Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving as for me it was great, I am still eating dressing because that is
all this baby is craving lol. Back to the discussion, consider a I had helped a friend of family member.
In the year 2015 I had a friend that was a drug addict, she has not been a user all her life it was a hard
time for her, and everyone had turned their backs on her because of her past. She had visited my
apartment often seeking financial handouts, until one day she had confessed that she needed help and
didn't know how and where to start looking for assistance. I was able to contact a family member and
set up a meeting at my apartment to where she could discuss her problems in an environment she was
comfortable in. After the help of my family member, my had accepted the invitation to admit into
rehab, it has not been an easy experience, but after the time served in rehab, I became the emotional
support person to my friend. I had made my schedule around her schedule so she could attend
meetings, and appointments. it is now 2022 and it is painful because she is not here with me today, she
lost her life to domestic violence and sometimes I wonder what I could have done different that would
change the outcomes.
This discussion had me think back about a friend I helped years ago that was having problems with her
marriage and having recently had a baby. This was a couple that were high school sweethearts and
married after high school, her spouse joined the air force and then was stationed in Minot, ND. after
basic training. It all started out like it should until her husband began to have bizarre behaviors. For
one, he met a fellow enlisted man who was completely untrusting and fishing from the moment I met
him, but stood out to be " such a nice guy". My friend's husband was working part-time at the NCO
(Non-Commissioned Officers) club and this is usually a place of meeting lots of single women,
military or civilian. My friend's husband began cheating and was spending his time away from home
staying out all night and coming home in the AM. His excuse was a secret club he has with his friends
where secret jobs and it is a blur to me right now but I do remember it was hogwash. They would try
to play it out as something so serious and it was so phony I almost laughed at them. Her husband was
cheating and it was just a get-together after hours to drink and play. I did my best to tell her he was
lying big time to her but she was so gullible to believe him until I finally told her it was his way to see
his girlfriend. c I tried to get her to think about it and realize this "secret club" was not real. So, to show
her what was going on we did our spying and followed them from the club to the trailer the one so-
called friend lived in and she saw the proof. When my friend approached her husband, he had two
choices, to either come home or never see her or his son again. c He never came home and this was her
heartbreak to believe the dishonesty of her life and marriage.
Only three things came to light of this after dealing with this for about a year.
Do you want to try and save your marriage or accept the fact he is not coming back?
Leave on the next plane to her childhood home to stay with her parents?
How much time do you need to figure this out?
She decided to leave as soon as possible. She knew it was not going to change. The enlisted military
wife is never a day of roses. Most suffer marital problems and this was dated back to 1976, not the best
of times, and no war or fighting going on so a lot of military guys went out drinking and partying at
the club if, under 21, the NCO club was the place to go, on military bases you only need to be 18. c \
My husband and I bought her a plane ticket for her and sent her and her son home to Wisconsin and
promised her we would pack up her things from the house and move it down to them in about a month.
I suppose the military would have helped but we did not think about that. It had to go in storage first
and that had to be done right away. Her husband, well when she left her soon-to-be ex-husband, he
decided to take the king-size bed and his things so he could have his tidy little place furnished. The
husband has not seen his son since he was 1 year old but he has been married six times. My friend, got
a job at the local hospital working as a phone receptionist and stayed for forty years. She did remarry,
had one more son and truly lived her happily ever after. Her father has thanked me more than you can
say for saving his daughter and my friend thanked me as well for helping her have a happier life in the
end. I now live closer to her and have not been able to see her, but I do plan on it very soon.
It had to be about 25 years ago, my friend Jenn was dating a guy and we were all friends. She had 2
boys with this guy. Unfortunately, he started hanging out with the wrong crowd and got himself mixed
up in the drug world. She ended up breaking up with him. A few months later she met someone else.
He seemed like a decent guy. She fell head over heels for him. The next thing I knew they were
moving to North Carolina after only a few weeks of dating. Once they moved, he became abusive
physically and verbally. He took all her money and had no way to get away from him. Her mom sent
her money to get back home. Once back home I assisted her in every way I could. I helped her find
and set up an appointment with a counselor, who helped her get into a shelter for battered women. I
listened to her when she needed to talk. I watched her boys when she needed them. I picked up
supplies for her and the kids and brought them to her. She was able to get the help and support she
needed at the shelter and found the strength to stay away from the guy. My situation differs from the
ones in the reading because I was a friend helping a friend. My takeaway from chapter 7 was it was
either a professional helping or a professional’s helper helping. In chapter 7, many scenarios involved
assessments, evaluations, taking notes, and giving professional advice. I did whatever I could to help
my friend because I cared about her, the kids, and their well-being.
I was thinking about this, and I came across a time where I had helped a friend who was battling a
severe case of depression that stemmed from a divorce that he was going through. I was truly afraid
that he was going to hurt himself or worse. I could tell he needed someone to talk to, so I went to him,
and just actively listened. I wanted him to be able to get it out what he was feeling, many times
especially with guys they have a hard time expressing their emotions. While listening I learned a few
things, not only about him personally, but about my own depression as I had not been through that in
particular, I was able to identify with how he felt. Another thing that I did for him was stage an
intervention so that he could realize just how many people truly cared about him. My friend had
experience with substance abuse problems as well, so that was on top of what he was already going
through. Although there was no advice that was going to take away how he felt, I did get him to agree
to see a therapist about what he was going through. That led to him starting to attend AA. That made a
profound difference in his life as he has been sober for many years now and even met his new wife
through AA. I am glad he was able to turn his life around. He worked very hard in doing that I am just
grateful for having a small role in that.
The fondest moment of helping was when I helped my best friend through a tough situation. After she
had her first baby, she was struggling with the change of life that came after having a child. She would
call me several time throughout the night panicking about things that were not actually happening. I
would visit her house to help her throughout the day. After the consistent night calls, I urged her to
inform her doctor of the things that were happening to her. Of course, she denied that there were any
problems. As hard as this was for me, I feared the worse for her and her new born baby. I went to her
house after another frantic night call. When I got there, she was adamant that the baby was screaming
and I tried to talk to her as he slept in my arms. I was very worried and was forced to make a
horrifying decision. I called the police and had her 302. They took her to the hospital and she was
immediately admitted for an involuntary treatment. She was diagnosed Postpartum Psychosis. The
disorder was causing many unusual behaviors. I kept the baby with me until she was released. She
stayed for 42 days before they released her to an outpatient therapist. Thankfully, the medication, a
wonderful medical team, and family support has helped her to make a full recovery. 2 years later and
she is better than ever before.
It was very hard for me to understand what she was going through. I had a child and did not
experience any of what she had experienced. Since this situation was very personal to me, it was very
hard to make some of the decisions I made. In the textbook, it mentioned different stages of the
helping process. Compared to the helping process mentioned in the textbook, my way of helping was
similar.
Stages of the helping process
Preparation
Client Arrives
Exploring the Problem
Intervention Services
Ending Client Services
I evaluated the situation first. I gave ample time for her to try and figure the problem out on her own.
When I noticed the situation progressing negatively, I decided to intervene. I feel that when I did
intervene some of the problems began to ease, but the struggle was still there. When the problem was
out of both of our hands we decided to agree on the placement of the baby and what her goals were
after she got well. All in all, the helping process was similar.
Woodside, Marianne, R., and Tricia McClam. An Introduction to Human Services. Available from:
VitalSource Bookshelf, (9th Edition). Cengage Learning US, 2018.
Woodside, M. R., & McClam, T. (2018). An Introduction to Human Services (9th ed.). Cengage
Learning US. https://mbsdirect.vitalsource.com/books/9781337671262
