Wisdom Strategies for Developing and Maintaining Emotional and Relational Health
There are many personality assessments presently available. Their use varies from
developing self-awareness, to professional counseling, to employment screening, to helping to
discover one’s “calling”. Ortberg (2010) argues that self-awareness ignites self-care and
enhances relationships. The DISC assessment is an excellent to for discovering personality traits
about oneself. Rosenberg and Silvert (2013) assigns an animal to each of the letters making up
DISC in an attempt to make it easier for a person to remember what each personality type is
characterized as. An eagle represents the D, a parrot represents the I, a dove represents the S, and
the Owle represents the C. Each personality type has its strengths and shortcomings (Rosenberg
and Silvert, 2013).
DISC Personality Style
After completing the DISC assessment, I was described as having a S/I/C style
personality, with a dominance in S. I am described as:
A consistent individual who works to maintain an unchanging environment. This strong
Dove style works well with many of the other personality styles as Doves are friendly,
supportive and modest. I am patient, loyal and helpful to friends. Friendships are
developed slowly and selectively. This style is not bored by routine and works best with
guidelines and rules that are clearly spelled out. Help and supervision may be required in
the initial stages of new projects and time may be needed to adjust to changes and to let
go of the "old way of doing things". Confrontation will be avoided at almost any cost and
this S style tends to internalize feelings to cope.
Likely to not be open with personal information unless the other person is a completely
trust individual. This style may be possessive with people or objects, as the greatest fear
is loss of security. I am very empathetic and sympathetic to people. I am also a helpful,
dedicated person who likes to be in supportive roles rather than in the forefront. Goals are
achieved through diligence and steadfastness. People of this style are committed, loyal
and can be counted on to follow through on commitments.
When pushed, Doves can become passively resistant as they use emotion rather than
logic to make decisions. Once a decision is made, people of this style will stick to it, even
stubbornly, because much time has gone into the decision-making process. I desires
security and a calm, steady environment. As a S style, I have a hard time saying "no" to
anyone because of the desire for peace and not wanting to disappoint others. I will be
around even in tough times and will stay steady and true through it all.
Prefers to work through problems by analyzing things that worked in the past. I am
someone who is able to lead, if necessary, but usually prefers to wait and see if another
person volunteers first. I am willing to follow another person's lead if they display
adequate ability and if I have confidence in their ability.
A thoughtful, caring person who likes to be around others, who appreciates relationships
and enjoys being involved in social functions but does not usually care to be the center of
attention. Angel seeks balance between personal and social time and enjoys a quiet
evening with a few close friends as a good mix of the two.
Values close, personal relationships and will often take a back seat to the needs and
desires of those who are loyal friends. Angel is an even-paced individual who thrives in a
peaceful, harmonious environment. Angel will work to avoid conflict and sudden changes
in lifestyle and finds joy in keeping tradition.
Angel will usually test ideas against proven standards in an effort to be inventive and can
be very creative and has the ability to identify new solutions to problems. An original and
creative thinker, Angel acts in a rational way to make sure desired results are achieved in
an orderly manner while not being afraid to "break the mold" if that appears to be the key
to a solution.
Strengths in My Blended Style
My "D" Tendencies seem to be:
Angel prefers to work through problems by analyzing things that worked in the past.
Angel is someone who is able to lead, if necessary, but usually prefers to wait and see if
another person volunteers first. Angel is willing to follow another person's lead if they
display adequate ability and if Angel has confidence in their ability. He is decisive, sure,
certain, challenging, motivating, confident, self-reliant, industrious, hardworking,
zealous, and eager.
My "I" Tendencies seem to be:
Angel is a though�ul, caring person who likes to be around others, who appreciates
relationships and enjoys being involved in social functions but does not usually care to be
the center of attention. Angel seeks balance between personal and social time and enjoys
a quiet evening with a few close friends as a good mix of the two. He is outgoing, active,
promoting, encouraging, sociable, interactive, inducing, and charming.
M "S" Tendencies seem to be:
Angel values close, personal relationships and will often take a back seat to the needs and
desires of those who are loyal friends. Angel is an even-paced individual who thrives in a
peaceful, harmonious environment. Angel will work to avoid conflict and sudden changes
in lifestyle and finds joy in keeping tradition. He is gentle, soft, humble, considerate,
thoughtful, flexible, adaptable, agreeable, merciful, sensitive, generous, giving,
courteous, and polite.
