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Specific Sexual Issue Paper
Marriage and Pornography Struggle
School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University
Author Note
Tamicka Siley
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Tamicka Siley
Email: tsiley@liberty.edu
Section 1: Case Study
MARRIAGE AND PORNOGRAPHY STRUGGLE
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The case study is centered around a close family member. The couple experienced a
sexual addiction that almost ended their marriage. Carene and Frank Stewart are a couple who
has been married for 7 years but have been together for over 10 years. Frank is a Farm Worker
who travels very often to Cayman’s Island to work. Frank is 34 years old and has been traveling
for work for over 10 years. Carene is 30 years old; she met Frank while she was finishing up her
teaching degree at Florida State University while Frank was visiting a family member. They have
two children together and Frank has one child before he started dating Carene. Daisy is 5 years
old, Garigay 7 years old, and Warren 11 years old who is Frank’s.
Carene works part-time from home to be a stay-at-home mom, a job she loves and
commits all her time and love to. The couple met at a party while Frank was traveling and right
there and then they both felt a spark however the distance between them was a barrier. They
decided just to be friends because of the distance, however after two years, Frank applied for a
new job so he could be closer to Carene, and after a few months of settling, they started courting.
Frank proposed after only a few months, and they got married. Carene thought it was happening
too fast, but she was in love.
A few months into their marriage Carene discovered that Frank had been watching
pornography when she was not around or during his me time. She also realized that at times
Frank was a little distant and that he was spending more time alone instead of with the family.
She knew there was a problem, but she did not know how to approach it because Frank was
moody at times. She knew that indulging in pornography was wrong however she tried to
convince herself that it was just a video, and the sex was not real. Jones (2015) states that “Much
of what goes wrong around Christian understandings of sex has to do with our failure to connect
to reality” (p. 13). Frank has been watching pornography for most of his adult life. He started at
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the age of twenty when he started to travel for work. His coworker always made fun of him and
eventually he caved in, and it was downhill from there. Frank did not know that watching
pornography a few times a week could lead to an addiction. He did not know that he was only
feeding his sexual addiction because he was only watching it a few times a week for the last 14
years.
Carene finally found the confidence to approach Frank about his time spent watching
pornography. She tried to share how she felt about the incident and how she felt like she has been
replaced by the computer. She also pointed out that he spent more time watching porn than he
spent making love to her. Also, when they are having sex, he seems to always be in a rush to
finish so he could go back to his computer. Carene communicated to Frank that they need to see
a counselor, if not their marriage could be in trouble, and it might eventually destroy their
marriage. Frank decided that he wanted to be honest with Carene because he did not want their
marriage to end. He confessed to Carene that he was not only watching pornography but also, he
had sexual encounters with prostitutes whenever he traveled for work.
Frank expressed that it has been going on for almost 2 years, first it was just watching
and then a few months ago it became more physical. Frank acknowledged that he did not realize
that he was addicted until it got out of control, and he cheated. He expressed how sorry he was
for being unfaithful and for defiling their marriage bed. Carene was extremely crushed by all
that she heard from her husband. She felt betrayed, disgraced, and disappointed. She recalled a
book she was reading entitled “Shattered Vows”. Laaser (2008) states, “Every woman who has
been sexually betrayed can recall with vivid clarity that darkest, loneliest day when betrayal
destroys the boundaries of their marriage and disrupt the course of their lives forever” (p.17).
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Laaser (2008), posts the question “What exactly is the sexual betrayal that wounds so
deeply?” the answer, “A husband’s unfaithfulness may consist of many different components
such as pornography, sexual fantasy, masturbation, internet chat rooms, cybersex, strip clubs,
massage parlors, emotional or physical affairs, and prostitutes.” The Family Research Council
published an article entitled “ The Effect of Pornography on Individual, Marriage, Family, and
Community” it explains that pornography is a visual depiction of sexuality that distorts an
individual’s idea of the nature of conjugal relation (Fagan, 2011). This can often change a
person’s attitude and behavior which can be a major threat to their marriage, family, children,
and community. It destroys one’s happiness and social stability. Fagan (2011) points out some
key finds on how pornography affects a person. It is addictive and men who view pornography
often have a higher tolerance for abnormal sexuality such as rape, sexual promiscuity, and sexual
aggression. Both partners perceive pornography as equivalent to infidelity. Pornography use
often leads to divorce and infidelity and loss of interest in good family relations.
