Essay

The paper is more developed and interesting as a result. You've begun the process of integrating ideas from Nathaniel Rich's article, which appears to be useful, so these are good signs going forward.

Still, there are changes you can make to where and how you announce your thesis to the reader and to things affecting the coherence in the paper. See the comments on the paper for more on what I mean by this.

Work on MLA style is needed, as I note, and in the early goings of this draft, I point out some of the editing work that is needed going forward. In the end, the essay is improving with each draft, so keep up the effort.