Ministry or Agency-based Context
My husband and I moved from Los Angeles to a new midsize city in California (Rice,
2007, p.5). There was an opening in the student ministry department at a local church. We
learned that the opening was for youth pastors. We were offered the positions, and gladly
accepted.
The predetermined care-seeker is Brody Murakami who is an attendant of the church
along with his family.
Guiding Purpose Statement
Seeking to reflect Christ, I am committed to becoming a confident leader that who is
considerate, enthusiastic and attentive. A guiding purpose statement will remind the
counselor of their goal in every relational meeting. The goal is to be more Christ-like in
areas that might not come as natural. It is a way to provide balance and help align the
counselor with the counselee.
Rapport and Relational Alignment
Brody was brought in by his deceased mother’s friend, Melissa. Brody is in an attending
position. “Most often teens are in a visitor or blaming position because few adults have
actually asked them what it is they want. We may know what the parents and school
system do not want. We may also know what they want. However, few have considered
what the teen actually wants- and ways to help him achieve it” (Kollar, 2011, p.209).
This is the first time that the counselor/youth pastor had seen Brody at church. The
counselor/youth pastor will start with introductions, followed by a prayer inviting the
Holy Spirit to work in the session. Brody is still in the attending position and feeling
relaxed. The counselor/youth pastor will ask “What do you think are Melissa’s reasons
for wanting us to talk together?” (Kollar, 2011, p.82). “What does Brody want?” (Kollar,
2011, p.42).
Brody being a “S/C” personality type, “responds better to those that are easy going and
soft-spoken” (Carbonell, 2008, p.169). As the counselor/youth pastor is getting to know
him, it is best to go slow. As his “S” is stronger than his “C”, he does tend to respond to
“soft and slow directives” (Carbonell, 2008, p.127). The counselor/youth pastor should
take note not to influx him with questions. Let him answer slowly and thoughtfully. There
should be no rush in any questions, in order to allow Brody to articulate his thoughts. In
addition, the counselor/youth pastor should pay very close attention to his own
movements and attentiveness.
Brody, a “S/C” personality type, does not like bringing up what is bothering him, unless
asked. Then he would “share pent up feelings and frustrations” (Carbonell, 2008, p.169).
The counselor/youth pastor should be very attentive and ease into asking direct questions
to what is bothering him.
As a “S/C” personality, being able to align with Brody will not be difficult. The
counselor/youth pastor should take their time and be actively listening, paraphrasing what
has been said and confirming Brody that he has been heard (Kollar,2011, p.92). A “S/C
likes to do things well and have facts right” (Carbonell, 2008, p.169). Brody knowing that
he is being heard will open up to talk more.
Phase One Distinctive Features
The of phase one is to get the care-seeker to present their story (SbStPC purpose
Handout). The counselor/youth pastor needs to position themselves to get ready to
listen without agreeing, disagreeing, advising or defending (Petersen, 2015, p.133-
139).
The is to let Brody describe the problem. Brody needs to feel safe enough to be goal
able to express his feelings and thoughts. Due to his personality of “S” many like to
take advantage of his kindness and softness (Carbonell, 2008, p.127). Let Brody take
his time to describe the problem and the feelings that he has stored up inside. Brody
has lost his mother and sister whom he relied for approval and acceptance (Harrison,
2007, p.5). He continues stating that “when his mother and sister died, he died with
them and preferred to die rather than to live without them” (Harrison, 2007, p.11).
The is for the counselor to be able to listen well. The counselor needs to be chief aim
actively listening, being careful to “validate feelings while carefully listening for
clues that may represent strengths and exceptions” (Kollar, 2011, p.92). The
counselor needs to be able to “demonstrate fit” by responding with “verbal and
nonverbal cues” (Kollar, 2011, p.95). The tone of the voice, physical posture, eye
contact and focused attention should be in an engaging manner in order to show that
the counselor/youth pastor is “totally there for the counselee” (Kollar, 2011, p.95).
When Brody expressed the thought that “he would have preferred to die rather than to
live without them,” he also shared that he had expressed these feelings to his brother
Josh (Harrison, 2007, p.11). The counselor’s posture should be leaning forward; eye
contact and tone of voice of a person that understands his pain. (Kollar, 2011, p.95).
In addition, the counselor understands that Brody is “grieving.”
My role/responsibility as the counselor/youth pastor is to provide an environment
where Brody feels safe to express his feelings and thoughts. As he can express more
of himself, he is learning to trust the counselor/youth pastor. The counselor/youth
pastor demonstrates fit by using Petersen (2015) technique number fourteen,
interrupting in order to seek clarification (p.140). Questions from (Clinton &
Hawkins, 2009, p.132) can be asked at certain pauses while Brody is describing the
problem:
oWhere were you when the death occurred?
oHow did you feel after the death?
oWhat emotions have you had since the death?
oWhat emotions do you currently feel most often?
oAt what level are you functioning right now?
oTell me about your typical day
The counselor actively listens, identifies with and validates Brody’s concerns
(SbStPC Handout). The counselor is in the lookout for clues and any “evidence of
exceptions” (Kollar, 2011, p.99). The counselor finds evidence of exception when
Brody speaks to Josh (Harrison, 2007, p.11).
Some guiding assumptions that are active is the counselor/youth pastor becoming
aware that God has already begun to work in Brody’s life (Kollar, 2011, p.63). “God
is the divine Artist who uses the dark colors of our lives as a background to highlight
the light of his love and his good purposes for us” (Nichols, 2015, p.19). God uses all
our life experiences for good. “And we know that in all thing God works for the good
of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose “(Romans
8:28, New International Version). In addition, the counselor is actively looking for
clues and exceptions in Brody’s life in order to help him become aware of his own
strengths.
Phase One Marker
As Brody becomes more comfortable describing the problem and his feelings, he
invites the counselor in. Brody finishes his story with a “sigh, as if all the air has gone
out of the balloon, then a simple silence, as the counselee looks up to the counselor
for help” (Kollar, 2011, p.101). Brody has gone from an attending position to a
willing position, waiting for the counselor to respond. The counselor becomes aware
of the counselee’s invitation to respond and thinks thoughtfully about the response, in
order to help the counselee, move forward towards a solution.
Food for Thought
After reviewing all related readings, the counselor needs to remember when it is the
right time to refer a counselee. The counselor knows that he is the first responder
(Erickson, 2015). However, collaboration with other professionals can be a blessing.
The counselor needs to be aware that referral is essential when there is a physical or
medical problem that needs to be treated by medication (Crabb, 2011). In addition,
according to Erickson (2015), the counselor needs to consider the counselee’s safety,
is there a crisis involve. In addition, if there are complexity issues, such as time
constrains, or the counselee symptoms do not make sense. The counselor should be
cautious about remaining objective as well as, how the referral is communicated. The
counselor should help the counselee feel comfortable with his/her referral. If we were
to suppose that Brody was presenting signs of severe depression that led him to act on
or almost act on suicidal thoughts, a referral would be needed. Brody’s actions would
lead to a safety concern towards the preservation of his life.
References
Crabb, L. [Help for my Life]. (2011, April 11). When Does A Pastor Need To Refer
A Person To A Counselor Or Medical Doctor For Help [Video file]. Retrieved from
https://youtu.be/fxJlevE6g7Y
Eriksson, C. [School for Pastors]. (2015, Jan 5). Three C's of Pastoral Counseling [Video file].
Retrieved from https://youtu.be/rBfnKM7xb28
