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Topic: Scenario 2 - Repairing and Strengthening Strained Relationships
The pastor and worship pastor of Riverfront Church have a significant relational problem. While
the worship pastor is talented, the pastor feels he is a diva and too performance-driven. The
pastor is viewed by the worship pastor as a struggling communicator and average leader. Even
so, the church is unaware of any tension and is strongly supportive of both staff members.
Based on your reading and lectures from the course, what are specific actions/strategies that can
be implemented to assist the pastor and worship pastor in repairing and strengthening their
relationship?
I think this scenario quite happens in many churches. As I said in the forum one, there is
probably no more tumultuous relationship than a lead Pastor and a worship Pastor in church
leadership. It is very important to be aware of some traits that can cause this type of scenario or
terminate a ministry relationship. According to Tom McDonald, there are four traits that can
terminate a ministry relationship. First, infidelity – when gossip breeds betrayal. Disloyalty hurts
and the second is infertility – when vision is barren. If the pastor is either lacking a godly vision
or communicating the vision poorly, the staff will become discouraged and begin to murmur.
Casting vision is one of the central responsibilities of the pastor. Passion, enthusiasm, and the
desire to sacrifice or work hard are all related to internalized vision. Without a burning purpose
in a worship leader’s soul, the temptation is to kick back. In that mindset, too much time for
carnality exists.1 Third, loss – when hurts are not healed. Loss refers to any hurt that is not
forgiven – according to the scriptural reference. Healthy relations between pastor and worship
leader can hinge on this concept alone. Last and fourth, addiction – when workaholism
dominates. Addictions blur our focus on Jesus and rob us of perspective and Christlike conduct.
Workaholism is a more subtle form of addiction which easily to leads to personal burnout,
rebellion in parsonage, and poor moral on the staff.2
1 McDonald, Tom. Pastors Are From Mars, Worship Leaders Are From Venus, (Enrichment Journal, 2015).
2 Ibid…,
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The primary way to repair and strengthen strained relationship and overcome these four
traits is an effective communication as Mike Bonem states that communication is both a benefit
and an essential element for a second chair who wants to build and maintain a healthy
relationship with the first chair.3 According to Tom McDonald, “problems in relationships occur
when the filters of personal experience and worldview dominate the brain of the listener during a
conversation, thus hindering one’s ability to carefully pay attention. By speaking in the other’s
love language, we cut through filters and touch the heart of the individual.”4 There are four love
languages we can apply to ministerial relationships to have effective communication from The
Five Love Languages that developed by Gary Chapman. That four love languages are: words of
affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. The pastor needs to learn how he
can know the love language of his worship leader and how he can script his criticisms of his
work to challenge behavior without wounding the spirit. In the same way, the worship pastor
needs to find a way to make his interactions with his pastor times of blessing and not cursing and
a way to encourage his pastor and build rapport. Moreover, there are nine characteristics that the
worship Pastor needs to take as a number two person or a second chair leader according to Pastor
Charles Billingsley. The nine characteristics are loyalty, humility, confidentiality, consistency,
honesty, security – “securities built off of trust” said Charles, creativity – “you have the
opportunity to put some creativity behind perhaps a great vision or an idea of your leader” said
Charles, sensitivity, and diplomacy. Pastor Charles also gives some great implications in order to
work with the pastor effectively. First, set your pastor up to succeed and you will succeed
yourself. Second, remember your pastor’s good days not as bad all of us have bad days. Third,
have the right attitude. Fourth, do not take rejection or correction personally. Fifth, do not let the
3 Bonem, Mike. Leading from the Second Chair: Serving Your Church, Fulfilling your Role, and Realizing
your Dreams, (John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated, 2005), 85. ProQuest eBook Central.
4 Ibid…,
