Summary.
Couple Therapy is written by Jennifer Ripley and Everett Worthington, expanding on their
previous book Hope Focused Marriage Counseling. The hope focused approach is characterized
by framing therapeutic tasks around couples’ strengths in order to lessen deficits, therevy
facilitating hope and change quickly. Using best practices combined with faith, hope and love,
the book gives a comprehensive guide to successful couple therapy.
The book is written in a clear and concise manner, giving step by step instructions to the entire
therapeutic process. Furthermore, it is written in a way that is applicable both to Christian and
non-Christian clients. It starts with the theory of hope focused therapy, moves through the
therapeutic relationship between counselor and client, emphasizes the importance of rapport
building, and the person of the counselor. Then it presents, in several sections, numerous
interventions to address a multitude of issues presented by couples. The interventions are written
in a way that allows counselors to guide couples into healing. The authors include real life case
studies to illustrate the interventions and assessments, showing how struggling marriages can be
improved through the hope focused approach. Overall, this book is an invaluable resource for
pastors, counselors and therapists.
Concrete Reflection.
Couple Therapy was a very insightful book to read. Having been through domestic abuse,
separation, marriage counseling and reconciliation, several of the interventions in the book
brought up personal memories and feelings. Several of the interventions would have been helpful
in my own marriage, had our counselor used the hope focused approach. However, the
intervention that was the most timely and useful for me was REACH Forgiveness.
When thinking of this concept, I envision a couple stuck in mud or quicksand, and reaching
towards each other. The only way to connect, however, is through forgiveness. Unfortunatelt,
forgiveness is often misunderstood, with people believing they must act as though they were
never hurt, or that they are letting the offending party off the hook, only to be hurt again and
again. When forced on a couple, or when applied prematurely, forgiveness can be retraumatizing.
Thus, I appreciated the breakdown of how to attain forgiveness through REACH.
The acronym REACH stands for the following. Recall the hurt. Forgiveness is not possible if
one does not acknowledge that damage has been done. Thus forgiveness does not excuse sin, it
faces it head on, yet chooses not to retaliate. Empathize with your partner. Empathy etails putting
oneself in another’s shoes and understanding how they view the world. When we understand the
other person, we are better able to respond with love and compassion when they cause pain.
Altruistic gift. Forgiveness is a gift because it comes with a cost. Letting go of pain is hard work.
Commit. Because it is hard work, it is important to commit to continuing to pursue it. Writing a
note of forgiveness can help it last. Hold onto forgiveness. As I said, forgiveness is hard work.
Feelings of pain, despair, betrayal, and trauma may still come up. Therefore it is important to
hold onto forgiveness and commit to continuing to work towards forgiving, even when it is hard.
Having hard feelings does not mean forgiveness was not granted. It means the pain was real, and
we are human.
Critique.
Although the authors did mention that hope focused marriage counseling would not be helpful
to couples in abusive marriages, several of the interventions seemed to address issues that could
be considered abusive. Many of the HURT interventions, such as stopping rumination and
deciding to get needs met elsewhere while the relationship heals, are things that an abusive
partner would likely twist. In stopping rumination, one could tell an abused partner that they
must stop thinking about the abuse and not bring up the past, even as abuse continues happening
in the present. In getting needs met elsewhere, and abusive partner could twist that into the
spouse cheating, and use it to blame and shame the partner. I say these things because these
interventions or similar have been used against me, causing counseling to do more harm than
good.
I believe it is important for any book about marriage counseling to devote an entire section to
abuse and recognizing the patterns of such. Much abuse flies under the radar, and abusive
spouses can use counseling to their advantage, manipulating the process to further harm their
spouse. While the authors do address the fact that hope focused counseling is not appropriate in
cases of active abuse, they do not define what active abuse looks like. Many people assume that
abuse is only physical, so if a spouse is not physically beating the other, then abuse is not
present. However, this is not the case. Emotional, spiritual and financial abuse all deserve equal
attention in a book about marriage counseling.
Application.
Solution focused, or hope focused therapy is my favorite theory of counseling. I appreciate
how the problems become small as one searches for solutions already present. It gives the couple
or individual seeking care dignity and autonomy as an active participant in therapy, allowing the
counselor to truly come alongside them rather than doling out advice and interventions without
fully understanding the issues. As I continue my education, I will be studying this approach
more, and incorporating it into my counseling practice.
Personally, I will be utilizing the REACH forgiveness model within my relationships. I can
think of several relationships in which I have been deeply hurt and am struggling to forgive. It
feels as though I must forget the pain in order to move on. However, through REACH, I can fully
face the pain, sit with it, show myself compassion, and then move on to showing compassion to
the other people who have harmed me. Further, it is not necessary to communicate said
forgiveness to the other person. Some that have hurt me will never seek forgiveness. But I can
still use this intervention to forgive, thus releasing myself from the power of the pain and trauma
their offense has caused.
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