Section 2: Conceptualization Counseling Approach
Hope-focused Marriage counseling is a great resource for helping couples, especially
Christian couples to find hope once again in their relationship after experiencing the betrayal of
infidelity (Jr, 2005). This method was designed to provide a different approach in marriage
counseling/therapy, the counselor will help the couple to focus less on the problem instead the
couple’s energy and anger will be redirected towards finding hope. This method allows the
couple to uncover that focusing on hope supplies a venue for the much-needed change.
Brief Therapy is used to relate to different strategies or approaches to marital therapy. It
focuses on specific difficulties and direct methods of intervention. The therapist takes
responsibility for working more proactively with the couple to achieve a more effective and
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faster healing process. Hope Focus counseling is solution-based and is centered around solving
the problem rather than being consumed by the act. This process helps the counseling session to
be strategic and show the couple that there is more than one way to fix their problem. This helps
the couple to spend less time getting angry about the situation.
Instead of following traditional marriage counseling Frank and Carene were not spending
time searching for the cause of their problem they were more interested in finding a solution to
their problem. The Hope-Focused Marriage approach allows them to utilize the Brief Therapy
dynamic to search for a solution to the sexual addiction that had consumed Frank and was
destroying their marriage. Jr (2005) outlines a sound approach to logic and reason related to
therapy. He talks about the “Bird's eye view of Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling”, which
focuses on a strategy that helps to promote hope that is linked to nine areas of a couple’s
marriage. The aim of using Hope-Focus counseling is to limit Frank and Carene to 10 sessions
(Jr, 2005). This time frame will aid the counselor to focus on getting Frank and Carene to an area
of forgiveness and communication. Once the couple has established forgiveness then they can
proceed to communicate about how the incident impacts their relation. It will allow Carene to
express to Frank how she truly feels about what he shared with her. Also, to understand the
implication of the act on their marriage vow, on her, and the disruption of their family
foundation. The route of communication and forgiveness will also provide the couple with an
opportunity to reconsider their original vision, mission, and goal for their marriage and family.
The trust can begin to be restored once they are willing to confess their failures and faults and are
open to forgiving.
To stimulate hope within a relationship is to help to create a desire within each partner so
they aspire to have a better marriage relationship with each other. The Brief therapy process
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consists of several intervention techniques that can benefit the couple during the counseling
sessions. These techniques are very practical and user-friendly to use during the counseling
session. It does not allow the couple to feel burnout by Biblical themes. Frank and Carene were
not looking for a Biblical perspective or even God when they came for counseling because they
were only seeking a way to restore their marriage and overcome the hurt, they were
experiencing. However, they were able to reconcile their marriage and restored their relationship
with God. The couple is reminded of Matthew 11:28 (New International Version) “Come to me,
all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” The couple is encouraged to think
about the nine areas of their marriage: central values and beliefs, confession, and forgiveness (Jr,
2005). This opens a portal for new communication which helps them in solving conflict. The
bond they shared was also being restored which reaffirmed their dedication towards each other
when they said for better, for worst.
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References
Bible gateway passage: Matthew 11:28 - New international version. (2011). Bible
Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204%3A31-
32&version=NIV
Fagan, P. F. (2011). The effects of pornography on individuals, marriage, family, and
community. Family Research Council. https://www.frc.org/issuebrief/the-effects-of-
pornography-on-individuals-marriage-family-and-community
Jones, B. F. (2015). Faithful: A theology of sex. Zondervan.
Jr., E. L. (2005). Hope-focused marriage counseling: A guide to brief therapy. IVP Academic.
Laaser, D. (2009). Shattered Vows: Hope and healing for women who have been sexually
betrayed. Zondervan.
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