My "C" Tendencies seem to be:
Angel will usually test ideas against proven standards in an effort to be inventive and can
be very creative and has the ability to identify new solutions to problems. An original and
creative thinker, Angel acts in a rational way to make sure desired results are achieved in
an orderly manner while not being afraid to "break the mold" if that appears to be the key
to a solution. He is calculating, analytical, inquisitive, and questioning.
My "D" Tendencies are not very:
Demanding, asserting, bold, daring, powerful, unconquerable, direct, to the point,
outspoken, opinionated
My "I" Tendencies are not very:
Hyper, energetic, smooth talker, articulate, talkative, verbal, animated, expressive,
dynamic, impressing, responsive, reacting
My "S" Tendencies are not very:
Shy, mild, timid, soft-spoken
My "C" Tendencies are not very:
Compliant, goes by book, pondering, wondering
Short Comings in My Blended Style
Non-confrontational - I should understand that conflict can be good.
Tell it like it is – I should remember that relationships can be strengthened through
candor.
Tendency to over use strengths – I should remember that when strength is over used it
becomes a weakness.
No assessment is “right on” 100%; however, it does provide a fairly accurate picture of what
our personality looks like to others, to ourselves, and what it’s truly like. In my case, it is
unfortunate that DISC assessments do not take into account issues like ADHD. It may be
difficult construct such an assessment because there are several different types of ADHD, but an
attempt would be interesting to explore.
Given the information provided in my DISC assessment, I can go to God and ask the Holy
Spirit to help me bring change in those areas I am weak in, and to help me apply my strengths to
bring Him glory on my journey to becoming Christ-like. Having a greater self-awareness will
help tune the symphonic me, I will sound less like a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal and
would harmonize with others (1 Cor. 13:1).
Challenges
I can see that there are many positives about my personality style; however, there are also
challengers associated with my personality style. These challenges surface most in my
relationship with my wife and my children, but they also show their face in types of relationships
and environments. One of my challenges is pride. Pride comes in many forms. A lack of patience
can also be a form of pride. There are things that come very easy to me, and my level of common
sense is also pretty high. Sometimes I forget that we are not all at the same level in those areas.
As a result, I have to be careful of what I say or how I behave because negative body language
hurts just as much as words. Some of this is attributed to my ADHD. I notice it most I am on and
off my medication.
Emotional Intelligence
Few understand what emotional intelligence (EQ) is, as opposed to IQ. According to
Bradberry and Greaves (2009), EQ “is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in
yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and
relationships” (p. 17). Some argue that IQ does not change, but EQ can. However, there are
studies that show that IQs can change (Kaviani, Mirbaha, Pournaseh, & Sagan, 2013).
EQ Skills
Bradberry and Greaves (2009) list four skills that make up one’s EQ:
1. Self-Awareness – “your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment
and understand your tendencies” (p. 24).
2. Self-Management – “is what happens when you act or do not act. It is the second major
part of personal competence. It is more than resisting explosive or problematic behavior”
(p. 32).
3. Social-Awareness – “your ability to accurately notice emotions in other people and
understand what is really going on with them” (p. 38).
4. Relationship Management - is the second component of social competence. This skill
often taps into your ability in the first three emotional intelligence skills. Relationship
management is also the bond you build with other over time” (p. 44).
In my Emotional Intelligence Appraisal, my overall EQ score is 93. The following are my
individual scores:
Self-Awareness: 94
Self-Management: 98
Social Competence: 90
Social Awareness: 87
Relationship Management: 93
Strategies to Improve EQ
Because my lowest score was in Social Awareness, I will begin to work on it. What
brings my score down the most is I occasionally get too involved in social situations, which
keeps me from pulling back to see everything that's going on with other people. I also have the
tendency to miss out on other people's non-verbal cues, and I close myself off to feedback.
I will apply the following strategies to improve my social awareness as suggested by Bradberry
and Greaves (2009):
Greet people by name (pp. 139-140)
Practice the art of listening better (pp. 160-161)
Seek the whole picture (pp. 171-172)
Recognizing Triggers (p. 17).
Seeking Feedback (pp. 57, 63).
References
Ortberg, J. (2010). Me i want to be - becoming gods best version of you. Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan.
People Keys. (2018). DISC reports for businesses and Individuals. Retrieved June, 2018 from
http://free.peoplekeys.com
Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). San Diego, CA: TalentSmart.Emotional intelligence 2.0.
Kaviani, H., Mirbaha, H., Pournaseh, M., & Sagan, O. (2013). Can music lessons increase the
performance of preschool children in IQ tests? Cognitive Processing, 15(1), 77-84.
doi:10.1007/s10339-013-0574-0
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Rosenberg, M., & Silvert, D. (2013). Taking Flight! Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education.
