Book Review: Gottman and Silver Assignment Instructions
Overview
The Book Review system is a way of responding to readings that requires you to interact with new ideas
on several levels. Your Book Review of the Gottman and Silver text can be accomplished by thinking of
four action words: Summarize, Respond, Reflect, and Act.
Instructions
Your Book Review must be 4-5 pages, double-spaced (not including the title page and reference
page). You will be required to create a title page and a reference page (which cites the textbook) using
the current APA standards.
Use the following headings and details to complete the review.
Summary
After identifying the title, author, and date of the book, summarize what you have read as if you were the
author condensing the book into 400-500 tight words. Prove that you comprehend the readings by
writing a no-nonsense summary.
This section is not a commentary or listing of topics, but rather an in-depth, insightful
“précis” of the content.
Short quotations are acceptable, but they should not be more than 1-2 sentences. Direct
quotations, paraphrases, and core notes must be properly cited.
Do not reference any other source in your summary. This summary is only about the
assigned text.
Do not use first or second person; be a reporter and give clear, concise facts. Avoid the use
of opinions and personal experiences in this section.
Do not copy and paste from the text, a website, student sample, or from a previous 4-Mat
Review??This is plagiarism!
Concrete Responses
Get vulnerable! In 250-300 words, relate at least one personal life experience that a specific part of this
book (i.e., cite accordingly) triggered in your memory.
Relate your story in first person, describing action; quote exact words you remember
hearing or saying and/or the non-verbals on display in the memory. In the teaching style of
Jesus, this is a do-it-yourself parable, case study, and/or confession. You will
remember almost nothing you have read unless you make this critical,
personal connection. What video memory began to roll?
Be sure to connect your personal life example to a specific insight or quote from the book.
While there is no need to reference any other source, it is important to include citations from
the assigned text. A brief explanation, verse location, and translation should be given when a
Scripture verse is utilized. Avoid long quotes.
Begin with questions like, “What would I like further information on?” Where do I not
agree/strongly agree with the author?” or “What bothers me/excites me about this content?”
What new questions, insight(s), technique(s), word pictures(s), and tool(s) or “ah-ha” moments
popped up while reading the book?
Reflection
In about 250-300 words, discuss/analyze the book’s content. As you read, keep rough notes of your
thoughts.
There is no need to reference any other source. If a verse is cited, then a brief explanation
should be included to inform the reader (i.e., brief explanation: verse location and translation).
Application
In about 250-300 words, explain how the information in the book influences your own
personal/professional growth process?
What specific actions or changes are you going to make in your life as a result of your
learning? Your response here is a matter of obedience first, questions later.
Be precise in summarizing your action steps.
1
The Gottman and Silver text
Student's First Name, Middle Initial(s), Last Name
Institutional Affiliation
Course Number and Name
Instructor's Name and Title
Assignment Due Date
GOTTMAN AND SILVER 2
Introduction
Just as we all like to be in ideal marriages and relationships, very few are in one that is
entirely stress-free, with no strain, dispute, or issues. The publication on the seven principles
that make a marriage work by John Gottman and Nan Silver consolidates a detailed
investigation on matrimony finalized by John Gottman and The Gottman Research center. It
solidifies it into a systematic approach helpful in enhancing romantic relationships. This paper
will provide a detailed summary, a concrete response on the book relating to personal life
experiences, analyze the book's content and explain how the information in the book influences
personal life.
Summary
The book explains the red flags of a dysfunctional relationship and how to avoid or fix
the situation caused by harsh correspondence and the Four Horsemen of the Marital
Catastrophe. It contains the seven principles of a good relationship and a good marriage. The
basic concepts are centered on improving Love Layouts, caregiving affinity and appreciation,
turning toward one other rather than away, letting the spouse influence you in tackling
philosophical dilemmas, trying to overcome gridlock, and establishing Mutual Understanding
(Gottman, 1995). Every section on principle includes analytical techniques that provide
understanding into a couple's areas of strength and activities to reinforce areas that need more
tasks.
The first principle talks about enhancing the love map. The further one understands their
love partner, the more sexual attraction occurs, and thus it is regarded as the love map of one's
partner. Here there is a need to talk to the partner well. Happy couples are very conversant with
one another, and they know each other quite well. The philosophy of nurturing fondness and
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admiration stresses the importance of spouses admiring and respecting one another in a
partnership or a good relationship (Gottman, 1995). Condemnation, utter disdain, ambivalence,
and obstructionism are all prevented by fondness and admiration. The principle of turning
toward each other and not away emphasize staying connected and maintain small interactions
to help build romance (Gottman, 1995). People in relationships are a unit that always perceives
one another's viewpoint, insight, and emotional responses. Happy couples always make
decisions together, regard one another's standpoint, and finally came to a mutual understanding.
