, I was still the same Khaled I’ve been all my life, confident, expressive, and bold. It all changed when I met my new friends Kevin, Daniel, and Mahmoud. We were very close and hung out all the time playing videogames and going out. One time they took me to my first party, and over there they all drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, weed, and many other things that I’ve never experienced in my life. I never did any of that because such acts are not allowed in my religion because of their harmful outcomes but I just wanted to be cool and to connect with my friends and the other people at the party, so I did it and sadly I enjoyed it. It really contrasted with my religion and who I am and that was the moment when I felt that my persona has changed and that I have a new identity.
It created my new persona, a new version of me who is secretive about the things he does and not very confident of my commitment to my religion and therefore resulting in lack of faith in my religion and myself. Add to that, that the new me drinks alcohol and does whatever to blend in with the crowd, and these facts, I don’t share with my family back home and not even my closest friends from my hometown. I felt like my old identity was tearing apart gradually and similarly, I was slowly becoming a person that was lacking confidence, secretive, and nervous. I was overthinking everything, easily afraid of many things, and I lied about many things whenever I spoke to my family. I didn’t want to lie because it’s not in my nature to lie, especially to the closest people to me, but I was very sure that my recent actions would not be tolerated or accepted by them.
I came to the realization that people that love you will accept you no matter what you do or say. I talked to my family and my friends and told them everything. I just wanted to find a way to end my struggle, to end my clash of identities, and be accepted by others and myself. After talking to my family, some of them were mad about it but they accepted my other identity, the new addition to my personality. All my brothers and sisters understood my situation and showed the support they’ve always given me. My mother said that she had a feeling that I got into my new habits because of how secretive and nervous I sounded whenever I talked to her. She added that, she will accept me no matter what, but I have to think deeply about what I’m doing because it’s against my religion. I’ve always felt that it is possible for me to do the things I do, while being a Muslim, because even though they are sins, I’m not hurting anyone but myself. At that moment I was very comfortable in my own skin, with my two identities, the one I grew up with that was shaped my family and religion and the one that made me feel happier and made me feel relaxed and lowered the pace and the tension of life.
Khaidn
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