Hey everyone, we made it halfway!
*Trigger warning: grooming*
Throughout my life I was exposed to sexuality in many ways. Until I became
older, none of them were healthy. My mom and dad divorced when I was
young, she was an alcoholic, and he was a heroin addict. When they
separated my mom began dating a man who would become my stepfather.
He was abusive to both of us, but she was dependent on him. Because of this
majority of her time was taken up with him and I was pushed to the side. In
our home his daughter lived with us and was 4 years older than me. She was
more experienced and began having sex at a very young age, leading her to
become pregnant at 15. That was my first experience with sex and
immediately I thought it was bad and was so scared for her. Even with this
happening, my mother still never had a talk with me about it, and no one
really showed very much disappointment with her, so I just assumed this was
the norm. When I would ask my mom about sex the response I would get is
“just don’t get pregnant”.
As I got older (but still the young age of 16), I began dating someone who
was 6 years older than me. My mom knew and allowed this to happen. On all
the tv shows I watched on MTV at the time sex was depicted as fun and
something everyone was doing, so I thought that was the right thing for me
to do, even though I didn’t feel prepared, but especially with an older partner
who expected it. It wasn’t until a few years ago (which is crazy) that I finally
realized I was just a child, and I was being groomed to believe it was okay. I
was never taught about sexuality and so I never had my own values
associated with it. Truly for the longest time I believed it was just to please
your partner and it felt like something that had to be done, almost like a
chore.
Now I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and as I’ve worked through
some traumas in therapy. I’ve come to have my own set of values when it
comes to sexuality. It’s not just for one person, it’s for everyone involved and
it shouldn’t be forced and have pressure put on it like a chore.
-Rye