Allowing your spouse to affect you means honoring and respecting one another.
Solving one solvable problems principle helps minimize marital conflicts. The most
common problems in marriage are money, relations with the in-law, and other kinds of stress.
It is essential to understand which one is solvable and which one is not, and also, the author
provides a five-step model for resolving conflicts (Gottman, 1995). The principle of
overcoming gridlock emphasizes respecting one another’s life dreams, aspirations, hopes, and
wishes. The principle of creating shared meaning emphasizes developing a spiritual dimension
to create an inner life togetherness and link individuals in a relationship.
Concrete response
I have had personal experiences that reflect the contents of the book. Jack, my husband,
pledged to me that he wouldn't go ahead with the purchase until a technician had inspected it.
Phil, the seller, mocked Jack for allowing me to give him car advice. But Jack stuck to his guns,
and it's a nice thing that he did because the technician discovered a problem with the
propagation. Jack didn't waste his money on Phil's Honda, and besides, kudos to my influence.
The act of a man sharing his power with his partner is essential, and thus those who give room
to each other are more likely to be happier and less likely to end in divorce. He shows respect
GOTTMAN AND SILVER 4
and honor by asking for my opinion and considering them when making decisions, and this
significantly influences arguments and discussions we have without intensifying negative
energy. This is a healthy relationship.
Analysis
The book is a relational self-help book for individuals who have opted to be in a partnership and
those who look up to be in a relationship. Each section on the philosophies contains evaluations
that provide understanding into a couple's great strengths and activities to reinforce aspects that
need more work (Rajaei, 2019). Using this book solo, a spouse can strengthen their matrimony,
boost relations, and work together as a team by using assessment tools and activities that are
clearly outlined and simple to comprehend. It helps individuals Recognize dangerous areas in
relationships, offer different research outcomes on happy, good marriages to counteract warning
signs resulting in separation, and provide evaluations to inform readers about which values they
are fruitful at and which require improvement.
It also includes simple steps and tips associated with each theory and valuable illustrations to
enhance relations and problem-solving guidelines that work significantly. Comprehending the
book's contents improves connection, companionship, compassion, and understanding between
partners (Rajaei, 2019). The main issues addressed are the desire to enhance and reinforce
personal relationships. The primary problems discussed are complete disconnect from the spouse,
general assertions "about nothing and" encountering unresolvable discrepancies, coping with
typical Empathy Duties of Matrimony, and inclination to begin a long term relationship before
committing to marriage.
Applications
GOTTMAN AND SILVER 5
The book influences my perception and view on marriage and relationships. I
understand and realize the many factors that may lead to a divorce or separation, and thus there
is a need to tolerate each other. I will learn to consider others' dreams and aspirations and
support them in fulfilling their purpose in life (Rajaei¸2019). Marriage is about helping each
other and not manipulation, and thus no one should compromise their dreams and goals for a
marriage or a relationship. I will also change my attitude on other people and avoid being
egocentric. This I will give my significant other a chance to influence me by listening to their
perspective and considering their feeling when making decisions and thus making decisions as
one. This is important to a successful and happy relationship, and therefore I will change and
ensure a balance of power and fair decision-making. To achieve the changes, I will work on the
love map to understand my own and my partners' aspirations and life philosophies and thus
increases the chances of a successful relationship. I know that couples counseling will not work
in the long run since the necessary qualities are frequently overlooked (Rajaei¸2019). According
to the writer, in emotionally intelligent couples, complexities are formed in which pessimistic
emotions and opinions are preserved from dominating the good aspects.
Conclusion
To sum up, the book is about the principle the makes a marriage work. It describes an
ideal perfect relationship and describes the issues that cause relationship failures. The personal
life experience empathizes with the principle of allowing the partner to influence you and how
this impacts relationships and is an advantage. It affects my personal life, and I learn about
respecting and honoring partners, understanding the love map, and the way to talk to and handle
his significant other.
GOTTMAN AND SILVER 6
References
Gottman, J., Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1995). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how
you can make yours last. Simon and Schuster.
Rajaei, A., Daneshpour, M., & Robertson, J. (2019). The effectiveness of couples therapy
based on the Gottman method among Iranian couples with conflicts: A quasi-
experimental study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 18(3), 223-240.
Gottman and Silver Review outline
1.1 Introduction
1.2 Summary
1.2.1 In-depth and precise facts and information from the book
1.3 Concrete response
1.3.1 First person experience
1.4 reflection
1.4.1 Analysis of book’s content
1.5 application
1.5.1 Specific changes as a result of reading the book.
1.6 Conclusion
1.7 References
