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Marriage
In my study and analysis of the marriages of William Carey, Adonirom Judson, John
Wesley, George Whitefield, and Jonathan Edwards, I struggle not to almost rank these men
along a continuum of sorts. Although the public ministries of men like Carey and Wesley were
expansive to say the least, it is nearly impossible to not view their marriages as total failures
apart from the brokenness of adultery, abuse, or divorce. Whitefield, for his part, had a marriage
that contained a sense of mutual commitment to ministry and willingness to suffer for the sake of
Christ, yet I cannot imagine for myself a marriage so seemingly affectionless.1 In addition, I
struggle to see how leaving my wife to suffer alone in any way ultimately honors the Lord. Out
of this line of thinking, a common thread that I see in many of these “great” church leaders, is a
potential for pride, to believe that God needs them on the mission field, rather than at home
honoring the families that he has given them. However, two of these men stand, in my mind, as
leaders to be admired more than any others, not because of their incredible ministries, but
because of their incredible balance. Although the lives of Adoniram Judson and Jonathan
Edwards looked very different in many ways, they both demonstrated a partnership in their
marriages, and commitment to one another, that sets them apart from the likes of William Carey,
John Wesley, and even George Whitefield.
There is no doubting the fact that Adoniram Judson suffered a great deal of tragedy
within his family life. As the only man in this list of leaders to be married so many times, losing
his first two wives to various illnesses, along with the loss of several children, Judson
experienced significant hardship. That said, all of Judson’s wives partnered with him in ministry,
1 Doreen Moore, Good Christians, Good Husbands? Leaving a Legacy in Marriage and Ministry (Fearn,
UK: Christian Focus Publications, 2004), 84.
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serving alongside him as co-laborers for Christ.2 In a similar vein, but possibly even to a greater
extent, Jonathan Edwards was renowned, not only for a powerful public ministry, but for a
thriving family life as well. So remarkable was Edwards’ relationship with his wife Sarah, that it
even inspired George Whitefield to continue to pray that God would send him the right wife to
be his partner in ministry.3 When trying to understand what led to this great divide in the health
of these men’s marriages, one word stands out above any other: partnership. For Edwards,
Judson, and even Whitefield, they entered marriage with a great desire to be ministry partners
with their wives, whereas Carey and Wesley either dragged their wives into ministry with them,
or all but abandoned them for the sake of their personal ministry. It is my firm belief that God
calls us to our families first, and then to other aspects of ministry, and so if someone is feeling a
call to a particular ministry on their lives, it is vital that they pursue a marriage partner that is
willing to pursue that same calling.
Family
It is difficult to, in any way, separate the marriages and family lives of Carey, Judson,
Wesley, Whitefield, and Edwards. Carey and Wesley, both of whom had miserable marriages,
also had great brokenness in their family lives with their children, or step-children in Wesley’s
case. Whitefield himself only had one living child who died at four months of age, and so it is
tough to judge his family dynamic specifically. Judson and Edwards, on the other hand, both
maintain legacies of not only successful ministry, but children that loved the Lord. Edward, one
of Judson’s few surviving children, even wrote of his father’s legacy and impact on missionaries
and the Christian faith.4 It is Edwards, however, who’s legacy stands beyond any of these other
2 Jason G. Duesing, Adoniram Judson: A Bicentennial Appreciation of the Pioneer American Missionary,
ed. Michael A. G. Haykin (Nashville, TN: B&H Books, 2012), 81.
3 Moore, Good Christians, Good Husbands?, 102.
4 Duesing, Adoniram Judson, 101.
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men as having not only children that loved the Lord, but generations of descendants in dedicated
service to him.5 Not only did Edwards family leadership have an impact on his own wife and
children, but it was noticed by those who would come and visit his family as well. Both his
marriage and his treatment of his children were a beautiful honor on Edwards’ life, rather than
the stain that tarnished the otherwise impressive ministry records of some of these other leaders.
Edwards’ own daughter, Esther, described her Father in a journal saying, “What a mercy that I
have such a Father! Such a Guide!”6 This tribute to her father brought tears to my eyes when I
first read it. It is my deep desire to have not only a successful ministry in service of the Lord, but
a legacy of family leadership like that of Jonathan Edwards.
Leadership
To bring the lessons of these historical, Christian leaders and their marriage and family
dynamics into my current context, I must first review my own family situation. I have been
married for a little over three years now, and do not yet have any kids, although my wife and I
hope to have our first sometime within the next or so. I must admit that even arriving to the place
where I am willing to have kids has been a bit of a journey for us. Our marriage was very
difficult for the first three years. My wife and I come from very different family backgrounds,
and she has experienced a lot of trauma in her childhood. Over the past several years we have
had to heal, learn, and grow, while also figuring out what it means to do ministry in a post-covid
world, often while hundreds of miles from family and friends. That said, I am beyond thankful
that we got one thing right from the beginning: my wife and I are both passionate about ministry,
and make it a definite point to serve together as a team. This alone I believe puts us “ahead” of
the likes of Carey and Wesley. We have also made a conscious effort to grow in our relationship,
5 Moore, Good Christians, Good Husbands?, 97.
6 Ibid, 106.
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despite, at times, having great difficulties that we have had to work through. In light of all of this,
I am incredibly thankful for where God has us now.
As we both look forward to the future, one thing that stands out to me, and has even
before reading about these leaders, but is all the more certain now, is that I will not sacrifice my
family for the sake of my public ministry. I have watched over and over again over the past five
years as famous leader after famous leader has walked away from their marriages and their
families, or at the very least has lead them poorly, because they let other things get in the way. I
cannot and will not allow this to happen to my family, and so I resolve to continue to partner
with and grow alongside my wife, and to prioritize my future children, making them my first
ministry in all things, trusting that God will use me in his timing for his purposes. By doing this,
I know that I will be faithful to the deepest calling that the Lord has put on my life as a husband,
father, and then pastor.
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Bibliography
Duesing, Jason G. Adoniram Judson: A Bicentennial Appreciation of the Pioneer American
Missionary. Edited by Michael A. G. Haykin. Nashville, TN: B&H Books, 2012.
Moore, Doreen. Good Christians, Good Husbands? Leaving a Legacy in Marriage and Ministry.
Fearn, UK: Christian Focus Publications, 2004.
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