Study Response 5
After reflecting on “Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership” by Gary McIntosh, I re-
organized the five steps in order of priority for my personal life and ministry, with the first being
the step that I struggle with the most, and the last being the step that I struggle with the least.
They are as follows:
First: Examine the Past
Second: Acknowledge your dark past
Third: Practice progressive self-knowledge
Fourth: Resist the poison of expectations
Fifth: Understand your identity in Christ
Examine the Past
This step is placed first because, I prefer not revisiting the past, especially when it involves
experiences that were painful. When my past is revisited, it is as if the experiences I had are
being re-lived with all the emotions involved. Since they were not dealt with just like McIntosh
said, I will rather “push them into the recesses of my mind, hoping they will remain harmlessly
locked away” (McIntosh, Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership, 174). I believed that it was
better to keep them buried because I would never have to relive the trauma, confront the
individuals involved, feel guilty or live in regret. These experiences influence the way I react to
various situations and people both in ministry and in my personal life. McIntosh taught me that
my motives for examining the pasts were wrong, it should be solely for the purpose of self-
understanding being that what I can understand give me the opportunity to overcome its
influence in my life (McIntosh, Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership, 176). It is about my
freedom!
Acknowledging your Dark Side
This step is second for me because my inability to examine the past led to my inability to
acknowledge my dark side. Blaming other situations and people became my default, and it was a
perfect excuse for not acknowledging my dark side. “I was never the problem, it was…” or “I
would not have done it if…” There was absolutely no need to take responsibility for my actions,
and acknowledge or address my dark side, because I never thought or saw myself as the problem
and thus, they were kept in the shadows. As a perfection that I tend to be, and as difficult as it is
for me to say, my actions depicted that I was not short of being perfect. Overcoming my dark
side begins with acknowledging and understanding its influence in my life (McIntosh,
Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership, 168). This is making that choice to be perfectly
imperfect before God by acknowledging my dark side and allowing Him to refine and empower
me (McIntosh, Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership, 170). This is something I have to
practice every day in order to not just be a better leader, but a better person in general.
Practice Progressive Self-knowledge
I had failed to realize myself for so many years, and it involved examining my past, and realizing
my dark side. Recently, I started going through the process of self- realization and observed how
important it is for leaders to embrace the process. Tools like the personality profiles tests has
aided this process and as a result, I have acquired more information about myself that facilitated
growth in my personal devotion time. Also, the introduction of journaling has helped me become
more intentional about my life and purpose, to the extent where I have started mapping out goals
and plans on paper. For progressive growth in self-knowledge, I have gone through counseling
and continue to seek counsel when the need arises. I have also become more intentional about
taking time to understand my motives before acting. Practicing progressive self-knowledge has
facilitated my growth as a Christian and a leader which is why I placed this as my third step.
Resist the Poison of Expectations
I placed this as my fourth step because as a leader, I am not influenced by people’s expectations
of me. I mainly see their expectations as a positive motivation for me to become a better person
but ultimately, as stated in 2 Corinthians 5:9, my goal is to always please God and do what He
expects of me in all situations. I have learnt in the long run that putting unrealistic pressures on
myself makes me a hypocrite, because my righteousness was mostly on the outside and not on
the inside. The most important thing God sees is my heart and motive and I do not want to be a
leader that has legalistic standards yet, I do not live up to what I preach. According to McIntosh,
“applying the oil of God’s grace to your life and leadership is the only sure way to liberate
yourself from the poison of unrealistic expectations (McIntosh, Overcoming The Dark Side of
Leadership, 193). As a leader, that is deflecting other expectations from me and directing it to
God who is more than able to help.
Understand your Identity in Christ
I have been through so much in my life and it brought me to realize that I had not fully
understood and affirmed my identity in Christ. My identity is not dependent on my talents,
achievements, or organizational successes, our lasting sense of worth is Jesus Christ (McIntosh,
Overcoming The Dark Side of Leadership, 216). Over the years and most recently, I have
researched and written down scriptures about my identity in Christ. Affirming my identity in
Christ has changed the perspective I had of myself and developed my relationship with God from
the study of the Word. I am God’s chosen vessel so, everything I do is geared towards gathering
the applause of heaven and I pray that God’s grace will continually keep me focus on the truth of
who He has made me to be. I placed this as my fifth step because this is the one step that is
difficult for me to lose sight of.
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